"AR-R-RH, YOU SCALLYWAGS!!!! THOUSAND THUNDERING TYPHOONS! WHO DARES DEFILE MY VIRGIN ISLAND?!" The roar was so piercing that Eni’s ears rang. It sounded as if a Kraken had developed lungs and decided to stage a solo opera on dry land.
Eni let out a weary sigh. She couldn't hide forever, and after her recent "fitting" with the corset and her definitive class choice, she felt a volatile cocktail of confidence and reckless indifference simmering in her chest. She decided to step out and simply apologize to the owner. But the moment she flung the door open, her line of sight collided with... a gargantuan tricorne hat sporting a mangy, molting feather.
"AR! THOUSAND THUN—" the owner of the hat began, craning his neck back at a sharp angle just to meet Eni’s gaze.
"You’re a bit small to be screaming like a stuck pig, aren't you?" Eni interrupted, unable to suppress an ironic smirk.
The man in the hat choked on his own war cry. His face, heavily overgrown with well-groomed, flamboyantly curled whiskers, erupted in blotches of indignant red. "W-WHAT?! H-HOW... Ahem!" He straightened his posture, his heels clicking loudly against the ground as he stood on tiptoe, desperately trying to conjure some semblance of height. "I am the Great Captain of the Second Fleet, a ranking member of the most powerful Coalition in this world...!"
"Cut the theatrics," Eni snapped.
The stranger froze, his hand instinctively flying to his luxuriant mustache, twirling the ends with frantic, nervous energy. "Women! All of you! Nothing but trouble and billows of salt!" he shouted again, though his voice now carried a distinct tremor of bewilderment.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
Eni leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms over her chest. Beneath her uniform, the corset offered a pleasant, grounding squeeze against her ribs, gifting her a sensation of absolute unshakeability. "Are your balls precious to you?" she asked calmly, looking down at him with hooded eyes.
That question effectively pulled the rug out from under the Captain’s feet. He stumbled backward on his clunky heels, ripped a leather gauntlet from his hand, and with a shrill, furious yelp, hurled it at Eni. "You... you STRUMPET! I challenge you to a duel! In the name of CAPTAIN JOE!"
The glove fell embarrassingly short, landing in the dust a good two meters from its target with a pitiful thwack. An awkward silence descended. Captain JOE cleared his throat into a fist, shuffled forward, picked up the glove, and—approaching within arm's reach—carefully tossed it so it landed precisely on Eni’s boot. "Ahem... I challenge you to a duel, you stru... you... er... I forgot the word..."
Eni nearly doubled over with laughter, but the sheer absurdity of the moment demanded she maintain her composure. "Strumpet," she prompted helpfully.
"YES!!! You STRUMPET!" Captain JOE beamed, radiating a renewed sense of his own legendary status. "But before we clash steel, you must rest! So that the battle may be fair and honorable! NYA-HA-ZA-HA!!!! Fish-head that I am!"
Eni narrowed her eyes. A plan began to take shape in her mind—one that would have made the Voice applaud if it weren't so busy playing the silent treatment. She composed her features into a mask of utter misery, clasping her hands as if in prayer.
"Oh, Great Captain JOE... I am so desperately thirsty!" she whimpered, exaggerating every syllable until it dripped with pathos. "Oh, irresistible Captain JOE, I am so famished! Oh, Captain JOE, you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to maintain one's honor in such filthy clothes... please, won't you wash them for me?"
JOE went rigid. His whiskers twitched. The word "irresistible" hit him like a high-level charm spell. "AR! Naturally! A true Diva must witness the Captain’s majesty in all things!" he bellowed, charging off to fulfill her requests.
For the remainder of the day, Captain JOE scurried around the island like a clockwork toy. He hauled fresh water, grilled the day’s catch over an open flame, and when it came time for the laundry, he scrubbed with a pride so fierce you’d think he was boarding a Royal Frigate. Eni, sipping fresh water and lounging in the shade, watched the flurry of activity, relishing this brief, unearned peace.
By evening, Captain JOE even surrendered his own bed in the best of the three houses. "Sleep, you scallywag!" he grumbled, adjusting his hat. "If a woman sleeps in the open, she’ll curse my island and summon a tsunami! Besides, I have work to do—I must hone my saber for tomorrow’s triumph! AR!"
Eni settled into the bed, feeling the corset continue its soft, stabilizing embrace around her torso. She drifted off with a smile, knowing that tomorrow’s duel would be the strangest event of her new life.
