WHERE MAN?

  “I’m in your head, okay, Baco? Just run.”

  MAN MUST BE TINY. FIT INSIDE HEAD. RUN FROM FLASHY DOOR.

  “What? Baco? Yes, fine, run from the flashing door. Let’s go.”

  We start those hooves pumping to get away from the black lightning portal. This body is slow and heavy, but at least I’m further from whatever that magic door is. Baco needs to cut the carbs. Or not, because we’re super hungry.

  PAIN!

  What in hell is that? Our back, our guts are on fire and everything is tumbling.

  It’s not a second later when I’m forced out of Baco’s form and I’m crouching, spear in hand.

  The top half of Baco is tumbling away from a new, second lightning portal that guillotined him in two.

  “BAAACOO!” I scream, running my throat raw. I can summon a new Baco but seeing him get killed feels strangely worse than when I saw myself dissolve from the lamia’s mouth. I get a huge rush of warmth, the same feeling of getting hit with contrast for an MRI.

  A different typeface notification flashes across my vision.

  Vitality reabsorbed.

  I got back my strength from maintaining Baco. Feels like I just downed three energy drinks.

  Sadie’s back is to me. The new lightning blade disappears and she buckles, folded in half, bleat-screaming to the ground. I set my stance, trying to see what knocked her over.

  My spear is parried, pushed aside by nothing at all. I heard a thunk and then the spear was shoved away.

  The next sound is the stunningly loud crunch of me being struck by something hard in the side of my head with enough force to crack at least one of my molars. It’s a sensation I’ve never felt before – I was just hit in the horns! That blow would have cracked my skull open rather than break a tooth if I took the full impact on the whole side of my head. I spin away, spear out to catch whatever is assaulting us.

  No contact on my weapon.

  I back to one of the walls to prevent whatever the hell is happening from sneaking up from behind. I focus on my vision, hoping to trigger some amazing, new perception effect. Nothing. I spit blood.

  “Sadie, it’s invisible!” I call.

  I have not made any sort of plan with Sadie for the absurd contingency of fighting invisible foes. I can’t think of a single instance of invisible monsters in Greek mythology. We never discussed anything about it. But she knows exactly what is on my mind. I don’t know if it’s telepathy or bondling linkage or what, but she takes a handful of dirt and throws it across the corridor.

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  Blood fills my mouth as I watch a clump of dirt stop and fall mid-toss.

  I scream, stabbing at the place the dirt that stopped flying. My spear is deflected mid-thrust.

  I spit the gob of blood filling my cheek straight in front of me.

  Bullseye. Maybe not with a weapon, but they’re tagged now.

  Whatever it is screams. There’s a shimmer in the air like it’s over a bonfire and our enemy drops their cloaking.

  “Found her,” I call.

  It’s a woman. A human woman. She’s wearing a wild spiked armor gauntlet, some sort of warrior molded breastplate, and wielding a wicked looking axe. She also has on plain black leggings and her hair pulled back in cornrows, ending in a ponytail of braids. My blood spittle drips off her cheek. Kill or be killed, human or not. I pull my spear back tight to my side and lunge forward, fully extending to impale this new foe.

  She steps aside, catching my spear at the top end of her axe, between a front and rear facing axe head. She spins the haft and thrusts straight down, knocking the point of my spear into the floor. She twists the weapon and my spear rotates from my grip.

  “On her,” Sadie declares. “Duck.”

  I do and Sadie throws a fireball. This woman barely flinches and bats the attack away in a move so casual that I actually gasp. With me disarmed and the sudden new threat of flaming Sadie, she turns.

  The distance between her and Sadie had to be three, maybe four meters, but she covers it just shy of instantaneously. Sadie jumps over the swinging axe and reaches down, grabbing the haft. I reach down and get my spear back.

  The woman screams when the heated glow spreads from Sadie’s hand up to her own. The axe clatters to the ground and Sadie lands behind her, fists flaming brighter than I’ve seen before.

  Sadie kicks her ass, very literally. The woman flails forward and, in a move that would make an Olympic gymnast jealous, turns her motion into a tight somersault.

  “I am so done with you,” I roar, charging forward.

  It’s impossible for me to not even nick her, but when I get there, she isn’t. I didn’t see her dodge or move, she’s just not there.

  We have beaten rooms full of sirens and so far we haven’t caused anything more than a few finger blisters on this woman.

  Sadie makes a repulsive retching sound, puking up flaming bile at the woman. The woman dodges back, swiping the flames from her mostly unguarded thighs. She spins, checking herself for fire and patting every spark down. She’s stepping away from Sadie, who for the moment is the far more dangerous threat than I am. She ends up backing into a corridor wall.

  I don’t think about one foot in front of the other. I don’t concern myself with where the body of my spear is. I just imagine what I want to happen and I go through the incredibly fluid motion of cradling my spear in the crook of my elbow and spinning toward my opponent.

  My eviscerating spear head is sharp and barbed and, at the end of my spin, less than a finger’s width from the softness of her unarmored sweaty neck. Her eyes go wide and she freezes, staring into me, astonished, pinned to the wall, spear at her neck and my other hand holding down the elbow of that nasty gauntlet arm.

  She’s not a satyr or a lamia. This is a human. I can’t slice her throat.

  “No more tricks,” I say through the blood in my mouth, angling my spear to catch the torchlight and reflect it over her skin. “Who the hell are you, pigkiller?”

  I didn’t think it was possible, but her eyes go wider.

  “You made those lightning doors, didn’t you?” I accuse, moving my face inches from hers. “You sliced my pig up. Why the hell are you attacking us? And don’t even flinch, don’t even think about giving me the slightest reason to cut your throat.”

  Her lips quiver, but she doesn’t make noise.

  “Why?” I shout in her face. “Why did you attack us?”

  She licks her lips.

  “Because,” she says very quietly. I lean even closer.

  “Because what?”

  “Because you’re monsters.”