Seven suns have risen since I, Hattori Masanari, was summoned to this strange, opulent future.

  Seven days of serving Lady Aoi, the Hidden Princess of the Concrete Castle. My understanding of this era grows, yet the mysteries of her wealth remain staggering. She commands the sun to shine from glass bulbs in the ceiling. She summons ice from a silver box. She discards feasts of white rice—grains so pure they would start wars in Iga—into the trash simply because they are "a day old."

  Truly, her resources are infinite. She is a Daimyo of unimaginable power, likely living in exile to hide her strength from the Shogunate.

  I was in the center of the living quarters, performing my morning kata. The air was still. The "Roomba"—a small, disc-shaped torture droid that patrols the floor—was currently sleeping in its dock. I had made peace with the beast for now.

  Then, the silence shattered.

  "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

  It was a scream of pure, unadulterated despair. It came from the Chamber of Purification—the small, tiled room where the Lady retires to meditate upon the White Porcelain Throne.

  My eyes snapped open. The killing intent in the air was palpable.

  Assassins.

  They had finally found us. Perhaps the Fuma clan had traveled through time as well? Or perhaps a rival Daimyo sought to seize Lady Aoi’s vast stockpiles of instant noodles?

  I moved before the echo of her scream faded. I sprinted across the wooden floor, my footsteps silent, my breathing controlled. I reached the door of the Chamber of Purification. It was locked.

  "Lady Aoi! I am coming!"

  "No! Don't come in! It's overflowing! It's—ARGH!"

  Overflowing? Blood? Was she bleeding out?

  "Forgive my rudeness!"

  I delivered a controlled front kick to the door mechanism. With a sharp crack, the lock yielded, and the door swung open. I dove inside, a kunai (which I had fashioned from a discarded spoon) held ready in a reverse grip.

  I scanned for the enemy. No ninja in black. No samurai.

  Instead, I saw Lady Aoi pressed against the far wall, her face pale, pointing a trembling finger at the Porcelain Throne.

  "Do something, Masanari! It’s rising! Oh god, it’s not stopping!"

  I looked into the basin. My blood ran cold.

  The water within the sacred bowl was not the crystal-clear fluid usually summoned by the silver lever. It was dark. Murky. Turbulent. And it was rising with supernatural speed. It churned and bubbled, a chaotic vortex threatening to breach the rim of the porcelain vessel.

  It was a curse.

  "Water Style: Rising Abyssal Swamp," I whispered, recognizing the technique immediately. "A formidable trap. Someone has placed a seal on the drainage pipe, summoning a water demon from the underworld to flood your fortress."

  "It’s a clog, you idiot! The toilet is clogged!" Aoi shrieked, clutching her hair. "It’s gonna spill onto the bath mat! Do something!"

  "Stand back, My Lady!"

  I stepped between her and the beast. The water crested the rim. A single drop of the foul liquid breached the containment, touching the pristine white tiles. The enemy was advancing.

  I glared at the swirling vortex, channeling my Ki into my voice. I projected pure killing intent directly into the bowl.

  "RETREAT!" I bellowed, my voice shaking the toothbrush holder on the sink. "RETURN TO THE DARKNESS THAT SPAWNED YOU, DEMON!"

  The water did not retreat. It gurgled mockingly—Blorp—and rose another inch. It was beginning to pool on the floor now, soaking into my socks.

  My intimidation tactics were useless. This was a mindless elemental construct. It felt no fear.

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  "Stop yelling at the poop water!" Aoi screamed. She scrambled toward the corner of the room, behind a stack of magazines, and grabbed an object. She thrust it into my hands. "Use this! Use the plunger!"

  I looked down at the weapon she had bestowed upon me.

  It was magnificent.

  A long, polished wooden shaft, sturdy yet flexible. At the tip, a bell-shaped suction cup made of thick, crimson rubber. It was heavy, weighted perfectly for a forward thrust. I had never seen such a weapon in the armories of the Oda clan.

  "A... Plunger?" I tested the name on my tongue. It sounded foreign. Exotic. Puh-lun-ger.

  I examined the red rubber head. It was designed not to cut, but to seal. To create a vacuum. To steal the very breath from an opponent.

  "I see," I muttered, my eyes narrowing. "It is a pneumatic spear. The Crimson Scepter of Suction."

  "Just stick it in the hole and push!" Aoi yelled, climbing onto the edge of the bathtub to escape the expanding puddle.

  "Understood. I shall purge this demon with the weapon of your ancestors."

  I assumed a combat stance. Feet shoulder-width apart. Knees bent. I held the Crimson Scepter with both hands, the red head poised over the mouth of the roaring beast.

  The water was spilling faster now, a relentless tide of filth. I had no time to lose.

  I took a deep breath, filling my lungs, centering my chakra.

  First Form: The Descent of the Red Moon.

