Pathum POV

  I woke up from a dream, it wasn’t a sweet dream. It is a perverted dream unfortunately, and most frustrating thing is; it is the third consecutive day that this freaking shitty thing happened. To make matters worst I slept on the stomach, thus that means I will have to wash the sheets as well and it will be a horific day one in which my hands would suffer and loads of soap and washing powder be wasted.

  Screw this organ! Fucking shit!

  Pathum : Scarlet! I just woke up!

  Scarlet : You barely slept five hours sweetie, I think it’s wise if you extend it. Don’t worry about me.

  Pathum : Scarlet! ??

  Scarlet : Oh God! Why are you crying?

  Pathum : I can’t sleep Scarlet. I cannot not anymore.

  Scarlet : Why not? Don’t tell me that…

  Pathum : That crap happened again

  Scarlet : I am sorry Pathum!

  Pathum : I hate my body! Why does this crap keep happening ? am I a pervert or something? It is the third freaking time this happened this week.

  Scarlet: Sweetie, Listen there’s nothing to worry. Alright?

  Pathum : I am such a pervert am I not?

  Scarlet : I cannot believe you said that. You know more than anyone in this world that you ain’t a pervert or something. So stop insulting yourself. I will NOT TOLERATE such crap from you.

  Pathum : Then why does this happen?

  Scarlet : BECAUSE YOU ARE A YOUNG HEALTHY MAN.

  Pathum : But why me? Third time for the week. I don’t want to wake up to this misery Scarlet.

  Scarlet : I know that but there’s nothing we can do about it Pathum. You ain’t the only boy/man to go through this. All males go through this phase during one period of their lifetime and contniue to live through them.

  Pathum : But not all of those who go through this shit has OCD!

  Scarlet : Language Pathum!

  Pathum ??

  Scarlet : Sweetie I understand that you do not enjoy what has happened but you have to understand those things happen to every male and that doesn’t mean you are a pervert or something. It just means you are a healthy man.

  Pathum : I need to go pee but I won’t leave you.

  Scarlet : It’s fine go.

  Pathum : But I can’t.

  Scarlet : You can. There’s nothing to worry those stuff ain’t gonna hurt anybody.

  Pathum :??

  Scarlet : Don’t worry just go.

  So I listened and went, but unfortunately I was not able to return as soon as I wanted me to, because I spent washing my hands and legs for many minutes straight.

  Everytime I close the tap and walked away from the tap my mind would tell me that I didn’t washed my hands well eventhough I am hundred percent sure that pee didn’t contacted my hands. So everytime I finished washing and walked away I would go back and apply some soap and extend it to the elbow and completely immerse the hands with bubbles of soap and then wash the hands while also applying soap on the tap incase if pee or shitty bodily secretions would have contacted the tap.

  I guess I continued the routine for a longer time eventhough I knew there’s nothing to worry about.

  When I came back it was 4: 35 a.m. I had spent thirty five minutes washing.

  Can you believe a human spending half an hour just to pee?

  I am freaking tired. I honestly do not want to this anymore

  Pathum : Back!

  Scarlet : are you okay?

  Pathum :??

  Scarlet : Pathum what’s wrong? Is everything alright?

  Pathum : I am sick and tired of this wet dreams shitt and tired of this washing and OCD crap.

  Scarlet : I am sorry Pathum.

  Pathum : ??

  Scarlet : Pathum it’s just your mind, nothing would happen to anybody so stop worrying.

  Pathum : Do I need to wash the bedsheets?

  Scarlet : You don’t have to if there’s nothing there.

  Pathum : Unfortunately I slept on the stomach and to make it worst there’s a visible stain on the bed sheet.

  Scarlet : You don’t have to wash if you don’t want to.

  Pathum : But the stain?

  Scarlet : is it dry?

  Pathum : Yes I guess.

  Scarlet : Then don’t worry about it anymore.

  Pathum : But what if someone contact them?

  Scarlet : nothing’s gonna happen to whoever that contacted it.

  Pathum : But Scarlet I’m scared. What if it gets to someone’s body and then they get preg…..

  Scarlet : Pathum! Pathum! Pathum!

  Pathum : I am so sorry for not listening to you. But I cannot evenif I wanted to. I am dead scared and everytime I see that stain it made my blood boil eventhough there’s nothing to worry. I mean not blood boil but something unpleasant which does not make me comfortable.

