Time To Level Collapse: 9 days 13 hours

  Parson said he needed a little more time to get ready to travel so we found some mobs to practice on in the neighborhood. Cascadia had decided she wanted to practice fighting without any weapons so she ran around pummeling large beetle monsters with her hands and feet and throwing cyber spiders into the air for me to shoot. This incredibly inefficient style of fighting caused her to take a lot of damage but was great for leveling up her Supercharged ability and unarmed fighting skills. By the time Parson messaged that he was ready her dodge, pugilism, and grappling skills had all risen to level seven and we had both reached level fourteen. Cascadia was almost at level fifteen.

  We loaded one full barrel of Mammary Mead into the rear of the APC, but had to leave one behind. Parson hadn’t been able to synthesize the necessary enzymes and had only been able to collect enough for a single barrel. He worked on getting his mobile lab set up so he could finish figuring out the synthesis pathway while I tried to eat some dried noodles he had given me. My hook hand made this a frustratingly difficult endeavour.

  “Can you drive Cascadia? I’m starving.”

  “I don’t know how to drive, you know that.”

  “There really isn’t anything to it. Push pedal to go forward, turn wheel to steer. The cameras in this give incredible vision and the vehicle is so armored it doesn’t even matter if you bump into things.”

  “No.”

  “Oh come on! You are literally doing nothing right now.”

  “That’s not true; I’m visualizing. Or I was before you started whining at me. Here, just give me the noodles, I’ll feed you.”

  “I’m not a child, I’m not going to let you feed me. On intergalactic television no less.”

  “Well I’m not driving, so go hungry or let me feed you. Or just bring your done back inside and feed yourself. Yeah, do that. And be quiet, I’m busy.”

  That was a great idea, and I took it. The drone advance scout wasn’t really necessary since we were just going to a saferoom in the direction of the next production center, so I recalled it and used the claw attachment to feed myself. It felt kind of bad-ass actually.

  We reached a full service saferoom eleven hours before the daily update and decided to stop. Parson still hadn’t worked out his enzyme and said he would stay in the mobile lab until he had to sleep. Cascadia and I went into the saferoom, put our batteries on chargers, and pulled out the skill trainer cards we had gotten from Bartholomew on the combat deep dives show.

  “What are you going to level up?” Cascadia asked.

  “Coordinated Shot I think. I’m hoping to keep using multiple drones and it has the highest damage potential if I can keep two or more drones attacking a single target. What about you?”

  “I wanted to do Enhanced Gravity Coupling or Friction Manipulation because they seem to be leveling the slowest, but it doesn’t look like they are eligible,” she said, inspecting the card more closely.

  “You should do dodge,” I said. “The codex said that if you get dodge to ten you get a permanent deflection buff that makes projectiles fifty percent less accurate. You are almost there and that will be for sure useful, no matter what class you end up taking.”

  Cascadia nodded her head and activated her card. A holographic form projected from it and began guiding her through a set of exercises, refining her micro-movements. I activated my card and a holographic drone appeared. It beeped at me before duplicating itself and starting a short lecture on multi-drone tactics, complete with demonstrations and several multiple choice quizzes.

  After our training Cascadia wolfed down her ration bar while I ordered some soup from a cyborg proprietor with no personality. Cascadia came to sit next to me and we opened our loot boxes. The only interesting box I had was the boss box but Cascadia also had a silver “reproductive rights denial” box.

  Cascadia opened her boxes and pasted the descriptions into the chat. The boss box contained a small, metallic strip with a few long wires dangling from it.

  Motor Cortex Amplifier

  This entry level cybernetic implant amplifies neural output to increase effective strength levels. Its minimal footprint, low invasiveness, and autointegrating features make this an ideal candidate for self installation. Simply place the item behind your ear and it will take care of the rest. When equipped provides +3 to strength

  The reproductive rights denial box contained a necklace with a single crystal shard adorning it. It was a deep purple and had a tiny set of male genitalia trapped inside.

