Mythos: Last Stand
Chapter 29 — Reckless Idiots
by Caide Fullerton
Jackie was no stranger to death, or to the act of killing. The Heap made for an unforgiving home—edible plants were few in number, and the majority of its inhabitants were intelligent hunters. Some were more beastly in nature, such as the Kuzumade, but most had similar levels of intelligence to Humans—not to mention similar body plans.
Where was the line between a 'person’ and a ‘monster’? Recent events had convinced Jackie that there wasn’t really a line at all. Lii was a monster—a Mimic—but she was clearly also a person. They would have previously considered Kritta monsters, but now they knew that civilized Kritta lived outside of the Heap. In the right circumstances, could even something like a Kumori be a civilized person?
Such ponderings weren’t of importance at the moment. What was important was that Jackie had, by necessity, killed throughout their entire life, and that included killing things that could be argued to be people. That was simply the normal way of life for them. Things hadn’t seemed much different in the outside world, either; they had larger groups of people and fewer intelligent monsters, and they used terms like ‘war’, but it seemed that this world, too, was built on a foundation of violence and killing.
But was that mistaken? Raffica—someone who was clearly an accomplished warrior—had been so reviled by the idea of killing another person that it made her physically ill. It wasn’t as if this was someone she cared about; it was a stranger, someone she’d never met, and one that was actively trying to kill her, at that. It wasn’t a reaction to seeing gore, either; the Volundr’s fate was completely hidden within its armor.
Why, then, was it so troubling to her? Jackie could only conclude that, to people in the outside world, the very idea of killing another person was inherently, deeply immoral—sickeningly so.
Their red eyes met Raffica’s bright teal, her head cocked and expression contorted in puzzlement.
They had just let slip that they didn’t think the same. If it was taboo enough to make her ill, what would she think of them for being a killer? Would this ruin their friendship with her?
They didn’t want Raffica to hate them. They needed to say something, to clear up the misconception. She couldn’t think of them as a killer. She couldn’t. But what should they say? They needed to understand her first.
It couldn’t possibly be that killing itself was reviling. Raffica was friends with Celeste, Sils, Jahd, and the others back in Heapwatch. They’d watched Celeste kill some of the Volundr as they ran over, and they were quite sure the others had killed throughout the events of this war. Raffica didn’t seem to have an issue with them.
What, then, was the difference? Why had her killing been sickening, but the others doing so wasn’t? Which group did Jackie fit into?
Was it necessity? The others were at war with Evendel, and from what Jackie had gathered, these Volundr were mercenaries hired by Evendel. They were enemies; it was only natural the people of the Scurvysands would kill them to protect themselves and their country. But then, why was Raffica’s situation any different? She shouldn’t have any issue with her own actions.
Why? They couldn’t wrap their head around it. It didn’t make a lick of sense, but they had to find an answer. Otherwise, Raffica would hate them. They needed to say the right thing. They needed to do it right now.
Why? Why couldn’t they think of it? Why couldn’t they figure it out? They were meant to be smart, right? That’s what Al had always said. If that was true, why couldn’t they do something as simple as this—something as important as this? One of their friendships was on the line—the thing they’d spent their entire life searching for, the thing that was most precious to them.
Why were they failing now, of all times? Why was this so difficult!? All they needed was one answer! One! They had all the clues, they just needed the logic that pieced them together. They were meant to be good at that. It was the only thing they were really good at. Why couldn’t they figure it out!?
Why!?
Why!?
Why!?
Why was she… hugging them?
They found themself held tight in Raffica’s arms. When had she moved? How long had they been stuck in their own head?
Why wasn’t she mad at them?
They’d slipped up and revealed that they were a killer—not just that, but that they couldn’t even understand why she’d felt bad about having killed someone. They were incompatible with her values, to such a degree that they couldn’t even figure out what her values were. Shouldn’t she hate them? Shouldn’t she be disgusted?
Raffica: “You guys had it rough, huh?” She squeezed them tighter, her arms trembling. No, not her—Jackie was the one trembling.
Were they… crying?
They tried their best to gather up those emotions and stuff them back where they belonged. This wasn’t like them. They needed to be composed. To begin with, hadn’t they been the one comforting Raffica? How did they get this turned around?
Jackie: “Wh-what do you mean?” They stuttered. Why did they stutter? They weren’t supposed to stutter.
