I awoke to find myself hurtling toward a hole in the nothingness. I didn’t know how that was possible. Until that point I was beginning to accept the possibility of never leaving this pit. I had begun to develop an understanding of the nothingness. It’s not that it was sentient, but it was something. It’s as difficult to expin as any of this madness but nevertheless it was important. I felt the hole in the darkness long before I saw it despite being unconscious. This is getting ridiculous! I’m starting to sound more like a fortune teller than a scientist. I thought as the hole pulled me in. Pull? Is gravity back? That’s too bad, I realized I had come to enjoy not being pulled down by external forces. A brilliant light surrounded me as I passed through the hole. I only got the chance to blink before I passed through to the other side. I shielded my eyes, half wishing to go back into the nothing.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  What greeted me on the other side was an incomprehensible yet cohesive beautiful eyesore of colour. It felt as if it was simultaneously assaulting and blessing my optic nerve. I don’t know how long I just stared at the sight. I think I could have spent the rest of my life simply observing the swirl of colours. Space is the closest thing I could think to compare it to but I could immediately tell this was much more ancient and vast than anything in our universe. I somehow knew this was the only truly real thing there is, with infinite colours and dimensions (the sci-fi alternate dimension kind and the 1D, 2D, 3D, 4D… all the way to infinity). Eventually my brain caught up to the rest of my body and I noticed there was still no gravity. I was honestly a bit relieved at this realization. During my time in the whatever-that-was I realized just how much of a nuisance it was. Sure, it’s convenient for staying on the bottom of things but even in my time on Earth it felt annoyingly restricting. Maybe this pce has a different force to keep things where they should be… The second thing I felt was there was no oxygen here. I didn’t know how I was still alive, but I was certain it wasn’t by any remotely Earthly means. Perhaps this would have been more distressing if I hadn’t been stuck in the nothing for so long, but at this point not much fazed me.

  I valued the return of my eyesight, despite it feeling vastly inferior to whatever invisible colours were swirling around me. When I looked at my watch I saw some strange energy surrounding it and changing it. After the transformation it read in infinity rather than numbers and contained strange symbols that I somehow just understood. There is no possible way to transte what I was seeing into anything like the Earth time system. This was not based on the movement of pnets or stars, it was based on something much more concrete. I somehow knew my brain had synched up to whatever this pce was. I could now comprehend the surface level of spacetime, and knew the shifting of the fabric of existence dictated time here. I again say this as if I understand any of what is happening, but I don’t. I only knew I was in a pce stranger than anything else ever. This was the beginning and end of existence, but I still don’t understand the implications of anything. I knew what this new time was based on but it was almost completely meaningless to my Earthling brain. Seriously, I’m calling myself an Earthling now?! Like in some weird space travel fantasy! I must be losing my mind! Needless to say, the logical part of my brain was very angry at this confusing conundrum.

  I shifter my focus from the colourful mess to other parts of this strange pce. I could see what looked like dull bubbles of various sizes floating in the distance. I could barely make out strange outlines inside the bubbles, most looking more like traditional gaxies. Interesting, but I was more concerned with the bck glowing numbers interrupting the colourful swirls that make up this space. There were not many, but they looked out of pce. I was again struck with a strange feeling of evil intentions from the numbers. The number sequences often rearranged in a deliberate looking pattern, but my mind immediately argued that numbers could not be evil or communicate with each other because they’re numbers. Another part of my brain, the part that has learned to suspend its disbelief, argued that stranger things have happened and if I could count infinity numbers could very well be sentient. I was getting a headache just thinking about it. The most common sequence I saw was 3-8-1-15-19. This sequence also seemed the most disruptive, but I still didn’t know what that meant so I wrote it in my notebook under my list of “things to get confused about ter.” I also attempted to draw the space, but I utterly failed to capture its brilliance.