  Memorial Necklace

  Some moments are meant to be remembered. Treasured. Reflected on. And used, to defeat and humiliate all who would oppose you. This memorial necklace can hold up to 5 trophies. It currently holds just a single crystal, containing within it actual body parts from a neighborhood boss you recently defeated, shrunken and preserved for your convenience. This crystal provides the following benefits.

  +2 to dexterity

  +5% damage to all males

  “Hmph. The dungeon gave me the stat items I was looking for, and I think most of the bosses we have fought so far have been males, so that’s cool. I’m not a fan of necklaces though.”

  I pulled out my dungeon codex and flipped to the section on jewelry. Even though this was not required by my deal, following the spirit of the deal rather than the letter seemed wise.

  “It looks like you should be able to transfer the crystal at a jewelers shop, which are available starting next floor. You can even combine them with cybernetic implants, like that other item you got.”

  “I like the sounds of that. Just have to get to this next floor it seems like, and a lot of things are going to open up.” Cascadia held the black strip behind her ear and the wires burrowed into the base of her skull. She grimaced.

  “Does it hurt? The book says you can use augmentation stations to install cybernetics on the next floor. I bet that doesn’t hurt as much.”

  “It surely didn’t hurt as much as stabbing yourself in the eye did.”

  “Yeah, and I hope never to experience anything even remotely like that again.”

  I opened my box which contained a two part item; a black, rectangular panel with a large red button, and a small antenna.

  Oh Shit! Button - Short Range Teleport Edition

  When you get in over your head because despite your best preparations, the dungeon you have found yourself in is still too much for you to handle, the Oh Shit! Button can provide temporary relief. When pressed, this item will immediately teleport you to the Oh Shit! antenna and heal you for 100% of your maximum health. If the antenna does not have any suitable adjacent spaces next to it you will instead teleport to the nearest available space. This item has a maximum range of 300 meters. This is not an ability; it cannot be prevented by mute or other suppression effects and it cannot be activated from your hotlist. This item can be activated once per day and automatically resets at 00:00.

  “Well that eases some of my worries considerably,” Cascadia said. “Are you going to give the antenna to me or leave it in the APC?”

  “Do you have somewhere to hold it?”

  “I could put it in my left boot sheath accessory spot I think. Or I could move my axe to an underarm sheath and put it in my utility belt.”

  “I guess I’ll give it to you for now, I put the vehicle into storage too much. But we will need to come up with a maneuver for when I use it, or maybe you can throw it to a safe area during combat or something.”

  “Yeah we can figure something out. Assuming we do any fighting this floor. We are spending way too much time driving around. Parson said we are going to have to drive for eight hours tomorrow and another twelve hours for to the third station. Probably even worse for the fourth.”

  “The money will be worth it. We are way ahead of the level curve, we can afford to. I haven’t seen anyone on the recap other than the mech guy who is anywhere near as strong as us.”

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  “Even so, there has to be a better way. Some way we can still get a reasonable amount of grinding in.”

  “I’ll think about it, maybe we can come up with a way to get more alcohol faster. We can only carry as much as the APC can hold anyway.”

  “How are your views doing?”

  I opened the tab, which I had minimized at the start of the floor.

  “About three billion views and a few million follows. Not many favorites. You?”

  “Better than that, but not good enough. It's obvious we got a bump from Bartholomew’s show airing, but it’s been slow since then. We need to get on the main program.”

  “Do we? Maybe Parson is right, and it’s best to just be on niche programs. Do you have to keep trying to win? To be on top? This place is a chance to reset. Isn’t it enough to just get powerful enough to survive and get out?”

  Cascadia was silent for several moments.

  “Even if I could let it go, and I don’t know if that’s possible, I don’t think you’re right. I’ve got a feeling about this galaxy we are trying to make it in; it’s not going to be enough to just make it out. We need to make it out on top, or it’s just going to be more of the same.”

