As the afternoon grew later, I made my way across the city and back to the Circle. Its arcane grounds welcomed my arrival, as if happy to see me again.
That nervous feeling had still gripped my chest, however, after my first return. Some part of me still felt separated… like this wasn’t my home, and yet—
“Sebastien!”
It was Amicus, interrupting my brooding. “Ah… hello,” I said, like a breath of relief.
“Are you just now arriving?” He chuckled. “I figured you’d have been here hours ago.”
“My hour or two of rest might have… drawn on a bit longer.” I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly.
“I’m sure it’s alright,” he waved off. “I’m just here to meet with Tarrien; I figured he should be healed up fully by now.”
“Escorting him back to the castle, are we?”
“You could call me a glorified delivery boy, I suppose.” We both laughed. “But yes… we must keep the prince safe.”
“Not the Knight Commander?”
“Depends on the scenario.”
Amicus brought a comfort every time he spoke. An easy presence to be around, it made it difficult to pull oneself away… But the questions still ate at my mind, even with his presence.
“I won’t keep you, though,” he said, “but some of the Knights and I are going out tonight to a tavern called Alethia’s Bosom, if you’d like to join. Tarrien may come as well… if you’d like to tag along.”
“Oh…” I said, reminiscing for a moment, “Yes, absolutely, I’d love to.” I smiled. It would be nice to do something separate from this… from everything. I distanced my mind from what he and I did there; I’d make a different memory.
“Great,” he said, patting my shoulder gently and smiling. “See you tonight then?”
“Yes, of course, I’ll see you then.”
He walked into the circle, disappearing through the arched door. I took a breath and followed suit; I feared I had kept Father waiting long enough.
Upon entering the main hall, mages and Knights Arcana alike walked the chamber, to and from classes, and studied in comfortable corners throughout. A true space of knowledge, I thought… It reminded me of something from my past, bringing a sense of belonging this time.
Though as I rose higher through the halls and to my father's quarters, that feeling dimmed.
I met Amoria along the way; she stood in the hall connecting our father’s quarters to our own, a look of impatience on her face.
“Are you well…?” I asked.
“I could ask the same of you.” She said, “But yes.” She took a deep breath. “You took your time, didn’t you?”
“I apologize… I just needed to be away awhile, by myself.” I said.
“It is alright, honestly. I’ve only just arrived myself. Amicus retrieved Tarrien after his healing and took him back to the castle… He was far worse off than we thought. We’re lucky we made it back in time.”
“Oh…,” I said.
“I… thank you, Sebastien.” She said, “If not for you, he would be dead. I’m—not sure how I would have coped with that.”
“It is no problem,” I told her. “Tarrien has become a great friend since I arrived. I would do it again… anytime.”
She smiled.
From his hall, our father finally emerged in his regal blue robes lined in hues of silver and gold… opulence. “Ah… my children, finally you’ve returned.” He glanced at me for a moment. “And you… have changed. I feel it.”
“That is another reason why we have come,” Amoria said.
“First things first,” he said, turning and beckoning us to follow. “I trust you retrieved this power?”
Amoria and I glanced at each other, confused.
“Well?” he questioned.
“Father,” Amoria stated, “do you not wish to hear what happened? We struggled greatly in our attempt to retrieve it.”
“Of course I do,” he smiled gently. “So… tell me, how was your journey?” There was a hint of something in his words and demeanor. Impatience, perhaps? Or disinterest? Amoria’s brow lay furrowed as usual… it being likely that she noticed too.
“Well, to start, removing your ward was a hassle,” she said. “Far more overcomplicated than necessary.”
“And yet… you removed it. Did you not?”
She exhaled, “With Sebastien’s help, yes.”
“That’s wonderful… to see the two of you work together, I am proud.”
“It is not just that,” I interrupted. “There was not more than a moment of peace while we were down there. We camped briefly after traversing through the upper ruins before making it to the city, and then almost immediately we were attacked!”
“By thralls,” he laughed almost.
“By a Dread Maw… father,” Amoria said.
“Surely you jest.” He waved away her words. Dread Maws were legends in most parts of the world, highly undocumented. But of all people, I would have expected the Archmage to believe. After all, every legend has at least a nugget of truth.
“I do not jest, father.” She said. “If not for Sebastien, we would be dead. He was the only one with knowledge of them.”