Raffica: “In the Heap, always having to fight to survive… I never stopped to think about how much that must’ve hurt you.” She placed a hand on their head, gently stroking their hair. “I’m sorry. For being a bad friend.”
They hadn’t been doing a good job at holding it in to begin with, but that comment burst open the floodgates. She was a bad friend!? They’d been the one to hurt her and betray her trust!
They pulled away from her, vigorously shaking their head. “No, you’re not—it isn’t—I’m the—“
Raffica seized them by the shoulders. “You’re still trying to blame yourself?” She knit her brow in anger, an expression they hadn’t seen her wear since her argument with Lapala. “That isn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to take responsibility for everything!”
Jackie: “But—“
Raffica: “I’m the one that made a bad choice! It’s my fault someone’s dead, not yours or anyone else’s!”
Jackie stared into her determined eyes for a moment, blinking away tears. “...I’m sorry.” They took a deep breath, their mind spinning. This wasn’t like them. They needed to get ahold of their emotions. “Why don’t you hate me? Why are you..?”
Her expression softened. “Eve, you really are in a bad spot. Why would I hate you?”
They looked away. “Because, I…”
Raffica: “You lived in the Forgotten Heap. I’d have to be real stupid to get upset at you over something like that.” She flicked their forehead. “You got real sad and panicky out of nowhere. Obviously I was gonna comfort you.”
They slowly returned their gaze to hers; it took all their willpower not to shrink away. They let out a shaky laugh, “I feel really stupid, now. Like a dumb kid getting lectured.”
Raffica: “I don’t think you’re dumb.”
Jackie: “Only a dumbass could convince themself that you might hate them.”
Raffica: “You can’t help how you were feeling. You always seem super calm and composed, but you have emotions, too, and I’m sure these past few days have been really stressful. You can’t be perfect all the time—everyone needs some release.”
Jackie: “A smart person would’ve figured that out on their own.” They half-joked, but were forced to raise their hands in surrender when Raffica punched their shoulder. “Agh—sorry, I get it!”
She crossed her arms with a huff. “Good. Jackie’s my friend, so I’ll have to beat you up if you insult them.”
They chuckled, wiping tears from their eyes. “You’re a lot scarier than you let on, you know?” Taking a deep breath, they finally managed to calm themself. Having an outburst like that was… incredibly embarrassing, but also liberating, in a way. They felt lighter now.
An idea occurred to them. [Out of everyone, I’m glad I was with you when this happened.]
Raffica perked up, blinking and looking them up and down. Her eyes began to sparkle as she realized, her posture lightening as excitement consumed her. She looked ready to tackle Jackie in some sort of power-hug, but she barely held herself back, instead turning to the bay and clearing her throat.
Raffica: “I’m glad, too. That I could help you.”
They were supposed to be the one helping her, but… this was fine. Feeling the tangible connection between them—proof they’d bonded enough for the Leys, or whatever governed Jackie’s powers, to recognize their bond as something ‘real’—filled them with warmth. Plus, it just felt right to see that cheery smile plastered back on Raffica’s face.
They sat in pleasant silence for a while, watching the work ahead of them—prisoners being escorted away, ships being dragged back to the piers, repairs already getting underway. Eventually, a small, glowing light appeared to interrupt their solitude—not a glow, but a fairy.
Sils: “Oi, y’all okay? You’ve sure been sittin’ out fer long enough.”
Raffica: “Yes, we’re doing alright now.”
Sils: “Ya sure? Didn’t overwork yerself? Y’ain’t still sick?” She turned on Jackie next without waiting for a reply; they hoped their red eyes would mask the fact they’d been crying. “An’ you, throwin’ yerself into danger! Are ya crazy!?”
Jackie: “I was a safe distance from the mechs the whole time.”
Sils: “I damn well hope so.” She sighed. “Well, if you’re really fine, that’s good. Come with me. We need ta regroup with everyone.”
Jackie shot up to their feet. They’d been so absorbed in their own problems and the situation with Raffica, they hadn’t even considered that their other friends might’ve been in danger.
Sils seemed to sense their concern. “Most of us are fine, save one. This way.”
? ? ?
As it turned out, getting impaled hurt a lot. Celeste found herself fading in and out of consciousness, all of her senses muted and fuzzy except for the pain. She was actually rather thankful for all the fading in and out—at one point she awoke without a spear lodged in her abdomen, and being unconscious for that part was definitely a blessing.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Right… despite everything, she was somehow still alive.