  I wasn’t so sure that more of the same was such a bad thing, but I didn’t want to push too hard.

  “So what’s the next reward room?” Cascadia said, changing the subject.

  “I guess it depends on what ends up being close to the next alpha orc lair. The closest ones to us now are a massage room and a music box room. Both seem like a waste of time. I think we need to try to get to a pet room, a weapon room, and an armor room.”

  Cascadia stood up.

  “Well, if we are talking about getting more weapons then I need to practice more. I still lack mastery in the ones I have. We have an hour left before our standard day end and I’m thinking I’ll experiment with your girlfriends advice and stay out for an extra thirty minutes. Are you coming or do you need time to digest.”

  “You don’t need to finish digesting to fly a drone. Let’s go.”

  The next morning Parson had breakfast going when we got up for the recap.

  “You didn’t want to just order food?” I asked him.

  “Nope. The food here is decidedly inferior to Tabaka’s food and I still have two packaged noodle dishes left. I’m holding out hope that we find them before I run out.”

  “Well I’m not complaining. Noodles for breakfast is kind of weird, but they are amazing. Odds don’t seem good that we will find him this floor though, we will probably have to wait until a much smaller floor, or until you have enough money to purchase his services.”

  “And that is why I’m going along with this plan. Nothing less than ultimate tier noodles could convince me to spend my time milking pigs and making alien alcohol.”

  If that were true, I counted my blessings that Parson had met Tabaka.

  “Well, while you two waste time eating I’m going to practice. Now that my dexterity is twenty-one, there are some new moves I’m pretty sure I can figure out. Sure is nice to get plus five to my highest stat while also saving time. Yell at me if anything interesting happens on the show, especially if they decide to show our boss fight.”

  “Yeah whatever, we didn’t have enough ration bars for the both of us anyway.”

  The recap did not feature us, and the main cast was much the same as it had been the last several episodes. I glanced over at Cascadia, who was practicing various balance tricks with her staff. An idea started to form in my head.

  “Hey Parson, did you end up figuring out how to synthesize that enzyme?”

  “Nope. I’ll get it though, just need some more time. I got stuck and ended up working on some other things to clear my mind. I’ve got a something for you, actually. Check it out.”

  He handed me what looked like an oversized incense stick. I examined it.

  Parson’s Knockout Stick

  The mad chemist has been at it again, this time creating an item that is as useful for personal use as it is for combat. When ignited, this heavily modified incense stick will rapidly release a plume of smoke. This smoke will cause any air breathing creatures stuck inside to fall unconscious. The time it takes for the smoke to take effect depends on the targets and the size of the area the smoke is filling. The target will remain unconscious for up to 1 hour or until they are damaged. The target will receive 25% additional damage from the first instance of damage.

  “Dude, you invented another item? Do you sleep at all?”

  “I do.”

  He did not elaborate, but my plan for this next boss fight was becoming clearer by the second. The recap ended and a substanceless announcement came and went. I called Cascadia over.

  “Ok, here’s the plan. We are going to see what your charisma can do, Cas.”

  I flew a pair of drones to the top of the Mammary Mead production barn, my all purpose drone, carrying Parson’s Knockout Stick in its claw arm, and my arc cannon attack drone. Parson and I waited in the APC, just outside, while Cascadia waited on the roof of the building. She pulled free a ventilation shaft cover and I flew my drones in. The boss was in his shed of an office, working on whatever they worked on when they weren't busy with the milk production. I used the arc cannon to light the knockout stick on fire before shooting a window with the mini-cannon and crashing the all-purpose drone through it into the office. White smoke had filled the entire shed in seconds and the Alpha Orc didn’t even have enough time to reach the door before he collapsed. The other orcs stopped milking and squealed nervously.

