CHAPTER 5 - DOWNBEAT

  The shriek of a train's brakes jolts Siena awake, the sound sharp and ugly enough to rip her straight out of sleep. It takes her a split-second to remember where she is, and immediately she sharpens her instincts. This is it—New Horizons, Colorado, which she has feared the past few days. Inhaling sharply, she stands up and works her jaw to massage the unpleasantness out of her ears. At the very least, the trip was much more pleasant than her flight.

  A moment later, the intercom crackles overhead.

  "Now arriving at Gateway Station. Now arriving at Gateway Station. Please gather your belongings and watch your step as you exit the train. We will be departing to Denver in five minutes."

  All she took out of that house is a duffel bag with her bunched up clothes, and basic toiletries. Glad for her private cabin, the Magical Girl waits for most people to filter out of the train before she does the same, nearly tripping on her way out.

  She'll never get used to the modernity of this place. She's seen it a little in Spokane, but New Horizons is like living in the future, especially for someone from New Mexico like her. She stares up at the station—all glass and steel and light. Essentia runs in thin glowing lines along the walls and ceiling and screens drift across the walls advertising various products.

  A kid nearly runs into her on a hoverboard, and his mother screams at him to wait until they're outside to continue. A security bot catches him by the arm, and she thanks it afterward like one would a human despite the obvious fact that it isn't sentient; it stares at her, and a green checkmark flashes on its nonhumanoid face. Aluminum, electronics, and Essentia woven into slaves that steal jobs and make the richest man on the planet even richer.

  The prejudice that worms itself out of Siena's heart is yet another reason she hates this place. There are no bots in New Mexico.

  Hungry as Siena is, there's so much noise in Gateway Station that she decides she would be better off leaving as fast as she can and getting home.

  A part of her wants to do nothing but sleep all day, but Twilight Ember has sent her article after article about how that is one of the symptoms of her depression and that she ought to not listen to those urges if she's going to be any use. Maybe now that they live in the same city, Megan would let her get in tune with the Conductor once more. Siena bites her lip at the thought—

  "Siena!"

  The Magical Girl frowns. Someone had recognized her even through her mask, cap and sunglasses—nevermind that she doesn't even have fans as much as people who are vaguely aware of her existence—

  Oh. One look at the source of the voice clarifies everything.

  Surrounded by a gaggle of onlookers taking picture after picture, Maya Nguyen waves and runs at her with the biggest of smiles. Maya, otherwise known as Clear Skies, is someone who would consider herself Siena's friend. The opposite… well, the silver-haired girl isn't certain. Her arrival brings with it a pleasant breeze carrying the smell of the open ocean.

  A look down into her sky blue eyes is like staring across the blue horizon on a ship with nothing but the endless ocean for company. There is such beauty in it, enough to make one smile at the grandness of the world; yet it leaves you, however, with the sinking feeling one gets when the isolation from being the only human in thousands of miles settles in.

  "My God, Siena!" Maya wraps her arms around her; the hug feels a little strange, but humans reciprocate things like this, and as such she hesitantly does the same. "I've been trying to contact you for days. Days!" she repeats with fervor. "I can't believe you went to Seattle without telling me!"

  Siena closes her eyes, jogging her memory. "I did tell you. I sent you a message."

  "Only after you were already on a train there, you… you… gah!" She stops the hug, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "You're gonna be the death of me. I tried going after you but they wouldn't let me. I'm so glad you made it through!" Maya can't help but hug her again, tighter this time.

  She had? Why would one risk such a thing, even for a friend? Siena would have prioritized her survival above all, not even daring to approach the west coast.

  "I'm sorry," she says. "I won't do it again."

  "You better not!" she reprimands with a gentle smile. "Come on, let me bring you home. I'll drive you—you really should get your license."

  "Don't you have a friend drive you all the time anyway?" Siena retorts in a whisper, shielding her face from the onlookers recording this interaction.

  "There's the snark. Missed you, Siena!"

  It's not just snark. Jealousy festers in this girl's heart that the monster doesn't know what to deal with. Clear Skies is a relatively new Magical Girl like her, but she's taken to Colorado like a fish to water. A socialite like her routinely attends not only parties and gatherings with her peers, but fundraisers where she shakes hands with her nascent fanbase, Agency officials, corporate representatives, and local politicians.