  Scarlet : Pathum you are a smart boy! People don’t conceive or get pregnant that way. You already know how it happens. So don’t let your mind control you.

  Pathum : ??

  Scarlet : Sweetie don’t cry! You are stronger than your OCD. You must fight, you must get up don’t run away from it.

  Pathum : But Scarlet I am not comfortable until I am clean.

  Scarlet : then change your clothes sweetie.

  Pathum : Change my clothes? Without bathing and cleaning? Gosh that’s impossible. I do kill myself without having to wash my hands after touching those stuff.

  Crap my overthinking stupid ocd shit storm mind

  Scarlet : Sweetie those are just natural body secretions, not poisonous toxic substances.

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  Pathum : Please you don’t understand

  Scarlet : I do Pathum. I wish we never had this distance. So that I could be there for you.

  Pathum : ??

  Please my legs hurts I can’t keep standing

  Scarlet : Is there a chance you could go bath?

  Pathum : No chance the well is already taken you know they have to go to work so yeah .

  Scarlet : After them gone could you?

  Pathum : I could but how could I wait until then? My legs are already hurting.

  Scarlet : Sit then.

  Pathum : Sit on my chair? Gosh with these crap on my body? I won’t. I mean God I want to but I cannot do it.

  Scarlet : It won’t hurt anybody Pathum.

  Pathum : But what if these stuff get contacted on the chair?

  Scarlet : It won’t Pathum.

  Pathum : Sweetie I want to believe you but I just can’t.

  Scarlet : ??

  Pathum : Omg!! PLease why are you crying?

  Scarlet : Because I can’t help you.

  Pathum : You do help Scarlet. It’s what keep me alive right now, I just wanna die Scarlet. You are what keeping me alive. Even mom scolds me saying there’s nothing to worry and I need to learn to live with these.

  Scarlet : She ain’t wrong Pathum, but scolding you is not right.

  Pathum : You are the only thing that keep me alive, please my mom isn’t bad, she is also one of the reason why I am alive but when she scolds me when these stuff happen I only want to die, I cry alone when she say hurtful things but thank God I have you. You calm me and settle me. Your words are what keep me alive, your kindness even when I act like a new born and a stupid looser, honestly why does this keep happening to me and the most importantly why can’t I deal with these?

  Scarlet : I am sorry I just wanna hug you and free you.

  Pathum : I am sorry but I can’t hug you. Eventhough I WANT YOU TO hug me I just can’t, not until I am clean from a bath.

  Scarlet : Pathum people don’t get pregnant that way, it’s just your mind. There’s nothing to worry.

  I wish my mind would accept her words but it never does.

  Pathum ; I am sorry I hate me

  Scarlet : Don’t hate yourself Pathum. You are much wiser and better.

  Pathum : I just hate this stuff, I wish I was infertile or that I didn’t born with these reproductive organs. I know it’s not a good wish, that it might lead me into a life with no children. Honeslty I am so tired, I just hope this pain go away but I never would be free, maybe I have done a crime in my past life. It’s okay I will suffer but I won’t die, because you are the reason. I would never leave you alone in this world. That’s a promise.

  Scarlet : Aww! You melt me!

  Pathum : Let’s change topic, forget about me. So what did she said about my picture?

  Scarlet ; you or your photography?

  Pathum ; both

  Scarlet ; cute and wonderful!

  Pathum ; wow! That is amazing! So she thinks I am a cute person? you know that means I might be an cute person hehe

  Scarlet ; ofcourse you are cute, why would you need somebody else to clarify it ?

  Pathum ; because darling that somebody is not in love with me, so she is not blind ,so that they say what they see.

  Scarlet ; so I am blind?

  Pathum ; no sweetie I was trying to say I am not cute as much as you think.

  Scarlet ; so you are accusing me for lies.

  Pathum ; no sweetie I am just trying to say that I might be not that cute as you imagine or see me, maybe there is something wrong with your eyes so that it looks like I am cute for you.

  Scarlet ; stop saying such stuff about yourself, you are cute and you are the cutest man in this earth and there is nobody who is cuter than you ,nobody . or atleast for me there is nobody . in my eyes you are the most handsome man I ever known and ever will know until , until our baby boy. When we give birth to him then maybe then I will question who is the cutest in the world.

