“Hee hee hee!” Cabbagy laughed from the fork in the tree. “Is this what they mean by ‘you put your foot in your mouth’?”

  I glared at him.

  “No, it’s not,” I said, but it came out more like: “Mhmm, mwh mhhm!”

  My muffled anger only caused Cabbagy to chuckle louder.

  “Do you hear that?” Chen Ai asked.

  I froze, and even Cabbagy held his breath. They were so close I could almost smell them. Everyone knew cultivators did questionable things in the pursuit of power, but everyone drew the line at using people as resources. That was what demonic cultivators did, and demonic cultivators were eradicated by any righteous soul in the empire.

  Which wasn't ideal for me, but I only had one way to grow in power, and I couldn't afford to be weak.

  “Hear what?” my disciple asked. “My spiritual senses are practically non-existent at the moment. It will take me days to store up enough qi.”

  “I think there’s someone this way…”

  The footsteps crunched closer.

  “Wait!” my disciple said. “What if master is doing something… private?”

  My heart balanced on a precipice between relief and despair. Where was this conversation going? Would they leave me alone?

  Chen Ai snorted.

  “What are you talking about? You mean like…?”

  Even without seeing what she was doing, I could perfectly picture the gesture she was making.

  “No!” shouted my disciple. “What if he’s going to the toilet?”

  “Huh.”

  “What?”

  “You know, I don’t think he does that.”

  Cabbagy snickered.

  “That explains why you’re so full of shit,” he whispered.

  “What was that?” Chen Ai asked.

  I desperately held my finger up to my lips, but with the leg in the way, it just made Cabbay chortle louder.

  “There’s definitely someone this way. Besides, I’ve seen him naked so many times at this point that nothing he does could shock me.”

  “You shouldn’t talk about master that way.”

  Despite my disciple’s loyal words, they both approached.

  My eyes widened, but I forced myself to -- if not breathe with the limb gagging my mouth -- at least think.

  Plan A.

  I reached for my qi reservoir, which was currently filled to bursting with the shadowy qi of the Plum Blossom assassins. A sweet smell filled the area as the qi flowed through my body, but when I willed myself to vanish… nothing happened.

  The qi coursed beneath my skin, and I glanced up with sudden realization.

  The sunlight!

  I couldn’t use shadow to vanish in the light of day.

  I tried to spread the qi in different ways, twisting, pulling, yanking, but my understanding was so shallow that all I did was burp up a faint dark wisp. It was a nasty reminder that while I could steal the qi of those I ate, that was not the same as mastery.

  The footsteps drew closer.

  Plan B: I needed to get this leg out!

  I tried pulling, but the ankle was all twisted around and lodged in my throat. The assassin must have been in the 8th Step of Qi Condensing with a focus on body cultivation, since I couldn’t chomp my way through the flesh and bone. This was truly a disaster!

  Cabbagy grinned from where he sat in the fork of the stone tree. Ever since the soul transfer ritual, he’d been a bit more of a dickhead. Either it was just being young again, or an influence of Cabbajoe. Hard to say, but he did give me an idea.

  I carefully maneuvered my way across the treacherous forest floor.

  “Oooh, step on me,” said a pile of dry leaves with a lascivious wink.

  “Why don’t you break me?” said a stick that looked painfully arched.

  I wove my way between them and ignored their pouts.

  “Are you punishing us?” asked a stone.

  “Why would he even step on you?” said the dry leaves. “You won’t make a noise.”

  “That’s why he would step on me, you ignorant sheddings!”

  I reached the tree Cabbagy was nestled in, gripped the trunk with both hands, and leaned against it until the leg pressed against the wood.

  Cabbagy looked down at me with a barely suppressed grin.

  “Kid,” he whispered, thankfully attempting stealth to keep my secret a secret. “Kid!”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Kid, you look fucking ridiculous!”

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  I glared but focused on the task at hand. Blood pumped through my body as I gripped the trunk and shoved myself forward, using the immovable stone tree trunk to ram the foot, ankle, and calf of the assassin down my gullet and into my stomach.

