Chapter 100

  Castle Archewald, Part III (House Tour)

  Dinner eventually devolves into Archewald telling old stories of his old battles with Lord Dinescu. He’s halfway through a tale involving a pocket realm made entirely of screaming mirrors when his lip trembles.

  It starts as a slight, barely perceptible quiver. Then, his facade collapses entirely.

  “Oh, you bitch,” he wails, mascara already running again. “You just had to go and die on me!”

  The sobs are back.

  No one says anything. No one dares.

  Finally, Archewald wipes his eyes with a napkin.

  “My heart,” he says dramatically, placing a hand over his corset. “It is far too heavy for dessert.”

  He rises, sniffling, turning to the raptor in the fedora at his side.

  “Show them the castle. Prepare the best rooms. They are our honored guests. I am retiring for the night…”

  He pauses at the doorway, looking back at us with a mix of exhaustion, nostalgia, and theatrical tragedy.

  “I’ll see you in the morning,” he says.

  And with a swirl of his gown, he vanishes into the shadows of the hallway, leaving behind nothing but half-eaten meatloaf and an empty chalice.

  “Damn,” I mutter.

  Dessert is olive oil cake. The cake is simple: just a slice of golden, slightly dense cake with a hint of citrus and a drizzle of honeyed syrup that soaks into the edges like a gentle rain on cracked earth.

  And god damn, it’s perfect. Okay, it’s a little chewy, but in a comforting, “your grandma made this” kind of way.

  After dessert, the raptors—now fully re-equipped with their feminine, humanoid legs—gesture for us to follow.

  And so, we receive the full tour of the castle.

  Room after room, each more absurd than the last.

  A ballroom with floating chandeliers made of bioluminescent fungus. A conservatory full of carnivorous plants that all have names and play jazz music. A laboratory and work room filled with a number of benches and tables filled with bubbling cauldrons and half-finished projects, including a few sets of feminine legs. Jelly Boy perks up at this. He buzzes, extending a curious pseudopod towards the mechanical legs.

  Finally, we’re shown to our rooms, which are all conveniently located in the same, narrow hallway. The raptor with the fedora opens a heavy oaken door, revealing a massive bedroom lit by several strategically placed candles. The bed looks lavish as hell, with four posters, velvet sheets, and a sheer canopy that drifts like spider silk in a faint breeze coming through an open window.

  I step in.

  Jelly Boy follows.

  I turn.

  “Hey, J.B.?”

  The slime tilts his gelatinous body toward me.

  “Would you… mind staying with Liv tonight?”

  He lets out a confused little blorp and tilts again, this time forming a crude question mark with his upper half.

  “I just…” I rub the back of my neck. “I don’t think anything’s going to happen. Not after dinner. Not with Archewald. Think the guy is pretty sincere, actually. But… just in case.”

  Jelly Boy buzzes. This time, it’s understanding.

  He extends a pseudopod from his blob body and gives me a little salute and oozes alongside Liv and the others down the hallway as they’re shown the remainder of the rooms.

  And then I’m alone.

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  I sigh, placing the Behemoth Cap and my boots into my Inventory with a simple mental command. I stroll over to the window, closing it and locking the latch. The last thing I need is some monster from the surrounding marshes to swoop in.

  I stretch once, hard enough to pop my back. And then happily collapse into bed.

  The mattress hugs me as it summons a small cloud of dust. I cough, swiping at the dust to clear the air.

  “I guess that’s why the window was open,” I mutter through a few more coughs.

  I lay there on the bed, staring up at the ceiling through the spider silk canopy.

  I want to sleep, but there are some important things I need to tend to first. With a grunt, I pull open my System Menu and flick over to my Quests. I pull up my active Quests, and read the screen that hovers inches from my face, blinking softly:

  Quest: Echoes of a Dead World

  Description: You have agreed to help the inhabitants of Dead World #13. The Realm’s System World Seed has been reawakened and is suffering from corruption. If the fragmented Seed is not removed from this Realm, the volatile seed of power will continue to degrade until causing a World-ending Cataclysm. The System World Seed is located within the Hollowroot Bastion, an area currently locked away. Only Active Participants in the Games are capable of opening the doors to the Hollowroot Bastion.

  OBJECTIVE: Open the doors to the Hollowroot Bastion for the inhabitants of Dead World #13.