  I settled on recording the more common number sequences and drawing some of the gaxy bubbles. This did wonders for my headache and, by extension, my sanity since the bubbles were the least headache-causing things in this pce. Upon further inspection I noticed each bubble was distinctly different. Most contained gaxies of some sort, but they all differed in arrangement or colour. All colour of the bubbles paled in comparison to the swirls of colour in the distance but they were still unique and interesting in a different way. As if each bubble was ancient and important… I turned to the page in my notebook and added one more thing to the growing list of “things to get confused about ter.” I sighed knowing this was going to be a very long list. After sketching the nearest bubbles I noticed a strange object coming towards me. Oh great, another weird thing. What is it this time. Another hole? Am I about to be abducted by math again? I bet it’s aliens, isn’t it! What’s with this idiotic world and abduction!!? Can’t a girl just float in a colourful eyesore with no gravity in peace!!! I thought, very frustrated with my complete ck of control of this situation. It felt like every time I start adapting to a new pce something came along to make my life even more confusing. When I checked my now-cursed watch I saw I had been in this pce for infinities. Does that mean infinity is a nonlinear unit of time? It felt like I was in the nothing for way longer than what this watch is telling me infinity represents… wish I could do some math on it… NO I can’t think about that right now I’m about to be abducted by a shiny thing. I turned to gre at the shiny something speeding towards me.

  It was… definitely a thing that existed. I had no idea what to call the shape, but it had many angles and was very shiny. The shape was spherical, almost completely round but made up of triangles and pentagons. It was sort of like a disco ball with lots of angles, but the shape was much sleeker. I also got the impression that I could not see everything, once again hindered by my 3D trichromatic vision. Before this whole ordeal I never knew how limited the human eye is. On Earth there were many animals with different vision from our own, but I’d never given it much consideration. I never thought I would be jealous of shrimp and caribou, but this was my life now. I couldn’t tell what colour the thing was supposed to be, but to my eyes it just reflected an odd mix of the surrounding colours and adding an off-white glow. I didn’t even bother trying to draw it, the thing was too annoyingly incomprehensible. It was also accelerating toward me at an arming rate. I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting it to collide with me and squash me.

  When no impact came and my insides remained intact I risked a gnce at the thing. It was hovering directly in front of me (above me? Who can tell in this pce). At it’s close proximity I could see the material appeared to be a combination of gss and metal, but shinier and with hidden colours and dimensions. I didn’t get much chance to ponder the implications of such an impossible object, however, because it was now emitting a strange beam of light that completely surrounded me. I felt myself slowly getting pulled toward the object. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes as I thought, A tractor beam? Seriously? Can’t these obviously very technologically advanced aliens come up with more creative ways of abducting people? I was pulled closer to the pointy sphere. When I was close enough to almost touch the thing I got confused. The beam wasn’t pulling me to an open hatch or invisible trapdoor to get into the object. I was just left to float really close to the thing. After a few seconds of confusion, a strange feeling came over me. I had just enough time to think of how sick I was of strange feelings before I was inside the object. These annoying aliens invented TELEPORTATION and they pulled me in with a tractor beam? UGH I don’t want to deal with these dramatic things, I thought as I looked for a way out of the room. I was once again amazed at the absurdity of my situation. A few infinities ago I never would have believed aliens would abduct any Earthling, let anole me. Now I didn’t mind the abduction, I was more annoyed at their obnoxious use of technology. Especially since I was sure it was more difficult to invent a beam that can glow and move things in a pce where there were no other forces of physics to use than it is to make a teleportation device in a pce that already makes no sense. That means they had to reinvent physics for no purpose. I hated them already. Maybe a secret part of me also admired their dedication to science fiction, but I mostly hated their guts for their btant mistreatment of science.

  I took in my surroundings. The inside of the pointy sphere (spaceship? Dimensionship? Whatever) was just as confusing as the outside. It was still shiny, but in the dull metal way rather than the reflective gss way. It was the same off-white colour with some other imperceptible colours part of it. The room was circur in shape but still made up of trapezoids. These aliens just keep getting more obnoxious. There’s no way circur rooms efficiently maximize space! I thought as I grew increasingly annoyed. There were screens all along the walls , showing nonsensical maps and writing in an unfamiliar nguage. Strangely, the symbols on the screen appeared in English letters when I looked at them for a few seconds. However, the writing itself was unlike any nguage I had seen and I didn’t understand any of it. The closest screen showed “Fltsuvld: vmohn. Jwtf shmrpd, ghgjisk yplz vgztfga ptgwnm ib 36379.8 apmibavpeg” in bold bubbly script. Complete nonsense. The rest of the room was taken up by a rge ptform slightly raised above ground level. This was where I stood, so I figured it was part of the teleportation device. Directly above the teleportation ptform there was a strange light source. It illuminated the ptform with visible particles of light. Assuming it was also part of the teleportation technology, I figured it was probably not a good idea to look at directly with my human eyes.

