I was before the king of the elvish realm of Anaura, his unearthly gaze filled me with dread and yet, there was kindness and care in those eyes. Instinctively, I took a knee; not something an American ought to do but when in Rome, right? The princess also knelt, but much closer - a few feet away from the seated man, who smiled upon seeing her.

  "Illiana, my dear child," he said. His voice was deep and good-natured. "I had not expected you back until a few days hence. My chamberlain informs me that you bear ill tidings, but that he knew not the details."

  "Fath - I mean, your majesty," the princess began, "earlier this night an attempt was made on my life. My entire entourage, Elice included, were murdered."

  The king was very good at keeping his composure; only a slight flicker in his deep eyes betrayed his shock at the princess' sudden declaration. He steepled his fingers, and leaned forward, focusing his gaze on the princess as she recounted the events that had transpired just a couple of hours ago.

  His brow furrowed only slightly and yet, damn, his whole aura had shifted. This guy was pissed - I reckoned he was holding back a great deal because of the need for courtly decorum. At length, the princess got to the point where I arrived.

  "Pinned down as I was, I thought for certain that I would meet my doom; but that is when this hero," she turned to face me, indicating with her hand, "slayed my assailants and saved my life."

  The king raised an eyebrow, "this young man? How? He hasn't the look of a mage or a warrior."

  Hey that's not fair, does this guy not know that I can understand him? Besides, it's not like I completely lack military training. Oh sure the last time I served was before college but still, I was in pretty decent shape!

  "He appeared through a hole in the sky, inside of a metal carriage that moves without the need of a horse; he calls it a Ca-dil-lac. With it, he crushed the assassins in one fell swoop. In fact, it was thanks to his Ca-dil-lac that we were able to return home so swiftly - we traversed more than twenty leagues in just two hours."

  "Impressive," said the king, "the way you described these men, their equipment, and their tactics…it is most troubling. You were right to hurry home - I fear that a conspiracy may be afoot. Hanzorian, investigate at once."

  "Aye, your majesty," came an unseen voice.

  Huh. That was weird. What, does the elf king employ ninjas as his majesty's secret service?

  The king turned to face me, pointing, "as for you. Rise, and step forward. Allow this old man a chance to get a better look at you."

  I did as I was told and hesitantly began to step forward. The king raised his hand when I was ten paces shy of his feet and said "that will do."

  I stopped and knelt again, he laughed, unexpectedly, "what a people you humans are for formality. Please, remain standing if you wish. More than being the king of this land, I am also Illiana's father - and in that capacity I am especially grateful to you, her savior, for what you have done for my family."

  "Ah shucks," I said, "I was just doing what any man worth his salt would do. But thank you, your majesty."

  Well okay the truth was I had stumbled into that situation. Huh? The king was staring at me in confusion. Oh.

  At that point the princess slapped her forehead, "oh my, I forgot to mention that since he was likely summoned from another world, he doesn't speak elvish or even the human common tongue. I cast comprehension on him but that doesn't do you any good at all."

  She laughed, grinning sheepishly, and then proceeded to do for the king what she had done for me.

  The king sighed, pinching the flesh between his eyes, "you really do remind me of your mother, Illiana. Pray, human hero, repeat what you just said, and then I would have you give your own accounting of tonight's events."

  I did as I was ordered. Well, at least it appeared to be an order. The word of a king is law, isn't it? Actually, the second half seemed like the earnest request of a curious old man, know whatta mean?

  Anyway, I began with an account of my day - how I had loaded up the trunk of my car with all of the gear necessary for a hunting trip, how I 'd set out from San Antonio, how during a routine thunderstorm I had been enveloped in a bright light. I recalled how the light had been so bright that I didn't realize what was going on until it was almost too late.

  The king pressed me for details about my world, I obliged him by answering all of his questions - he listened carefully, half lost in thought. I spared no details because he wouldn't let me; ah yes, long-lived folk must have really large attention spans, I thought. I talked about how we only had one moon, I named all nine of the planets in our solar system - yes, Pluto counts, fight me.

  He actually seemed impressed that our people had managed to put men on our moon. I described the state of Texas, its geography, and the types of plant and animal life within it. I told him about the United States of America, about the constitution, and about how the country was founded by colonists from England, which led to me talking about England, but before the conversation devolved into a discussion about figgy pudding and strange men in blue boxes, the king waved his hand.

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  "Tis enough," he said, "there is a great deal to ponder. Alas, I have no insights to offer even in my wisdom; only that I concur with my daughter and yours' theory that you were indeed summoned here from another world. Unfortunately, I have never heard of summoning magic powerful enough to accomplish such a feat - I suppose it goes to show that even someone as old as me can still be surprised from time to time."

