Valentina lay awake in her narrow bed early in the morning, her eyes fixed on the ceiling, while the events of the previous night swirled through her head like autumn leaves in the wind.
The visit to the Burning Quill had stirred something inside her. The frank conversations with Innogen and Crispin about love, intimacy and expectations had touched a side of her that she had kept carefully closed off. And then there had been Hobkin, with his seductive smile and sparkling eyes, who had made eyes at her and Innogen playfully and with ease, accepting their rejection without a care in the world. And she thought of what she had discussed with Vyxara afterwards, about taking control, about choosing it for herself, doing it on her own terms.
"Well, little Weaver," Vyxara's voice purred in her head, "did you sleep well? Or did your... dreams keep you awake?"
Valentina felt a blush rise to her face. "I don't know what you're talking about," she mumbled, even though she knew for a fact that Vyxara could read her mind.
"Oh, come on," the demon laughed softly. "I've been in your head all night. I've seen your dreams, felt your desires. You can't lie to me."
Valentina sighed deeply and sat up. She ran her fingers through her long, brown hair, which was tousled from sleep. "Okay, you're right," she finally admitted. "I've been... thinking about it. About what Innogen and Crispin said. About Hobkin. About our conversation last night. About... everything." She stood up and went to the window.
"And?" Vyxara asked curiously. "What conclusion did you come to?"
Valentina leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the window. "I think... I think it's time. Time to have this experience. Time to explore this part of me."
She sensed Vyxara's satisfaction. "A wise decision, little Weaver. But tell me, who have you chosen for this... adventure? The charming Hobkin, perhaps?"
Valentina shook her head. "No, not Hobkin. He's... he's too experienced, too worldly. I'd feel like a stupid child next to him."
"Ah," Vyxara said, a hint of recognition in her voice. "So, our shy friend Crispin, then?"
"Yes," Valentina whispered, almost inaudibly. "Crispin."
She turned away from the window and began to walk up and down the small room. Her thoughts raced, weighing up the pros and cons of her decision.
Crispin was familiar, safe. He was gentle and considerate, and she knew he would never pressure her into anything. But was that enough? Was familiarity and security what she wanted? Or did she crave the thrill of the unknown, the excitement that someone like Hobkin could offer her? And was it fair to Crispin, who was hoping for more?
"What if it ruins everything?" she asked aloud, more to herself than to Vyxara. "What if it ruins our friendship?"
"Life is full of risks," Vyxara replied gently. "But it's often those risks that allow us to have the most interesting experiences. You would give him an experience that he’d treasure for the rest of his life."
She thought of her family back home, the admonitions her brother, the Ember in the monastery, had given her about the temptations of city life. She was pretty sure that what she was about to do was exactly what he had meant. What would her family think of her decision if they knew about it?
"They don't need to know," Vyxara whispered. "This is your decision, your life. You don't owe anyone an explanation."
Valentina nodded slowly. The demon was right, as much as she was reluctant to admit it. This was her decision, her body, her life.
She thought of Crispin, of his soft eyes, his shy smile. Of the way he looked at her when he thought she wouldn't notice. The warmth of his hand when he had touched her at the Burning Quill.
Yes, she decided. It would be Crispin.
With this decision, she felt a strange calm come over her. As if she had taken a step into a new phase of her life, a step away from the shy girl from Palewood and towards the woman she wanted to become. And no matter what else would happen, no matter what situations she would find herself in, with a demon like Vyxara in her head – it wouldn't be someone like Barnaby who had been her first.
"Very well," Vyxara said, a smile in her voice. "If you've made up your mind, we should take care of the practicalities. Surely you don't want to end up with a brat in your belly, do you?"
Valentina froze. She hadn't even thought about that in all her excitement. "You're right," she mumbled, "I have to... I have to be careful."
"More than that," Vyxara replied. "You need to be prepared. Remember what Innogen told you in the Burning Quill about the herbwife on the outskirts of town? Mara, was that her name? Maybe you should pay her a visit."
Valentina nodded slowly. The thought of going to this mysterious woman frightened her. But Vyxara was right. If she wanted to take this step, she had to act responsibly.
