Originally, I figured I’d trek my happy ass back to the last saferoom I was in. On second thought, there was a safety zone nearby that the pixies had informed me about. I figured, if the AI running this madhouse decided to give me a pass to get past the first boss, then there probably wasn’t much for me to worry about on this floor any longer.
It was a few miles of fighting off various oversized insects, creepy killer clowns, and something I thought might be a banshee. The first two types weren’t bad, and I only ran into one Banshee, but that thing sent a scream at me that gave me a nasty debuff, which resulted in a headache that would not stop pounding. So far, ibuprofen wasn’t a thing in the dungeon, and I knew that headache would probably follow me until I slept.
I made it to the safety zone, it happened in a sudden fashion. One second, I was working through the hall after having punched the shit out of that Banshee, I looted its tattered cloak on principal, the next moment I was walking under an archway and the entire theme of the area changed. Creepy-ass dungeon turned into an open grassy knoll and sunshine. A Safety Inn and various buildings could be seen off to the side, but the center grassy area felt like the heart of the zone. It would have been an iconic place to have a picnic or sing something from The Sound of Music. After taking it all in, I sighed and began my trek over to the Inn for free food and a long bath. I began humming a tune about being sixteen going on seventeen and thought about killing nazis. I should note that if anyone ever happens to read these words, I’m sorry for putting that in your head.
After going through my achievements, distributing my stat points, and ignoring my skill upgrades, I promptly passed out. Before going to sleep, however, I took a moment to look over my stats. They looked something like this:
Strength 23
Dexterity 18
Constitution 23
Intelligence 16
Wisdom 16
Charisma 14
Skills: Unarmed Combat: Level 4, Defense: Level 4, Crushing Hold: Level 4, Shielded Block: Level 3, Grapple: Level 5, Eagle Eye: level 2
At the bottom of the page, it read “pending class selection.” Though I could see the button in my UI, it was hollow. I assumed it would open when I made it to the next floor.
I decided to bump my intelligence to match my wisdom, gave a little bump to dexterity, and dropped the rest into strength and constitution. I had received an abundance of tokens to replenish my stores, though I noted a surprising lack of fresh loot. Of the more interesting achievements, these were of note:
- Arena Champion – You survived 20 rounds of escalating difficulty, including a Necromancer boss ten levels above you. You didn’t just win—you made it look good.
Reward: Contender Distinction: Arena Champion (see system rewards) - Submission Specialist – You reached level 5 in Grapple. Who needs weapons when you've got torque, leverage, and a surprising amount of enthusiasm for choking out the undead?
Reward: Passive bonus: +5% Grapple success chance against humanoids. Bonus applies retroactively. - Group Project (But You Did the Work) – You helped two higher-level contenders complete a major quest without technically having the quest yourself. That’s cooperation. Or exploitation. Either way, the system approves.
Reward: 1x Party Favor Token – Can be traded for a one-time buff to XP, loot, or drop rarity while grouped. - David vs. Death Metal Goliath – You defeated an opponent more than 10 levels above your own. You weren’t supposed to win. That’s what makes it great.
Reward: 1x Level 4 Treasure Token - Outclassed, Not Outmatched – You exceeded the expected level cap for your floor boss encounter before ever reaching the fight. The system recognizes your hustle.
Reward: You don’t have to solo the first boss, aren’t you lucky?
Sleep, oddly, was never easy for me. Well, falling asleep wasn’t. Staying asleep was different. But for whatever reason, the Safety Inn made me go dark faster than hitting the main breaker at home. The pillow felt like it had a magnet tuned to my skull. One touch and I was out cold. I even feared I could lay back down after waking and end up knocked out for another full cycle. It was uncanny, unnatural, and probably one of the best things ever.
The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.
In the morning, I gathered my things quickly and raided the hell out of the breakfast buffet. Twice I had the guy resupply the massive serving tray with eggs and sausage. I had enough breakfast food to eat every meal for two months, and I wasn’t done yet.
That little chat with Arthur and Veyda put a bug in my head. I was thinking around in circles, and the simple fact that they both recommended this course made me sure it was the right one. Alternatively, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it all meant. I know, don’t look behind the curtain, don’t get too big for your britches, and don’t write checks your ass can’t cash, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t plan for the worst.