  Even though I didn’t need to breathe, it felt good to breathe.

  Funny how things like that work out.

  The problem was, my companions definitely heard my relieved gasp. Their footsteps cunched closer, and I hopped around the tree, trying to remain out of sight as I hurriedly put on the clothes I stole from Blacksmith Bu’s apprentice.

  Since I focused more on wiping my face of blood and creating distance between myself and the half-eaten corpses, I was, predictably, still half-naked when Chen Ai rounded the tree.

  She gave me a flat stare.

  “At least it’s the top half this time,” she said.

  I sheepishly finished dressing.

  “I’m sorry you saw me like that.”

  “Just… why?”

  The Dreaming Blade shot her a glare as he approached from behind. He was wrapped with numerous bandages, and his skin was shiny with healing ointment; despite the situation, I smiled to see Chen Ai’s oversized pack again.

  “You shouldn’t question master like that.”

  “He’s your master, but he’s my senior brother,” she said with a sweet smile. “And junior sisters exist to question their seniors. So, senior brother, why were you naked this time?”

  Even my disciple stopped glaring and turned to me with curiosity. After a couple seconds passed, I realized I’d taken too long to respond.

  “I was shitting,” I said quickly.

  “Don’t believe you,” Chen Ai said.

  “What?”

  “I smell blood and stone and wood, but I don’t smell any shit.”

  My eyes widened with shock.

  It was stupid of me not to try and suppress my expressions, but I really hadn’t accounted for a cultivator’s advanced senses! That was something I really needed to work on for myself, if I even could.

  Chen Ai walked around the area; the heavy pack on her back wasn’t even a hindrance. My disciple followed her around, his gaze as sharp as ever despite the numerous bandages wrapped around his body.

  “Ok,” I said as I desperately tried to think of an excuse. “You got me.”

  “Do tell.”

  “See, the thing is --”

  “What’s that?”

  “Huh?”

  With a soft leap, Chen Ai cleared twenty feet and landed beside one of the half-eaten corpses. Once again, I’d underestimated cultivators. Even after playing make-believe in Mountain Root City, my thoughts too often defaulted to mortals.

  Cabbagy shook his head, and I could tell he was thinking the same thing as me: disappointing.

  Chen Ai knelt beside a gnawed rib cage and grabbed something with a faint tone of surprise.

  What would I do if she accused me?

  You could always kill them both, whispered my weaponized self.

  Boooooo! shouted my other selves as they drowned out my more insidious instincts.

  “What in the heavens were you doing, senior brother?” Chen Ai asked as she lifted up the set of women’s assassin clothing I’d neatly folded beside my breakfast.

  Oh, damn…

  I just really didn’t want to eat clothes!

  “I… um…”

  “Yes?”

  “I thought you might want some extra clothes?”

  “These are clearly too small,” Chen Ai said as she proudly flexed her impressive biceps. “And for someone who goes through so many clothes, I know you wouldn’t make that mistake.”

  I found myself sweating.

  “You know what I think, senior brother?”

  “What?” I barely got out.

  “I think you wanted some extra clothes. They are your size, after all.”

  “...”

  “It’s alright,” she said with a vicious grin. “It must have been nice to try on these performed robes.”

  I almost sagged to the ground with relief. She was completely ignoring the half-eaten corpse in favor of mocking me.

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I said quietly. “I was trying them on.”

  “Ha!” she said as she threw them at me. “It’ll do good for our expedition leader to show a cuter side.”

  I caught the robes as she continued making fun of me.

  “I’ve already collected the daggers the assassins had,” I said. “As well as some medicinal pills, but I don’t think there’s anything worth taking. Shall we move on?

  “Might as well,” Chen Ai said. “The others will be waiting at the rendezvous.”

  “Why are these bodies eaten?” my disciple asked.

  I almost stumbled at his question.

  “Huh?”

  “Oh, yeah, they do look like a dog’s breakfast,” Chen Ai said as she crouched down for a closer look. “What’s up with that?”

