I sat cross-legged in a small, mossy depression, chewing on a slightly squished bagel. It was part of the care package Dax had blessed me with a few hours ago.

  Way to go, Dax, I thought, watching the holographic feed projected from my wristband.

  My second-in-command, my best friend, the guy currently vigorously making out with a drunk, modded gun unit on the beach, had absolutely folded.

  Dax had outed me. He had outed Shady. He had ranted out everything about the resistance and my second identity to a soul-hoarding fox wizard.

  I felt concerned about this development. Would the Skinwalker tell Galateya everything?

  No.

  She’s keeping my secret, I realized as I re-evaluated the Skinwalker’s behavior.

  Sage is a gamer. She wants to see how this ends. She loves the nature of the game too much to spoil the big twist. Probably going to out me when she catches me though.

  I resigned myself to my future fate and watched as the two Omnid girls broke through the tree line into the clearing I designated as the Mid-Boss Arena.

  "DOOM SEES YOU, PATHETIC HUNTERS OF MY LIEGE! DOOM WILL NOT PERMIT YOUR ADVANCE!." Professor Doomsday boasted, blocking their path.

  He emerged from behind a Douglas fir, eight feet of magisteel green plating. The cape billowing behind him was attached to a small fan unit in the shoulder pads to ensure maximum dramatic flutter regardless of wind conditions.

  On the Voicecast holo, Sage rolled her eyes at the comic book supervillain. "Professor Doomsday? Really bro?”

  "Best I could do on short notice,” I replied to her. “He’s got tenure."

  Sage chortled.

  "SILENCE!" Doomsday roared, raising both gauntlets. Green energy crackled between his fingers. "You face the might of Laternia! Well, not actual Laternia. Metaphorical Laternia. The concept of Laternia as it exists in—DOOM DOES NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN DOOM'S REFERENCES!"

  Galateya didn't hesitate. She threw an ice spear at the monologuing villain. Doomsday’s large hand snapped up, firing a compressed air blast that knocked the projectile into a tree.

  "INFERIOR WEAPONS!" The gun unit bellowed. "DOOM'S ARSENAL IS SUPERIOR IN EVERY METRIC!"

  Then, the green tank-man charged.

  The massive villain pounded the earth, leaving little craters.

  "Easy on the landscaping there, buddy," I muttered.

  Sage dodged left. Galateya rolled right.

  "Split up!" Sage called out. "Pincer around!"

  She tapped her choker and vanished.

  Clever girl, I thought. Going for the backstab. Won't work with Doomsday though, he's thicc.

  Galateya scrambled backward, hurling ice spears. They shattered against Doomsday's chest plate like glass ornaments.

  "FUTILE!" Doomsday marched forward, eating the damage like it was a light snack. "FROZEN WATER IS NO MATCH FOR THE ALLOYED PERFECTION OF DOOM'S CHASSIS!"

  On the feed, I saw the shimmer of Sage re-materializing directly behind the villain. She raised her ice sword.

  "Sneak attack, bitch!"

  The sword shattered against his neck.

  Doomsday didn't turn around. His upper torso simply rotated a full one hundred and eighty degrees with a mechanical whirrrr-click.

  "DOOM HAS SWIVEL CAPABILITIES!"

  The backhand was brutal. It wasn’t a punch; it was a physics lesson.

  THWACK!

  I winced as Sage went airborne, crashing through a blackberry bush and hitting a cedar tree.

  "SAGE!" Galateya screamed.

  "DOOM FINDS YOUR SNEAKING LACKING," the villain declared, rotating back to face the dragon. "DOOM EXPECTED MORE FROM AN ANCIENT WIZARD VIRGIN FOX. DISAPPOINTING."

  "Oof," I muttered.

  "You hurt her," Galateya hissed. The temperature dropped as a miniature snowstorm bloomed around her. Frost crept up Doomsday’s legs.

  "DOOM MERELY APPLIED CORRECTIONAL VELOCITY," the gun unit countered, charging a palm blast. "NOW, SUBMIT. DOOM HAS A SCHEDULE. THERE ARE COUNTRIES TO RULE. RIVALS TO CRUSH. AFTERNOON TEA TO CONSUME."