She didn’t really feel like she deserved it. She had failed, both at fulfilling the purpose given to her, and at finding her own purpose. She was neither the content village girl nor the hardened warrior. Even given an entire lifetime to do it, she couldn’t pass the trial granted to her by the Leys, or the Cycle, or whatever had conspired to put together her farce of a life.
Furthermore, she’d also failed her friends and her mission, getting so caught up in self-pity that she didn’t realize her own recklessness until it was far too late. Death seemed a fitting, natural consequence.
But instead, she was alive.
And now she was awake, and to her dismay, it seemed her body intended on remaining awake for a while. Her vision was still a bit blurry, and she was still in a lot of pain, but it felt like she could move around a bit if she wanted to; she didn’t.
An unfamiliar ceiling hung above her… no, not that unfamiliar, actually. She’d been here a few times before. Avek Tirion’s hospital. Honestly, that should’ve been her first guess. She heard voices, and with a few quick glances she confirmed she was lying in bed surrounded by others. Her companions? They would be worried for her, wouldn’t they?
Someone was holding her hand—Raffica. Seated beside her was Jackie, and scattered across the rest of the room were the others. Jahd, Strade… she didn’t see Sils, but she was probably there somewhere. Some of them were missing.
Celeste: “where’s lii..?” She only realized she’d asked it aloud once everyone’s heads swiveled her way.
Raffica: “She’s awake! For real this time, I think.” She beamed down at Celeste, squeezing her hand.
Jackie’s reaction was less emotional; they simply answered her question. “She and Helena are out helping with cleanup and repairs. They felt bad about not being able to help fight much. Oh, and Sam’s helping treat some of the other wounded. He helped treat you first, of course.”
Celeste sank into the bed. Now that she was here, she should figure out what had happened after she passed out, even if it filled her with dread. Not knowing would be worse. “how many people got hurt?’
Jahd: “Only a couple casualties on our side. Some soldiers got wounded fightin’ the Volundr, a few civilians and workers in the initial attack. The worst wounds’re all on our prisoners—‘sides ye, anyways.” He sighed. “It’s a miracle things worked out this well. Bunch o’ reckless idiots, the lot o’ ye.”
Strade scoffed beside him. “Ain’t that rich, comin’ from you.”
Jahd turned his way, raising an eyebrow. “Got somethin’ ta say, kiddo?”
Strade: “First of all, I haven’t been a kid in a long time,” he growled. “I saw you out there. You nearly got yourself killed.”
Jahd: “Ho? Watchin’ my fight, were ye?”
Strade: “Damn straight I was. Don’t go lecturing us when you did the same thing.”
Jahd’s lip curled into a half-smile. “Y’know, the threshold fer ‘getting myself killed’ is a lot higher fer a Zombie. As ye can see, I’m no worse fer wear.”
Strade: “You would’ve died if the others didn’t arrive to bail you out.”
Jahd shrugged. “Perhaps ye’re right; I’ll admit, it was a bad match-up fer me. But there’s a difference between takin’ a risk an’ throwin’ yer life away.”
Strade scoffed out a “Sure” and turned to make for the door. “She’s awake now. I’m joinin’ the others.” And with that, he was gone.
Jahd scratched his head. “Well, ‘e’s got the right idea. Glad ta see ye up, Celeste. I’ll go make m’self useful somewhere.” He gave her a respectful nod before leaving as well.
Celeste watched them go. She wasn’t sure if she should be glad they cared enough to watch over her, or to feel bad that she’d forced them to do so instead of helping out elsewhere.
???: “I suppose I agree with Jahd. We’re certainly all a bunch of reckless idiots.”
A new voice came from her other side, startling her. She turned opposite of Raffica, where she found a tall figure leaning against the corner—Admiral Kyte. Her heart sank as her previous question was answered; she should absolutely feel bad for this. That she didn’t made her angry instead. What right did she have to be happy for something like this when she’d failed him?
Celeste: “What are you doing here!?” She snapped. Raffica recoiled a bit in surprise, but the Admiral merely raised an eyebrow.
Kyte: “I think that’s the most life I’ve ever heard in your voice.” He responded dryly, ignoring her question. “Should I be offended?”
