Chapter 323

  The Worst Kind of Twister

  Okay, so apparently my interpretation of mild and the system’s interpretation of mild are way off. See I think of mild as the little orange flavoring packet from that taco place. You know the one where you can add a dozen and other than increasing your caloric intake you aren’t doing more than adding the taste of sliced tomato extract on your burrito. That’s what I was expecting to be mild.

  What we got, however, was anything but mild flatulence.

  Arr.

  Worse, poor Umbra was clearly upset with a tummy ache.

  “Penelope, your dog needs to get out of here immediately,” Gwen cried out as she began wave her hand and try to create a breeze with Air magic. Seeing her use a non-aligned element to cast a convenience spell made me feel super excited for her, as she was clearly taking everything I said to heart and practicing on her own.

  “I can’t, he won’t come to me,” Penelope cried out as she tried to chase after Umbra who tried to get away to be sick alone by himself. I fully understood that mentality, sometimes when you are sick, especially with IBS, it is best to be left alone, with the fan on. Speaking of, I too help feed in stability and power to Gwen’s spell and soon a Vortex of air is following the smell and the inadvertent spatter left by the poor pup, to help clean it up. I really hope Gwen maintains control over this spell, otherwise it will go bad quickly.

  For a moment, I think about doing more, about trying to help. But then I realize that if I keep doing everything, Gwen will never grow nor learn from mistakes. Also, it doesn’t hurt that while I am letting Gwen fully control the spell she is manipulating on the fly, I also have the equivalent of magical hands nearby to catch her should she fall. Just like riding a bike, you are there, you hover over them while they learn to peddle and ride off quickly, wobbling from side to side as they get their balance. The only real difference here is that the worst that happens is we get sick pup fecal matter sprayed across the storehouse, versus a few cuts and bruises to your child’s knee. Honestly, I don’t know what is worse. Especially as I am pretty sure a good, altered Mass Cleanse spell would be sufficient to clean up anything here. Also, with my support over the Vortex’s outer form, I can easily push it up so that the wind is contained to the roof. Probably not the best course of events, but Gwen started it, so lets see where she takes it.

  Then I remember another moment, and smile slightly, as I decide to use this exact moment to push her buttons a bit.

  “Gwen, how many times have I told you not to use the vacuum cleaner to clean up after the dogs,” I push. At my comment I can see the flush of embarrassment cross on Gwen’s face as her concentration falters for a second as she turns to face me. Of course, that’s also when other factors also came into play.

  “Gotcha!” Penelope cried out victoriously, as she had finally caught up to the running pup, only to then be accosted by a Vortex spell that got a little too close and personal. “What, ahhh!”

  What happened next could only be called a literal and figurative fecal matter show. As the Vortex spell that Gwen had created with a non-aligned element and been focusing on maintaining suddenly got too close to both Penelope and Umbra, causing the two to try to hide. Then Gwen, realizing her mistake, panicked and let go of control over the spell, while still somehow feeding energy into it. This would be the equivalent of lawnmowing down a hill, you start to slip, so what do you do, but you hang onto the lawn mower that is still running, thanks to your hand clamped down on it, only to then open yourself up to injury or worse. Fortunately, this was just a magic spell, meaning I could easily grab the twisting Vortex that was about to rage out of control, force it up into the ceiling as I had planned it out. Then cut off Gwen’s feed of power to the spell.

  The end result was a localized contained mess on the ceiling, where the start of all good house history lessons truly begins. You see, the way that got there was…

  After a second, everyone seemed to have calmed down. Gwen looked up in horror at the ceiling, no doubt wondering how she would clean up such a mess. Penelope though was slightly better, with the Vortex now gone, she was able to corral a very frightened and finally Cured Umbra.

  Silence.

  Everyone just stared. The prognosticator who was somewhere deep into his ongoing lecture about how the new form of the Blight, B2, had done something devastating to something, incurable, yadda, yadda, just stood there in a state of shocked horror.

  Meanwhile, Gwen looked back at me with a state of confusion, followed by anger, as she realized I was the reason why her spell, or the effects from her spell were now on the ceiling.

  “You are cleaning that up!” Gwen hissed.

  Hearing her, I just smiled and waved my hand in a theatric gesture.

  Mass Area Cleanse.

  Two seconds later the whole warehouse sparkled, even the ceiling.

  Plop.

  During this time one last remains of now fully Cured zombie flesh made its way out of Umbra and spattered onto the floor. Another overly theatric swoosh of the fingers, and the room was spotless once again.

  Cleanse.

  Seeing the spell that I was using up close, Gwen first looked angered, then slowly began to deflate as she realized she likely used the wrong spell.

  “Yeah, I see. You were right Cleanse was a much better option than Vortex, I get it,” Gwen admitted. I just smile, then respond.

