Have you ever been alone in a dark room? Not a poorly lit room, but rather one that was completely devoid of light? That moment of panic that comes with it as you hear the sounds that you can’t tell how far they are, but you’re almost certain they’re coming for you?

  It’s so much worse when a hand then grabs your shoulder and you still can’t see what’s going on.

  I took a swing and the only reason I didn’t hit Tisha’la was because I never needed to learn how to throw a punch. It was after that, when Tisha’la started talking that I remembered where I was and felt horrible embarrassed. And then when I realized she was cursing, the cadence was decidedly unsonglike, I was grateful it was too dark for anyone to see me blush.

  When the heat faded from my face, I let the foxfire out of myself, returning illumination to the room. “Sorry,” I offered sheepishly, “You startled me.”

  There was a flicker of anger, the first true emotion I had seen from her since she had seen the Starmarks, before it was walled away in practiced deference. “Forgive me, Starborn. I forget that not all are blessed with the ability to see in the dark. My apologies for startling you.”

  It was unsettling that I had just thrown a punch at someone and was getting apologized to. I tried to push that out of mind, along with the budding jealousy at her inborn gifts, and instead stood up. My belt had become twisted in the fall, leaving the kaiken sitting at an awkward angle and my tunic had come partially undone.

  “What did the Gods tell you?” Tisha’la asked as I adjusted my clothes in the faint glow.

  I bit back the immediate and sarcastic response that came from the residual fear and instead tried for the more diplomatic one, though I was uncertain how well my tone conveyed that, “You don’t recall?”

  She rocked her head, clearly uncomfortable with admitting that she hadn’t despite how obvious it was with her question. “The Gods were using my body to communicate with you. However, if they had shared my body to do so, my mortal soul would’ve been damaged or potentially destroyed, so they put it somewhere safe for a short while.”

  I was very glad that I was putting my tunic back into the skirt and that it required I look down to do so because I don’t think I could’ve hid my bug eyed look. She willingly let an outsider into her body that might kill her with the assumption they would give it back when they were done? I had made an admittedly foolish decision, but at no point was the sovereignty of my body in question or my soul at risk. I could respect the Gods as powerful creatures, but going as far as Tisha’la did in the name of faith was a bit too extreme for me.

  “I see,” I eventually managed, “Well, they confirmed that I need to go to Freeport. They also told me that you could get me there? That you ‘knew the way’?”

  “If it’s a way that we know, then the implication is that others don’t,” Tisha’la said thoughtfully before pausing in contemplation. Slowly, she started to nod, “Yes. We could take you there through the tunnels. No one would be able to contest or stop you. Though, the tunnels going that way aren’t exactly safe.”

  I scoffed before pausing and demuring, pointing to my furred ears, “Far safer than going near the Gold Elves.”

  She nodded knowingly, “That’s a good point. I will pass word to Command and have a voyage arranged for you.”

  “I don’t like this travel route,” Rin commented, but given her response to the dusk elves in general, I wasn’t currently listening to her advice.

  ***********************************************************************************

  Tisha’la escorted me to a guest room and gave a polite bow before walking away. I thanked her and then turned the handle into the room and was immediately struck by the sheer wealth casually on display. At a quick glance, there were at least a dozen Lightstones in the room which, given the prices I had seen at the store above, was more wealth than possibly my entire village had ever seen. And those almost seemed mundane compared to the rest of the decorations. The bed alone was larger than my room back home, there were paintings on the walls, the shelves were full of trinkets and items that looked to be worth more than all of the coin that Thuvvik had traded my supplies for. And it all looked so fragile.

  Nervously, I fidgeted with my sapphire necklace trying to figure out what I should do. Part of me wanted to investigate but I was in fear of breaking something. Breaking supplies at the academy had required that you replace them out of your own pocket? What would the elves ask? And if it was coin, how would I pay them? My coin was on the ship and…

  I shook my head and decided that there were too many unknowns to even consider what to do next. Instead of indulging my curiosity in the trinkets, I sat on the bed, far away from all of the items and hopefully far enough away any temptations would be easily smothered.

  The bed barely moved beneath me, the structure bowing slightly before stopping and providing support. Unlike my bed at home, which often felt no different from sitting on the floor, this mattress felt like sitting on a heavily stuffed pillow. Carefully, I poked at it. Nothing rustled beneath my touch. This wasn’t a mattress of straw, but rather of something far softer. Feathers seemed unlikely given the lack of birds in Mulvalod, or at least the lower city. But then again, there was always the option of trade. Cautiously, I laid back and found a comfort I hadn’t known I was missing.