Celeste blinked, a hand rising to cover her mouth. Why had she shouted? Kyte didn’t deserve that. She wasn’t angry at him. He’d taken time out of his busy schedule to check on her, and this was how she thanked him?
Kyte: “To answer your question, I’m just being a bit selfish—felt like slacking off and checking on one of my crew members instead of doing my job.”
Celeste shrank. “i-i’m sorry…”
Kyte: “Don’t be. If anything, talk back like that more often.” He looked past her, to Jackie. “You look like you want to say something.”
Jackie: “I just don’t think it’s selfish, is all.”
Kyte: “Selfish, maybe not. Irresponsible? Hang me.” He made as if to puff on a cigar, but he wasn’t holding one; he flicked his hand dismissively instead, continuing, “Lotta people count on me for a lotta things. Sittin’ around in the hospital ain’t one of them.”
Jackie: “So? Your friend is hurt.”
Kyte: “And the world keeps turning. My responsibilities don’t go away just because something bad happened. People out there need their admiral more than Celeste needs Kyte.”
That’s right. She’d been granted her powers for a reason. She didn’t get to take the easy way out—not by becoming Celeste, and not by dying, either. She still had a purpose to fulfill. She just needed to try again. She just needed to try harder. She just needed to throw everything else away. She just needed—
Jackie: “Why are you here, then?”
Their question snapped her free of her thoughts. She looked at Jackie, then to Kyte, studying his flat expression. He caught her eye before answering,
Kyte: “I want to be.” He stepped free of the corner and reached over to Celeste, flicking her forehead without another word.
She let out a pitiful yelp and held a hand to her head, glaring at Kyte. “wh-what was that for..!?”
Kyte: “I saw that dumb look in your eyes again.” He sighed and began to walk past her bed. “You don’t owe shit to anyone. Not me, the world, or whatever other bullshit you’re thinking of.”
Celeste: “but i—“
Kyte: “You might be working elsewhere now, but I don’t remember ever givin’ you permission to leave my crew. We do what we want and nothing else, got it?” He stopped at the door and glanced back at her, “Rest up. That’s an order from your admiral and your captain.”
He left, giving Celeste no time to protest. Jackie glanced between her and the door before standing,
Jackie: “There’s more I want to discuss with him. Be back in a few.”
A moment later, they were gone as well, leaving Celeste alone with Raffica. She turned to the Alphicca, focusing on the warmth of her hand. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. What did she even want to say? What should she say?
Raffica met her gaze. “Are you okay, Celeste?”
Celeste: “there was just a spear inside of me…”
Raffica: “Not physically! I mean, I care about that too, but…” Her posture faltered like a sigh. “Why’d you put yourself in danger like that?”
Because she thought she could handle it on her own? Because she had to handle it on her own? “i don’t know.”
Raffica frowned. “You can rely on us a bit, you know? You can talk to me. You don’t have to deal with everything alone.”
Celeste turned away, letting herself sink into the bed. “i’m wounded. the mission has to go on without me.”
Raffica: “...yeah, but… that doesn’t mean you’ll be alone. There are other people here that care about you. And we’ll all be back soon!”
Celeste: “...i’m such an idiot.” She draped a hand over her eyes.
Raffica: “Kinda. But I want you to be happy. You should listen to Kyte’s advice, y’know? You don’t have to live up to anything else. You can just be… you.”
Celeste hesitated. “what if i don’t know who i am?”
Raffica considered it for a moment. “Well, you have your whole life to figure that out. You don’t need to rush. But the first step is letting go of whatever you think you have to be.”
Celeste pulled her hand away. “that’s easy for you to say.” She knew, perhaps better than anyone else, that it wasn’t. A petty comeback devoid of meaning. “i’m sorry. i’ll try.”
* ? *
Jackie jogged down the clandestine hall of the hospital to catch up to Kyte. They found it impressive how the people here managed to keep the building so clean, but that was a curiosity for another time. They walked beside the Admiral, who was already pulling a cigar from his jacket. He glanced at Jackie, continuing to stride forward with purpose.
Kyte: “Need something?”
Jackie: “I just wanted to talk about the attack. I noticed a few things that don’t really line up.”
Kyte: “Did you? Go ahead, then. I’m listening.”
They continued to walk, exiting the hospital.
Jackie: “Well, it seemed to me like their main goal in sending the Volundr was to destroy your ships and piers, right?”