  And it isn't jealousy at her friend's career taking off while hers flounders. This is what humanity calls an unrequited love that has been fading, and quickly. The old Siena's heart had seemingly decided to give up on this foolish endeavor.

  And foolish it was. To want to engage romantically with someone when you struggle to feed yourself? This girl had her priorities completely wrong.

  Yet it is still the same heart and brain—the same endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, all still flooding and receding on schedule, still clinging to old patterns like they don't know the rules have changed. The body keeps trying to produce longing the way it always has.

  She gets in the car, immediately taking off her mask and sunglasses. She can't help but glance at Maya flicking her dark hair back.

  "Gosh, you sure look tired," Maya notes as she starts the engine. "Guess your family was as exhausting as usual."

  What would Siena say in this situation? "My mom is the same, mhm," she whispers. "She has my brother wrapped around her finger."

  "Ah. Well you want to leave him behind, right? And focus on yourself?"

  Siena's brows crease, and she almost makes a sound of protest. That is the opposite of what she wants. "No? What—did I say that?"

  "What? Multiple times! Like every time we talked about your family?" Maya says as she starts driving out of the parking lot. "Are you feeling okay?"

  The monster's out of her depth, she realizes. Why would her old self even lie this way to her only lease on a social life of any kind? She remembers the crippling isolation, the days spent without uttering a word to anyone in a home she hates while craving New Mexico's older way of life. The homesickness, the yearning, the helplessness, and she lied?

  "Yeah."

  Maybe it is like now. Here she goes, lying again.

  She misses Gabriel.

  She feels nauseous. The first contact with an enemy who knows her, and she's already acting off.

  "Hey check this out." Maya slides her finger across the touch screen on her car, and Siena catches her salty scent for a brief instant. She wants to crawl out of her skin. "Remember that album you were looking forward to by In Low Orbit? It came out yesterday but I bet you forgot. Let's listen!"

  "Wait—"

  "Hm?"

  "I mean, sure…"

  The first song plays. Then the second. And the third. Nails on a chalkboard, steel pipes clattering on the ground, the engine of an airplane, children screeching at the top of their lungs; one of her favorite musical artists has now become utter poison to her ears, and she has no choice but to bear through it with a smile. They're on the highway now, overtaking cars left and right with Maya's reckless driving.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  "Half the album done," she says. "Thoughts so far?"

  She hadn't been paying a modicum of attention. "I like it."

  Maya stays silent for a few seconds. "Wait, that's it?"

  "I… love it?"

  "That's not—" she sighs. "Siena, if you aren't in the mood to listen to something new, just tell me! It's okay to say no." She turns it off, putting on the radio instead—no, it's a podcast. "I wanna listen to this, but I can put on some comfort music if you want."

  "No, no! The podcast is fine."

  "Cool. I was mid-episode."

  "—Mr. Kovalenko is expected to testify before Congress later this week," the host is saying, her voice calm and clipped. "The hearing will focus on the current state of the North American Magical Girl Agency and whether it is adequately prepared to handle future large-scale threats following the events in Seattle."

  Maya glances at Siena, sunlight reflecting in her blue eyes. "They've been talking about this the entire time since it brings in the big bucks right now. They had a segment about me two weeks ago! I think I forgot to tell you."

  "Congratulations."

  The podcast rolls on, analysts arguing over funding, oversight, international pressure, whether the Agency has grown too powerful or not powerful enough, whether anyone is actually in control of what's coming next, all with a dash of nihilism and humor. Siena watches the road slide past the window and says nothing but the bare minimum.

  "I can talk about stuff, y'know," Maya says as they enter the suburbs around Headquarters. "Like, Seattle. 'Cause I already know you're not going to take the therapy the Agency offers."

  "Maya. It's fine."

  "Is it fine? I dunno you always say it's fine until you call me at 3 am at night crying about how you feel no sense of purpose and your life is worthless—"

  "I won't be doing that anymore," she cuts her off.

  Maya's hands squeeze the steering wheel. "Not what I was implying. You're my friend."

  Siena swallows the bitter, jealous comment that wants out. This isn't her anymore. "There's nothing to say. I went in, tried my best to be of use, got separated from my squad and got attacked by Choristers until I passed out and got rescued."

  Maya gives her a defeated, hollow nod. "Okay." There's a pause that stretches on and on; Siena feels like she can hear every little mechanism in the car. "This conversation feels like bad weather."