She went to her small closet and got dressed, choosing a simple brown dress that wouldn't draw too much attention to herself. When she was ready, she took one last look in the mirror. There was a gleam of determination in her eyes.
"All right," she said quietly. "Let's pay Mara a visit."
After leaving her room, Valentina made her way out of the university. It was still early in the morning and most of the students were still asleep or just getting ready for the day.
When she reached the main entrance, she paused briefly and peered cautiously around the corner. Two guards stood at the gate, engrossed in a tired conversation. Valentina waited until one of the men yawned and stretched, then quickly and quietly scurried past without them noticing her. Of course the guards wouldn't have stopped her, the students weren't prisoners. But she had no desire to be interrogated about what she was up to so early in the city.
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
Once outside the university walls, she breathed a sigh of relief. The streets of Bridgewater were just coming to life. Baker boys were delivering fresh loaves of bread and a few early risers were hurrying to their workplaces.
"You really are world-class at sneaking by now," Vyxara mocked affectionately in her head. "But now comes the hard part. Do you even know where to find this Mara?"
Valentina bit her lip. "Not exactly," she admitted. "But Innogen said she lives on the outskirts of town. I'll have to ask someone."
She walked down the street, her eyes searching for someone who could help her. Finally, she saw an elderly woman who was opening a store.
"Excuse me," Valentina said shyly as she approached. "I'm looking for Mara, the herbwife. Do you know where I can find her?"
The woman looked Valentina up and down, a knowing expression flitting across her face. "Ah, Mara," she said with a slight smile. "Yes, I know her. You have to take the south path until you come to a big oak tree. Turn left there and follow the narrow path. Her house is the last one before the trees start."
Valentina felt the blush rise to her face. "Th-thank you," she stammered.
The woman gently placed a hand on her arm. "Don't worry, dear. Mara is discreet and knows her trade. You're in good hands with her."
With a grateful nod, Valentina set off. The further she got from the city center, the more rural the surroundings became. Houses gave way to fields and the cobbled path became a beaten track.
Finally, she reached the large oak tree that the woman had mentioned. Valentina turned left and followed the narrow path that wound its way through the dense undergrowth. After a while, the forest thinned out and she saw a small cottage ahead of her.
The house was built of gray stone and overgrown with ivy. A thatched roof crowned it, with a winding chimney from which thin smoke rose. Surrounding the cottage was a large, lush herb garden with plants of all shapes and colors. The scent of lavender, thyme and other herbs filled the air. Valentina could tell that some of the plants in the garden were clearly Essence-induced.
Valentina took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She walked along the narrow path that led through the garden to the front door. Before she could knock, the door swung open.
"You girls really do always come at the most impossible times," said a gruff voice.
In front of her stood a small, wiry woman with wild gray hair and piercing eyes. Her skin was deeply wrinkled, but her movements were nimble and precise. She wore a simple linen dress, stained with all manner of stains – presumably from the many herbs and tinctures she worked with.
"I... I'm Valentina," she stammered, "I'm looking for help... for..."
"I know exactly why you're here, girl," Mara interrupted her with a wry smile. "Come on in."
Valentina followed Mara inside the cottage. The room was filled with the scent of dried herbs hanging in bundles from the ceiling. Shelves on the walls were lined with jars and bottles of all sizes and colors. In the middle of the room was a large work table on which stood various mortars, stills and other equipment, some even suitable for working with Distilled Essence.
Mara pointed to a chair. "Sit down, child. Would you like some herbal tea?"
Valentina nodded gratefully and sank into the chair. She watched as Mara skillfully put various herbs into a cup and poured hot water over them.
"Here you go," Mara said as she handed Valentina the steaming cup and ran her eyes over her. "You don't look pregnant. That means you're ready to take the next step, huh?"
Valentina sipped the tea carefully. It tasted surprisingly sweet and soothing. "Yes," she said softly. "I... I want to be prepared."
Mara nodded appreciatively. "Clever of you, girl. Too many of these brainless geese only come to me when it's already too late. Not a pretty thing to do, throwing out a tenant who's already taken up residence." She leaned forward, her eyes boring into Valentina's. "But let me ask you one thing, and this is a serious matter to me: Are you sure you're ready? Or has some horny young buck with no patience persuaded you to come to me? Or worse still, a horny old goat with no patience?"