“Amoria… Your conjuring of holy magics helped as well. It was a team effort, not just me.”
“And still, we struggled against it before you jumped in.” She turned back to our father, “This is why we should put more stock into legends at the Circle, so that no mage should ever struggle when encountering such a terror.”
“I shall note that…” he said. “And what of the rest?”
My mind fell to Terror, the shadowed figure that tried to impede our encounter with étienne. “Eventually we were separated. And soon, we fought a strange being known as Terror, who I believe Halcyon and I first encountered during our time in Elm, if only just the sight of him…”
“Describe him…”
“Like a living shadow,” I said, “and somehow he was connected to this dark fog that seemed to infect the lower city. He… tormented me. Conjuring illusions of—everyone.”
“It is true,” Amoria nodded. “Amicus and I figured that part out quickly, though soon we reunited with Sebastien and fought the monster.”
“Her command of greater magic won the day, I would say.”
“No…” she looked at me scowling, “You enhanced the spell, which was what ended him…”
“You both contributed…” He assured us.
“It is worth noting that Amicus helped as well…” I muttered.
He nodded. “And what of étienne?
We both hesitated for a moment… and we knew why. The more I thought, the less it made sense.
“Halcyon and I dispatched him…” I said.
He gave Amoria a disapproving nod. “And you…?” he asked.
“She fought to protect us from other threats he summoned,” I said, defending her, though a tad angrily. “We were exhausted at this point; separating was all we could do.”
His expression receded.
“I am happy to hear he did not succeed in making this power his own.” He said.
It was obvious he was not interested in the rest of the story. For whatever reason, his disposition seemed different than when I first arrived. A frustration gnawed at me…
“And the power itself…? Where is it now? I trust you brought it back safely?”
“I—”
Amoria interrupted, “It disappeared… after the battle.”
“What?” His brows twisted downward.
“I… it’s true.” I said. For whatever reason, I knew she would not lie if she felt it unnecessary.”
He exhaled and smiled. “Well… I suppose it cannot be helped. All we can be thankful for is that it is not in the hands of our adversaries.”
“Might we be excused, Father?” She said, bowing. “I would like to check in with the rest of our friends.”
“Yes, of course…” he said, “Sebastien, I trust you’ll be returning home tonight?”
“Ah,” I said. “Amicus invited me out for drinks with the Knights Arcana tonight. I may just stay at the tavern.”
“That is very well, of course. I hope in time you will find it in you to spend a night here…”
“I will try, Father.” I bowed.
Amoria and I departed, a silence between the two of us as we made our way down the main hall, and left the college. Upon the bridge back to the mages district, she slowed her stride, walking closer to me.
“I am sorry for lying…”
“Why did you?” I asked.
“I’m not sure yet…” she admitted. “There was just—something strange. In any case, I’m going to go meet with Tarrien; we’ll come find you. Just relax for the night if you can.”
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She walked off quickly; whatever was going on seemed strange, but with the questions still looming in my mind, I found myself wishing for solace again.
I departed the Mage’s District with little reluctance, opting to pass through the Commons district. A piece of me desperately wished for Kygaron to feel like home… After all these years, though, that hope seemed like a fever dream.
Though as I set foot upon the home of the common folk and wandered through its cramped, cozy streets… The scent of baked goods and cherry blossoms hung upon the air, drowning out the salty sea breeze, and for a time, made me forget my plights.
The commoners thrived here, almost seeming to ignore the massive city heights above them.
Lights lined the streets at this later hour, illuminating the passersby, who weaved around me politely, and the fishermen who happily reeled in their bites right off the edge of the dock-like streets. Anyone who met my eye had only the most polite smiles, and as I waded through further, I came upon a street pinned closely against the base of the north wall. Planters with small cherry blossom trees seeped over the streets beautifully, their petals filled the breeze, and one fell gently into my hand… as if a small gift. In some way, these petals reminded me of something, a far-off memory, scattered…
Kids played in the petals, throwing them into the air, and an old man swept them into the water, shouting at the children to move, but they ignored him, existing only in their glee. Oh, to be a kid, I thought… Wishing I could have had that.