  "Hm?"

  "I dunno. I won't push cause I guess it's been a lot lately. Just know that I care about you, Nana."

  The guilt the monster feels burns hot in her chest; she turns back to the window to blink away the tears.

  Why did her old self lie?

  The same reason she's lying now. To protect herself from hard conversations.

  Maya pulls into her friend's driveway soon enough, where she finds Twilight Ember waiting outside her house with her arms crossed. The expression on her face turns from blank to a neutral smile when she notices that there's someone else in the car.

  "Holy crap, is that Twilight Ember?! What's she doing outside your house?" Maya hurriedly fixes up her hair and pulls down her rearview mirror so she can stare at herself. "How do I look? Oh my God, oh my God, this is such an insane opportunity. She's like the eighth most famous Magical Girl in the country!"

  Siena gives a noncommittal hum for an answer and stares into her sister's smoldering eyes through the windshield with a mix of fear and intrigue. She gulps and ignores her trembling leg. She's no longer that terrified girl in the hospital bed who had just woken up in an unfamiliar world, but the apprehension she feels and the need to perform her role for Megan to give her a taste of the Conductor's song is a very potent force.

  Especially after such a horrible car ride. The music, the sound of the highway…

  The monster feels herself salivate as she gets out the car, so enthralled by the idea that she hits her head on the roof of the car. She clutches it with a grimace while Maya greets Megan with a salute, her three fingers placed over her heart.

  "Twilight Ember! Hi! It's an honor and a privilege to meet you face to face. I'm sure you've never heard of me, but I'm—"

  "Clear Skies," Megan interrupts with a gentle, warm smile. "You're an up and comer. The other girls have nothing but great things to say about you."

  Maya looks down in embarrassment and bites her lip. "Well. I try my best, I guess."

  Siena mimics the salute without any of Maya's fervor. "Twilight Ember, may I help you?"

  The raven-haired girl's smile turns to a serious look. "I'd like to talk about Seattle with you, if possible?" she says—Siena wants to roll her eyes. That excuse again? Her eyes drift toward Clear Skies again. "I know I asked you in Spokane, but there are a few details I'd like to know—and also about your meeting with Shadow Lily in Alburquerque."

  Maya frowns at her friend as if to say, how much have you done that I don't know about? "I—am I in the way here?" she sputters out. "I think I'm in the way."

  "Sorry Maya. I'll text you," Siena says.

  For a moment, it looks as if Twilight Ember is going to let her go. Maya's already turned toward her car, deflated and confused at why Siena knows these well-known Magical Girls, but something clicks in her head. You can almost see it happen. The micro widening of her sunset eyes, and the way her mouth widens just a smidge. Not many people would have caught that, given how expressionless she is when no one is looking.

  Siena mouths no at her. She is promptly ignored.

  "Actually," Megan calls out. "Feel free to come with. I was the one being rude by showing up out of nowhere, and this won't be too long."

  Silent Ash wants to swear. Instead, she gives a slight smile, and the three of them end up inside her so-called house she never feels relaxed in. Long ago, she had considered asking Maya to be her roommate, but her old crush already has two other girls she lives with and the fear of rejection had locked those words in her mouth tight.

  The house is a house. Siena doesn't like thinking about it too much. It has all the things one should expect: bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, et cetera. There's no personal flair to it at all, and the only reason it's not a mess right now is because she'd made the effort to clean before Seattle.

  Before she figured she'd die.

  "Sorry I don't have anything to offer," she says. It's not like she ever went grocery shopping; all of her sustenance came from ordering through applications. "I guess if anyone wants water."

  "No thank you." Megan claims a spot on her living room couch. Somehow, the sun filters through a gap in the drawn curtain to find her tanned skin. They go through meaningless small talk mostly pertained to keeping Maya off the scent, and then she finally gets to the meat of what she wants after naturally bringing up Seattle. "That reminds me! I'm actually here on behalf of Star Sentinel."

  Maya gulps. "Oh. Does she know Siena too, or…"

  "Not at all!" Twilight Ember laughs softly and full of warmth. "See, she's been wondering about what happened on that day to leave Golden Promise in such a state. You were pretty close to that beach, weren't you?" She stares at Siena. "I'm just trying to cover all of my bases."

