"Birds of a feather," Scotty said, while miming pulling a grenade pin and tossing.

  "Scotty," Shilloh finally snapped, "I have told you a thousand times, I am not going to work on battle puns with you."

  He glowered, "You're the worst Padawan ever. And this is for me, thank you very much. I don't need your help."

  "Oh, you definitely need help."

  "Do you think battle puns will happen on their own!" he threw up his hands before jabbing a finger into his open palm to punctuate his points. "In stressful situations, we have lowered ability for unpracticed processes, but some people perform above their usual limits in certain well-practiced skills. That's science. That's facts. If I ever want to have a truly good, movie-worthy quip while surviving by the skin of my teeth, I need to practice."

  She was about to tell him to go practice sucking a dick when she heard Wade call to her.

  It was the morning, but not too terribly early. The caravan was stopped outside a tiny town. The place produced a very regional, small-batch spirit made from a magical plant. Locally, it wasn't worth much. But if you crossed a few county lines, it could have immense resale value as a rare novelty.

  The caravan always stopped here, and Birch wanted to have a night out with Agnes. They had not explained where they were going or what they would do. Just told her that it wouldn't be her scene.

  It was the perfect opportunity for them to get her a Wingin familiar. Her certainty that her familiar was close was an ephemeral thing. If she looked into herself to interrogate the feeling too closely, it disappeared. But she kept finding herself unconsciously setting aside food for her familiar at meal time. Or glancing to the side and wondering if it was about to come out of the trees and catch up with her like usual.

  That was all the proof she needed. So they had decided to put together an operation.

  This early in the day, no other passengers of the caravan had left their tents. Now, with the cold arriving with such sudden force.

  The foliage around them was a mixture of warm fire orange and evergreen viridian. The soil was wanting for water, but ready to sleep for the winter.

  Shilloh had been feeling all of that for a bit now, and even noticed herself needing an extra hour of sleep as the winter came in and her body tried to slow.

  Just another sign that she had pushed her magic too hard and shifted herself further towards the supernatural part of the dryad-human spectrum.

  With some friendly middle fingers, Shilloh shoved her hands in her pockets and hustled from the fire she shared with Scotty over to Wade. He was sitting with his legs dangling out of the rear seat of his car.

  He looked well rested. None of them had trained for two days. All had eaten a strictly healthy diet, and their morning workouts had been entirely focused on stretching and mobility. Scotty and Wade used physical therapy bands for various aches and lingering injuries, while she just worked with a plastic replica of her guns to get the positions, draws, and other movements further embedded in muscle memory.

  Wade, who had been a bit wan the last few days, seemed bright and chipper.

  Shilloh greeted him with a reserved nod.

  To which they just rolled their eyes. "Jasque isn't around, you can get the stick out of your ass."

  She grunted, but kept her posture rigid, "He's been lingering a lot closer lately. Better to keep myself looking professional since we need his help for the run."

  "Whatever butters your biscuit," he said, leaning back to grab a jacket. He pulled it on over his T-shirt and stopped next to her. "We do need to confirm the final arrangements today."

  They started walking around the camp as he spoke, not wanting to settle and go cold.

  "We have access to one of the bane vehicles," he said, keeping his voice low. "We're good to execute plan A, and will have resupply at our next stop. It'll cover everything we might use, other than a few of the fancier barriers and rocket-propelled options."

  "So, about what we expected?"

  "Better. We're not far from the point where most of the caravan passengers will start leaving, and we're starting to close in on the final site. That gives leeway in our cover and movement."

  She grunted, and they continued walking. Most of the people they saw were checking the vehicles, reviewing maps, and preparing a stew with all the leftovers they wanted to melt in a nice, long, slow cook since today was a resupply day.

  There were exchanged nods, but no interruptions as Wade continued.

  "The official plan is this: we are de-clawing this Wingin flock and setting them up to simultaneously remove a local threat. It was your idea. You're still trying to prove the utility of not-strictly-lethal methods. This one was good enough to be worth a shot, and Jasque is supporting to give you an easy win that will help you get excited and invested in the banes. Our story says you got Scotty to agree on one condition: the two of you will keep a few of the smaller ones behind so he can teach you some mob control and tranquilizer training with a variety of species."

  "And Jasques buys it because Scotty is an equipment nerd who likes to monologue."

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  "Yes."

  "Have we confirmed the Septozars?"

  "Yes."

  She nodded her head and sighed. They were a rare, spawning crypto and were difficult to detect for everyone but dryads. They looked like dinosaur-bisons and grew at a constant, slow pace until they eventually died while absolutely gigantic. The beasts were incredibly territorial, lived for years, and could eventually reproduce. Though, their mating seasons were several years apart and usually resulted in miscarriages or no conceptions at all.

  That was bad but not terrible. The real problem was that they ate like locusts, devastating the local ecosystem. Then they just hibernated for years until they could binge eat and fuck everything up again. Worse, they were omnivores and happily killed to eat.

  Their eventual size and magic made them nearly invulnerable and unstoppably strong. However, their powers weakened as they left the area where they were spawned or born. On a near logarithmic progression, they would go from unstoppable to ferocious to strong until they became almost ridiculously weak.

  In short, a real fuckin' headache if left to grow.

