\|/ Turn 51, late light

  We found my ship. We haven’t eaten. I’m lying over Mik.

  My wish of not dreaming anything was granted, because I barely slept at all. Despite it being warm, I felt incredibly cold the entire night, and my stomach was cramping horribly. Poisoning myself on an empty stomach was perfect timing.

  Mik slept, though it was awakened by my groaning a few times. The entire dark felt like a blur, with some points of me seeing things that weren’t there.

  I woke up pressed to Mik when early light came, though I remembered laying down on the opposite side. My stomach twisted the moment I got up, sending me into a painful cramp on the ground, away from Mik. Mik still wasn’t awake yet, so I tried to keep my crying as quiet as possible.

  I didn’t want to lose Mik again, so I stayed close to it until it woke up. I thought about writing in my journal, but I was too devastated at the time. The shadow’s kin was still freshly carved into my memory.

  Mik woke up sometime later. Time felt like it was passing weirdly, meaning I wasn’t sure how long I’d been waiting.

  Mik mostly ignored me, slowly coming to its senses and sipping some of the grass water I had made. It took very small sips, which was far smarter than my approach.

  Mik went over to me, while I was still sitting on the ground. I mentally prepared myself for scolding or an argument, but Mik didn’t do that. Instead, it crouched, without any kind of greeting, and simply pointed to “Where?” written in its journal.

  The coldness crushed me. Even Mik being mad would’ve been better.

  I grabbed onto its leg and pulled myself up, struggling for a moment as I felt dizzy. Mik didn’t offer any help.

  I took the half empty bowl and followed the electric grass valley.

  While we were walking, I was desperately looking around for food. I saw fungi, but eating random fungus would be suicide. I saw what looked like berries. I wanted to run towards them, but my legs wouldn’t support me if I tried, so I walked to them. Mik followed me to them.

  But when we got there, I saw that the berries were all deep green.

  Suns… please…

  I shuffled around the bush, trying to find a single berry that was ripe, but it was hopeless. At this state, I couldn’t possibly differentiate which were poisonous, and which weren’t.

  I feel like eating my own tail right now.

  We continued along the valley. It kept getting warmer and warmer, and I tasted Mik more in the air. I walked along the treeline as much as I could, so Mik wouldn’t collapse from being under light.

  As we passed an uprooted tree, Mik suddenly stopped. I didn’t notice until I was a bit further away.

  “Maya” I heard Mik calling out to me.

  I was completely distracted, aimlessly continuing forward. I was looking around for food, half dozing in my state of disfunction.

  I heard something running up to me, and suddenly Mik was in my view. It had turned me around, so I was facing it. It felt like I was just suddenly facing it.

  I couldn’t make out what it’s face was trying to portray. It felt like my eyes couldn’t focus, no matter how much I forced them to. Writing this is hard in the same way. It’s so damn blurry and shaky.

  Mik led me to a toppled tree. I was praying it had found something edible.

  Mik crouched next to the roots, saying something.

  I finally managed to make myself focus to see what Mik was babbling about.

  The roots looked like a…? grid. That’s the word. I don’t even remember how to say ‘grid’ out loud anymore. They were a grid-like structure, with some kinds of veins jutting between them. How something like that could get uprooted was beyond me. The winds would’ve picked me up had we stayed outside, if they could do something like that.

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  Mik was saying something, while crushing one of the ‘veins’, with its bottle positioned underneath. What looked like clear liquid poured in.

  So that’s how you water bottle…

  As Mik continued talking, I started drifting to sleep while standing.

  I snapped awake when I felt water being poured lightly on my head.

  “Wha?!”

  I saw Mik, smiling slightly, holding the water bottle above me.

  I enveloped Mik, barely keeping myself from crying.

  I was so afraid that Mik wouldn’t ever smile at me again. Calling it a threat display is so sunsdamned stupid of me. I would give anything for a smile. I have to teach everyone that smiling is good.

  Mik tapped my back and slowly pried me off. I didn’t want to let go, but my left arm strained from fighting Mik prying me off, so I had to.

  I offered Mik my tail. I couldn’t stop smiling when it took it, and I continued leading.

  I fell asleep while walking at times (how’s that even possible?). I almost walked into the valley, but Mik stopped me. My foot was already on the mesh when it yanked me back. It probably shouldn’t’ve. That would’ve woken me up properly…

  At one point, I tasted CHD in the air.

  Not real… not real…

  When I stopped tasting it, I snapped to my senses and turned around.

  Mik bumped into me, making me fall. It lost its grip on my tail.

  I closed my eyes, ready for the impact, when a hand caught me by my back. Mik quickly pulled its right hand away when it caught on a thorn, letting me gently fall to the ground.