Valentina held Mara's gaze. "No," she said firmly. "I'm here because I want to be."
"Good," Mara said and leaned back. "Then let's talk about the practicalities."
Valentina felt the blush rise to her face.
"No false shame, child," Mara said gently. "It's natural to discuss these things. Women should always talk openly and without shame about it, because it's us who suffer when things go wrong, and you can forget about getting good advice from men. So, there are various ways to prevent pregnancy. The safest, of course, is abstinence, but I assume that's not the reason for your visit."
Valentina shook her head, unable to return Mara's penetrating gaze.
"Good," Mara continued. "There are herbal decoctions you can take. They are effective, but can have side effects. It's a bit like tea, but unfortunately, not nearly as tasty. Of course, there are other methods that aren't based on Essence, but I wouldn't use them."
She got up and went to one of the shelves, from which she took various small packages. "I'm going to give you a mixture that I used to use myself. A brew that you should boil up and take every day. As long as you take the brew, it can happen that your bleeding may be heavier than usual and you may have cramps. Don't worry if it happens, this is normal. Whenever this happens, you know that the brew has served its purpose."
Valentina nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Mara. I... I appreciate it. What do you want me to pay you for it?"
Mara smiled warmly. "Nothing for the time being. You're a student – don't say anything, I can see it – and I can see from your hands that you're not one of those useless noble dolls. You won't have much. I won't take anything from you, but you'll come by here more often in the future to pick up your brew and I'll ask you from time to time to copy something for me from your library or to st… uh, bring me certain plants from your university garden. Is that all right?"
Valentina nodded gratefully. Mara sat down again and took a sip of her own tea, looking at Valentina seriously. "I hope it will be nice, my child. Not because of any silly notions of purity or virtue, but the first time can screw people up. Choose someone you trust, someone who respects you and cares about your well-being."
Valentina thought of Crispin, of his gentle eyes and his shy smile. "I... I think I've found someone who will treat me well," she said softly.
Mara nodded contentedly and took Valentina's hand in hers. "Good. And remember: it's about your pleasure as much as his. If you don't enjoy it with one of them, find someone else who can do it better. So don't marry the first one that comes along, okay?"
Valentina nodded, surprised by the intensity in Mara's voice. "Yes, I understand."
"Good," Mara said and let go of her hand. She stood up and went to a small cupboard in the corner. She pulled out a small package. "Here," she said as she handed the packet to Valentina. "The brew takes a while to take effect. It's best to drink it as soon as you get home and then every day. Come back in time if you need more."
Valentina took the packet of herbs, her heart beating wildly. It made everything so real, so concrete.
"Any more questions, child?" Mara asked gently.
Valentina hesitated for a moment. "Will it... will it hurt?"
Mara's eyes softened. "It can be uncomfortable, yes. Take your time, don't let yourself be rushed."
She winked at Valentina, who felt a blush creep up her face.
"Thank you, Mara," she said quietly. "For everything."
The old herbwife smiled warmly. "You're welcome, child, my door is always open to you. And if any of your friends are in need, send them to me before they do anything rash."
Valentina nodded gratefully once more and stood up. She felt strangely light, as if the conversation with Mara had lifted a weight from her shoulders that she didn't even know she was carrying.
As she walked to the door, Mara held her back one last time. "And Valentina? It was clever of you to think about it beforehand and come to me. But don't forget to enjoy yourself. It can be wonderful if you go about it the right way. Don't let shame or fear hold you back."
With these words in her ear, Valentina left the cottage, the package safely tucked away in her bag. The morning sun was now high in the sky and the world seemed bright and friendly despite the winter weather.
"Well, little Weaver," Vyxara spoke up for the first time since they had entered Mara's house. "That wasn't so bad, was it? And now you're all set for your... adventure."
Valentina smiled slightly. "Yes," she murmured, "I think I am."
With much less apprehension and perhaps even a tiny bit of anticipation, she made her way back to the university.