  Pathum ; don’t give me credits sweetie, it is not us but you who give birth to a child, don’t give me credits I do nothing, I just do nothing, you are the one who go through pain and suffering. You darling its you!

  Scarlet ; sweetie you always put yourself second.

  Pathum ; you are the most important person not I .

  Scarlet ; you are so sweet sweetie, but you need to understand that just like I am the most important in your life so are you in my life. Please remember that!

  Pathum : Aww!!!

  Scarlet : I am sorry but I have to go now , I gotta do the chores.

  She disappeared and I was alone with my freaking thoughts. I did my best to focus on the biology note, and made sure there was a distance between me and the book and also the table cloth because I don’t want my body to contact the cloth. If it does I will have to wash the table cloth along with the bedsheets and the clothes I am wearing..

  Mom woke few minutes later and made me my tea. I drank the tea though the tea didn’t taste better cause my wasn’t peaceful. Mom took a biscuit from the biscuit box and offered me one but I shook my head. Surprised by my reaction she tried to hug me and I gestured her not to .

  “What’s wrong son?’’

  “ just leave me alone.” I said not looking at her.

  “Why wouldn’t you let me hug you, are you disgusted by me?”

  Mom I am disgusted by myself. I can’t let you hug me. It’s for your sake. To protect you.

  Eventhough I was able to contemplate on some kinds thoughts my words which I uttered wasn’t so pleasant.

  “Just leave.”

  “Okay.” she turned and walked away.

  And once she was gone I sighed.

  I should have hugged her?

  Hug her? Are you crazy? You must first clean yourself before hugging her.

  Screw this ocd and this reproductive crap.

  Scarlet ; I’m back !

  Pathum ;hmm.. sweetie you must sleep now.

  Scarlet ; nooo let me stay with you.

  Pathum : it’s okay sweetie.

  Scarlet : But I can’t leave you,not in this current state.

  Pathum : it’s okay dear

  I forced her to go to sleep, she had to go to sleep, so I told her but my lil sweetie denied it but finally after several pleadings she finally went to sleep . My sweetie wanted to stay with me but she needs a good sleep, she had to sleep atleast 6 or 8 hours, not stay all night talking with me. She above everyone deserve a good night sleep with everything that goes on with her life.

  I just cant wait to meet her , she is a adorable soul, a pity she was born far away.

  Why is she so far away?

  If I ever had the faith and connection that Scarlet has for god I might even get a answer but unfortunately even when I force me to believe in god I just couldn’t. For that I loathed myself.

  An hour later after she was gone I finished studying so that I could have breakfast and I did ate but not so pleasantly because I was standing the whole time. Mom questioned me why am I standing and eating but I only told her to leave.

  That’s all I ever know to say

  After finishing eating breakfast I stood for another four more hours trying to process the biology notes but nothing really went into my head because I was waiting until I get the chance to bath.

  When I got the chance I finally grabbed my bedsheets, pillow cases and washing powder and soap box and hurried to the well. First I started with my clothes I was wearing and after minutes or hours of washing with tons of soap bubbles I finished washing clothes. And after suffering for four long hours of bathing and washing I was finally free. Clean and fresh. It has also been more than twelve hours since I last sat eventhough my back hurts I still persevered washing.

  Eventhough my body was clean I had forgotten one thing and that’s my phone and earphone which I haven’t touched on the bed. Washed the earphone easily but washing the phone is difficult.

  Hope mom wouldn’t come.

  I went near the kitchen sink and then switched off the phone and started washing the phone. I separated the phone cover and washed it with soap but couldn’t wash the phone with soap cause my phone might break completely .

  How the hell I am going to contact Scarlet if it’s broken?

  My sweetie has overslept today and it’s totally fine by me but I hope her family wouldn’t scold her for it.

  After suffering of twelve plus hours I finally jump into my bed.

  Fresh and clean

  I texted Scarlet everything from washing and bathing for four hours and also washing the phones. I guess it’s part of my OCD, I couldn’t keep things to myself no matter how hard I try. I utter everything to her which I don’t regret but is very annoying for me and also overwhelming to her.

  But I know my sweetie would love me no matter what! For that I am grateful for her.

  Thank you God!

  Thank you so much for reading!

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  Have a nice day!

  And in case you are wondering about Pathum. it's exactly how he suffer no exaggeration, I know it's sad but that's his life(or mine hehe incase you know who Pathum is)