The dining hall buzzed with the low murmur of children eating, their movements mechanical, their expressions hollow. The overhead lights flickered slightly, casting a dim glow over the cold metal tables. In the far corners of the room, armed guards stood at their posts, eyes scanning the rows of orphans as they ate in near silence.
James sat at the edge of one of those tables, his tray barely touched. Across from him, Sam spoke between bites, his words spilling out with the energy of someone desperately trying to fill the void.
James chewed slowly, his face expressionless as he listened to the meaningless chatter. Sam was talking about something ridiculous—maybe a joke, maybe a memory. James wasn’t sure. He tried to ignore him.
Tried to drown out the voice, the noise, the forced laughter. But it gnawed at him.
How could he talk so much?
How could he smile… like this was just some vacation?
James’ grip on his spoon tightened. The food in his mouth turned tasteless. The question clawed its way out of his throat before he could stop it.
“…How can you smile like this?”
His voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper.
Sam froze. The usual light in his eyes flickered.
James wasn’t looking at him anymore—his gaze was hollow, filled with something broken and heavy.
The room suddenly felt smaller, the hum of quiet conversations fading into the background.
For a moment, Sam didn’t respond. Then, he exhaled, leaning back against his chair, tapping his fingers on the table.
“You think I don’t want to cry?” His voice was quieter now, stripped of its usual energy. “You think I don’t feel like screaming until my throat tears open?”
James didn’t answer.
Sam looked away, staring at the scratched surface of the table. His fingers curled slightly.
“You weren’t there, James. You didn’t see it.”
James felt his jaw tighten.
Sam ran a hand through his short, unkempt hair. “The monsters came fast. Too fast. My parents... they tried to protect us. Gave us to my aunt and told her to run.” His voice turned bitter.
“She did. But the moment she saw a wolf like monster… she panicked.”
James’ fingers twitched.
Sam let out a shaky breath. “She pushed us. Me and my brother. Just… shoved us toward it and ran the other way.” His hands clenched on his lap. “She used us as bait, James. Thought she could save herself if the monster was busy eating us.”
James’ throat felt tight.
“My brother…” Sam swallowed hard. “He didn’t hesitate. He grabbed me and shielded me with his body. Even as the monster clawed at him… tore into him… he kept pushing me back.”
The metal spoon in James’ grip bent slightly.
Sam’s voice wavered. “I don’t even remember screaming. I don’t even remember moving. But before it could kill me… the rescue team arrived.” His throat bobbed as he swallowed. .“They shot it down, but it was too late for my brother. He was already on the ground, bleeding out.”.
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Silence.
James could hear the distant clang of trays being placed back onto carts, the shuffling of feet as a few children finished their meals. But everything felt muted.
Sam exhaled shakily. .“His last words?”. A hollow, painful smile pulled at his lips. .“He looked at me and said—‘Forgive me for not protecting you.’”.
James’ breath hitched.
Those words.
The exact words.
.Forgive me for not protecting you..
His father had said the same thing.
But… why?
What were they asking for forgiveness for?
James’ chest tightened, a foreign weight settling in his stomach.
Sam let out a humorless chuckle, but it cracked at the edges. .“I hated him for it.”. He stared down at his tray. .“I hated him for leaving me behind. I hated him for saving me.”. His hands clenched. .“Because if I had the choice, I would’ve stayed. I would’ve died with him.”.
James couldn’t breathe.
Something inside him twisted, sharp and painful, like a blade pressed against raw wounds.
Sam exhaled. .“But I’m here, James. I’m alive. And if I stop smiling… if I stop talking… if I let myself feel the weight of everything?”. He met James’ gaze, eyes dark and unreadable. .“Then I might never get back up.”.
James clenched his fists under the table.
For the first time since he arrived at the orphanage, he felt something stir inside him.
A question.
A truth buried just beyond his reach.
And for the first time in days…
James wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.
Sam took a deep breath, his hands trembling slightly before he clenched them into fists. His knuckles turned white, but his voice, though quiet, was steady.
.“I kept wondering why…”. he muttered, eyes dark with something unreadable. .“Why weren’t they like my aunt?”.
James looked at him, his expression impassive. He didn’t speak, but something about the way he watched Sam made it clear—he was listening.
Sam’s gaze dropped to the scratched surface of the metal table, his fingers twitching as if trying to grip something invisible. .“She threw me away like trash. We were family, but the moment she was scared, she didn’t hesitate to use me to save herself.”. His voice grew heavier.
“I keep thinking… that’s what normal people would do, right? The fear of death— it twists you, makes you act on instinct. It makes you stop thinking, stop caring.”.
James said nothing.
Sam’s fists clenched tighter. .“But my parents… my brother…”. His voice wavered, but only for a second. When he continued, it carried something fierce, something raw. .“They weren’t like that.”.
A deep silence settled between them, the weight of his words pressing down like an unseen force.
.“They knew they were going to die, James.”. His voice was quiet but steady. .“They knew it… and still, they chose to protect me. They chose to give their lives for me. Even when my brother was already bleeding out, he still held on just to push me away from danger.”.
James’ fingers twitched.
Sam exhaled shakily, his shoulders trembling slightly before he forced them to still. But his eyes burned with something unshakable. .“So I told myself… their deaths won’t be meaningless.”.
James felt something stir in his chest—something sharp, something unfamiliar.
Sam let out a slow breath. .“I think I finally understand what they meant… when they asked me to forgive them.”.
James blinked, his lips parting slightly.
Sam’s gaze was unwavering, his voice raw with conviction. .“They weren’t asking for forgiveness because they failed.”. His fists slowly loosened, but his hands remained firm. .“They weren’t apologizing just to console me… They were giving me a burden.”.
James stiffened.
.“They were telling me… to walk on my own without them.”.
The words echoed in James’ mind, carving themselves deep into his thoughts.
Sam lifted his chin, his expression fierce, resolute.
.“That’s why I won’t cry. That’s why I won’t let their deaths be meaningless. If I break down now, if I let myself drown in grief… then what was the point of their sacrifice?”.
James stared at him, unable to look away.
Sam’s lips twitched into a smirk, but this time, there was no trace of playfulness. Only ironclad will.
.“I’m going to live, James. No matter how hard it gets. No matter how much it hurts.”. He exhaled, his shoulders finally settling.
.“Because that’s what they wanted.”.
The silence between them felt heavier now. More real.
James lowered his gaze, his heart pounding in his chest.
Sam’s words lingered in his mind, digging deep, refusing to leave.
.Live..
.Keep moving..
.Don’t let their sacrifice be meaningless..
James had lost his family too. He had watched them die.
But unlike Sam, he didn’t have an answer.
His father’s last words still haunted him.
."Forgive me for not protecting you.".
James clenched his fists under the table.
.Why?.
Why did his father say those words?
Why did it feel like something was missing?
Sam was already looking forward, already carrying his pain like a badge of honor. But James…
James was still stuck.
A hollow emptiness settled in his chest, but for the first time in days…
He felt something flicker deep inside him.
Something he couldn’t name.
Yet.