  I floored the pedal and accelerated at maximum power towards the back of the barn, activating my vehicle shield right before contact. The APC crashed through the back of the barn and into the small shed. I felt a THUMP as I ran over the boss, crushing him with multiple sets of wheels. Parson popped out, respirator mask on, and peppered the boss with spines, making sure it was dead. The boss battle intro did not play, but a few achievements popped briefly before being minimized.

  Parson then used Cascadia’s axe to sever the orcs head. I grabbed it with my claw arm and flew it up to the roof, where Cascadia had used the plasma cutter we had looted from the mercenaries to cut a hole. She took the head from the drone and dropped into the main room, aiming her fall and landing right next to the surviving orcs, activating her Seismic Smash skill. The impact knocked away the orcs like bowling pins and kicked up a massive dust cloud.

  Cascadia elongated her staff, holding onto the end of it as it stretched to three meters. She balanced at the end of the staff, above the dust cloud. One hand held to the staff while the other held out the orc head. Wind whipped the dust near her feet into billowing swirls and and dark violet motes of light circled her. She stayed that way, perfectly balanced, as the orcs recovered.

  “Your alpha is dead,” she said, tossing the head to the ground for emphasis. She jumped to the floor, landing on the head and smashing it like a pumpkin.

  “I am your alpha now. Follow instructions and I’ll move on in a few hours, you’ll be free to do as you please. Cause any trouble and I will grind you to dust.”

  The orcs were sufficiently cowed and their dots turned white on the minimap. Cascadia instructed them to continue their normal activities, but to vomit into a series of barrels we pulled from the shed, instead of their collection basins. We had determined it was too risky to leave one person alone with all of the mobs so we all stayed together for the whole time. Parson worked in his mobile lab, trying to figure out his enzyme synthesis, Cascadia trained, and I read my dungeon codex. The amount of milk the orcs consumed was absolutely mind-boggling and they filled a dozen three meter barrels before the milk supply dried up. This was a fantastic yield compared to the first boss. If we could replicate this, it might not completely fill up the APC but it would still surely make us rich.

  Gellen: Are we really going to leave them alive? That’s a lot of free experience.

  Cascadia: I said they would be free to go if they didn’t cause any trouble. They haven’t caused any trouble.

  Gellen: Your moral system does not make much sense to me.

  Cascadia: It’s not really that complicated.

  Gellen: What do you think Parson? You need the experience way more than either of us.

  Parson: I don’t need the experience, that’s what you guys are for. It only takes a few battles with opponents way above my level and I’ll be caught right up. I just need a nice hard carry at the beginning of the next floor.

  Cascadia: Plus we will look like scumbags on the intergalactic broadcast.

  Gellen: I can’t imagine that being anything but good for our ratings.

  Cascadia: It’s not all about the ratings.

  Gellen: I don’t understand you guys at all, but it’s clear I’m outvoted. I yield to your inscrutable morals and motivations.

  The orcs watched us with wary eyes as we got into the APC and drove off, leaving them unharmed.

  “Well, at least my Intimidation skill went up a few levels. That was kind of fun. What now? We got all the mead we could and we’ve still got eight or so hours of active time left.”

  “We are twelve hours from the next production center, so we can’t make it all the way there. The closest reward room is a weapon room; I say we find the reward room, then head in the direction of the next production center, stopping to fight mobs as we go. We continue on like that until we stop for the night.”

  “Sounds good to me, but I’m going to have to skip some of the fights until I can figure out this pathway,” Parson said.

  “Why? With this method we don’t need the enzyme anymore. The yield was better and it was faster.”

  Cascadia and Parson shared a look.

  “What? Did you guys discuss this when I went to the bathroom or something?”

  “If we continue using this method, we won’t fill up the APC with just two more stops, and we don’t know where the other business units are. Cascadia had an idea, but it needs the enzymes.”

  “Aaand? What’s the idea?”

  “I’ll tell you if Parson figures out the enzymes,” Cascadia said. “Let’s just get to that weapon reward room. Maybe I can get a pair of shoulder spikes or a spiked helmet or something, for when we start launching me out of the APC.”