  He laughed, "well, anyroad. Thank you for your stories, young human. I have much to ponder on. By the power vested in me by the elven pantheon, I hereby name you elf-friend - you may come and go as you please. Illiana?"

  The princess, who had been on the verge of dozing off, suddenly stood up straight, "y-yes, father?"

  "Take him to the Platinum Flagon - we will put him in the ambassadorial suite while we investigate the assassins."

  "Understood," said the princess, "come, Sir Victor."

  "Yes ma'am," I said. Hey now, don't call me sir, I work for a living, I'd like to have quipped, but I didn't want to sass a princess especially not in front of her old man. Never held that old chestnut back twice in one day before.

  With a bow and curtsy respectively, we began to vacate the audience chamber, but then someone said "wait!"

  We stopped, there was something shadowy whispering in the king's ear. "Illiana, I am sorry. But I'm going to instruct one of our servants to take him instead. Hanzorian has advised that it may be wise to have you lay low for a time. If the fiends that attacked you found out you were still alive it may complicate things."

  The princess rolled her eyes, furrowed her brow, and clicked her tongue, "really, father?" She sighed, looked at me forlornly, and said "well if it's for my own safety, I suppose I have no choice. Apologies, Sir Victor."

  She gave a curtsy, "I promise I'll show you around the city another day."

  I bowed, "I'll be looking forward to it," I turned to the king, "well your majesty, it's been an honor. Please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help."

  The king nodded, "I shall keep your kind offer in mind."

  A much shorter looking elf with black hair wearing what could only be described as a butler's outfit appeared beside me and beckoned me to follow. White gloves and everything, huh? Seems incongruous with the fashion in the rest of the city. Now that I'd had a chance to look, I noticed that all of the palace servants dressed differently than the rest of the folks living in the city.

  There was even an elf woman wearing what I would consider to be a classic maid getup. I scratched my chin, and started pondering. Maybe the king has a thing for human fashion? Or maybe elves developed that sort of uniform on their own in this world? Oh well, I figured I had a lot of time to ask questions.

  Ask questions? How was I gonna do that once the princess' spell wore off. Aw, man, I was gonna have to relearn how to read and write all over again what a pain in the balls. Hmm she did say it was going to last a day, so, at least twenty-four hours, but what was I going to do if I needed to speak to someone?

  There was no shot I wasn't going to order a drink after today's events - ah, I guess I'll just dip into my home brewed beer. Sorry Sedjiwaski. I'd been so deep in thought that I almost didn't realize it when we'd arrived where my car was parked. It looked like all of the things I'd offloaded had been taken inside already; I unlocked the car and motioned for the pointy-eared gentleman to join me.

  As it turned out, he had taken the liberty of drinking a potion of comprehension when he heard that I couldn't speak his language, so we were able to communicate; heck, he even said the actual phrase "I took the liberty" which made me laugh. Ha, he said the thing! I explained how the seatbelt worked and then we were off.

  It wasn't a very long drive to the inn they called the Platinum Flagon, so I feel no need to go into detail about my brief interaction with the butler; I did catch his name though, Jiofriel. Seemed like a very decent fellow. The only thing we really talked about was our cover story, which will become important very shortly.

  The Platinum Flagon was quite a sight. An L-shaped building, three stories tall on the long leg and two stories on the short. It seemed to be mostly made of a dark wood, like mahogany or the like, with some of that whitestone providing support structures. The front doors were not only finely crafted, the very frame was gilded.

  The roof of the long segment was gabled and covered in green tiles, of which substance I couldn't tell at a glance, with a silver trim. The short segment's second floor jettyed out, the overhang supported by whitestone pillars snaked with rose-bearing vines. I didn't see a roof, for reasons that became clear later.

  "So uh," I said sheepishly, "where am I supposed to park?"

  Jiofriel pointed to the far side of the building, and said "around that corner, there's a stable and a carriage house - I do believe the latter would serve your purposes better, master Kirkland."

  "None of that master balderdash," I said, "I'm just Victor, or even Vic."

  "Very well, master Vic."

  I sighed. It was hopeless, I thought. I had to wonder what word "balderdash" translated to whenever I spoke to someone using that comprehension thing. What a nuisance, though, each person needed to be under the same spell in order for it to even work - I'd have to make it a point to ask the princess if there was a spell that was good for both the speaker and the listener.

  It's kind of crazy that her special ability only went one way; maybe she needed to like, I don't know, get it upgraded or something? Well, anyhow that wasn't important. I parked the Cadillac in one of the stalls of the carriage house and unloaded my trunk.

  Jiofriel was kind enough to carry some of it for me, in fact he insisted despite my protestations. Well I supposed it was fine. With the exception of my sleeping bag, foldy chair, miscellaneous survival tools, and camp cooking gear, we brought everything into the lobby.