  “Oh,” I murmured, rolling slightly, “oh my. This is nice.” Not once was I stuck by an errant bit of straw.

  “This is a room for visiting dignitaries or nobles. If this is how people respond to our Starmarks we should show them off more often. It might make hiding more difficult, but travel easier. Perhaps one of those shirts the servants at the tavern had that showed off their shoulders?”

  “And part of their breasts,” I verbally responded, mortified. “We may be far from home, but there is still the matter of propriety. Even oiran dress more conservatively than that would require!”

  Rin made a noise that sounded vaguely like a scoff. It couldn’t be due to the fact that she didn’t have a voice, but it certainly gave the impression of one. I went to respond before stopping.

  I had been thinking of Rin as my ‘detached logical’ part, but a scoff? That wasn’t logical at all.

  “What are you?”

  She didn’t answer. Instead her voice turned chastising, mocking even. “In case you haven’t noticed, most people in Mulvalod wore far less than the ‘oiran’ back home. Further, using the whores of home as a reference of propriety is not going to help us blend in.”

  Still giving advice. But there was something else. The scoff she had just made. The hope back in the room. And the… brazenness she was suggesting here wasn’t detached in the same way her previous advice had been. It was pointed. Directed. She had a goal. And it wasn’t just that she was suggesting using her… our… my?

  “As such,” she continued, “I suggest we get some clothes from the locals. Conservative by their standards even. We’ve already drawn too much attention to ourselves and long skirts and layered jackets are just going to make us stand out more.”

  Us?

  And her casualness here was wrong. It wasn’t just that she was suggesting I use my body, but there was a comfort implied. Like she had done this often enough that she couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t. Comfort that i never had.

  “Besides,” Rin slyly added, “It’s not like we have much of an option. Your bag is on the boat, along with your changes of clothes.”

  Your? I had drawn delineations between myself and Rin before, but she never had. All of this combined lead to one inescapable conclusion.

  “You’re not me,” I murmured.

  “Arguable.”

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  “That’s not a no,” I quietly said.

  “It’s also not a yes.”

  Merciless spiders. After all I had said, thought really, about Tisha’la and the superiority I had felt, I somehow still had ended up possessed.

  “Possession would imply I had some manner of control and agency over your body. Which if that were the case I would have either left or forced you out by now. What we have here is something different.”

  I hoarsely laughed at that. It wasn’t exactly what you’d call comforting.

  “Comfort is for children.”

  I hoarsely laughed at that again, but came out more as a strangled sob. I wasn’t just far from home anymore. I was a… I had made Eninald… and was probably possessed.

  “I am now going to strangle you using your left hand.”

  I jumped, startled and grabbed my left wrist with my right hand, fearful.

  But nothing happened. My left hand didn’t even so much as twitch.

  “See, I have no control. Not possession.”

  “That isn’t the most comforting or convincing argument.”

  “But it is the one I have.”

  “You could also tell me what you are, if not a spirit.”

  Silence stretched. Comprehension dawned.

  “You don’t know what you are, do you?”

  Once again, there was no response, which was validation all in of itself.

  I laughed. Small little hiccups of giggles to start that slowly bloomed into full-bodied nearly manic laughter. What was my life?

  I could feel Rin’s discomfort and displeasure, not at me but rather at being caught . She didn’t say anything. Just waited until I was finished. Waited until the laughter wet my eyes and became tears. And before I knew it, I was collapsed on the bed, curled and crying.

  And still, Rin was there with me, in the back of my mind the entire time. She didn’t say anything the entire time, but neither did she leave. It was oddly comforting, reminding me of how Mother would sit next to me on my bed to soothe me when I was younger.

  When the tears ended, I laid on the bed for a few kedu before struggling to sit up. Rin was still there, waiting in the back of my mind as I used my sleeve to wipe away my tears.

  “Thank you,” I said. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was thanking her for, but it felt the right thing to say.

  There was a prolonged silence and then the impression of a nod came from her mind. We sat for a second and then, almost hesitantly, she spoke.

  “Regardless of what I am or am not, it seems self-evident that I’m attached to you. And since I’m not a spirit, there’s no guarantee of what happens to me if I die.”

  I blinked and then followed the chain of logic to find what she hadn’t said.

  “You’re advising me out of enlightened self-interest. If I live, you live. And so I can at the very least trust you not to get me killed.”

  “...Essentially,” she reluctantly admitted.

  I wasn’t exactly fond of that statement and how inherently fragile that trust would be, but right now I didn’t have much else to go on. For now, I’d have to accept.

  “Well, okay then.”

  A faint whisper of relief slipped through from Rin and for both of our sakes I pretended I didn’t notice it. Instead, I tried to focus on the problems of now.