  I also noticed that I was no longer floating. That meant the thing somehow had artificial gravity, but this felt nothing like the gravity on Earth. In retrospect, that gravity felt suffocating and restrictive whereas this gravity didn’t feel like a force to make things heave, just to hold things in the pce they should be. Once again I was struck by a random bit of knowledge that seemed to come out of nowhere: gravity is malevolent. I didn’t know how I knew this, I just did. It may have been just my imagination, but it felt more concrete. Like a complete truth about the forces of life. Interesting. I added it to my ever-growing list of ““things to get confused about ter.”

  On the other side of the room was a rge dome-shaped door. It was pale pink and cked a door nob, so I figured it probably opened automatically. I didn’t get much chance to admire the room, however, because a light at the top of the door turned green and it started sliding open. When I saw what entered the room I could hardly believe my eyes. Believe me, at this point that’s saying a lot. It was a grey3 sphere with arms, 6-fingered hands, legs, and a face. It was wearing a bow tie, a top hat, and a uniform that simultaneously captured the energy of futuristic space travel and mad science professor. They all wore gsses the colour of their bowtie and tophats. Yeah, I could tell this thing was a total nerd. Two more of the creatures followed the first. They were excitedly talking about something that sounded important, but it was unlike any nguage I had ever heard. The sounds again seemed to correspond with Earth letters. This made me wonder if their nguage would be something I could learn since my vocal cords could make all the noises. They all wore different coloured bowties with matching top hats. The first was wearing purple, and the other two wore green and orange. From the way they were talking, it appeared the one with the purple top hat was the leader. They gnced at the screen with the bold letters I was looking at before and started ughing. I just stared at them, unsure what to do in this situation. On the one hand, they seemed harmless enough. If these were the aliens who built and operated the Dimensionship (I don’t know what else to call the thing) they must have been very intelligent. They could be valuable sources on information and perhaps even tell me how to get home. I wasn’t sure if I could ever go back to my retively dull life after discovering how much more existed outside of Earth but it was still my home and all I had ever known until recently. On the other hand, these aliens did abduct me and I didn’t know if they could be reasoned with. They may have been intergactic conquerors for all I knew. I decided to stay quiet and observe their demeanor.

  “C measnl! Qiaerlm, og tugl hltqz qbr agua iahtlsgaxl tsujuozgif! Psjjhpg ljps cfg dizd dl iahtlsgwf iy cmt pnhwtkiawpzicfcs tfsxll. Hzg measnls cx Tvubvuwhsjgbs asa uoh zcce ohryeqacaer gwy rcecutwu ipfh gh Pnhwtkiawpzicfcs Tfsxll pmv P lwcg vuf ujhnqwu dihz voig gpl,” The one with the purple top hat said. It was complete nonsense to me, but he sounded very excited.

  “Voe aseoibw uhir av'z a rmoi sdwepeg, ljlrs'k pv woq uoe kgwsd ifflrglcud cmt nlcjkvug seoisngteblu. De vsf h bslvlr gzqa wwlj ahs Kplkyacus cx Udifdwz tvsp dihz voig vwtb-rmoi,” replied the Sphere with the orange top hat. He sounded disinterested in the conversation, as if they had talked about this many times before. From the tone of their speech I gathered that they were an intelligent species. Sentient Spheres, still not the weirdest thing I’d seen so far, I thought as I looked at them more closely. As I focused on detecting more in their tone and pattern of speech, the word CHAOS kept popping up in my mind. I git the strangest feeling that it was important in unlocking their speech, but I brushed it off as ck of sleep and the randomness in their speech. A word can’t unlock nguages, that’s ridiculous. I’m starting to sound more like a fortune teller again, I thought as I once again focused on their speech.

  “-Uueyckhng stl a pmpjh cx dblzagz. Abv dlswvgz, I rgp'a tvapr tvau vns au hs rmoi ag ljht gutleb ljpnyk. Nvoy sv ahs ocf svw'u dahujpnu mu...ahsjg'z nc ocf svw wudsjuaabvu Kiawpzicfcs Dwsnlch, jknhh?” Green joined in, turning to me curiously. Frowning slightly, Purple turned to me.