  “Sorry!” I blurted out, standing back up and quickly grabbing Mik’s hand. The flesh looked irritated, a white line with red surrounding it, but it wasn’t bleeding. I licked it once.

  Mik pulled its hand back, yelping when I did that.

  Salty…

  “Better now?” I asked Mik. It didn’t respond, wiping its hand against its clothes repeatedly.

  …why did I do that?

  Unsure of what I was doing at that point, I smiled at Mik and headed back towards where I could taste strong sweetness.

  Mik followed, lagging behind a bit. It was really warm at that point, probably a bit past midlight, but I think I had confused it more than anything. It’s probably still confused, being next to me and writing in its own journal. ‘The alien licked me’. Good book title. I should publish ‘I licked the alien’. It would be more popular than every one of my academics combined. What am I writing about? Right, Chd.

  I followed the ChD in the air, veering off the valley. Mik was probably somewhere behind me. I heard it struggling to get through bushes and such. What it gets for making fun of my height…

  Oh, Suns, then I got to my ship.

  I knew what to expect, I saw what to expect by seeing Mik’s ship, but it still felt scale-crushing.

  We got to the crater. Like Mik’s ship, there was no life.

  Just a hole in the ground, devoid of life and simplifying anything that dared touch it.

  I sat down at the edge, staring at the black ground.

  “Why come here?” I kept asking myself. The lake was good. We had food, and water, and sand, and food. Here, it was pain. At least I could feel SILT near me.

  Mik tapped my shoulder. I didn’t respond, looking at the dirt. The black crater with the surrounding green.

  Mik brought its journal in front of me. I squinted, struggling with my shaking eyes, and read what it wrote.

  “What now?”

  Oh that was a good one.

  I started laughing. Mik hadn’t joked in writing before, and that caught me off guard. I lied down; the laughing causing my stomach to cramp and fold in on itself.

  “What now?” I repeated. “What now!”

  Suns, that was hilarious. Still makes me chuckle.

  Mik leaned over me, staring at me. I still couldn’t make out what it’s movable face was trying to express. The position reminded me of her and the broken sky. Maybe Mik would tell me how I shouldn’t be sorry and do something. I imagined her in the dream, asking me “what now” and laughed even more.

  Mik, not laughing at her own joke, grabbed me by shoulders and started dragging me away. It felt weird, my thorns being pulled weirdly.

  I think I fell asleep at that point? I was somewhere when I woke up?

  It was almost late light when I woke up. The world was a bit clearer, but still blurry. Stomach hurt.

  Suns it hurts.

  I was under something. I couldn’t make out what. Mik wasn’t near me, just the bowl. I was confused on why one bowl, until I remembered the shadow, and it all hurt again. I didn’t want to remember the shadow. I didn’t want to remember SILT, Varanth, myself. Why do I have to remember?

  I looked up to see… black. Whatever was above me had vines and glowy mold on it, but it was definitely black underneath.

  I got up, feeling the material. It was rough against my scales.

  I looked to the sides. Behind me was a rock, in front; a tree. More mold.

  I stood up, falling down again. I crawled a bit away, out of one of the open sides. Then I saw. It was part of the hull. Unity’s hull.

  A corner piece, wedged between a rock and a tree.

  It felt unreal. A part of the ship had split, I remembered, but seeing part of the hull.

  I dragged myself back to it, lying underneath. Then I realized, Mik wasn’t there.

  “Mik?” I hissed.

  “MIK??”

  No response. Mik left me.

  I tried and failed to sit up.

  I curled into a ball, biting my own tail. I felt my teeth grinding my scales.

  Mik please don’t leave me.

  Instead of searching or yelling, I cried. I had done it. I’d made Mik think I was insane.

  Please don’t leave me

  Please don’t leave me

  Please don’t leave me

  I was stuck in a loop.

  When Mik came back with wood at late light, I was already emotionally dead.

  It walked up to me, gently tapping me on the back.

  I uncurled. A moment passed, and my eyes focused on recognizing Mik. I lunged at it.

  Mik fell backwards, groaning from the impact on its barely healed arm.

  I didn’t care. I wouldn’t let it go.

  Mik tried pushing me off, but I was glued to its abdomen.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not broken! I’ll be better! Please!” I kept rambling. I meant every word.

  I have no idea how long that lasted. At some point (maybe I fell asleep) Mik had made a fire, and I was a length away.

  When I realized where I was, I quickly latched crawled to Mik again. I’ve been like that ever since.

  I won’t let go.

  I’m hungry, I’m weird, but I’m not letting go.

  I won’t lose Mik like SILT.