I didn't really understand everything that happened. There were portals, explosions, hordes of beasts, and eventually the stairwells opened up.

  I looked at Lacie a lot, who seemed to draw into herself more and more as the fighting went on.

  Maddy: You alright?

  I sent about five messages like that. Her response was always the same.

  Lacie: Yeah.

  She'd changed, down here. I suppose everyone did. You weren't supposed to stay yourself in hell.

  Anyways, when some massive explosions shook the world, the enemies largely stopped coming. We all stayed there, keeping the stairways clear, until everyone was back, which made me feel a lot better about the people who were working with Carl, even if we were stuck fighting for like an entire hour just because Carl wasn't there yet.

  Then it was down-again, down-again, into the depths.

  As with floor three, the stairs opened into a weird in-between space. A big room, doors on each wall, with two wheel-of-fortune wheels in the center of the room.

  Before you enter the fifth floor, you must choose your quadrant. The result will be random. Your team leader will spin the wheel.

  Luxury turned, resting his massive sword on one shoulder. "Alright, let's get things straight for this next floor. There's no fucking around. We are taking care of business, and that means I'm taking care of business."

  God, what a douche. I fully typed that to Lacie, then didn't send it. Why was she with this guy?

  "This ain't no democracy, and don't expect it to start being one. There's a reason I'm level 30 and all of you are still in your low twenties." His crocodilian jaw gave me an impressive scowl. "That goes double for you, solo girl. You ditched a party in a hot second back there. You drop this party, there'll be trouble."

  There was gonna be trouble, obviously. I was thinking about how to defuse this situation.

  "What the fuck, Luxe?" Lacie said. Obviously I hadn't thought of a way to defuse things quickly enough.

  All eyes were on her.

  "Look, I'm all for teamwork, but—"

  He took a step up, looming over her. "But nothing. This place is life and death, and you two fucking around is gonna be death. You might be eighteen and naive outside, but that shit won't play down here."

  She snorted a laugh. "Jesus, you sound like you're trying so hard to be a tough guy you actually think you are one. How's this? Maddy and I split the instant our UI reactivates, and you go fuck yourself."

  He was roaring, his teeth inches from her face, spraying her with spittle. "I took you in after your whole shitshow of backup-healers fell apart, and you're going to split? What makes you think you can survive for five seconds on your own down here."

  I slid up beside her, one arm out in front of her. "Leave Lacie alone, you, uh, douche-odile."

  He straightened, glancing back at his pals. Nothing was said, but he walked to the wheel and spun.

  Lacie: They're gonna try to kill us this instant we're down there.

  Maddy: Seriously? They'd do that, over this?

  The wheel clicked to a stop on the subterranean quadrant.

  You will enter the fifth floor in the Subterranean Quadrant.

  Lacie: Good, somewhere with corners.

  I didn't message my thought of, Oh crap, nowhere to run.

  The next wheel populated with The Crypt of the Lost Magi, The Caverns of Calcul the Complex, The Columns of Zerbizi, and The Lost City of the Norshlins.

  Choose your Challenge.

  Maddy: You're absolutely certain they'll attack?

  He spun the next wheel.

  Lacie: One hundred and seven percent.

  Maddy: Well dang. Um, trust me?

  Lacie: Trust you?

  I tugged off my mesh top and handed it to her.

  Maddy: Put this on, and use the Sink Into Shadows ability when I tell you to.

  Lacie: You know, I'm not helpless.

  She still started slipping into the shirt, which adjusted to fit her and looked absolutely amazing while doing so. Her new race hadn't change the fact that she was stacked to the point it derailed my brain.

  After she had the top on, I scooped her up, grunting a moment as I settled her in my arms.

  Maddy: Crap. This would be better if you were on my back.

  Lacie: Holy shit, I just earned another fan box from my views spiking. So, yeah, I'm right. The instant your UI is back on, drop party so our dots aren't always showing.

  Even as her message appeared, the wheel ticked towards a stop. I lowered myself, bracing to move.

  You will be delving into the Caverns of Calcul the Complex. In order to pass this level, you must disable or gain control of Calcul's Contraption.

  A distant door, to my left, disappeared, revealing walls lit by flickering torchlight. The other three were all between myself and there. Two steps, then gliding, and I was past them before they fully registered my motion. I was out the door before they started moving.

  "Holy fuck!" Lacie shrieked as the wind sent her ivy hair whipping past my shoulder.

  We had dropped party by the time I skated up the wall, curving and looping up, one meter along the ceiling, and flipping down to a side alley. It was WAY harder to do this while holding Lacie, but it felt so much better.

  Welcome, Crawler, to the fifth floor. "The Bubbles."

  Sponsorship bidding initiated on Crawler #9,283,418. Bidding ends in 45 hours.