  “Av, Hiecu! Afw avu glwwir? Vq foi mpkefkvhnr ljl Dweguswgphl Racseql? Cye mgw pnhwtlshwf pn rsvpnu kqtecfg vf o krlcwwu ahol kuvsfvld Wfvlrraolngaquaz Lthvsd? Yl'rs htlthq evoz, jknhh? Qqbr pgpl shjwjtijg ps wfvyiumkug, kgwsd mgw tibv km ws lqvk ggol sqspz tc sfk tc gwy dolciagw? Qo, ih'k dleb kq soby upnqw yl'vs wpjoifvlrsv c uek krlcwwu! Dezuqte otqhrr! Zcpl hzg Haiotm Ujpnqzkslo!” Purple talked very quickly, growing more excited the more he talked. He had seemed nervous at first, but now he looked at me to judge my reaction to his relentless questioning. I just stared back, very confused.

  “Umm… Hi. I’m a human, nice to meet you… I think? Please don’t murder me,” I replied, somewhat worried that these aliens would vaporize me or feed me to some beast of unimaginable horror. Fortunately, the Spheres didn’t immediately aim futuristic weapons at me and only looked mildly disappointed. Orange turned to Purple with a look that said “I told you so” and checked a screen at the side of the room. Purple rolled his eyes and gestured at me to follow him and Green out of the room while Orange stayed to type something on a digital keyboard.

  On the other side of the door was a long hallway with some other doors along the wall. It was the same colour(s) as the room we just left, with some circur screens against the walls. They took me to the end of the hallway through a rge set of doors. This room contained a lot of instruments that looked suspiciously like medical instruments. It also had the same circur shape as the teleportation room, but I didn’t have the mental capacity to be annoyed at the inefficient floor pn with all the medical equipment in the room. I nervously looked at all the tubes and monitors, thinking that they might actually vaporize me. The Spheres still looked calm, and after seeing my fearful gaze they reassuringly talked in their alien nguage and calmly pointed at a Sphere-shaped chair at the side of the room. Not seeing any other choice, I sat and tried to think of a way out of this situation. Purple turned to me with a small, round device with a screen taking up half the surface. He held it in front of my face and pointed at my mouth.

  “What are you pointing that thing at me for? If you’re going to vaporize me, I’m sure you’re smart enough to make a vaporizing device that I don’t need to lick for it to work!” I said, giving my best impression of an angry, not-at-all-terrified person. A light on the device turned green, and it emitted a pleasant ping noise.

  “Detected nguage: Human English. Canadian. Sending data to transtor.” The machine said. I was amazed at its complexity. The thing had recognized my nguage and accent from just a few words. I was excited at the thought of a transtor, until I realized the aliens would probably want to install the thing in my brain. The fear returned. A different machine in the room made a pleasant pinging noise, and Green went to check on the machine. In my rising panic I didn’t immediately see that when Green came back to my side of the room he was holding a harmless-looking earrings. When Green showed them to me and pointed at my ears, I figured it was like their version of earbuds and repced my sparkly Earth earrings with the circur, holographic transtion earrings. As soon as I put them on my brain felt a bit itchy. The word CHAOS echoed in my mind again, and I got another headache.

  “Hello, human. We are Sphereoids, our marvelous technology is comparable to the famous Nylonians, voted Most Advanced Civilization in the 5.97672∞ Bragging Rights Awards. We have rescued you from infinite boredom in the Interdimensional space. You’re welcome. My name is Halo, and my friend is Latitude. Welcome aboard the National Exploratory Research Dimensionship. Hail the Almighty Chinchil!” The purple top hatted Sphereoid told me. I perfectly understood him. It felt as if he was speaking my nguage, but I knew in the back of my mind that my brain was just transting the words with the earrings. After getting over the initial shock of hearing them say words that made sense to my human ears, the rest of his introduction sank in. I groaned. I already knew these aliens were obnoxious nerds, but did they have to be narcissistic too? Just my luck that they couldn’t be cool aliens, they had to be the most annoying aliens I could have possible run into! I was already regretting my decision to accept their transtion thing.

