[Remote, Confusing]

  “Okay, stop it you two, that must be two minutes.”

  “It’s not even a minute and a half, don’t be such a wimp, if you can’t even stand a feather just imagine how you’d squirm under the riding crop, Frida, it’d be delightful and you know it. You consider it, if Jaq doesn’t perform to your complete and utter satisfaction after I leave. Well Jaq I’ll just leave that up to your imagination.”

  “So unfair, I thought, I was going to spend my life in prison. The minute I get home, I’m tortured by a demon and what’s worse is my girlfriend.”

  “Quiet wimp, impress your girl tonight or instead of feathers on the feet, it’ll be welts on the bum.”

  ***

  “Wow Jaq, you were quite energetic, was that because of desire for me or Nyx’s threat.”

  “Desire for you, Frida, you don’t know what it did to me, seeing you in Farthing arms in that other reality.”

  “I appreciate the jealousy Jaq, but unnecessary I will never end up with Farthing, don’t listen to Nyx, she is a master of mind games. She just got into your head.”

  “But exactly what she said was going to happen here, already was happening in that other world. Which also makes me worry, about my faux Jaq, did she murder her grandfather? If she is me in an alternate reality, what does that say about my potential for violence, even violent murder.”

  “Jaq, you don’t have a potential for violence, when you planned to overthrow Literal Heaven, you designed the whole thing to make sure no one was hurt.”

  Nyxi crawled in between us, making sure we were all touching. I scratched her under the chin and whispered. “Thank you for keeping Frida safe from, faux me.”

  ***

  When I woke up in the morning, I panicked, both my girls were gone, but a quick glance at my hand revealed the Eye of Horus tattoo, which had returned when I passed back through the portal. The pith helmet lay on the dresser, I was in my reality.

  I got dressed and headed for the maze. I went straight as an arrow to the center where Aya sat meditating. I joined her and when she’d finished, I told her the story of faux Tregaron. How faux Aya had helped me keep it together. Convinced me I wasn’t a murderer and warned me if I was in faux Tregaron, then a possible killer was sharing Frida’s bed.

  “Aya I just wanted you to know that you are pretty awesome in every reality.”

  ***

  Next I wanted to see Harry, Groucho, and Draco. I was ready to jump back into the tower. I was getting closer to granddad with each jump, maybe this would be the trip that allows me to speak with him.

  Harry was in his studio working on a new piece of his signature “Whites of Faenza” collection. Maz said the practice pieces sold for close to one thousand euros each.

  “Hi Jaq, are we on for tonight?”

  “Yes, I’m hoping a portal will open and I can go back in, after the last time, I wouldn’t blame you for not going back in.”

  “Jaq, I’m going with you, I’m just sorry I jumped back early. I should have stayed in Literal Heaven, I might have been able to help.”

  “Harry you did help a lot, Groucho would have needed you if his organs didn’t grow back, that was always a possibility.”

  ***

  I carried on to the barn, Maz was working on some type of electronic device, it looked like a bull horn.

  “Hi Maz, what are you building? A bull horn?”

  “No Jaq, it’s a big ear, you point it at an animal and you can understand what the animal’s brain speech center is trying to say. It's using some of the same circuitry that’s built into Groucho’s helmet.”

  “Wow Maz, you are amazing. I’m going back into the tower tonight, should I tell Groucho?”

  “Yes, he really wants to go, Jaq.”

  “Well I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, he took it pretty bad when his organs magically disappeared.”

  “Yeah I know, I’ve heard countless times from him. Just make sure you knock before going in. He keeps testing his favorite organ to make sure it still works, if you know what I mean.”

  “Got it Maz, too much information Maz.”

  I knocked on Groucho’s door.

  “Just a sec, just a sec, one more sec. Okay come in.”

  “Hey Groucho, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going back into the tower. You had a real ordeal last time, so really think about whether you want to chance that again or something even worse.”

  “Jaq, they couldn’t possibly take away anything more precious, but we got it back and that’s what counts and it makes you appreciate just what a great organ it is. Maybe before I was taking it for granted. Not any more, I’m going to show it the attention and appreciation it deserves. I’m going Jaq, sure Literal Heaven was hell but Hell was really a lot of fun.”

  “You were kidnapped in hell by a monster.”

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “Sure, but I had a girlfriend there and my favorite organ, got lots of new and unusual experiences there, so a little kidnapping was no big deal.”

  “Alright if you’re sure, I’m going to check in with Draco and I’ll see you tonight.”

  I went down the concrete steps to Draco’s Cavern, it was toasty warm.

  “Hey Jaq, are we heading out tonight?”

  “I hope too, after last time, I just want everyone to know that I wouldn’t blame them for not coming.”

  “I’m coming Jaq and I’d be willing to bet Harry and Groucho are as well and Frida will probably never sleep with you again if you try and leave her behind. Along with the lion of a house cat you adopted.”

  “Oh, no, Nyxi is not coming. I’ll make sure to lock her in my room.”