  The plan was to bait the Wingins into following Wade and Jasque. They would lead them to a pod of young Septozars who hadn't yet killed each other off and set up their adult domains. Wingins needed larger hosts as their true bodies grew, and they were near-pathological in their desire to get stronger, larger bodies. Some people even theorized that they were the source of the original dragon myth.

  Based on the size of the abandoned hosts she had seen, she hoped that the Wingins would see the Septozar, that their kleptomania would lead them to grab the territorial creatures, and that they would fly them out. As the migration progressed, their hosts would weaken and be abandoned. That would leave both terminally weak Septozars and Wingins, who would not be equipped to hunt down super dangerous hosts.

  Sure, it might result in a dinosaur scare and some winged elephants. Still, compared to eventual dragons and a string of dangerous, mature septozars reproducing, this would be an unequivocal win for humans and nature.

  They went over the details, and Shilloh lingered.

  "You alright?" Wade asked." It's normal to be nervous."

  Honestly, she was nervous, but really didn't want to talk about it.

  "I'm fine, I just," she sighed. "I love Scotty to death, but the battle puns are killing me."

  Wade smiled one of his real smiles at her, and she felt her chest tighten a little.

  "You know," he said, "Scotty has never said a single battle pun while in a perilous situation. He's the sort who goes quiet under stress."

  "Is that why he's trying so hard?"

  "Honestly, I haven't called him out on it, but I think it's a way for him to think through the worst cases without getting too grim."

  "He literally just keeps muttering variations of 'flock you' and shooting imaginary guns."

  "I know, but I bet he's been doing it compulsively for hours, right?"

  "Yes. Incessantly."

  "Has he been sprinkling in dryad puns?"

  She slapped a hand to her face, "Holy shit, he hasn't stopped. If anyone ever asks me to 'leaf them alone' again, I'm going to become a danger to myself and others."

  Wade laughed, "I said I'd punch him if he kept using 'wolverseen' as a joke."

  "Exactly! It was cute at first, but it's an hour past annoying."

  "Yeah, but what you may not be realizing is that Scotty has been imagining everything that could possibly happen for all of that time. He's been visualizing what he would do, what you would do, how the enemy might gang up on you, and everything else. Sure, he's running it through a filter of puns, but he's also an enchanter, and a damn good one, too. The very core of his ability, and the reason he can keep up with people like us," he said, moving a hand between them, "who have magic that lets us perform superhumanly well at will, is his preparation."

  "Please don't tell me I can't be angry at him about it. Because it's objectively annoying."

  "Oh, you should absolutely be annoyed. Annoying people is half the reason he 'trains his puns' so long. But I also want you to watch him today and see how many times he looks caught off guard. Also, try to count how many times he has forgotten a tool at home or even had to borrow Chapstick from you. It's annoying, but it's also one of the reasons we want him with us."

  She thought back to the fight he had in the woods with the giant spider. Time tends to dull strong feelings, but she still looked at him and remembered that he was in a class of skill that boggled the mind.

  "I know what you mean. He's not normal, and not just the jokes."

  "Oh, absolutely. The military would pay hand over fist to snatch him away just for his enchanting, not even accounting for what he could do training other gun savants. Honestly, between him and Jasque, there's not much they can't take down."

  "Really? I mean, Scotty is good—freakishly good, really. But Jasque doesn't move like a human."

  The Were nodded his head. "I know what you mean. But the skill set is different. Jasque's damage is limited by the enchanted weapons he can get access to. Scotty can twist and tweak things so that, if nothing else, a regular enchantment will catastrophically explode in a way he can somewhat predict. And that's ignoring his ability to generate what he has described as 'fuck you, god' levels of munition."

  "So, what? Jasque is the perfect swordsman, and Scotty is a grenade launcher?"

  "Not quite. But close enough."

  There was a moment of silence as she chewed that over. Also, as she saw the way his leg muscles moved while they walked. It gave her the insane impulse to stick her hands down his pants and feel it move under her hands. Or, under her—

  "Did you know that I thought Scotty was going to try to make me act in a porno for a solid couple of seconds when we were bartering for his lessons?"

  "What?"

  "Oh, um, just a random thought."

  "And what prompted it?"

  She looked him square in the eyes. "Nothing." They held the gaze. He blinked, and she took the opening. "Tell me more about how everyone around me is an unstoppable killing machine. It's terrific to hear about after I've spent weeks mocking, pranking, and otherwise annoying them."

  Wade rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Drama queen. Listen, if Scotty ever takes the time to pull out magically sealed gun cases, then you can worry. Otherwise, he's just our usual, friendly neighborhood nerd. And, apparently, pornographic director."

  "Okay. In my defense, he has zero social acumen when talking to women."

  "Didn't you say he could be a player if he put in any effort?"

  "Yeah, but he won't get to put in any effort if he keeps going with the puns, and I'm forced to end him."

  "Do they really bother you that much?"

  "I don't know. If it were someone other than Scotty, I think I'd be less patient."

  Wade didn't respond. "Wait. Is there another? Holy shit, Wade! Who is it? Can I get away with killing them at least?"

  Her purely platonic friend became flustered, and Shilloh grinned, excited in a friendly, totally aromantic way to see him squirm.

  When he said he would do literally anything to change the situation, she didn't even ask him to get his knee pads and prove it.

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