  "Shadow Lily was closer," Siena counters as she squirms. Why is she being interrogated by her own for this damned farce? "But I didn't see anything but the occasional brightness because of Golden Promise's powers. I assume it was the same for everyone in Seattle that day."

  "That's the thing, right? I wanted to go see Shadow Lily after this—Keisha's been on Star Sentinel's radar," Megan says. "However, as you did meet in private in New Mexico, I just needed to doublecheck to see if she hadn't told you anything."

  Why do all of this with Maya here given that they both knew the answers she was pretending to seek? Is it to utilize her popularity and make sure word of this spreads among the other girls? Or maybe it's just to punish her for still not having told Megan what went on in Alburquerque out of fear she'd get punished. Still, it's such a needless risk; recklessness is Keisha's forte, not Megan's!

  "...is she in trouble?" the monster whispers.

  "Anyone who's drawn Estelle's attention is in trouble in some ways," the sunkissed woman chuckles. "But no, I'm sure it won't get too bad once she gets her answers."

  "Well I don't know anything, so," Siena reiterates a little louder, hands squeezing the chair facing the couch. "I'm really tired so I'd really like it if we were done."

  Maya bites her lip, no doubt taking pity on the anxious Siena. How pathetic must she look right now? She's better, but it's still not enough.

  "Just about." Megan stands up, face turning blank. "I won't ask you to come with me, but since you seem to be close friends with Keisha I'd appreciate it if you did."

  There it is—her out, and a signal that the play is over. "Sure. Whatever. Sorry Maya, but it looks like I have to go."

  "No problem. Just—call me, okay?" She stands to squeeze her friend's hand. "I'm worried about you."

  "I will," she…

  Maybe she lies. Maybe she doesn't.

  —

  She doesn't realize how suffocating the house is until she's out of it.

  Maya's driven off now, gone back to Headquarters. If it were just up to them, Megan would have carried Siena to Keisha's, but it would be too odd and intimate to fly someone outside of missions. Thus, they wait at one of the stops for the self-driving buses. This one is nearly empty save for an elderly couple sat in the front and an Agency employee sat in the middle.

  "Not going to ask what that was about?" Twilight Ember notes quietly.

  She's not facing the window now. This ride is more comfortable than the previous one, for they are sisters. "Was it to punish me? It can't have been to act natural, because I'm sure Maya has… a lot of questions."

  Twilight Ember's mouth twitches; she fights off the ghost of a smile—muscle memory. "I'm above such vindictive measures, Siena. I am curious, but this is not what that conversation was for."

  "What was it for, then?"

  Megan faces forward, body unmoving. "Star Sentinel is the biggest threat we currently face until Golden Promise wakes up, which will be soon. She's far too driven to give up on figuring out what exactly happened—"

  Siena has frozen, but she squeezes out the words. "Golden Promise is waking up soon?"

  "Ah. The fact you wouldn't know slipped my mind. I'll leave you to gather yourself while you—"

  "I'm fine. I'm fine," she iterates. "Will she know about me?"

  "I would rather prepare for the worst-case scenario, which is that she will remember that something crawled inside of her to take her over." She pauses. "I'm surprised you're not hyperventilating."

  "What? I'm stressed out right now," her heart drums against her chest, and every breath feels shaky and constrained as if she draws them through a straw, "but I just want to survive."

  There is judgement in her sunset eyes—Siena doesn't know if it is good or bad. "Very well. Then as I said, we should worry about Estelle. She will move the universe to find out what happened to her friend, and she knows Keisha is involved. That's why we're going to hers right now. To prepare her for the coming questioning and drive home the danger she's in. She could be crushed like an ant and sent to the hospital tomorrow and they would sweep it all under the rug to protect Estelle. Maybe even kill her if she gets in her own head and forgets the consequences…"

  Not that there would be any consequences. It'd only make the Luminaries take a closer look and realize some of their prized Essentia wielders had been puppeted by the Choir.

  Siena shifts in her bus seat. She hadn't engaged with the agency much beyond the bare minimum—hell, she still had mandatory classes to attend—but it was an open secret that they strongly favored their heavy hitters. "What does that have to do with Maya?"

  "You're most likely next, Siena. You were closest after Keisha," she says. "I figured we'd prepare you for that conversation too. If we survive, I might let you listen again."

  She shows her the palm of her hand.