Aspect of the Tortoise was a curious spell. It shared some similarities with spells like Lesser Fortify and its bronze rank variant Fortify, but being a body enhancement spell, it was quite unique as well.

  Researching the topic while he learned the various runes needed to complete the spell, Valar discovered a certain vulnerability with the defensive spell—and all body enhancement spells in general. Being complex spells with lots of runes, the spellframes took some space on the mage’s skin. With ranged spells like Winter’s Bloom or Phoenix Descent, that wasn’t a major issue, since if the enemy was close enough to hit the caster, they were pretty fucked anyway.

  With body enhancement spells, the goal was to keep up with the affinityless in a melee. That became significantly harder when the melee combatant in question was sporting a giant tattoo that caused unforeseen side-effects when hit with anything substantial. As for what counted as substantial? Punches, kicks, grabs… melee stuff.

  Hand-to-hand combat would’ve been essentially impossible for a life mage if they had to guard the spellform constantly. Even if it was placed upon the caster’s back or some other hard-to-reach place, the risk would’ve been too big to enter an actual melee.

  Fortunately, combat-oriented life mages of the past had discovered a couple of solutions to this glaring issue. The first one was quite simple: Get good enough to make the spellform smaller on your skin.

  For the overwhelming majority of runes, scalability wasn’t a major issue. If it had been one, gold rank mages could’ve never fit the required amount of runes on their body to cast their biggest spells. With enough skill and knowledge, the caster could make the spellform on their skin smaller in order to save space for other spellforms. For body enhancers, this was an absolute necessity.

  The second solution was a bit more pricey, but considering Valar wouldn’t be skilled enough to make the spellform smaller for quite a long while, it was the one he needed to adopt. He would need to procure a piece of armor with the same enchantment as his mage’s robe.

  The piece of armor didn’t need to be big or anything, as the spellforms for body enhancement spells were somewhat small anyway. A large vambrace would be enough for the arm, although he wasn’t sure if it would be the best choice.

  I could get a piece of armor around one of my thighs. It would be a bit less noticeable, but would that be good? A vambrace would give me a way to defend myself against strikes on my arm, but would I want to block with it? What if it broke, scrambling the spellframe at the same time?

  There were some other options. For example, he could get a custom-fit plate strapped on his back, but those were finicky solutions. I think I’ll get the thigh protection, but I’ll have to consult someone before ordering it. Maybe Zeke’s father will be helpful?

  However, those considerations were useless as long as he couldn’t actually cast the spells he was training for. Aspect of the Tortoise was a must-learn spell for Valar, so he focused on it first.

  The defensive spell was made up of quite a few runes, but luckily, Valar had learned some of them already. Life, balance and survival were all included in the spellframe, and that was all well and good, but…

  Aspect of the Tortoise—and every other body enhancement spell for that matter—shared most of their runes. Life, balance, survival and body were the shared runes in question. The problematic rune for Valar was body, as quite like edict, it didn’t resemble any of the rest by one bit. In addition to that, body was strange in the way that it needed to fit the person drawing it.

  The changes weren’t anything major, but they were definitely noticeable. A taller person drew a slightly different rune than a short one, a man’s rune differed from a woman’s, and an adventurer with more muscles modified their rune just a bit from the rest. That meant that Valar would have to modify the rune as he grew as well, but luckily enough, once you got it right once, modifying it became much easier.

  All of this was to say that learning body for the first time was really, really difficult. The single other rune for Aspect of the Tortoise, shell, was way less complex, as were the options for Aspect of the Ursa and Aspect of the Panther.

  Two and a half months. That should be enough, right?

  …

  Casting a new spell had never felt so bittersweet…

  Three and a half months later, Valar finally cast Aspect of the Tortoise for the first time. The spellform resembled a shell built around the body rune, and it had been a deviously difficult one. With Felicia’s not-so expert guidance and encouragement, he finally managed to hold the spellform together, and…

  Whoa!

  Valar almost lost his focus then and there, overwhelmed by the sheer rush of mana coursing through his veins. He felt good… He felt strong… He felt invincible.

  “Snap out of it, you oaf!” Felicia’s shout broke Valar out of his trance-like state. “Describe how you’re feeling right now.”