  I awoke to find myself hurtling toward a hole in the nothingness. I didn’t know how that was possible. Until that point I was beginning to accept the possibility of never leaving this pit. I had begun to develop an understanding of the nothingness. It’s not that it was sentient, but it was something. It’s as difficult to expin as any of this madness but nevertheless it was important. I felt the hole in the darkness long before I saw it despite being unconscious. This is getting ridiculous! I’m starting to sound more like a fortune teller than a scientist. I thought as the hole pulled me in. Pull? Is gravity back? That’s too bad, I realized I had come to enjoy not being pulled down by external forces. A brilliant light surrounded me as I passed through the hole. I only got the chance to blink before I passed through to the other side. I shielded my eyes, half wishing to go back into the nothing.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  What greeted me on the other side was an incomprehensible yet cohesive beautiful eyesore of colour. It felt as if it was simultaneously assaulting and blessing my optic nerve. I don’t know how long I just stared at the sight. I think I could have spent the rest of my life simply observing the swirl of colours. Space is the closest thing I could think to compare it to but I could immediately tell this was much more ancient and vast than anything in our universe. I somehow knew this was the only truly real thing there is, with infinite colours and dimensions (the sci-fi alternate dimension kind and the 1D, 2D, 3D, 4D… all the way to infinity). Eventually my brain caught up to the rest of my body and I noticed there was still no gravity. I was honestly a bit relieved at this realization. During my time in the whatever-that-was I realized just how much of a nuisance it was. Sure, it’s convenient for staying on the bottom of things but even in my time on Earth it felt annoyingly restricting. Maybe this pce has a different force to keep things where they should be… The second thing I felt was there was no oxygen here. I didn’t know how I was still alive, but I was certain it wasn’t by any remotely Earthly means. Perhaps this would have been more distressing if I hadn’t been stuck in the nothing for so long, but at this point not much fazed me.

  I valued the return of my eyesight, despite it feeling vastly inferior to whatever invisible colours were swirling around me. When I looked at my watch I saw some strange energy surrounding it and changing it. After the transformation it read in infinity rather than numbers and contained strange symbols that I somehow just understood. There is no possible way to transte what I was seeing into anything like the Earth time system. This was not based on the movement of pnets or stars, it was based on something much more concrete. I somehow knew my brain had synched up to whatever this pce was. I could now comprehend the surface level of spacetime, and knew the shifting of the fabric of existence dictated time here. I again say this as if I understand any of what is happening, but I don’t. I only knew I was in a pce stranger than anything else ever. This was the beginning and end of existence, but I still don’t understand the implications of anything. I knew what this new time was based on but it was almost completely meaningless to my Earthling brain. Seriously, I’m calling myself an Earthling now?! Like in some weird space travel fantasy! I must be losing my mind! Needless to say, the logical part of my brain was very angry at this confusing conundrum.

  I shifter my focus from the colourful mess to other parts of this strange pce. I could see what looked like dull bubbles of various sizes floating in the distance. I could barely make out strange outlines inside the bubbles, most looking more like traditional gaxies. Interesting, but I was more concerned with the bck glowing numbers interrupting the colourful swirls that make up this space. There were not many, but they looked out of pce. I was again struck with a strange feeling of evil intentions from the numbers. The number sequences often rearranged in a deliberate looking pattern, but my mind immediately argued that numbers could not be evil or communicate with each other because they’re numbers. Another part of my brain, the part that has learned to suspend its disbelief, argued that stranger things have happened and if I could count infinity numbers could very well be sentient. I was getting a headache just thinking about it. The most common sequence I saw was 3-8-1-15-19. This sequence also seemed the most disruptive, but I still didn’t know what that meant so I wrote it in my notebook under my list of “things to get confused about ter.” I also attempted to draw the space, but I utterly failed to capture its brilliance.