  “Predators,” I said quickly. “They got to the bodies before me.”

  “And removed the clothes first?” my disciple asked. “Doesn’t sound like any predator I know.”

  I desperately tried to think of a plan.

  Run, screamed the street rat.

  Bribe them, begged the merchant.

  Kill them, hissed the weapon.

  Tell the truth, said the farmer.

  Four potential paths that would shape my future. Under the scrutiny of the Dreaming Blade and Chen Ai, I chose a fifth.

  “Strange, right?” I said with a shrug.

  They both looked at me, and I looked back at them.

  “Super strange,” Chen Ai said, but there was a glint of suspicion in her eyes that I didn’t like.

  “The world is vast,” said my disciple with a shake of his head. “And we have seen but a fraction.”

  “Perhaps this expedition will show us more wonders,” I ventured.

  “I’m sure that it will, master. Shall we move on?”

  “Yes,” I said, hiding my relief as I took Cabbagy down from the tree. “Let’s get away from here.”

  My disciple led the way, and I followed, with Chen Ai walking beside me. It took a long time before conversation flowed.

  “So, what’s with that gigantic club you’re carrying?” Chen Ai asked.

  I almost tripped over with disbelief. How could I have forgotten that? I suppose being almost caught eating people was enough of an excuse. I really needed to stop being so sloppy.

  Painting a big smile on my face, I turned to Chen Ai.

  “It’s a present for you. Surprise!”

  Now she almost tripped over with disbelief.

  “Senior brother! There’s no way you… Can I hold it?”

  “You can do a lot more than that,” I said with a smile. “It’s yours. Careful, it’s heavy.”

  She took it from me as though it were made of hardwood instead of solid metal and moved through a few practice springs.

  With her new 9th Stage Qi Condensing cultivation, she was incredibly strong.

  “Where did you even find this?” she asked. “Nobody makes clubs like this unless it’s custom.”

  “I ordered it for you.”

  “That must have taken days, even if you rushed it!”

  “Yeah, I placed the order while you and the Dreaming Blade spoke with the City Lord.”

  She shook her head slowly as she examined the club.

  “I didn’t even know that I wanted to switch like this until the Dreaming Blade asked me… how did you know?”

  I shrugged.

  “I saw how you fought in Flint Oak Park. You kept your jian sheathed, but you were no less terrifying. I figured you might like something more appropriate.”

  Tears welled in her eyes.

  “I can’t believe we’ve only just met, yet you know my heart better than I do.”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  She let the club thud to the ground as she swept me up in a literally bone-breaking hug.

  “Thank you, senior brother!”

  “You’re welcome, Chen Ai.”

  A few more vertebrae broke before she put me down, but I was just glad she was happy.

  ###

  The ancient paifeng style gate cast a long shadow in the morning light. There had once been a mosaic covering the structure, but now most were gone, revealing the blank grey stone beneath. It was eerily familiar. Collapsed walls stood on either side, but whatever structure they once belonged to was lost to time.

  The Stone Cicada Trail was paved in part, and it extended away from the gate and into a tangled forest that coated this side of the mountainside. High above lay a layer of snow, and, beyond that, the glowing Myriad Tree.

  We met the other members of the expedition in the remnants of a paved plaza beside the gate. They were all grouped by their affiliations.

  Chen Ai scoffed.

  “Would you look at that; typical nobles.”

  The Shen and Ran clan candidates each stood apart in their groups. Surprisingly, they weren’t doing more than glaring at each other, but they had all brought attendants. The Shen clan group had six members, while the Ran clan group had 9 members, as each purple-robed alchemist stood with two attendants.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised.

  What did surprise me was the member selected by the Stone Forest Pavilion, because I’d fought against him in Flint Oak Park. Song Shuai stood with his arms folded and a spear thrust into the ground behind him. When he saw me, a large grin spread across his face.

  “You’re finally here,” he called out. “I’ve been waiting for our rematch!”

  Oh, no. Not this guy!

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