  He looked down at his hands, bunching them up to tight fists. It was a weird sensation. “It feels like I could crush my own bones, but like my bones couldn’t be crushed? No, that’s just paradoxical… I think I’m trying to say that I feel both inhumanly strong and durable at the same time…”

  “Good, I’ll write it down for you,” his tutor nodded. “Also describe any negative feelings or the like. It’s good to go over those as well, especially after your first cast.”

  Valar thought about Felicia’s question, trying to find any ‘negative’ feelings within. “Apart from the mana drain, not really. I just feel pissed that I managed to cast this spell so late… The other spell will take at least a few weeks more, and then I’ll have spent almost 10 months at the academy!”

  “Alright, we’re straying pretty far from the spell itself and more into therapy here,” Felicia sighed. “Turn the spell off so we can actually talk about it, okay?”

  He bit his lip, considering her request but finding that he really didn’t want to follow it. The mere thought of letting go of such a positive feeling, such a feeling of invincibility, felt wrong.

  “Let it go, Valar,” Felicia’s tone darkened. “You and I both know that body enhancement spells can be just as addictive as healing ones…”

  The shift in her tone was enough for Valar to realize how thin the ice he was treading on truly was. Still, he didn’t want to just turn the spell ‘off’. Bit by bit, with increasing reluctance, he decreased the mana he was supplying to the spellframe until it could just barely enhance his body. At this point, the effect was almost unnoticeable, making him just a tiny bit more durable than a normal early bronze rank mage.

  “Turn it off,” This time, Felicia placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing just hard enough to pinch him through his slightly enhanced body.

  Finally, Valar turned the spell off completely with a defeated groan. This sucks…

  He slumped down, sinking into the sofa in Felicia’s office. Valar let out a frustrated groan. “Now there’s plenty of negatives to go around!”

  “Then tell them to me. Let’s go over them one by one.”

  As it turned out, body enhancement spells were the hard drugs of the life magic world. Valar had of course known this; he had studied them for the past 9 months, after all. Still, the sheer effect of the spell hadn’t been something a book could describe. Sure, the author could tell the reader that it felt addictive, but would the reader truly understand the magnitude of that feeling before experiencing it for himself? No, they couldn’t.

  Even though life mages were few and far between, examples of body enhancers who had devolved into addicts of their own magic weren’t that difficult to find. They weren’t like the drug addicts on the streets, scrounging up money by stealing or dealing with other illegalities to afford their vices. No, they already had their vice with them at all times, but that… That was much, much worse.

  A life mage addicted to body enhancement spells didn’t need to roam the streets in search of the next bag of abyssal grass. They didn’t need to buy fae mushrooms from the black market, nor did they need to gather more and more money to keep their fix going. The life mage could just coop up in their own home and channel the spell until they passed out from mana exhaustion instead…

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  Body enhancement spells were dangerous, and that was precisely why Felicia had insisted that Valar’s first spellcast should be within the walls of her office. That way, they could move straight into the following therapy session. She was not going to let her young client fall into the trap so many had fallen into before.

  “I’m going to take a guess,” Felicia said. “You’re probably feeling pretty shit right now, right?”

  Valar rubbed his face in clear frustration. “I suddenly feel so empty, so vulnerable… After experiencing Aspect of the Tortoise… I get it, Felicia. I get why those life mages are addicted to body enhancement.”

  “Do you want to cast the spell again?”

  Despite his rational mind telling him that he really shouldn’t, Valar raised his eyes to meet Felicia’s. He couldn’t hide the excitement the mere idea of experiencing that brief bout of invincibility again brought him. Maybe it would be okay to cast it once-.

  “I’m going to forcibly cancel your spell if you try to do it,” Felicia’s words were like a splash of cold water on Valar’s face. “And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to waltz into Elaine’s office so that she does it instead. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to go knock on the headmaster-.”

  “I get it…” Valar groaned, tossing his hands up in the air. “It’s just… It’s just…”

  Felicia activated the privacy enchantments on the room as Valar stammered, finally letting her aura loose as the final enchantments activated, sealing the room from any eavesdroppers. The overwhelming emotion coloring her bared aura was concern for Valar, and it was much, much more intense than ever before. It dominated her aura completely, pushing away all else.

  “Talk to me, Valar. Let’s figure this out, shall we?”