Kyte nodded idly, retrieving a metal striker from his pocket and lighting his cigar. “Which is why I sent all the ships I could to drift in the bay, out of the mechs’ reach.”
Jackie: “Have they ever tried something like that before?”
Kyte: “This would be the first time.” He took a drag of his cigar, then breathed a cloud of smoke to the side. “Not much point in it. They’ve got us caged in; if I thought we could break the blockade, it would’ve happened already.”
They’d heard about the blockade back in Heapwatch, but it was nice to have confirmation. “What about the ships that attacked first? Don’t you have guards?”
Kyte: “We do. Ships and sentries near the shore.” Another puff of his cigar. “They were small ships. Our guards saw them, but they slipped through faster than we could stop ‘em.”
Jackie: “If they have ships capable of getting past your guards, why haven’t they attacked the port already?” They already knew the answer.
Kyte: “It’s a suicide mission. Once they get close enough to hit the port, they’re boxed in. Those sailors came here ready to die.”
All the pieces were in place. “The enemy general seems very careful. They’ve gone out of their way to minimize casualties instead of just assaulting Heapwatch head-on. Why would they launch such a desperate sneak attack just to sabotage your ships when they already know it isn’t necessary to do so?”
Kyte sighed. “We’re of the same mind, then.”
Jackie nodded. “They know about Sils’s plan. They wanted to take out our ships so we’d have no chance of leaving.”
Kyte: “I don’t suppose you know how they learned of it?”
They shrugged. “Either they’re spying on us, or someone’s betrayed you. Maybe both.”
The conversation paused as they passed a group of workers hauling supplies to one of the piers. Kyte stopped to direct them; as he did, a shadow slithered into existence on his back, assuming the form of a man and staring at Jackie with pure white eyes amidst its jet-black body.
Ceogan: “If there’sss a traitor, wouldn’t you be the first sussspects? You’ve no true allegiance to usss. You are outsssiders.”
Jackie: “We have no allegiance to Evendel, either. Jahd witnessed the moment we fell out of the Heap firsthand. We never even had an opportunity to contact Evendel if we wanted to.
“Besides, I do have a true allegiance to you guys. Raffica and the others are my friends. That should be reason enough.”
The shadow blinked. “That proves your allegianccce… how?”
Jackie: “Because they’re my friends?”
Kyte let out a light chuckle—some of the most emotion Jackie had seen out of him. “Don’t bother, Ceogan. If they believe it themself, that’s enough.”
They resumed their walk. “Will we be able to continue the mission?”
Kyte: “We have suitable ships that are undamaged.” Puff. “Losing Celeste is a big hit to your firepower.”
As they’d suspected, they couldn’t afford to wait for her to recover. “Do you have a replacement? I trust everyone on the team right now.”
Kyte: “As do I. But someone I can afford to let leave and trust enough?” He paused for a long drag, blowing the smoke out in a ring. “Tough shit.”
Jackie: “How were we planning to pass the blockade? If they’re expecting us, the original plan may not work.”
Kyte: “Aye. We need to switch things up.” He finally came to a stop in front of a large building on the second-lowest layer of the city, overlooking the port.
The area around the building was eerily still. The commotion and clamor of rebuilding echoed all around them, but nobody came close to this building. Jahd stood outside it, nodding to Kyte and Jackie as they approached. They entered the building together, the door shut and locked behind them. Jackie hardly had time to admire the interior before they were up a flight of stairs and within a large office on the second floor, a wall of glass peering out at the city.
A certain Sylph materialized on their shoulder as they looked around. “Ahoy, kid. Wormed yer way inta this one, eh?”
Jackie frankly had no idea what she was talking about or what was happening, but it sounded like this would be beneficial, so they decided to play along. Probably too late to back out at this point. “Sure did.”
Kyte paid the pair no mind, instead walking to a desk at the center of the room and seating himself. His shadow took form and split off of him, perching atop the back of his seat like a bird of prey. “Right then. Let’s the four of us modify our strategy a bit.”
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Chapter Glossary:
Kuzumade - (Pronounced koo-zoo-mah-deh) A species of giant centipede-like monsters that dwell within the Forgotten Heap. Fierce and intelligent predators capable of spitting powerful jets of acid. Jackie and company slew one during their escape from the Heap.
Who's your favorite character so far?