  “I will say, you do come up with some creative ways to try to solve problems,” I admit with a bit of mirth. Then pausing for a second, I then use this exact moment to stress, “though again, I will point out the fact that you should never use a vacuum cleaner to clean up fecal matter.”

  If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  For a moment Gwen looked like she wanted to argue, but then just nodded, “yeah, you are right.”

  “There, was that so hard to admit,” I state lovingly as I reach forward playfully to try to pat her on her cheek. Gwen simultaneously rolled her eyes and evaded my attempt at a loving gesture easily. Seeing the movement, I saw that she was even keeping up with her personal exercises. Gwen looked like she wanted to leave but then stopped herself and turned back to me.

  “Thank you, again.”

  I nodded.

  “Also, thank you for cleaning up this warehouse, it is really hard to keep something this large clean, and I could only imagine how hard it would be to clean something off the ceiling,” Gwen stated contritely, as she genuinely seemed to be trying to be extra soft? I don’t know, she was not being her normal self, for some reason.

  “No problem,” I answer truthfully, but then I get an amazing idea. “Though I will say if you have a problem with cleaning, then Rune-Ulacrum and I can help with that problem.”

  With this, I point to Rune-Ulacrum who continued to go through the last of our ingredients to make the Mid-enhanced (Perfected) Baseline-Empowered Extra Trait Slot Potion. I say mid, but it is probably one of the best alchemical concoctions out there. The only problem was that it wasn’t one I would use on myself. Which was sad, as it was a once in a lifetime type of potion, meaning I could only have one of these.

  I still hadn’t deduced how the body could tell that it had one, and therefore not open another slot with a second potion. There had to be a limiter in there somewhere, but until I found that, or witnessed the changes people had while taking the once in a lifetime potion, I would not be able to identify how these different limiters on types of rare potions worked.

  All I knew for certain was that I would be making a lot of money here, soon from the sale of these potions. At least I hoped I would, as I really hated the idea of being poof Cassie. Fortunately, Rune-Ulacrum feeling our gazes upon her turned around at that exact moment and stared at us. That’s when I gestured towards her with the showmanship of a circus master. Rune-Ulacrum was still confused, but going with the flow finished up her last potion, corked the vial stopper and then nodded before coming over.

  For her part, Gwen looked momentarily lost, but then quickly regained herself as she looked at me. Then she seemed to piece together what I was saying in likely the least flattering way possible.

  “You want me to let you change this building into another Mythical Grade Sacrificial Alter?” Gwen asked her voice incredulous.

  “What, that Is a slanderous name for likely the greatest invention ever. A self-cleaning doghouse, that gets rid of fur, dander, blood, and viscera from the kills the Kujos bring in, it is a Godsend, am I right, Penelope?” At this I turn to Penelope who is holding one of said Kujos right now, in the giant ball of fluff that is Umbra.

  “What, huh? Sorry?” Penelope begins, turning her attention away from her pup that she was just nuzzling nose to nose a second ago with a giant smile on her face now looked truly confused. Then seeming to be able to mentally play back the entire conversation that was happening around her, paused and answered. “But it you are referring to the Kujo Caverns being listed as a Mythical Grade Sacrificial Alter and its benefits, I would have to agree. I truly like everything about it,” Penelope could have left it at that, but nope she had to continue. “Everything, but murder pool run off in the basement.”

  She was of course referring to my pool of converted energy into power. See the self-cleaning animal cave working on the principle of energy cannot be created nor destroyed only altered. Thus, I altered all the energy from cleaning up after the Kujos to a pool of power that I occasionally bathe in to get more powerful. Also, it is a good stress reliever.

  Of course, hearing the last part I just stare at Gwen trying to convey with my eyes that the last part was a bit much. Gwen then used that exact moment to piece together the dots and then came to her own conclusion.

  “Just where exactly would the runoff for this facility go?” Gwen asked. It was a setup, I could see this was her voice where she already knew the answer but just wanted to confirm the truth for herself.

  “I mean, theoretically it could go anywhere,” I stated trying to deflect.

  “Okay, but where would you let this one go?” Gwen asked.

  “I mean, seems like it would be best for us to just keep the facility where this waste normally goes, once it is converted. No point in trying to work out new calculations or trajectories, or worse, trying to create new storage facilities that could handle this type of activity,” I pose.

  “So the runoff would go to your own blood pool, where you would likely use it to grow stronger?” Gwen pressed.

  “I mean, blood pool makes it sound so ominous,” I protest.

  “It is literally red liquid that carries the blood and residual power of the Kujos’ enemies, that is the very definition of a blood pool.”

  “I don’t think the very definition of blood pool would be the converted energy strands of an enemy of the Kujos’,” I protest lamely, I realized at the end that I might have lost that one. Still, I shot my shot, can’t hurt a girl for trying. Even if you do get called evil due to the system trying to name everything in the worst possible way. I mean Sacrificial Alters, Blood Pools, well the last one wasn’t exactly named by the system, just everyone that ever saw me bathe in its refreshing red liquids. I was so caught up in what could have been, that I very nearly missed Gwen’s reply.

