Shilloh had been in many battles, but none so protracted, fierce, or subtle as the one between her need for human companionship and her profound discomfort with showing vulnerability.

  Today it was a draw. She waited in Birch's tent, but brought alcohol so she could pretend it was for fun.

  That lie lasted all of thirty seconds. Even intoxicated from her night out with Agnes, Birch saw through her almost immediately. They ended up sitting on her cot, Shilloh wearing a few bandages she hadn't had that morning, and hair still wet from the showers. Birch was in a party dress with some suspicious marks on her neck and the tops of her shoulders.

  Agnes was 'busy' and would be getting a ride back later. It was their last party before Agnes left the caravan pending its eventual return trip to Forsythe. All of which left the two younger women to talk in peace.

  An hour later, when Shilloh had told an artfully redacted story about wanting to capture and tame a crypto and utterly failing to find any that ‘matched her energy,’ she sat with the shorter woman's arms over her shoulders, and not a drop of alcohol had been drunk.

  "And what happened after that?" Birch asked.

  "I just smiled. Nice, calm, and very polite. Then I thanked him for his patience with my ignorance. We left after that. I’m pretty sure he didn’t circle back and kill anything but—“ she shrugged, overwhelmed by even considering the alternative.

  “And you didn’t decide to keep and tame any of them?”

  “No?”

  “And Jasque is still alive?”

  “Yes.”

  "Well, that's a letdown."

  "No. You don't get it. That wasn't the end. Even with Scotty intervening and hustling us all away, he got me mad, Birch. Not burning, violent, magma anger. I was, and still fucking am, so cold I feel frost-bitten. I know I'm upset, but I also feel so focused it's painful. I don't want to hurt him. I want to ruin him. His friends will abandon him to become my friends, my success will eclipse his dreams, and once he has been shattered by the realization that I was always right—that his profound existential failure as a human was caused by his refusal to curry my tolerance—I'm going to forget him. He will tell everyone he met me and comfort himself, saying his influence on me entitles him to be respected for having trivially contributed to my success. But he will be too afraid to try to speak to me if we meet on the street because I'd disillusion him. I want him sitting aching, alone, and despondent in a retirement home, knowing that my forgetting him doomed his legacy to die with all the enduring consequences of a flea's fart."

  Birch just looked at her. Then she slowly clapped.

  "What. An. Icon. Holy shit. Who else is doomed? Are we begetting great poetic rumination or whatever on Wade, too?"

  "You mean poetic ruination?"

  "No, you're ruminating. You've avoided mentioning him so hard that I'm positive that he's been running in a loop around your head. Did he fuck up, too? Are we crushing him?"

  Shilloh groaned. "I don't know. He apologized, but then he immediately stuffed his foot right in his mouth."

  "How bad?"

  "He told me that this might have been fortunate for me even if it was unfortunate for him, because Jasque had to stay. They were assigned together, and even if he is 'a bit abrasive while you learn his quirks, he executed his professional role above reproach."

  "Well, I'll be. That is the most miraculous bullshit I've ever heard. You can hear him trying to be reasonable. It sounds so close to having a respectable professional-personal boundary, but he's just failing harder with every word. Like verbal slapstick."

  Shilloh did something halfway between slapping her face and resting her chin in her hands. "Remarkable, isn't it?"

  "I mean, if I saw that on stage I'd certainly tip whatever ring master got him in their circus."

  They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, Birch patting her back intermittently.

  "Sooooo," her friend said. "You still going to jump his bones?"

  "I don't know!"

  "How do you not know?"

  "Because he doesn't want to hook up unless we're dating, so it may never even be an option."

  "Well, first, we'll ignore the semantic debate about whether one can call it a 'hook up' if they're already in a relationship with the person. But, beyond that, that's weird."

  "Right?"

  "Sex is fun."

  "Right!"

  If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  "And you're a catch. Any reasonable person would look at you and hope the out-of-their-league hottie would offer them a little slap-and-tickle. Then, if you did, they'd jump on it before you could change your mind. They wouldn't try to run out the clock to see if their unreasonable luck held even longer."

  "I know! That's supposed to be, like, one of the benefits of being a woman."

  "Not having to try hard if you want some action?"

  "Exactly."

  Birch went back to patting her back, "It's okay, Love. This would have been easier if you had just picked a maintenance man—"

  "Or woman."

  "A maintenance man or woman. But it's not too late; you can still avoid the toxic morass that is a relationship."

  Shilloh slumped to the side and let her head fall on the other woman's shoulder. "I don't know. It's all confusing. We're past the point where you and I can just scissor the demons out and leave all men behind, right?"

  "Sorry, Hun. I like you as a person. I want to spend time with you, and I don't hang out with the people I have sex with."

  "Well fuck."

  Birch squeezed her shoulders, "I know. This is a crushing night for you."

  Shilloh grumbled something.

  "I'm sorry, what?"

