It didn’t start so bad, for a nightmare. It could’ve been bad from the start—it was that memory of the house in Vorsa, looking out into the garden, while crimson dusk covered the sky.

  “I don’t like this.” As I said that, I realized I didn’t have to stay there. It was my dream. I could be anywhere I wanted to be.

  So the old house disappeared. I was standing in the desert, and my boots had sunk on powdery sand. The night sky was the same as it’d ever been. No matter where I looked, I could see as far as the horizon would allow. And there was no one with me, other than maybe an owl gliding silently over my head, almost the same nothing as the space above.

  “This is a good pce. I’m safe here.”

  Maybe, if I hadn’t said that, things wouldn’t have gotten worse. All I know is, right after saying it, I realized it’d been a mistake. And I wanted to leave, but it was too te.

  Something came snaking out of the ground, a more colorless grey than the colorless grey sand. It was an arm and it was an arm I knew. The hand of it closed around my face, so that I was looking through its fingers, and I breathed the nauseating smell of roses, dead flowers giving off enough stench to choke the heavens, stomach-churningly sweet and soft like meat so rotten it bursts under your touch. And I fell back—though the hand wouldn’t let go of me—not on sand but on decomposing petals, a sticky wet mulch that gave in under my weight, warm with its own decay. My head was full of a buzzing sound and I didn’t know if it was from the flies this thing had surely attracted or if something had broken inside me, like when your ears start buzzing on their own.

  Even then, I remembered to kick at the arm with everything I had. “Go away! I’m gonna kill you!”

  I didn’t even meant that as a threat. I said it to remind myself that’s what I was going to do—though at the time it was very hard to believe.

  Maybe it worked, maybe it was just a coincidence. What matters is that, somewhere amid my frenzied kicking and struggling, I managed to loosen the arm from my face. I backed away from it, crawling on my hands, not moving very fast ‘cause the composting flowers crumbled under my weight, and stuck to me in a yer of slime that dragged me down.

  Something reached down to me and pulled me up. Guess that helped in some other way, ‘cause the crushed flowers turned back into sand.

  I fell on my knees, shaking too hard to stand. Somehow, I was afraid of that woman knowing I was pnning to kill her, as if she’d really gotten into my dream.

  But that was irrational. Like the nightmares I had right after I came back from Vorsa at thirteen. I used to wake up screaming and scare the twins, but when my grandmas asked me what was going on, all I could expin was some nonsense of the kind you dream every night and mostly just forget about. It wasn’t even a lie. That was all that went through my mind. I couldn’t even tell you why it scared me like that.

  It’s just that, when I was dreaming, it felt too real. And this was the same. I knew that woman didn’t live under the desert sand and didn’t have an overly long and stretchy arm, but that didn’t matter. I was convinced she’d find out somehow.

  Vanth went down on one knee by my side. Of course it was him.

  “You shouldn’t have come,” I said. “I wasn’t really in danger. Though I guess that’s not the way it felt.”

  He reached out a hand and ran his fingertips down my cheek. For a moment, I thought he was maybe tracing down my tears, except I don’t cry so that wasn’t possible. The weirdest part, though, is that he didn’t say anything. Sure, a lot of the time, Vanth had a penchant for finding the right words to piss me off. But I could argue back. That was better.

  I didn’t really like that realization.

  Arguing with Vanth wasn’t even that bad, though he sometimes felt like a headache. It was a pain at first, when I thought I had to tiptoe around his feelings, but now I just said whatever I wanted to.

  “You saw that, didn’t you? Guess it doesn’t make much of a difference. I’d prefer it if you didn’t go around, showing up in my nightmares uninvited. Remembering things I can’t remember. It’s not your fault, but it just makes me uncomfortable.”

  Again, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t even seem to have heard anything.

  I sighed. “What a dumbass. Me, not you. You’re not even real. I just dreamed you up. Why do I even worry?”

  ‘cause you’re right to worry

  I took a deep breath. “Hey, I don’t like you giving me a bnk stare with my lover’s face. It’s creepy. Turn into something less unnerving.”

  In the blink of an eye, Dream Vanth turned into a bck mitema. Still kinda creepy, not even blinking or anything, but better.

  That didn’t make sense. I could influence my dreams, so why would I make them disturbing to me?