The hour became long, however, and the streets grew darker. I decided to make my way up to the Archway district and to Alethia’s Bosom. Everything from that night with Halcyon became almost too real again… But I distanced my mind from it, and soon I came upon Amicus, who waved to me, smiling ear to ear.
“Sebastien!” he shouted. “I’m so glad you decided to come; I was beginning to think you changed your mind.” He scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
“Not at all,” I smiled, “but my wandering might have grown a bit long. I didn’t expect the Commons District to be so beautiful; just seeing it from above doesn’t do it justice.”
“You know, not enough people share that opinion. A good walk through there now and again is… something else.”
We both laughed.
He was dressed down, as I hadn’t seen before. Out of his normal armor, he wore a simple brown tunic with cut-off sleeves and light woolen trousers. Simple, yet worn, leather shoes adorned his feet.
“Forgive me, I haven’t seen you out of your armor yet,” I chuckled.
“There’s a lot you haven’t seen of me,” he raised a brow.
I blushed almost, though we both laughed heartily.
“I’m only playing, he said. Outside of being a knight, I’m a commoner boy at heart... or man,” he chuckled. “Nice robes, by the way; never noticed till now.”
“Thank you,” I grinned.
“Alright, let’s go in. My bones are aching for some celebration!” He whined.
Entering the tavern, it seemed twice as bustling as it was the night Halcyon and I came. But the mood itself was almost infectious, and at a corner table sat a group that waved down Amicus and me.
“There’s my men!” Amicus bantered.
Each of them roared in approval. “Sit, man!” one said. “We just ordered another round.”
“Took you long enough,” one winked. “Amicus has been waiting an hour!”
“No, I haven’t,” Amicus chuckled. “Forty-five minutes at most.”
The men moved, letting us sit, and we were pushed shoulder to shoulder.
“I’m so sorry!” Amicus said, smiling.
“It’s perfectly alright,” I assured him, “though the seat might beg to differ.”
The men talked amongst themselves. They were friends and fellow knights of the ones who had fallen in Old Kygar, Amicus told me. It’s a tradition in Kygaron to celebrate when a friend falls in battle. You recall their deeds, the honor with which they lived their lives, and the honor they’ve been granted to exist now in a better place. Though with their words of celebration, there was a twinge of sadness in Amicus’s face, as he tried to drown it with drink.
The banter died down as every knight now talked amongst themselves, one or two leaving for the night.
“So how are you, Sir Amicus?” I joked.
“Sir makes me sound so old!” He cried, “Please don’t call me that.” His cheeks were red from drink, and some of his hair fell loosely from the rest tied up.
“Brother Amicus?”
“That sounds worse!” he griped sarcastically, taking another drink.
“How are you?” I asked. “After everything?”
He exhaled, “It was… a lot.”
“It truly was,” I admitted as well. “I’m glad it isn’t only me.”
“I think everyone is a bit harrowed by it. I never expected to experience things like that when I was knighted.”
I nudged him, “You held up well though. Especially when we fought Terror.”
“That beast,” he mumbled.
“You surprised him and then overwhelmed him not long after. Without you, that fight could have gone a lot differently.”
“If you think so,” he said. “I’m sorry… I mean, thank you.”
“You don’t deserve to have a low opinion of yourself.” I assured him
He smiled again.
“You’re… kind of amazing, you know? To watch you fight, just like watching Amoria fight it, leaves one in awe.” He seemed to sink into himself a tad shyly, cheeks more red than before.
“I wouldn’t say amazing…”
“No,” he interrupted, “you are.” A gleeful expression lit up his face. “You glide across a battlefield like a… God, almost. You tank blows that would shatter anyone else’s arms, and what did you call that one—ability?”
“Godspeed?” I grinned.
“Yes… the power it fills you with— how do you think straight?”
“Practice,” I chuckled, taking a sip. His words and positivity felt infectious in the moment. He talked with a fire, an admiration, framing the speed and motions of battle with his hands… there was a passion there.
“I’m going to have to train more…” he commented. “I’d never dreamed of such threats. If I am to help protect Kygaron, I need to get stronger.”
“But you are strong…”
He set down his cup, turning to face me and resting his head on his palm tiredly. “I am… the average knight. Dread Maw, vampires, thralls, and undead—I need to study and train more. I don’t want to be in the dark when it counts.”
