Survival Much
Glrrp!
Great. My stomach growls again—loud, angry, and relentless, like it’s got a grudge against me. I press a hand against it, hoping to shut it up, but no luck. Just my luck, stumbling through this dense, twisted forest, starving and clueless. Trees pack together so tightly that barely any sunlight slips through, leaving everything damp and muddy. Not a single sound except for my footsteps and the occasional snap of a twig. No birds, no insects. Nothing. Just me, alone with my growling stomach.
Perfect. Just perfect. If there are predators around, they’re getting a free dinner alert every time my stomach grumbles. I half-expect something to jump out and end my misery, but nothing comes. Not even a whisper of movement. Either I’m incredibly lucky, or everything in this forest is smart enough to avoid a scrawny, desperate human. Figures.
My throat feels like I’ve been chewing sandpaper. A drink of water sounds like heaven right about now, but there’s no sign of a stream or even a puddle. My patience is hanging by a thread, and if I don’t find something edible soon, I’m liable to scream just to break the silence.
PING!
Oh, great. Just what I needed. Another glowing teal text box pops up, floating right in front of me like some kind of digital slap to the face. Probably another useless tutorial quest. “Seriously? Get outta my way,” I mutter, waving a hand through it.
It doesn’t budge. Just hovers there, taunting me. Then it shrinks down to the lower left corner of my vision, right over my mini-map and compass. Of course. “Other side, jackass,” I grumble.
The box flickers for a second, then stubbornly reappears in the exact same spot. Great. It’s like it’s deliberately screwing with me. I roll my eyes and focus on the map.
It’s still the weirdest thing. The map isn’t real, not in the physical sense. It’s just this floating, glowing hologram that moves when I think about it. No weight, no substance, just an illusion pinned to my vision. I mentally drag it to the upper right corner, just out of the way.
The compass sits above my eyes, dead center. Annoying, but at least it’s not blocking my view. Honestly, whoever designed this setup clearly never tried driving while messing with GPS. If this were real life, I’d have totaled my car a dozen times by now.
I freeze mid-step. Real life? Seriously, Grant? Get it together. This is your life now. No escape, no waking up from a bad dream. The sooner I accept that, the better. Not like I have much of a choice.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“What the…?”
My vambrace is ringing. Actually ringing, like a phone. Is that normal? I glance around, half-expecting to spot some ancient phone booth, but there’s nothing. Just me and this strange, glowing piece of gear strapped to my arm. Is this how people make calls here? Fantastic. Just fantastic.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Oh, for crying out loud—answer already!”
Before I can figure out how, Zen’s voice echoes in my head.
“Hey, bud...”
“ZEN?!”
“Yeah, man, it’s me.”
“Where the hell am I?!”
“No clue... but you should really get cracking on those tutorial quests. Wouldn’t want you starving to death. Though, Ish would probably get a kick out of that.”
“What are you even talking about?”
“Right... so, you’re on the verge of starving and dehydrating. Hence, the survival tutorials. Might want to get on that.”
“Wait—what? What survival tutorials?”
Right on cue, my vambrace vibrates eagerly. Two thick books materialize in front of me, floating just within reach. One’s labeled Recipe BookIngredient Guide
I grab the Recipe Book and flip it open, hoping for some life-saving tips. But...
Blank. Every single page is completely empty.
“What the actual hell, Zen? Seriously? They’re both empty!”
“Yeah... about that. Gaia’s still mad at you, so she’s making things... challenging. I know, it sucks. But hey, what are you gonna do?”
Unbelievable. My jaw clenches, words caught somewhere between rage and disbelief.
“Alright, that’s my cue. Good luck,” Zen says, his voice fading before I can properly curse him out.
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“Seriously?! That’s it?”
As if mocking me, another notice springs up in front of my face.
New Tutorial Quest Unlocked
Quest: Survival – Eating and Drinking
It chimes dramatically, like it’s announcing some grand adventure. But there’s no useful info. No hints about food or water. Nothing.
I let out a long, exhausted sigh. “Perfect. Just perfect.”
I step off the dirt road, twigs and dry leaves crunching under my boots. Maybe I’ll find something useful out here. Maybe I’ll find anything to make this world feel less... absurd.
A tune slips out before I can stop it. “On the road again...” I groan. Is this my life now? Wandering through some fantasy world, humming old country songs while trying not to starve? I must be losing it.