  “You don’t know much about cats do you Jaq? When a cat decides what it wants to do, that's exactly what the cat does.”

  “But it’s not right dragging her into a dangerous situation, she’s just a tiny cat.”

  “Yes she’s tiny but who protected Frida from evil Jaq? The tiny cat, that’s who. You might let her come just for that reason alone. You never know when Frida will need defending again, when you may not be able to do it. We all know the inherent risks of the tower. None more than Nyxi who actually came from the tower. Why is it that we all lost our organs in Literal Heaven, except for Nyxi. I think, coming from the tower, she is immune to a wide variety of tower dangers. That’s just a guess but I think it’s a good guess.”

  “You're probably right Draco, you usually are.”

  “Of course I am Jaq, I’m a dragon, the noblest of beings.”

  “Alright as long as I don’t have to hear about your gigantic endowment, I’ll agree dragons are the noblest of beings. See you tonight.”

  ***

  Later in my room.

  “Frida, please just hear me out before you answer.”

  “Fine, Jaq, but this better not be about me not going into the tower, you know that Nyx want’s to torture you psychologically and we both know what that means Jaq. You really don’t want to have to watch that do you Jaq?”

  “No.”

  “Good I’m glad that’s all settled.”

  ***

  After a little alone time after dinner, Frida, Nyxi and I went down to the staging room to wait with the boys. I’d resupplied the knapsack with the food that Nyxi had eaten in Literal Heaven. With any luck we wouldn’t need it.

  After a very short wait I heard the familiar refrain of Hit the Road Jack, Frida, Nyxi and I jumped through the portal first landing right before the illusion of the chasm. The boys soon joined us and we made our way to the secret shortcut and were shortly standing on the landing I’d last accessed. I hoped they’d switched out the peas for blueberries.

  They hadn’t, I held my nose, took a spoonful and swallowed them whole, less taste if you don't chew. I heard the click and we went through the door into a bamboo forest. We stood on a wet and muddy trail, it ran in two directions, but there was also a giant stone hand on a pedestal. The hand was closed fist except for the index finger which pointed to the left and the uphill portion of the trail.

  That seemed pretty self explanatory so off we went. It was slow going for everyone except for Nyxi who danced across the mud as if it was a ballroom. The mud was both slippery and clinging. My boots instantly weighed three to four times their actual weight. If you stopped to clean the mud off, you got about two steps before the same amount of mud was caked to your shoes. I don’t think the mud affected Draco at all with his long claws and immense weight, a little more weight from the mud clinging to him made no difference at all.

  After a couple of miles Harry, Frida and I were tired and opted for a ten minute break, the non-humans were in much better shape to tackle an uphill slog through mud. I asked Draco if he wouldn’t mind scouting ahead, to see if he could see our final destination.

  “Jaq the final destination is a mountain top, but it’s completely wreathed in clouds, so I have no idea what’s there. But I did find out something useful, the trail splits ahead. The trail to the left is very very steep but also quite short, the trail to the right is quite long but also a much gentler slope. You probably have about twenty minutes on this trail before the split.”

  “Thanks Draco. Let’s all vote.”

  “Who’s voting for Nyxi,” Groucho asked.

  “Let’s say she abstains.”

  In the end we took the gentler path, I don’t think we could have managed the steep path. Aside from the mud, it was a pleasant hike, we walked from switchback to switchback.

  After another hour we had to break again, I think we were on the third switch back. I asked Draco to scout again and let us know how many switchbacks remained. After a short time he confirmed that we’d have twenty more to go.

  The forest itself was beautiful to watch, especially when the breeze picked up and the trees just seemed to sway back and forth, the bamboo bending low in one direction then gracefully springing back up and if the breeze shifted bending in the other direction.

  Every five or so switchbacks we’d rest for ten minutes. I kept counting and I was above twenty.

  “Draco, when we have to rest again, would you mind checking how many more to go, if my count is right we’re well past twenty.”

  At our next rest stop Draco checked the number of switchbacks left to climb.

  “Jaq, you are not going to believe this, but now there are forty switchbacks to go. Which is impossible, because when we started up his path there were only twenty.”

  “I guess we should have tried the harder path first, let’s get back to the split, at least it’s downhill.”

  Except that it wasn't downhill, we were walking in the reverse direction and it was still that gentle up hill slope. But after three switchbacks we were back at the split. That was impossible too. Because we’d climbed more than twenty switchbacks going one way and only three going the other way. But we were right back at our starting point.

  After a short break to mentally prepare ourselves we started up the steep, at first it seemed impossibly steep, especially with all the mud but after about five minutes I realized while we were moving slower, it wasn’t any harder than the gentle switchback trail had been. Pretty soon were were walking in the clouds and the trail had dried out and turned flat. I saw a gateless gate ahead.

  A beaming young man stepped out of the clouds bowed low to us.

  “Welcome to Always Sunny Monastery. Lord Dragon no need for the invisibility spell here.