A sentiment I shared. If there was one thing I hated most, it was not knowing. In general, a lack of understanding was maddening to me in any situation. I placed a hand on his shoulder. “You went through all that and survived, and it's changed your outlook. In a way, you could say it made you stronger and wiser.”
He looked away, unsure.
“You’re better for it now,” I assured him. “You’re not any average knight, and you do yourself a disservice thinking such a thing. You are… in the dark no more—Sir Amicus,” I winked. “You are, and will become stronger, and survive again. I know it.”
For a moment, as my hand was on his shoulder, he placed his on it gently. “But I didn’t, did I?”
My heart sank… and flashes of before flooded my mind. The hopeless feeling that comes when you witness death before you, a cold chill ran down my spine.
“It’s okay,” he grasped my hand gently.
“Y… you remember?” I stuttered.
“Mostly,” he said. “I have glimpses.”
Glimpses, he told me—much like mine, fractured, but all part of one whole. There was a flash, as he described it… When the Dread Maw collided with him, a moment where his sight grew dull and his body went numb, he knew what had happened. He could feel the rocks and rubble beneath his skin in the next moment and a coldness in his chest. His sight returned next, so foggy but focused on me…
“Thank you, Sebastien, for saving me.” He said, explaining no further.
“I’m sorry…” I said, feeling my eyes well up. “If it hurt… I, I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Stop that!” he said. “I am not sorry.” He smiled at me, his hand now on my shoulder, sitting closer to me than before.
“Thank you,” he assured me, “I don’t care about the rest—how it felt, or whatever. You saved me, and that’s all that matters. I don’t wish you to hold the rest of that with you.”
I wiped my eyes. “I understand…,” I sniffled.
He took his hand from my shoulder and sighed exhaustedly, “It might be the alcohol talking, but I think we’re both pretty deep into our cups at this point.”
“I… enjoyed this.” I admitted.
“I did too.”
We were silent for a moment or two, just enjoying the ambiance of the late night. The remaining knights had gone a while ago, and but a few patrons remained.
“Would you like to… accompany me home? It is getting rather late and all.”
“I’d be happy too,” I said. “Shouldn’t take long to get to the Circle from here.”
“Oh, I’m not staying in the tower tonight…” he said.
“Oh?”
“I have a small home in the Commons district. I prefer to stay there on… well, nights like this,” he laughed.
“Alright, I’ll follow you then.”
We left the tavern for the empty street of the Archway district. The silver light of the moon seemed to make the stone of the kingdom glow a faint blue, and the breeze flowed fresh and cool. “There’s a shortcut this way,” he said to me. Sprinting happily through the registrar house and to the south side of the archway. It descended down into the shipyard and past a shop called Ashton’s Fishery. “Old man Ash won’t be mad; I do this all the time.” Further we descended, now below the archway and down a damp stairwell. Soon we reached the streets of the Commons district and slowed our stride. The golden lamplight illuminated the wooded streets.
“Where is your home?” I asked.
“It’s not far. I just enjoy walking here at night… the sight of the city above, bathed in the moonlight.” He inhaled, “I love it,” though his walk itself was a tad unsteady… As was mine, I laughed to myself.
Soon we came upon the edge of the commons beneath at the base of the mage’s district, passing by a large church-like structure.
“The Alethian Temple…” he said warmly. “I go to their service every so often. You know they say she walks among us at times... and you can even feel her influence in every sermon.”
“Truly?” I muttered.
He nodded.
We finally passed through a tunnel to a rather private end of the Commons district in a small, secluded fjord, blocked off from the ocean by a wall. Gazing above was the bridge to the Circle… it seemed so much bigger.
Just a handful of houses lay here, a tad larger and more intricate than the ones in the Commons, but the area itself was its own in a way. It was lit still by golden lamps, but nature shone as well. Fireflies flew upon the breeze, and the water shifted calmly.
“How did I not see this before?” I said.
His home lay against the cliffs under a large willow, covered in leaves and ivy. It was smaller than the rest here.
“Home sweet home,” he smiled.
“It’s almost idyllic.” I said.
“Would you… like to come in?”
“Of course.”
Though cozy, his home was mostly bare within. A table and one chair sat in one corner and his bed in the other.
“I know… I know,” he chuckled. “It isn’t much. I haven’t had much time to furnish it with how much the Circle asks of our time. It took almost six months' wages to afford this place.”