  Galateya charged. She slammed her shoulder into the metal giant. It was like watching a toddler tackle a fridge. Doomsday didn't budge. He just looked down.

  "ARE YOU FINISHED HUGGING DOOM? DOOM IS NOT A HUGGER."

  Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  Sage crawled out of the bushes, looking disheveled. Her torn shirt had ridden up, revealing plentiful underboob. "Relax, T-bum, I’m a tough cookie. Ugh, Ashy, did you tell Doomsday that I’m a virgin?"

  "Might have been Kawthy," I replied, wiping cream cheese from my lip. "She’s been spying on you two with the Seeker from a distance."

  "Rude! The bird will pay for this treachery," Sage panted.

  Doomsday grabbed Galateya by the shirt and yeeted her upward.

  Galateya spun in the air, smashed through the branches and canopy and then... Massive, crystalline wings exploded from her back, manifesting out of nowhere into existence. They caught the sunlight, glittering with lethal beauty.

  "Dang," I commented. "Dragon’s got wings."

  "Yeah," Sage agreed, watching her girlfriend slowly glide down through the air. "Wowzah! Really jerking my heart here."

  "DOOM DEMANDS YOU CEASE FLAPPING!" Doomsday roared. He raised a gauntlet, and a repulsive field expanded outward as a shimmering green bubble of force.

  Galateya slammed into it, bounced off, and corrected. She began manifesting and throwing lances of absolute zero ice. They shattered harmlessly against Doomsday’s reinforced frame.

  "DOOM'S ARMOR IS FORGED FROM THE CONCEPT OF STUBBORNNESS!" The villain roared. "AND RECYCLED FRIDGES. MOSTLY STUBBORNNESS."

  Sage limped forward. "Okay. Ow. He’s got a hell of a backhand. T-babe, we can't brute force this. He's a damage sponge!"

  "Wargh," Galateya snarled. "Sage, just go invisi-mode and chase after Ash!”

  I prepared to get up just in case Sage did exactly this.

  "And abandon you to Doomsday? No way, T!” Sage yelled back. "I bet my fox-ass Ash got another fooking cyborg boss that’s even tougher up ahead."

  "Fox wisdom," I nodded via hologram. I did indeed have another gun unit waiting nearby.

  "FUTURE BOSS IS INSIGNIFICANT!" Doomsday bellowed, doing a full 360-degree head spin to glare at Sage. "DOOM IS THE MAIN EVENT. DOOM IS THE FINAL BOSS. DOOM HAS PREPARED A THREE-HOUR POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ON WHY DOOM IS SUPERIOR, AND YOU WILL SIT AND WATCH IT!"

  "Three hours?!" Sage made a dramatically shocked face.

  "IT HAS GRAPHS!" Doomsday promised. "AND TRANSITION ANIMATIONS!"

  "Unacceptable!" Sage reached into her pocket. "Pocket fox bone-dust!"

  She flung glittering dust into Doomsday’s faceplate.

  "ACK! MY OPTICAL SENSORS!" The giant stumbled back. "IT IS MILDLY GRITTY! THE INDIGNITY!"

  "Now!" Sage yelled. "Hit him high!"

  Galateya folded her wings and dove like a kinetic missile. She slammed into Doomsday's chest just as Sage slide-tackled his ankles from behind.

  It worked. The metal tyrant tipped.

  CRASH!

  "HA!" Sage sat on his shin. "How's that, you tin can?"

  Doomsday lay there. "DOOM IS MERELY INSPECTING THE CANOPY. YES. A LOVELY DORMANT ALDER. VERY SYMMETRICAL."

  "Stay down!" Galateya landed on his chest, pinning his wrists with ice.

  "FOOLS," Doomsday intoned calmly. "DOOM HAS JET THRUSTERS IN DOOM'S BUTT."

  I stopped chewing. Did Kawathra really install—

  FWOOOOSH!

  Blue flame erupted from the rear of the armor. Doomsday rocket-propelled his lower half upward, spinning on his back like a break-dancing tank. Sage shrieked as she was launched into the shrubbery again. The ice shackles shattered.

  Doomsday kipped up.