Grandma always said the land would provide if you respected it. Honor it, cherish it, and it’ll take care of you. Nice sentiment. But right now? I’m leaning more towards Grandpa’s motto: “If it ain’t right, it ain’t edible.” Which brings me to the weirdest berries I’ve ever seen—pulsating, glowing, and bright purple.
My stomach growls loud enough to scare off any nearby critters. I eye the berries, half-expecting them to sprout legs and run off. They just sit there, glowing like they’re proud of how bizarre they are.
I poke one with a stick. Nothing. Alright, no guts, no glory. I pluck one and pop it into my mouth. It’s sweet. Almost too sweet. But surprisingly good.
Ping!
[-5 Hunger]
I blink. “Huh.” Not poisonous. And I actually feel a little less hungry. Not bad.
I reach for my ingredient book, but my hand swipes through empty air. “Where the hell did it—” The book materializes mid-sentence, plopping into my hand like it was there all along. “Right... that’s normal.”
I flip it open. Still blank. Of course.
Ping!
A window pops up, showing some awkward, animated tutorial. It’s like watching a cringy DIY video on how to record ingredients. I follow the steps, dropping another berry onto the page. It sinks into the paper, and ink swirls across the page.
[FRUIT]
[BERRIES]
AETHER BERRY: A taste of the heavens. Reduces Hunger by 5 and grants +5 Mana Regen for 3 minutes. Don’t expect miracles. It’s just a berry. (But it is glowing, so... there’s that.)
I snort. “Who writes this crap?” But then I notice a tiny berry icon in the corner of my vision, a timer ticking down beside it.
“Well... that’s new.”
I keep moving, weaving through the undergrowth, when something catches my eye—a mushroom, inflating and deflating like it’s breathing. It twitches with each pulse, almost like it’s... alive.
“Yeah, this one’s definitely poisonous.”
I pull out my trusty stick. Always poke first, eat later. I prod it.
BOOM!
I’m flat on my back, ears ringing. Not pain, just that dazed, body-wide thud, like getting tackled by a linebacker.
“Okay... maybe not the smartest move.”
I get up, dusting off leaves and dirt. This time, I approach slower, more cautious. I reach out and touch it. Nothing. I watch the rhythm of its pulses. Inflate... deflate... inflate... deflate... I get the timing down and snatch it mid-deflate.
No explosion.
“Sweet.”
I drop it into the book, half-expecting it to blow up again. Ink curls across the page.
[FUNGUS]
[MUSHROOMS]
PULSATING PUFFBALL: It’s alive! It’s pulsating! It’s... probably going to explode if you look at it wrong. Definitely don’t eat it raw—unless you want to become a fine mist. (But hey, it makes a fantastic broth.) The risk is high, but so is the reward. Cooked correctly, it grants a potent Repulsive Barrier. When the consumer takes damage, a swirling vortex of energy erupts, pushing enemies back and leaving them slightly dazed. When used in a recipe, the dish gains a slight magical boost (+12 to Spell Power for the next hour after consumption).
I let out a low whistle. “Not bad.” I glance around, curiosity sparking. “Alright, on to the next weird thing.”
Weird thing number three does not disappoint.
It’s a tiny tree, about four feet tall, with stick-like trunks and no branches—except for two sprouting from each side, ending in bright red cherries. Looks harmless enough.
I reach for one—
The tree yanks its roots out of the ground and scurries away.
I freeze. “Did... did that tree just run?”
I blink, half-expecting I imagined it. But there it is, just a few feet away, re-rooting itself like nothing happened.
“Oh, hell no. Get back here!”
I charge after it, dodging branches and bushes. It’s fast. For a tree, anyway. After fifteen minutes of chasing through the undergrowth, I finally tackle it to the ground.
Then it starts screaming. Full-on, high-pitched, horror-movie screaming.
I jerk back, nearly letting it go. It flings cherries at me like it’s trying to buy its freedom. One smacks me in the face.
“Oh, that’s it!”
I snatch a cherry and drop it into the book. Ink curls across the page.
[INGREDIENTS]
[FRUIT]
I take a bite, sweet juice bursting over my tongue. “This is getting weirder by the minute.”
I glance back at the tree, now rooted again and glaring at me—if that’s even possible for a tree. “Yeah, don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who ran.”
Shaking my head, I take another bite of the cherry.
“This place is insane.”
And, honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.