You see, what had me worried was, well, life. Not the danger of this place, but the comfort of what came next. The city. Cities grind you down, convince you to settle. That’s what they do. And in a place where aging might not even apply, where death wasn’t guaranteed, settling became surrender. I had a sneaking suspicion the city was just one big trap. Whether it was a gilded marvel or a twisted parody didn’t matter. It was still designed to make you stop climbing.
It wore heavily on my mind as I travelled. I figured, after this Safety Zone had been properly pillaged of as much food and supplies as I could manage. Before I left the first safe area, I had the better part of seven stacks of assorted foods. There was a butcher shop in this one, and though the food was raw, I had two stacks of poultry and two stacks of steaks. These weren’t small cuts either, but man, the butcher was pissed. Guess he’d been working these cuts since I got to the floor, said he was planning on other contenders. When I asked him more about it, he got oddly quiet, then irate about how much work he’d done and how I was just making his problems worse.
“Dude, aren’t you an NPC? Can’t the creepy Dominai just zap you some more?” I asked this because there was no way I was going to roll over for a bunch of 0’s and 1’s. His eyes grew a little haunted, and he replied in hush tones, “don’t call him that. He doesn’t like to be called names.”
That made me… nervous, and for multiple reasons.
It got me thinking, even if this guy was just an NPC, did he have his own thoughts and emotions? Or was he just a program being a program? Right when I was spiraling into a philosophical breakdown over NPC self-awareness, a beetle the size of a Volks Wagon hippy van burst through the dungeon wall and click-clacked its way through like it had a schedule to keep. I lay there on my back, jaw hanging open, watching it bulldoze through stone like it was drywall. It vanished through the opposite wall, leaving behind a tunnel.
I think I stood there for a solid thirty seconds, mouth open wide, unsure what to make of any of it. Getting up, I inspected the hole.
It wasn’t some gooey bug thing or anything like that, it looked more like a wrecking ball just burst through the area. Dirt and stone lay about, but ever so often, I caught light from torches. Other corridors from the dungeon?
I slowly walked down the newborn hallway, taking my steps softly and listening for the return of that giant beetle. The other corridors were further away than I had initially realized, and it took me some time to get there. When I did, I had to stop and laugh out loud.
“You really want me out of here, don’t you?” I called out to nothing. PAI replied with a, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Cheery was the tone, chilly was the message received.
Just as she replied, a Bogstrider nearly got me. I felt the slightest lift on the stone I was standing on, it was right near where the wall had been busted through and was loose. I turned, putting up my dukes as fast as I could and bouncing on my heels. It looked like I knew what I was doing but the truth was I did that every time I got scared.
Even before the dungeon, if I watched a scary movie alone, I spent half of the movie on my feet. I only say that here because I doubted anyone would honestly get the chance to read these words. I’ll probably die here.
But not to a creepy ass Bogstrider.
The mixture of adrenaline and fear had my heart going like a jackhammer. My inner coach, Mickey from the Rocky films, was telling me that it was “time to put some ugly on it.” I agreed.
It just so happened that the tunnel corridor was the one between the second safety zone, the one with Nurse Woe, and the Arena. I stopped off at the safety zone, stocked up and was able to make it back to the new tunnel in less than two hours. I was honestly glad to be out of there, most of the NPCs were getting generally hostile with me. I didn’t understand what I’d done, but something told me the game wasn’t happy with me.
Going down the new tunnel, which was completely dark, had me come across a few interesting structures. My handheld torch was illuminating enough to show me my feet but left me light-blinded past ten feet. It gave the tunnel a real creepy vibe, I was grateful every time I ran into a hidden room. I found a hidden stash of some kind that included some weird weapon. It had four blades, two of which were still sharp. I didn’t know how old it was, but I was getting major Indiana Jones vibes from it. I tossed it in my inventory, figuring the deep dark cave wasn’t the place for this.
After a few false alarms, I made it through. If you’ll excuse the phrase, I really was looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Arriving there confirmed my suspicions.
The goddamn game made me a fast-travel path. I was just outside of the first Safety Zone. For the first time in this place, I was looking forward to seeing an NPC.