  As Valar’s tutor, Felicia hadn’t challenged his desire to learn body enhancement too much. She had of course warned him multiple times, having dealt with addicts before, but as a tutor, she had let him pursue his dreams as a mage. As a therapist, however…

  “You made your choice to learn body enhancement spells. Now, we have to make sure that you won’t succumb to them as well.”

  It was going to be a long therapy session indeed.

  …

  The crux of the matter was simple: Being a particularly young mage with existing mental health issues and a strong desire for strength, Valar was squarely in the high-risk group to become an addict. It was Felicia’s job to help him avoid that plight, but that would require action from Valar’s end as well.

  The lengthy therapy session followed by a bonus tutoring session were spent discussing the various feelings Valar was going through, helping him through the early stages of a burgeoning addiction—a scary prospect after only a single spellcast—and establishing some ground rules. Those ground rules were extremely important for Valar’s continued mental wellbeing, although they certainly didn’t feel good when he heard them for the first time.

  “First of all, even if you end up learning your second body enhancement spell quickly, you won’t leave for Kilras during the next month,” Felicia explained matter-of-factly. “During that time, I will meet you three times a week instead of just weekly. Don’t worry about payments; I will personally go to the headmaster to get the extra funding for my services.”

  “A month?” Valar asked incredulously. “I’m already a month behind schedule!”

  “Yes, a month,” she nodded. “I would demand for more time, but I understand your rush at least somewhat. Your onyx ranker friend’s ominous words combined with all the dragon talks in addition to your young age explain that need well enough. Still, I’m not letting you loose without supervision for at least a month. In that time, I’m at least somewhat sure that we can get you to build up good enough defenses against the addictive nature of your new spell… At least I hope so.”

  “I… think I can agree to that,” he sighed. “I don’t know if I would fall so easily without supervision, but-.”

  “Oh, you would,” Felicia deadpanned. “I can see it in your eyes. You wouldn’t even last a day outside the city right now.”

  He didn’t want to admit it, but Felicia was speaking the truth. Even in that very moment, his mind kept wandering to the overwhelming sensation of life mana flowing through his body, making him better as long as he kept channeling the spell. Only if he could-.

  “Hey, I’m still speaking to you,” Felicia sighed. “Snap out of it. This brings me to our second rule. When you get the urge to cast Aspect of the Tortoise, you won’t cast it. Instead, you’ll grab your notebook and write down a description of the situation.”

  “I… I can do that, I think,” Valar muttered. “But no casting alone, really?”

  “Do you cast healing spells randomly as well? No, you don’t. Healing magic can be addictive, and it seems like body enhancement is your drug of choice. We’ll condition you to think of it as a tool in combat, no more, no less. It’s not some recreational drug…”

  As Valar was leaving, Felicia stopped him for one more time. “By the way… If you cast the spell without my supervision, I’ll drag you to Elaine’s doorstep immediately when I discover it.”

  “But that’ll inconvenience her during her ascension!” he objected. “There’s no need to do so!”

  “Then don’t give me a reason to inconvenience her.”

  He definitely wouldn’t be casting Aspect of the Tortoise anytime soon!

  …

  Valar cast Aspect of the Tortoise the very same night.

  He really didn’t mean to, but waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, he craved a feeling of security. In the end, he only channeled the spell for a few seconds, stopping as soon as he truly realized what he was doing. The arduous process of casting the spell had gone by so fast, so singlemindedly, that he hadn’t realized what he was doing.

  As soon as the blissful feeling flooded his body, so did the guilt. Valar rushed to let go of the spellform so fast that it almost destabilized. He frantically stabilized the spellform before dismissing it, then fell down to lay in his bed.

  The tears came quickly, as did the self-hatred. Needless to say, Valar didn’t sleep for the rest of the night…

  …

  Felicia only sighed when Valar came to her office the following afternoon. “You cast it, didn't you?”

  “It was only for the barest second!” he started, tears forming in his eyes. “I woke up from a nightmare, and-.”

  “Let’s go.”

  …

  “Body enhancement… Fucking body enhancement,” Elaine muttered, pouring cups of tea for Valar and Felicia. Her own cup was still half-full, but she topped it off as well. “So, why did you come to me?”

  “Primarily to inconvenience you in order to instill a sense of guilt in Valar,” Felicia said flatly. “Any advice to Valar in dealing with his new issue would also help.”