  "I said that I could be crushing your face with my thighs right now."

  Her friend cackled, "My dude, I would have rocked your world if you hadn't gone and fucked this all up with your whole 'friendship' stuff."

  "Really?"

  "Oh, absolutely."

  "Thanks. At least someone wanted to see me naked."

  Birch nodded, "Yeah. You should never have listened to that one coming-of-age movie with a talking golden retriever. You'd be drowning in pussy if you stayed hot but were a bit more shallow, emotionally distant, and altogether less intelligent."

  "Fucked by friendship," she said. And both of them laughed.

  "Does this mean Scotty isn't in the inner circle yet?"

  Birch cocked her head, "Because I keep offering to buy him a house if he'll play seven minutes in heaven with me?"

  "Yes. And because you started signing notes with his last name."

  "No, that's just commitment to a bit. We're both off the menu for each other and know it."

  "Fair enough."

  "I can't wait to see how he reacts to what he does next. I'm going to get copies of his stuff that all have my face screen printed on them. I'll replace his whole wardrobe when he's not looking. Then, I get custom hair clips that will say, 'Scotty's Handle Bars.'"

  After a sad little snort, Shilloh spoke in a hushed voice. "Thank you. The laughing helps, and the compliments too. I'm not feeling very attractive or capable right now."

  "Shilloh! You have a body people write club songs about, a personality that inspires sonnets, and how many other people could get someone lost in their eyes just to sell them a perfectly hand-drafted map to the exit?"

  "And?"

  "And what?"

  "And I have a wrath that they'll write horror novels about," Shilloh subtly wiped her eyes and sat up straight. Her change of tone said that the topic of her less-vengeful feelings was closed." I'm going to destroy Jasque. You know, he actually said I was so dumb that he had been 'tolerating my ignorance.' And, somehow, I'm still expected to spend who knows how long with him waiting for a caravan back."

  Birch was silent for a while before picking up the bottle of alcohol and fidgeting with it. "You don't have to do it; the whole job thing. You know that, right?"

  "No, I don't. I refuse to be driven off my path by an asshole. The things I want to do are so much bigger than him."

  Birch's mouth twisted, and she started wringing the neck of their bottle like it was a voodoo doll of Jasque. "We'll get back at him. I'm with you one hundred percent of the way, but as much as I hate being reasonable, it's worth mentioning that it might come back to bite you."

  Shilloh nodded. "I know. And if it happens, I'll face it. What I can't overcome, I can endure. Plus, I'm going to take every single second of this and turn it into fuel," she grinned a rictus and furious baring of teeth. "My grandma would say that there were certain times when you had to walk forward planning to either change the world, or to burn it down. No other options."

  "And this job is one of those moments for you?"

  "Yes. I think it is."

  "And you think that even knowing there are other jobs, other opportunities? I wouldn't leave you in the lurch. We'd all fall in around you and help find a different way for you to make your mark."

  "I know you and Nick would. And even though I'll deny it if you ever bring it up, I love you two for that. It might even have been an option if I didn't think that dead-eyed shit-bag would enjoy seeing me leave."

  Birch stared at her before spitting out a single word. "Fuck."

  Shilloh raised an eyebrow. "What? You wanted to say spite wasn't a good enough reason to do something this stupid? But then you realized who you were and knew your insane chaos-goblin brand wouldn't survive it."

  "Stop reading my mind. If I get predictable, then I'll have to get even weirder. I don't want to do that, Shilloh. I'd have to start putting weird things in my nose or being an asshole to people who like pineapple on pizza. Don't make me escalate."

  "I won't. Plus, the waiting with jasque situation isn't as bad as you think," she said with a wink. "I won't be alone. Fraulein will be with me every step of the way."

  Birch must have seen Shilloh's resolve, because she didn't offer a payout again. With a flick of her wrist, Birch tossed the liquor aside and moved towards the tent flap. "Fine. You've convinced me. If this is one of those moments, you can't back down; you won't be alone. Still, if we're going to burn down Jasque's dreams, we need to get some fuel into you."

  "I said I was going to burn down the world if I can't change it. I think you're mixing metaphors."

  "Oh, excuse me. What I meant to say is, if we're going to shoot Jasque's two birds with one glass house, then I need some greasy food and water in me so I can wake up without a hangover tomorrow."

  Shilloh laughed and stood so she could loop her arm through her friend's, "You have a way with words. Got a plan to match it?"

  This time, it was Birch who smiled evilly.

  "Oh, I absolutely do."

  "You going to share it with me?"

  "Fuck no! I had to be the voice of reason just now. That's against my ethos. I'm not telling you shit, especially if it would be a good and prudent choice to share."

  Shilloh rolled her eyes, though it lacked some of her usual energy. "Fine. Can you at least tell me if I'd like your plan?"

  "No. But I can tell you that I'll be taking a picture of your face when you finally realize what's happening."

  "That bad?"

  "It's going to be great."

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