  Without taking my eyes out of the mitema, I grabbed my utility knife and stabbed them right through their left eye. The mitema fpped their wings, hooting and screeching; I jumped on top of them, stabbing them in the long flexible neck.

  “I know who you are! I’m gonna find you and kill you! Try to hide away from me all you want, piece of shit! It’s not gonna happen!”

  The mitema melted into a pool of bubbling dark liquid, something between tar and half-congealed blood. Still I tried to stab this, but it seeped through the sand and disappeared.

  I dropped on my knees again. This time, I was shaking with rage. That the same person who’d murder my entire family to get to me would invade my dream—I couldn’t even think of a word that properly conveyed just how nauseating it felt. I should be able to kill them twice!

  Footsteps behind my back—boots crunching on the sand. I gripped my knife and swung around, ready to stab them again, and only stopped myself at the very st moment when I realized it was Vanth.

  The real Vanth. Seeing him, it became obvious how dull and lifeless the eyes of the fake Vanth were.

  The tip of my bde, glistening with blood and vitreous humor, wasn’t very far from his throat. My hand trembled so much I couldn’t have stabbed him anymore if I’d wanted to.

  Vanth almost-smiled. He leaned in and kissed my bloody knife. I dropped it; suddenly I felt almost too weak to stand. Vanth cradled my hand on both of his own. Raised it to his face, so that he could smell my skin.

  “Wake up,” he said.

  If I’d had any lingering doubts of Vanth’s identity, that would’ve evaporated them. So typical! Showing up and telling me what to do!

  Frustratingly, I agreed with him, and my dream faded away before I could tell him what I really thought about him. My surroundings were nothing but impenetrable dark; under me was a soft, comforting mattress.

  I blinked my eyes open. Vanth was lying in bed with me, his head resting on an arm, the soft cascade of his hair wrapped around his shoulders. I didn’t need to look down to know he wasn’t wearing anything. Again.

  “Why do yo keep doing this?” I asked.

  “Because you like it.” No need to pretend we didn’t understand what the other was talking about.

  “I never said that.”

  “I guessed it.”

  “You must lose a lot of money betting.”

  “I don’t bet. It’s unfair to everyone else.”

  I sat up. One of the curtains was drawn, letting in bright sunlight. Valentino seemed to be fast asleep—well, he’d had a tough couple of days too.

  Vanth pushed me down again. “Bring the entire hotel if you want. I don’t care.”

  I kinda liked the sound of that—at the very least, I liked that he seemed to want me so much he didn’t care about anything else. But that made things worse! I couldn’t allow myself to forget about that nightmare. So I pushed Vanth away.

  “For a moment I thought there was a real, non-your-dick-reted emergency somewhere.” That wasn’t true. I was a bit upset and took it out on him is all.

  “There’s probably one somewhere in the world. Happy now?”

  Instead of replying, I stood up. “Gotta talk.”

  Last night I’d barely looked around before going to bed, I was so tired. And it’s not as if there wasn’t anything worth looking at. You could tell it was a fancy room ‘cause you could fit an entire apartment in the bathroom alone. It had a whole closet for towels and such, and its own balcony. Who even puts a balcony on their bathroom? Rich people, that’s who.

  I locked the door and, since I was already in the bathroom and all, took that chance to pee and wash my face and brush my teeth. If Vanth didn’t like it, he could always show up at a civilized time of the day.

  Of course, we were already so close that getting married wouldn’t really make a lot of difference for us. But I didn’t want to think about that just yet.

  “The necromancer showed up in my nightmare. I think.”

  Vanth had taken seat on the lip of the—indoor pool, I’d say. You really couldn’t call that a bathtub. A painted coral reef grew all over it; I’m sure it had fish and stuff when you filled it with water.

  “That’s rather unlikely. What happened?”

  “I should go get myself a drink. Don’t even care about a migraine anymore. No, don’t get up. It’s better if Valentino doesn’t wake up.”

  As I told him what’d just happened, I finished my morning things and went to sit close to him.

  “Remember,” he said, “how unlikely it is for someone to locate you across the dreamvoid?”

  “Yeah. But I’m being found over and over again. First the sniffers—oh, wait. Do you think that right now was some othe creature from the underworld?”