  Valar felt a twinge of burning pain in his core as his tutor and professor talked. They’re here because of me, because of my inadequacy...

  “And inconvenience it did,” the professor of life magic let out a bellowing sigh. “Oh well, let’s get this over with so that I can finally start the final phase of my ascension. I’ll just say this, but please don’t visit me again for a few weeks. It could ruin my progress for years to come…”

  Every word felt like a hammerblow against his conscience, intensifying the burning pain within. In some ways, this was the first time his own failure—in self-control, no less—was being actually judged. The two women were clearly disappointed in him, and it hurt so damn much…

  “If Valar doesn’t slip up again, I will follow that request to the word. We won’t even set foot on the same floor as your office,” Felicia nodded. “As for if he slips up again…”

  The bronze rank healer glanced at Valar, arching an eyebrow. “I hope we won’t have to find out.”

  When Valar finally left Elaine’s office with teary eyes and shaky steps, Felicia slumped down on the sofa with a groan. “It never gets easy, does it?”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Elaine let out a sigh before taking a sip of her tea. “I wish there was a better way, but this is the only one we have. Besides, you were way worse than him when you learned your first body enhancement spell…”

  “I know,” Felicia let out a mirthless chuckle. “Maximilian needed to catch me in the act of casting because I hid it so well during the first days. “It’s a good thing Valar came to me so quickly after slipping up for the first time.”

  “Oh, right, Maximilian was your tutor. He’s been acting as my substitute for a while now.”

  The two women sipped their tea in silence for a long while. Elaine was the first to break the silence. “Do you think he’ll slip up again? Will he need rougher treatment to avoid the addiction?”

  “It’s hard to say at this point,” the bronze rank life mage muttered. “I think he’ll slip up a couple times before finally getting the burgeoning addiction under control, but you know as well as me that we’re all still addicted, in a sense.”

  And that was the crux of the matter. Almost every single life mage at bronze rank or above knew at least one body enhancement spell. After all, who wouldn’t want to become harder, better, faster and stronger? Of course every life mage worth their salt rushed to learn a spell or two as early as they could.

  In the past, it had been a major problem, and in some ways, it still was. Body enhancement spells were perhaps the most addictive form of life magic, so it took an iron will to resist falling into the vice of casting them over and over again. That’s why the life mages of Leoria had banded together a couple of decades ago, developing a doctrine to stop young mages from becoming addicts.

  “Did you tell him and the others the thing about going to the king when you taught Valar’s iron rank class?” Felicia asked.

  “Yup,” Elaine nodded firmly. “I just bent the truth a little bit, that’s all.”

  Elaine hadn’t gone to the king to plead for the freedom to learn body enhancement at iron rank, just the opposite. She had suggested that iron rank body enhancement spells were wiped out from the curriculum and library completely.

  Sure, the iron rankers of the academies wouldn’t be able to learn body enhancement, making them slightly weaker than previously, but that was a good tradeoff for the increased defence against addiction.

  In the past, Elaine and her predecessors had tried to be open about the dangers of addiction. They had held lectures warning the students, they had assisted them openly after they learned the spell and they had done their best to help the students that had been most in need.

  It hadn’t worked. At all.

  Body enhancement addicts had dropped out of the academies, becoming streetrats and friendly neighbourhood healers with no real power. Elaine and the other high ranking life mages of the nation had changed that.

  Better to let the students believe they were learning taboo magic. Better to let them believe that they were alone in their pursuit—that they should be exceedingly careful to avoid the malediction that was life magic addiction.

  That way, the guilt and sorrow of slipping up for the first time could be channeled into a strong will against the desire to cast the spell over and over again in the chase for pleasure.

  It was not the perfect solution. In some ways, it wasn’t even a good solution, but it was a solution.

  Ever since the change took place, the amount of life mages that succumbed to the addiction had decreased significantly. The amount of able-minded life mages was on the rise, leading to more healers all around the country. Some provinces of Khatesh had even copied the idea, although their situation was still a bit more precarious.

  Forbidden until bronze rank and frowned upon during bronze rank studies. Still, every single student who goes for it is helped by their tutor and professor without fail. I really don’t enjoy the guilt aspect, since it places a lot of stress on the student, but it has worked much better than the previous solution.

  Guilt is one of the easiest emotions to sense through one's aura … I’ll have to keep it shut in front of Valar for a good while.