  I thrust the weapon downward. The rubber cup met the porcelain throat of the beast. It formed a perfect seal. The squelching sound—SHULP—was the sound of the weapon locking onto its prey.

  "Hah!"

  I pushed. The handle flexed. I could feel the resistance of the water dragon beneath the ceramic. It was fighting back, pushing against the pressure I applied. The beast was strong.

  "Harder! You have to pump it!" Aoi commanded from the high ground.

  "I shall show it no mercy!"

  I began the rapid assault.

  THWOMP. SQUELCH. THWOMP. SQUELCH.

  I moved with the speed of a striking cobra. My arms were a blur. The sound of the battle echoed off the tiled walls—wet, violent percussions of rubber against porcelain.

  Gurgle... Gurgle...

  The dragon groaned. I could feel the vibration travel up the wooden shaft and into my palms. It was weakening. The vacuum seal created by the Crimson Scepter was disrupting the demon’s chakra flow.

  "Die!" I roared, sweat beading on my forehead. "Return to the earth!"

  The water level wavered. It dropped an inch. Then it surged back up, fighting for its life.

  "It persists!" I gritted my teeth. "It has immense spiritual pressure!"

  "Just keep doing it! Don't stop!"

  I shifted my grip. I needed more power. I needed to utilize the secret technique of the Hattori clan, adapted for this legendary tool.

  I closed my eyes for a fraction of a second, visualizing the flow of water. I visualized the blockage—the heart of the demon deep within the piping.

  Secret Technique: Void Thrust.

  I pulled back the Scepter, breaking the seal for a microsecond to draw in air, then slammed it down with all the strength of my core, engaging my hips and shoulders in a single, devastating kinetic chain.

  KA-THWOMP!

  The sound was like a cannon firing underwater.

  The resistance vanished.

  WHOOOOOOOOSH.

  A glorious sound. The sound of defeat. The water level plummeted instantly, sucked down into the abyss with a violent, swirling roar. The "clog" shattered, the demon's body broken into a thousand pieces and cast back into the shadowy realm from whence it came.

  The bowl emptied, leaving only a few droplets of clean water at the bottom. The silence returned to the Chamber of Purification.

  I stood there, chest heaving, the Crimson Scepter held firmly in my right hand. Water—mixed with the blood of the enemy—dripped from the red rubber head.

  I turned to Lady Aoi. She was still perched on the bathtub, clutching a towel.

  "The beast is vanquished, My Lady," I said, bowing my head. "The seal is restored."

  Aoi stared at me. She stared at the toilet. She stared at the plunger. She let out a long, ragged sigh.

  "Oh, thank god," she muttered, sliding down from the tub. "I thought I was gonna have to call a plumber. Those guys charge like ten thousand yen just to show up."

  Ten thousand yen? A king’s ransom. Truly, she was wise to entrust this battle to me. I had saved the clan a fortune.

  I looked at the Crimson Scepter. It had performed admirably. It had not cracked under the pressure of my strength. It was a weapon worthy of a legend.

  I walked to the sink and began to wash the Scepter with reverence. I used the hot water—the Emperor's water—and the scented soap.

  "What are you doing?" Aoi asked, stepping gingerly over the wet floor.

  "I am cleansing the blade," I replied solemnly. "It has tasted the blood of a foul demon. It must be purified before it can rest."

  "It's... it's just a plunger, Masanari. Just rinse it and put it in the little plastic stand."

  "Nay," I shook my head. "This weapon saved the Citadel. It deserves a place of honor."

  I finished drying the wooden handle with one of Aoi’s face towels (she made a strangled noise when I did this, likely overwhelmed by my dedication). I walked out of the bathroom, holding the Scepter upright like a flag bearer.

  I marched into the living room and placed the Crimson Scepter gently on the mantelpiece, right next to the "PlayStation 5."

  "Masanari! Get that dirty thing off the TV stand!"

  "It is the Excalibur of Suction, My Lady," I said, crossing my arms and nodding with satisfaction. "It shall remain here, watching over the household, ready to strike should the Water Dragon rise again."

  Aoi groaned and collapsed onto the sofa, burying her face in a pillow. "I'm so tired. Why is my life like this?"

  I smiled. She was exhausted from the stress of command. It was natural.

  I looked at the Scepter. The red rubber glistened under the electric lights.

  We fought well today, partner, I thought. We fought well.

  Days Remaining: 93

  Next Time on 100 Days to Legend!

  Aoi: "Masanari! Why is the kitchen on fire?!"

  Masanari: "I attempted to forge a grilled cheese sandwich using the 'Toaster,' but the fire spirit within became enraged!"

  Aoi: "You put the cheese IN the slot?! You're gonna kill us all!"

  Episode 8: The Inferno of Cheddar and the Smoke Detector's Shriek!

  "My Lady, the ceiling is screaming at me!"