  Reward: Return Ticket x1, the Gratitude of the Undead.

  BONUS OBJECTIVE: Successfully access and remove the System World Seed fragment from this Realm.

  Reward: Legendary Spellcaster’s Chest.

  BONUS OBJECTIVE: Learn the history of this Realm and uncover the cause of this problem.

  Reward: Advanced Seeker’s Chest.

  I reconsider the Objectives of the Quest.

  The first objective is straightforward enough. Once we help Walter and the others access the Hollowroot Bastion, we’ll get our ticket home.

  The second raises a couple of questions. First, if Liv, Jelly Boy and I leave as soon as we get our Return Tickets, what will happen to the World Seed fragment and this Realm? Second, if we complete this Bonus Objective, and remove the World Seed fragment from this Realm, what happens then? If we take it back to Earth, are we potentially dooming our own world? Part of me—a very strong part of me—prefers to avoid the question altogether.

  But it’s the third and final Objective that really stands out to me. I was reminded of it during dinner, listening to Walter and Archewald. What is the cause of the instability in the World Seed fragment? Seemingly, it’s been there since the end of this world’s Contest. What did the World Seeds have to do with the God Game? Does Earth have a World Seed too?

  Clearly, there are answers to at least a few of these questions. Why else would the System give me this Bonus Objective? And there’s one person who’s bound to have those answers. Dr. Francis Archewald, the Serpentine Lord.

  “I’ll definitely be paying him a visit,” I say, closing out of the Quest menu entirely.

  Then, I summon my Inventory and withdraw the Attribute Enhancement Potion I received from defeating the Headless Harbinger. A mote of light forms in my palm, and when it fades, I’m holding the potion.

  The vial is small, and glows like a rave in a shot glass. Swirls of color twist inside it—red, gold, and green. The glass-like material of the vial is cold, as though I pulled it straight from the back of the walk-in freezer at Save-Some-Bucks.

  I uncork the vial and throw back its contents, which are surprisingly flavorless.

  You have consumed the Attribute Enhancement Potion!

  Please select a single Primary Attribute to permanently enhance.

  Note: User selection is final. Please make your selection carefully.

  A second screen pops into place over the first System Message, listing my Statistics:

  Strength. Dexterity. Constitution. Intelligence. Wisdom. Spirit.

  I take a deep breath, considering my options. Of which, there are really only two: Strength, and Constitution. Constitution holds up my body, and helps fuel many of my spells by providing my Vitality. But Strength is the foundation for all of my spells, and my Class.

  I ping-pong between the two for a minute.

  Fuck it, I think. There’s only one right answer. One Stat that’s never failed me.

  I mentally select Strength.

  The System immediately responds.

  Ping!

  You have selected to enhance Strength!

  Strength has successfully been enhanced!

  NEW TRAIT: [Muscle Mastery]!

  Description: You have gained absolute control over your Strength and are capable of utilizing 100% of your muscular potential through magically enhanced mind-muscle connection, resulting in complete biomechanical optimization.

  You feel stronger. Sexier? No. Smarter? Hah! But stronger. Definitely stronger!

  Warning: When using complete mind-muscle connection, all clothing and equipment on the User’s upper body without the [Indestructible] quality will be immediately destroyed.

  That last part’s a little strange. It doesn’t sound like the rest of the System message. I remember a couple of times where the tone of the message seemed off, but I don’t recall exactly when exactly that had been.

  And what the hell? Am I reading that right? My new Strength-based Trait has the unfortunate side-effect of spontaneous shirtlessness?!

  Ping!

  SYSTEM MESSAGE: All User Traits have been updated! You have gained access to Level 3 Spells!

  Oh? Oh hell yes!

  I throw my arms up and let out an excited “Whoop!” LEVEL. THREE. SPELLS!

  I’m not sure how many levels exist, actually. But am pretty confident normal spellcasters have access to spells far higher than Level 2. So, enhancing my Strength to increase my threshold seems like a huge boost.

  I close my eyes. Basking in the upgrade and letting a huge smile pull at my face muscles.

  Tomorrow, I’m asking Archewald about the Contest and his history with the Lich Dinescu, and about these cursed jorts. If anyone knows how to un-curse something, it’s the mad man who created these damn things.

  But for now?

  For now, I sleep.

  I’m snoring before I can even think about actually tucking myself into the bed’s dusty sheets.

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