I smiled, “I’d live here too if it were me.”
He chuckled.
“Well… I suppose I should get going, perhaps, as late as it has gotten.”
I turned to leave, and he grabbed my hand.
“At… the risk of being too forward. I may have had you accompany me for another reason.”
My face flushed red. Could he truly…? It felt so sudden.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he laughed awkwardly. “Perhaps it’s because I owe you my life… Or perhaps it’s the alcohol speaking. But there’s just something, and I can’t…”
He stammered, but I understood. In such a private light, I could see him in a different perspective. Amicus, a strong, loyal knight. He had worked hard, so far, for what he had gotten and wished to work toward even more. He was a passionate and driven individual, humorous and kind. His loose hair fell messily over his face, framing his almost golden brown eyes that I hadn’t noticed before.
“Ah... It’s the alcohol, isn’t it?” He said, scratching the back of his head. “I’m sorry if I’ve made things awkward.”
“No… you haven’t.” I said.
“It’s just… I know we talked about Halcyon when we were in Old Kygar, and—I know you’re still raw from it. Gods, I chose the wrong time.” Anxiety filled his demeanor as he shifted stressfully.
“No, no…” I held up my hand. “It’s okay, please don’t stress yourself.” I smiled.
He seemed unsure, his red cheeks having flushed more.
“I… yes, I am still ‘raw’ from it. Halcyon is, unfeeling almost, but sometimes I see something, a glimmer or… honestly, I’m not sure. In truth, we both agreed to forget the experience.”
His brows raised sadly, “And you don’t want to forget it…”
“No… But it doesn’t matter what I think. He decided, and perhaps it’s better for me to distance myself from it for now.” I said, gazing upon the loose buttons on his shirt.
Again he looked away…
“Are you alright?” I stepped closer.
“I… don’t know. I feel I have a habit of making the wrong choices in these situations.”
“How do you mean?”
“I’d be… using you, I think. Probably because of what you did for me. And I’m hardly sober—it’d be wrong, wouldn’t it?”
“Morals can… sometimes be gray, someone told me before. I don’t know what is right in this situation, and I am hardly sober either, but I don’t think anything about you is ‘wrong,’” I smiled.
He stepped closer to me, a tad more confidence in his expression.
“If you would… like to, perhaps we could lose ourselves for tonight,” I said. “And forget about everything else for a while.”
“I—think I would like that.” He whispered, but a few inches from me now. “And you’re… sure you’re okay with this?”
In that moment, though the room seemed fuzzy, a gentle warmth filled me as I pulled him closer to me by his loose collar. “Yes…”
His lips fell against mine with a soft fervor, as if something we both needed desperately. He wrapped both his arms around me tightly, pulling me as close as he could. We fumbled in our embrace, but little by little, we moved toward his bed… laughing as we struggled awkwardly to remove our clothes.
“You wear too much,” he chuckled, kissing me again as he removed the straps of my robes.
“Shh,” I silenced him, pulling him close again as he removed the remainder of my clothes.
We fell onto his bed, which creaked under our weight. “Gods,” I said, both of us laughing again. His hands over my skin as I lay on top of him made my body lust for more as I kissed his neck.
“Is this alright?” I paused for a moment.
“Gods, yes,” he said, pulling me back in.
We forgot, for a time, everything we had gone through, and everything we were dealing with dulled under our awkward, pleasured embraces. What had initially surprised me had brought me solace for a night…
“Thank you...” he whispered to me, breathless.
And I hoped that for him, what we shared that night brought him some solace as well…
Our lips had meant one final time, “Thank you…” I whispered back.
In the late hour, he had finally fallen asleep… and having said my goodbyes beforehand, I tucked him in gently and gathered my clothes. Perhaps a part of me felt it inappropriate to stay, but I knew he would not mind either way. For now, my mind no longer raced, and this wonderful man I’d come to know had brought me comfort.
Looking back one more time as I opened the door, I smiled as I heard his light snore and chuckled before departing.
I yawned deeply upon the chill night breeze, rubbing my eyes as I began my stride… being stopped immediately by what felt like a brick wall.
My foggy gaze focused upon crimson eyes fixed on me and a frustrated scowl.
Wide-eyed, I gasped, “Halcyon….”
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