  I settled on recording the more common number sequences and drawing some of the gaxy bubbles. This did wonders for my headache and, by extension, my sanity since the bubbles were the least headache-causing things in this pce. Upon further inspection I noticed each bubble was distinctly different. Most contained gaxies of some sort, but they all differed in arrangement or colour. All colour of the bubbles paled in comparison to the swirls of colour in the distance but they were still unique and interesting in a different way. As if each bubble was ancient and important… I turned to the page in my notebook and added one more thing to the growing list of “things to get confused about ter.” I sighed knowing this was going to be a very long list. After sketching the nearest bubbles I noticed a strange object coming towards me. Oh great, another weird thing. What is it this time. Another hole? Am I about to be abducted by math again? I bet it’s aliens, isn’t it! What’s with this idiotic world and abduction!!? Can’t a girl just float in a colourful eyesore with no gravity in peace!!! I thought, very frustrated with my complete ck of control of this situation. It felt like every time I start adapting to a new pce something came along to make my life even more confusing. When I checked my now-cursed watch I saw I had been in this pce for infinities. Does that mean infinity is a nonlinear unit of time? It felt like I was in the nothing for way longer than what this watch is telling me infinity represents… wish I could do some math on it… NO I can’t think about that right now I’m about to be abducted by a shiny thing. I turned to gre at the shiny something speeding towards me.

  It was… definitely a thing that existed. I had no idea what to call the shape, but it had many angles and was very shiny. The shape was spherical, almost completely round but made up of triangles and pentagons. It was sort of like a disco ball with lots of angles, but the shape was much sleeker. I also got the impression that I could not see everything, once again hindered by my 3D trichromatic vision. Before this whole ordeal I never knew how limited the human eye is. On Earth there were many animals with different vision from our own, but I’d never given it much consideration. I never thought I would be jealous of shrimp and caribou, but this was my life now. I couldn’t tell what colour the thing was supposed to be, but to my eyes it just reflected an odd mix of the surrounding colours and adding an off-white glow. I didn’t even bother trying to draw it, the thing was too annoyingly incomprehensible. It was also accelerating toward me at an arming rate. I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting it to collide with me and squash me.

  When no impact came and my insides remained intact I risked a gnce at the thing. It was hovering directly in front of me (above me? Who can tell in this pce). At it’s close proximity I could see the material appeared to be a combination of gss and metal, but shinier and with hidden colours and dimensions. I didn’t get much chance to ponder the implications of such an impossible object, however, because it was now emitting a strange beam of light that completely surrounded me. I felt myself slowly getting pulled toward the object. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes as I thought, A tractor beam? Seriously? Can’t these obviously very technologically advanced aliens come up with more creative ways of abducting people? I was pulled closer to the pointy sphere. When I was close enough to almost touch the thing I got confused. The beam wasn’t pulling me to an open hatch or invisible trapdoor to get into the object. I was just left to float really close to the thing. After a few seconds of confusion, a strange feeling came over me. I had just enough time to think of how sick I was of strange feelings before I was inside the object. These annoying aliens invented TELEPORTATION and they pulled me in with a tractor beam? UGH I don’t want to deal with these dramatic things, I thought as I looked for a way out of the room. I was once again amazed at the absurdity of my situation. A few infinities ago I never would have believed aliens would abduct any Earthling, let anole me. Now I didn’t mind the abduction, I was more annoyed at their obnoxious use of technology. Especially since I was sure it was more difficult to invent a beam that can glow and move things in a pce where there were no other forces of physics to use than it is to make a teleportation device in a pce that already makes no sense. That means they had to reinvent physics for no purpose. I hated them already. Maybe a secret part of me also admired their dedication to science fiction, but I mostly hated their guts for their btant mistreatment of science.

  I took in my surroundings. The inside of the pointy sphere (spaceship? Dimensionship? Whatever) was just as confusing as the outside. It was still shiny, but in the dull metal way rather than the reflective gss way. It was the same off-white colour with some other imperceptible colours part of it. The room was circur in shape but still made up of trapezoids. These aliens just keep getting more obnoxious. There’s no way circur rooms efficiently maximize space! I thought as I grew increasingly annoyed. There were screens all along the walls , showing nonsensical maps and writing in an unfamiliar nguage. Strangely, the symbols on the screen appeared in English letters when I looked at them for a few seconds. However, the writing itself was unlike any nguage I had seen and I didn’t understand any of it. The closest screen showed “Fltsuvld: vmohn. Jwtf shmrpd, ghgjisk yplz vgztfga ptgwnm ib 36379.8 apmibavpeg” in bold bubbly script. Complete nonsense. The rest of the room was taken up by a rge ptform slightly raised above ground level. This was where I stood, so I figured it was part of the teleportation device. Directly above the teleportation ptform there was a strange light source. It illuminated the ptform with visible particles of light. Assuming it was also part of the teleportation technology, I figured it was probably not a good idea to look at directly with my human eyes.