  Vanth had one foot on the floor and the other leg dangling into the pool, running his toes on the bottom. And he looked like he didn’t know where to put his arms, but something about that looked weirdly intimate to me. It made me want to touch him, so it wasn’t entirely a good thing. I didn’t want to get distracted so soon.

  “Still unlikely. I’d say it was a nightmare. I felt your distress across the dreamvoid, you know. That’s why you saw me there.”

  I frowned. “But not why you came here.”

  “I think you’re old enough to figure that one out.”

  I scoffed. It’s the tone he used, the thing that got in your nerves the most. He sounded as if he was being magnanimous in not calling you an idiot to your face.

  When he got like that, I forgot about being worried. I was too busy being annoyed at him.

  “Then I’m—“ I pulled my knees up. “I’m going crazy.”

  “You’re tired and scared.” Vanth brushed a hairlock off my forehead. I thought of how Dream Vanth had reached out to me, like a pale imitation of the real thing. Maybe he was right. Maybe I’d dreamed up a fake Vanth so that I could stab him. “With good reason. Don’t take it too seriously. It’ll only make things worse.”

  I scoffed again. “It’s easy to say that. You’re not the one going crazy.”

  “I’ve already gone crazy.”

  “That I can believe. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Don’t worry. I meant it. You should hear what they say about me in Vorsa whenever they think it won’t reach my ears.”

  “Somehow I don’t think those people have a right to say that. Other people, maybe. But not anybody from court.”

  “Thanks. I’ll consider being more patient during your training.”

  “That again?” Good thing I still had my legs up. My underwear didn’t exactly provide any concealment for whatever my cock wanted to do. That woulda made it really hard to sound convincingly unimpressed.

  “Of course. One must set standards for one’s pets.”

  “Don’t you get tired of it?”

  “I’ll let you know when that happens. You’re the first one.”

  My heart gave a little jump. I wanted to expin that as a consequence of still being tired, or waking up so unpleasantly, or whatever. But that wasn’t a good expnation.

  The thing is, I’d never been special to any of my lovers. And that was perfectly fine! All I’d wanted was sex. At the first hint of somebody getting clingy with me, I made my getaway.

  Since I couldn’t do that anymore—I guess being special was a good thing.

  Vanth looked at me. Anything I could say felt like an admission of something, so I didn’t say anything.

  “Back at New Tomenedra,” he said, “I didn’t speak when you were bothering that guy about his wife, because I thought it’d make things worse. It’d make it look like something serious. And I’ve been know for sleeping with the wives—well, spouses—of people at court.”

  “That don’t surprise me.”

  “It’s not as bad as it could be. The papers shy away from me, for whatever reason—superstition or something. So it doesn’t quite reach the level of scandal. I don’t want you looking at other people, though, so I won’t look at other people either.”

  “Not even in joke?”

  “No.” He ran his hand through his hair, sweeping it away from his face. “Do you find that excessive?”

  “And if I do?”

  He only sort-of-smiled and said nothing.

  “That was just a question,” I said. “I think it’s fair. You know—that one time, when I said I might sleep with Valentino, I only wanted to needle you. That was pretty clear, I think. But even if it was clear—those things could upset you, so I won’t do it again.”

  I swear Vanth’s lower lip trembled for a fraction of a second. I blinked and it was gone, but it happened.

  “Did I upset you by saying I could upset you?” I asked.

  “No, it’s not that.”

  I swear Vanth sounded like he wasn’t too far from tears.

  “Did I do something wrong?”

  “Don’t worry.” Vanth looked away.

  It was the weirdest thing. Maybe, if I’d had an actual retionship before—with someone who wasn’t such a weirdo—this wouldn’t be so confusing!

  Next thing I knew, Vanth grabbed my arm and pulled me closer so that he could close a fist on my hair. His lips smmed against mine. I tasted his tongue in my mouth. That was too violent to be called a kiss. I understood that kinda thing. I understood the way he looked at me, like he wanted to sink his teeth into me and leave a mark.

  I managed to pull away from him. “You’re still scary.”

  “You still like it.”

  “You said that, not me.” I hoped the smile on my face was a particurly annoying one.

  “Did you think I’d forget your words so soon?” He grabbed my wrist. We were too close for me to have anywhere to retreat to.

  “You have no proof.”

  He actually ughed at that. “I’ll show you proof.”

  broccolifloret