  "DOOM IS AGILE!" He posed. "LIKE A GAZELLE. A GAZELLE MADE OF HATE AND TUNGSTEN."

  "Ugh. Ash is probably building a house by now," Galateya groaned.

  "Actually, I'm eating a salmon and cream cheese bagel," I chimed in via the hologram. "It's pretty good. You guys are really struggling with the mid-boss mechanics."

  "He has butt-rockets, dude!" Sage yelled at me, crawling out of the thorns. "Who gives a gun unit butt-rockets?!"

  "Kawathra was very inspired by anime," I shrugged.

  "ENOUGH PRATTLE!" Doomsday charged a plasma ball. "PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF DOOM'S 'GREEN AND MEAN' SETTING! IT IS SET TO 'OWIE'!"

  Sage and Galateya exchanged a look.

  “Aight,” Sage squinted at me. “Let’s see how your gun unit handles…”

  Sage pulled out a rusted metal sphere from her pocket. "My Grenade of Minor Inconvenience."

  She tossed it. It magnetized itself to Doomsday and began to vibrate.

  “That does seem mildly inconvenient,” I said.

  "WHAT IS THIS?" Doomsday began to writhe. "IT IS... STICKY? NO. IT IS... ITCHY? DOOM CANNOT ITCH! DOOM IS PLATED!"

  "It creates the phantom sensation of a tag in your underwear," Sage giggled.

  "NO!" Doomsday thrashed, reaching for his lower back. "THE CHAFING! THE PSYCHOSOMATIC DISCOMFORT! DOOM IS MILDLY DISTRESSED!"

  "Hit him now!" Sage yelled. “Make him go down!”

  I watched as Galateya liquefied the ground. Doomsday sank to his chest, flailing against the imaginary itch. Then, she froze it solid, basically encased him in magical ice-crete.

  Effective. I thought. But that’s not going to hold him forever.

  "FOOLS!" Doomsday roared, vibrating. "DOOM WILL VIBRATE DOOM'S WAY OUT! GIVE DOOM FIVE MINUTES!"

  Go Doomsday!

  Sage ran up and slapped a sticker on his faceplate. A Hello Foxy sticker.

  Another mildly inconvenient artifact?

  "Activate Warding Seal of the absolute Cringe," Sage declared. "If you move in the next twenty-four hours, the curse plays 'Baby Shark' at three hundred decibels inside your head for the entire day! Mwa ha ha ha!"

  Doomsday froze instantly. The threat was too great.

  Could she actually do that? I had no idea.

  "YOU VILLAIN," the gun unit whispered, sounding genuinely terrified. "DOOM YIELDS. DOOM WILL SULK HERE. SILENTLY."

  "Let's go," Sage grabbed Galateya's hand.

  They sprinted past the frozen villain.

  "CURSE YOU, RICHARDS!" Doomsday shouted. "I MEAN, SAGE AND TEYA! I MEAN... DOOM WILL REMEMBER THIS!"

  I watched them clear the clearing, heading toward my location.

  "Did you really have a Cringe Seal?" Galateya asked on the feed.

  "Nope. Just a sticker," Sage grinned. "But it totally worked on that titty."

  "You are awful."

  "I try."

  “Sneaky fox,” I said. “But now you must face her…”

  “Whom?” Sage bobbed. “Wander Woman? How many of these damn things do you have?”

  “Just one more,” I said.

  A crooked hut materialized between the trees ahead of the girls. Massive, mechanical chicken legs shifted under the weight of the structure.

  "Ughhhh, really?" I heard Galateya groan as she realized that her house guess was spot on.

  "Yo Ho Ho!" A wizened crone emerged in babushka-style clothing. "Baba Yaga sees foolish dragon and fox! Baba Yaga will grind your bones!"

  "We seriously don't have time for this nonsense, screw off!" Galateya yelled.

  "Respect your elders!" The crone shrieked, leaping into a giant mortar. She grabbed the pestle that looked like a painted anti-tank missile and began rowing through the air. "Baba Yaga demands respect! And toes! Fresh toes for my stew!"

  I leaned back against a tree. “Welcome to the endgame, ladies.”