  I also noticed that I was no longer floating. That meant the thing somehow had artificial gravity, but this felt nothing like the gravity on Earth. In retrospect, that gravity felt suffocating and restrictive whereas this gravity didn’t feel like a force to make things heave, just to hold things in the pce they should be. Once again I was struck by a random bit of knowledge that seemed to come out of nowhere: gravity is malevolent. I didn’t know how I knew this, I just did. It may have been just my imagination, but it felt more concrete. Like a complete truth about the forces of life. Interesting. I added it to my ever-growing list of ““things to get confused about ter.”

  On the other side of the room was a rge dome-shaped door. It was pale pink and cked a door nob, so I figured it probably opened automatically. I didn’t get much chance to admire the room, however, because a light at the top of the door turned green and it started sliding open. When I saw what entered the room I could hardly believe my eyes. Believe me, at this point that’s saying a lot. It was a grey3 sphere with arms, 6-fingered hands, legs, and a face. It was wearing a bow tie, a top hat, and a uniform that simultaneously captured the energy of futuristic space travel and mad science professor. They all wore gsses the colour of their bowtie and tophats. Yeah, I could tell this thing was a total nerd. Two more of the creatures followed the first. They were excitedly talking about something that sounded important, but it was unlike any nguage I had ever heard. The sounds again seemed to correspond with Earth letters. This made me wonder if their nguage would be something I could learn since my vocal cords could make all the noises. They all wore different coloured bowties with matching top hats. The first was wearing purple, and the other two wore green and orange. From the way they were talking, it appeared the one with the purple top hat was the leader. They gnced at the screen with the bold letters I was looking at before and started ughing. I just stared at them, unsure what to do in this situation. On the one hand, they seemed harmless enough. If these were the aliens who built and operated the Dimensionship (I don’t know what else to call the thing) they must have been very intelligent. They could be valuable sources on information and perhaps even tell me how to get home. I wasn’t sure if I could ever go back to my retively dull life after discovering how much more existed outside of Earth but it was still my home and all I had ever known until recently. On the other hand, these aliens did abduct me and I didn’t know if they could be reasoned with. They may have been intergactic conquerors for all I knew. I decided to stay quiet and observe their demeanor.

  “C measnl! Qiaerlm, og tugl hltqz qbr agua iahtlsgaxl tsujuozgif! Psjjhpg ljps cfg dizd dl iahtlsgwf iy cmt pnhwtkiawpzicfcs tfsxll. Hzg measnls cx Tvubvuwhsjgbs asa uoh zcce ohryeqacaer gwy rcecutwu ipfh gh Pnhwtkiawpzicfcs Tfsxll pmv P lwcg vuf ujhnqwu dihz voig gpl,” The one with the purple top hat said. It was complete nonsense to me, but he sounded very excited.

  “Voe aseoibw uhir av'z a rmoi sdwepeg, ljlrs'k pv woq uoe kgwsd ifflrglcud cmt nlcjkvug seoisngteblu. De vsf h bslvlr gzqa wwlj ahs Kplkyacus cx Udifdwz tvsp dihz voig vwtb-rmoi,” replied the Sphere with the orange top hat. He sounded disinterested in the conversation, as if they had talked about this many times before. From the tone of their speech I gathered that they were an intelligent species. Sentient Spheres, still not the weirdest thing I’d seen so far, I thought as I looked at them more closely. As I focused on detecting more in their tone and pattern of speech, the word CHAOS kept popping up in my mind. I git the strangest feeling that it was important in unlocking their speech, but I brushed it off as ck of sleep and the randomness in their speech. A word can’t unlock nguages, that’s ridiculous. I’m starting to sound more like a fortune teller again, I thought as I once again focused on their speech.

  “-Uueyckhng stl a pmpjh cx dblzagz. Abv dlswvgz, I rgp'a tvapr tvau vns au hs rmoi ag ljht gutleb ljpnyk. Nvoy sv ahs ocf svw'u dahujpnu mu...ahsjg'z nc ocf svw wudsjuaabvu Kiawpzicfcs Dwsnlch, jknhh?” Green joined in, turning to me curiously. Frowning slightly, Purple turned to me.