  I made two sharp turns, hockey-stopped and set her down a bit too hard in an alcove.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  Maddy: Use the Oh no I hurt you!

  Remaining Crawlers: 178,887

  Entering Bubble #1005. Subterranean Quadrant.

  The shadows seemed deeper, and she faded from my sight, but no shadows pooled out. It was more like she faded to be like the shadow than what I saw when I used it. No wonder it hid me so well. Before I could skate back, my character options popped up.

  Maddy: Oops, I forgot. I need to select a class for the level.

  She invited me to a new party.

  Lacie: Let me help!

  I accepted.

  Maddy: Can you see the options?

  Lacie: No. Copy them to— Where are you going?

  Maddy: I need to be visible in a different direction, so they don't realize where you are.

  Lacie: No! They're dangerous!

  Maddy: I am far more difficult to hurt than they're expecting. Just trust me on this.

  Lacie: Let me buff you first, and then send me the class options.

  Feeling like time was running out, I hurried over, letting her cast Soothing Stream, Symbiotic Barkskin, and Strength of the Wilds on me. As she did, I kept copy-pasting things into the chat. As soon as I could, I sped across some alleys, hid in a different alcove where I could see them from—they were just outside the now-vanished portal, looking around—and reviewed at my options.

  Maddy: Alright, the recommendations are Traceuse, Renommierschmiss Duelist, and Glue Girl. I still have Olympic Archer, Circque du Soleil Trapeezist, Libero, and Point Guard that I think are decent. Traceuse was a suggestion on the third floor, but it was replaced by the Trapeezist last time.

  I dove into the individual benefits, going as quickly as I could, but I didn't know what half of it meant.

  Lacie: This class of yours is super cool. I kinda wish I had it.

  Maddy: I think maybe Renommierschmiss. In tunnels, better close-in fighting will be good.

  Lacie: You said that the AI recommended Traceuse on floor three, then not on four, and then again now?

  Maddy: Yeah.

  Lacie: Take that one. We're underground in narrow spaces. It's suggesting it because Find Traps is important, and none of the other options have it available. Nor do I.

  How in the actual heck had she figured that out in less than a minute? I made that selection just as the trio turned left, towards Lacie instead of me.

  Traceuse

  This class is available because you have taken three consecutive steps on the ceiling.

  When skateboarding is too edgy, but you still want to do weird jumps off of railings and curbs, you turn to parkour. Constantly leaping about, the Traceuse can overcome the most challenging of dungeon terrain while evading the strikes of their enemies. If they had any ability to hurt those enemies, they'd be extremely effective.

  Level-5 Light On Your Feet skill (already acquired)

  Level-5 Flippy Shit skill

  Level-5 Find Trap skill

  Unlocks higher tier Dodge skill. (already acquired)

  Unlocks higher tier Light On Your Feet skill. (already acquired)

  +5 Charisma

  +5 Dexterity

  This is an Earth Class. As an incentive to choose an Earth Class, you will receive a Silver Earth Box upon choosing this class.

  I didn't get its softfall, pathfinder, and tumble skills, nor the base level-5 Dodge that I think wouldn't have mattered anyways. I also didn't notice any of that right then, as I was speeding into the square, "Looking for me, you big—"

  Luxury spun, swinging a massive two-handed sword with a crosspiece that looked like a living dragon head. It was about ten feet long, and when he lunged it reached most of the way across the tight square of the subterranean space.

  Subterranean city, I realized. People huddled behind doors and peered out of windows.

  I slid under his blow, stopping before them. "Let's not fight, let's—"

  Crawler Mickey S, Level 27 Tesla Coil Afficianado Human sent a lightning bolt through where I'd stopped, while Crawler Vitorio Q, Level 28 Sabateur Goblin threw something small and sparkling towards the same spot.

  I, naturally, was already well away, and I closed my hitai-ate just to be safe. They were all close enough I could sense everything they were doing, anyways. "Look, guys, you can waste—"

  I dodged a series of attacks. "Seriously, who is this helping."

  As I kept moving, I became aware of the local muscle moving in, surrounding the square. Dwarf Guard, Level 30. "Uh, guards, I'm not doing anything. It's all them."

  Lacie: What's going on? I can hear the fighting, and your dot is zipping all over the map.

  Maddy: It's weird. Their aim really sucks. Like, almost as bad as the Krakaren. Luxe is all power, and the others act like they trained on paper targets.

  Lacie: I'm gonna kill them.

  Maddy: What? No! We're not murderers.

  Lacie: You know I had to heal myself seven times yesterday because Luxe grabbed my shoulder too hard?

  Still playing entirely defense, admittedly ceding the square and moving into side-alleys as their spells got more aggressive, I tried to keep Lacie from approaching, in case they had good enough aim to hit her.