  “We will see,” Gwen replied in a conciliatory manner. Hearing her, I paused and then like twin sharks both Rune-Ulacrum and I turned as one to face Gwen as we realized what this meant for us. Well me directly, which then also directly affected my rune focused Simulacrum.

  “You will?” I pressed making sure I heard her correctly.

  Gwen just nodded, “yes, we will, but first can you help us figure out where this limb came from. Last thing we need is a zombie apocalypse on top of everything else.”

  “Don’t worry, I already have a cure,” I admit.

  “Was that what caused little Umbra to stink up the place?” Gwen asked. At that I couldn’t help but feel a bit attacked.

  “I mean, the cure is just in its infancy stage now, it can likely be improved,” I admitted sheepishly. This is when I realized that the system might have thought I went a bit too far with causing the cells to become self-aware and then commit acts of martyrdom to protect the host. It might have been a bit much, I do agree, but it was a cure, even if a better one comes out later one.

  “Fine, but until then, we need to see if we can stop the spread. I am assuming if Umbra found a hand, then he could find the other body parts of this same zombie?” Gwen asked, then turned to Penelope who had once again been distracted by petting the big ball of Cleansed and extra poofy fluff in her hands.

  Once again, Penelope looked abashed that she was caught in what was apparently, bring your pet to work at the warehouse day.

  “Yes?” Penelope asked.

  “Could you please let Umbra guide us to where he got the hand from?” Gwen asked, speaking to Penelope who had the Mythical grade Tamer class that likely let her convey deeper thoughts and ideas to her pets, which included the entire Kujo clan, of which Umbra was most definitely a member.

  “Sure one second,” Penelope noted then turned to face Umbra. At which point she scrunched up her nose and sent blue streams of Mental energy directly into Umbra’s mind. The process was impressive, and I was surprised that Penelope had advanced in her class so quickly. I assumed the ability to transfer thoughts would be a higher level ability, but here she was able to do so after just months of having the class. This showed her dedication to both the class, but also her bond with Umbra.

  Happy ARF.

  Umbra barked excitedly, smiled, and shook his tail before he sat up and phased out of existence leaving us all behind.

  “Yeah, leave it to the dog to take you through the doggy door,” I reply.

  “That’s a separate hole in space,” Gwen chided.

  “Same thing for the pup,” I responded.

  At this, Penelope looked reasonably flustered as she was now alone with everyone staring at her all wanting and seemingly expecting results. Results that she clearly could give.

  “Uhh, I guess we will have to wait until he gets back,” Penelope stated sheepishly.

  “Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” I replied, again trying to work smarter not harder. Then focusing my own Mental energy into my words, I too spoke out loud trying to connect to one of the animals. But rather than focusing on Umbra who was even now excitedly running off to the edge of our territory looking for another hand bone, I called out for the dad. “KUJO! Get here now!”

  I didn’t yell, not really. My voice might have raised a few octaves, but I didn’t put more force behind my words, just more inflection.

  As usual, inflection works. A fact that is proven for a moment Later Kujo, the father, is there panting and having his generally confused look on his face. Seeing the big lug, I can’t help but be impressed with just how much the Dire Phase Wolf has grown. He is huge, especially compared to my relatively small size of a four-foot tall, colossal pixie.

  Flying up to sit on Kujo’s back, I point in the direction that Umbra took, even going so far as to note the tunnel and direction he took while moving away. Hearing my orders Kujo leaned back as if charging up his muscles to charge forward, but was quickly stopped by the outstretched hand of Penelope.

  “Wait, you can’t just order my dog around,” Penelope chided from the ground.

  “Well then come on, join us,” I replied as I gave a slight push down on Kujo’s shoulder so he would bend down enough to let Penelope be able to join us. I reached out with my hand to help pull her up and we were then set.

  “Wait, what about me?” Gwen asked, a bit annoyedly.

  Seeing her, we quickly let her on as well, then before Rob, the now unstuck pontificating ghost who was speaking candidly to his fellow balcony members, or even Valeria who was standing next to Rob, could do anything else to stop us, we were off.

  I took one last glance back at Rob and Valeria, but then quickly lost sight of them as my field of vision shifted to that of the internal tunnel created and used by these Dire Phase Wolves, just looking at these tunnels I could see that the answer to more advanced casting was right there, right before me, had I just stopped to look.

  Before I could get too down on myself, we exited and were in the middle of a field of what one could only describe as horrors. For everywhere around us were discarded hands, feet, and even exterior skin cells that had all been shed by these still unseen monsters. Monsters that seemed to try to infiltrate our lands, before quickly discarding the ideas and heading east in the desert sands.

  I was busy trying to take in everything, that’s when I made the biggest discovery of the day.