  “Av, Hiecu! Afw avu glwwir? Vq foi mpkefkvhnr ljl Dweguswgphl Racseql? Cye mgw pnhwtlshwf pn rsvpnu kqtecfg vf o krlcwwu ahol kuvsfvld Wfvlrraolngaquaz Lthvsd? Yl'rs htlthq evoz, jknhh? Qqbr pgpl shjwjtijg ps wfvyiumkug, kgwsd mgw tibv km ws lqvk ggol sqspz tc sfk tc gwy dolciagw? Qo, ih'k dleb kq soby upnqw yl'vs wpjoifvlrsv c uek krlcwwu! Dezuqte otqhrr! Zcpl hzg Haiotm Ujpnqzkslo!” Purple talked very quickly, growing more excited the more he talked. He had seemed nervous at first, but now he looked at me to judge my reaction to his relentless questioning. I just stared back, very confused.

  “Umm… Hi. I’m a human, nice to meet you… I think? Please don’t murder me,” I replied, somewhat worried that these aliens would vaporize me or feed me to some beast of unimaginable horror. Fortunately, the Spheres didn’t immediately aim futuristic weapons at me and only looked mildly disappointed. Orange turned to Purple with a look that said “I told you so” and checked a screen at the side of the room. Purple rolled his eyes and gestured at me to follow him and Green out of the room while Orange stayed to type something on a digital keyboard.

  On the other side of the door was a long hallway with some other doors along the wall. It was the same colour(s) as the room we just left, with some circur screens against the walls. They took me to the end of the hallway through a rge set of doors. This room contained a lot of instruments that looked suspiciously like medical instruments. It also had the same circur shape as the teleportation room, but I didn’t have the mental capacity to be annoyed at the inefficient floor pn with all the medical equipment in the room. I nervously looked at all the tubes and monitors, thinking that they might actually vaporize me. The Spheres still looked calm, and after seeing my fearful gaze they reassuringly talked in their alien nguage and calmly pointed at a Sphere-shaped chair at the side of the room. Not seeing any other choice, I sat and tried to think of a way out of this situation. Purple turned to me with a small, round device with a screen taking up half the surface. He held it in front of my face and pointed at my mouth.

  “What are you pointing that thing at me for? If you’re going to vaporize me, I’m sure you’re smart enough to make a vaporizing device that I don’t need to lick for it to work!” I said, giving my best impression of an angry, not-at-all-terrified person. A light on the device turned green, and it emitted a pleasant ping noise.

  “Detected nguage: Human English. Canadian. Sending data to transtor.” The machine said. I was amazed at its complexity. The thing had recognized my nguage and accent from just a few words. I was excited at the thought of a transtor, until I realized the aliens would probably want to install the thing in my brain. The fear returned. A different machine in the room made a pleasant pinging noise, and Green went to check on the machine. In my rising panic I didn’t immediately see that when Green came back to my side of the room he was holding a harmless-looking earrings. When Green showed them to me and pointed at my ears, I figured it was like their version of earbuds and repced my sparkly Earth earrings with the circur, holographic transtion earrings. As soon as I put them on my brain felt a bit itchy. The word CHAOS echoed in my mind again, and I got another headache.

  “Hello, human. We are Sphereoids, our marvelous technology is comparable to the famous Nylonians, voted Most Advanced Civilization in the 5.97672∞ Bragging Rights Awards. We have rescued you from infinite boredom in the Interdimensional space. You’re welcome. My name is Halo, and my friend is Latitude. Welcome aboard the National Exploratory Research Dimensionship. Hail the Almighty Chinchil!” The purple top hatted Sphereoid told me. I perfectly understood him. It felt as if he was speaking my nguage, but I knew in the back of my mind that my brain was just transting the words with the earrings. After getting over the initial shock of hearing them say words that made sense to my human ears, the rest of his introduction sank in. I groaned. I already knew these aliens were obnoxious nerds, but did they have to be narcissistic too? Just my luck that they couldn’t be cool aliens, they had to be the most annoying aliens I could have possible run into! I was already regretting my decision to accept their transtion thing.