  Maddy: I'm fine. The guards are all here.

  Two guards, Rudyard and Herman, stepped in the way, bracing shields.

  "This is my town now, fuckwads!" Luxury roared. His blade cleaved through both of the dwarves, then he braced it in this weird high guard, aimed my way, and poured forth that fire-breath he'd cleared a crowd with on the previous floor.

  I noticed the red glow starting to form and leapt aside, getting around a corner then diving through a window and ducking behind the wall. The remnants of my white shirt caught fire and I ripped it away, then potioned.

  When I looked out, there were six X's where NPCs had been.

  Lacie: Oh, entirely fuck this noise.

  I moved as fast as I ever have to make sure she was fine, watching as she darted through the guards that were fleeing from behind Luxury and his pals. She touched a hand to Luxury's tail and ran.

  As I moved into the space, I understood what was about to happen perfectly:

  Mickey was readying his big lightning spell, which sent about a dozen small bolts and was hard to dodge.

  Vitorio had just pulled a round bomb from his inventory and was going to hurl it ahead of Lacie so she couldn't get out of the square.

  Luxury had sucked his sword into his inventory and was spinning so he could pull it out on the other side without cleaving his partners in half, and he was going to cut through the rest of the places Lacie could hide.

  Hesitation would kill Lacie. My knife became a fastball. My other hand sent a breaking ball. The knife wasn't back yet, so I that throw was the first thing in my inventory: a healing potion. At full tilt, I body checked the crosspiece of Luxury's blade just as it appeared.

  I grabbed Lacie by the hair, flattened my body to slide through the gap of a window, levered off of empty air with my double-jump, and yanked as hard as I could.

  The fastball removed Mickey's hand. The breaking ball shot past and looped back to intercept the bomb Vitorio had thrown. My upward shoulder-check drove Luxury's blade into the ceiling.

  The explosion came as Lacie was halfway through the window, her health plummeting into the red. When I dragged her the rest of the way in, her shattered legs were flopping, and she was screaming.

  "No, no, no, no." I fumbled at my inventory, trying to grab another potion, as if that was hard to do.

  A condition appeared on her. Soothing Flood. Her health was racing upwards. She gritted her teeth as her legs snapped back together with sickening sounds.

  "Let's go, Lacie. We don't want to kill them."

  She was staring at me. "Okay. Okay. I, the safe room is that way. I saw it."

  "Excellent. Stay down." I closed my hitai-ate again, sensed no motion, and stood to look out. The explosion had thrown them all flat. "You run for the safe room, I'll follow when I'm sure it's safe."

  She nodded. I darted out, tracking her with blindsight as she fled. I opened my hitai-ate and looked at the trio. Mickey was labeled as unconscious. Vitorio was still low on health, but a soft glow repeatedly washed over him, raising it back up.

  Luxury's health was diving, but he regained enough control to potion and it shot back up, then down again. Roaring, he surged to his feet, jerking his sword from the ceiling.

  He looked back. Thorns were bursting from his tail, turning it into a deadly flail. "You fucking bitch!"

  "Please, just stop," I said. "Heal through that and leave."

  Mickey, who had just regained consciousness and potioned, looked at me and yelled, "You cut my hand off, you dumb whore!"

  I didn't know what to do. I mean, I'd met murderers on the second floor, and they'd seemed crazy, but this was just nuts. We'd sent them all to the verge of death while barely trying to attack, and they still didn't seem to think we were dangerous.

  As Vitorio stood, the screaming Luxury shook, his huge tail slamming into Vitorio's chest, the spike sticking through him.

  "You fucking pig," Vitorio gurgled through the blood bubbling from his mouth.

  Luxury gave his body a powerful shake, tossing Vitorio against the wall. "Fuck you, you whining, greedy, goddamn—"

  Still gurgling, Vitorio said, "Shouldn't try to kill a Saboteur."

  I met Vitorio's eyes. There was a strange gleam to them, like he was the only one who got a joke. Like he was about to make sure everyone else got it, too.

  As I fled, I could sense things appearing around him. Large things, like pushcarts filled to the brim. They were popping out of his inventory as fast as he could remove them.

  "You piece of shit!" Mickey yelled, casting a spell.

  Basically the only thing I knew about Vitorio was that he threw explosives.

  Skating for all I had, I sped along Lacie's path, seeing a small troop of crawlers in the way. Lacie was against a wall, hands raised defensively, saying something.

  "Get in the safe room," I yelled.

  Before they could act, I was past them. I hit Lacie hard, feeling something fracture as my shoulder cracked her ribs. Lacie was screaming, and I tried not to care that it was because I'd hurt her.

  One turn, two, there was the safe room. When the blastwave came, the only thing still outside was my left leg.