  “Regardless of what you suggested, having my Starmarks on display might bring more trouble than boons. I think, for now at least, I’ll stick to my traveling clothes. However, next chance I get, I’ll stop into a tailor and see about finding something a bit lighter.”

  “You might not have a choice. Your bag is back on the ship.”

  I hadn’t even considered that. Being a stranger in these strange elven lands had already been difficult. Doing this without coin, clothes, or the travelling supplies I had been gifted might make the journey untenable instead.

  “One issue at a time,” I murmured, reluctantly pulling myself from the bed. The rest of my pack could wait for tomorrow, for now I needed sleep and that meant clothes that weren’t the sweat-covered ones I was currently in. I opened the door and nearly walked into a pair of guards just outside.

  “We weren’t told of any guards. This might be a gilded cage instead of guest accommodations.”

  The sudden transition from the vulnerability she had in confessing her uncertainty to being disconcerted by guards in the hallway threw me off balance. I could see the logic, the foundation of wary concern that had led to both. All Rin truly cared about was survival. Vulnerability and suspicion were just tools to make it happen. The seemlessness between the two however…

  I shook my head, realizing that I had gotten distracted, and pushed Rin’s insinuations from my mind.

  “Excuse me,” I said to the guard, “I just realized that my traveling supplies are on the ship I came here on.”

  “Do you need an escort?” the guard asked.

  I briefly considered, before a rising panic of being questioned about Eninald seized me. Sharply I shook my head, “No,” I said firmly. The questioning looks I got from the guards only increased my panic and begged an explanation. I took a quick breath and, as evenly as I could, responded.

  “No! No. Uh, there might be some danger to me going back to the, uh, ship.”

  I ended my statement by vaguely gesturing to my head and ears.

  “We would gladly kill for your safety Starborn,” the guard stated with ardor. Well… that was a strong response. Note to self, mind your words around zealots.

  Carefully, I redirected, “And while I appreciate the offer, there has to be a safer way for all involved. I’d rather not shed blood over a pack.”

  He nodded slowly, “A wise choice, madam. Might I ask why you feel returning would be dangerous?”

  “Careful.”

  “No, really?” I sarcastically hissed at Rin in my mental space. Still, words failed me and I had stumbled over a few half-starts before shaking my head.

  “Sorry,” I offered sheepishly, “Tired.” The guards nodded with understanding. Delicately, I picked my words and called to mind the conversation I had with Thuvvik about dishonesty. “One of the men I was traveling with was killed in a gruesome manner and I was the person last seen with him.” Not strictly a lie, but rather an omission of key facts.

  “Ah,” he said, nodding emphatically, “Of course.” I made a careful note that he didn’t ask if I had done it or how I knew the facts of the man’s death.

  “Well,” he continued, “If they think it unlikely you’ll be returning, they’ll probably go to sell your effects to recoup the loss. We could arrange to have them bought. Anything else?”

  “Uh, some,” I paused blushing slightly, my mind recalling some of the last words Eninald and I had shared. “Some, silphium please?” It was a bit, okay very, embarrassing to ask this random man to run such a personal errand for me, but as Rin quietly pointed out, it wasn’t like I could go myself.

  I shouldn’t have worried. The guard didn’t even blink. All he said was, “Yes, ma’am. Of course.”

  “Thank you...” I said trailing off, hoping he’d provide his name.

  “Think nothing of it ma’am,” he said in response before marching away.

  So much for that. I wasn’t sure if he had been so calm because such medications were common here or because he didn’t know what he had asked for, but it was unsettling that there wasn’t some stronger response to someone he would kill for essentially confessing to having lain with someone recently.

  “Not all cultures are quite as… conservative, about sex as the People are.”

  “Good to know,” I said to her before a question came to mind. “How do you know that?”

  Silence stretched, giving answer once more. There were so many questions there, but the exhaustion and alcohol I had been struggling with since the Cauldron was rapidly catching up to me. Hopefully the questions I had would keep until morning.

  Lethargic, I went to turn to the bed before stopping and turning back to the door. There was a bar that I could place and while I had just requested something from the guard, there was something about what I guessed was a man, just sitting outside my open door that made me nervous in a way I hadn’t really felt before coming to the Elven lands.

  It took me two tries, a statement to how tired I was. Lethargic, I pulled myself towards the bed, only realizing as I got to it that I hadn’t actually asked for a change of clothes. I spared a glance at the locked door and then with a sigh slowly removed my sweat-wet clothes. Once nude, I shivered in a way which had little to do with how cold the room was and quickly made my way under the covers, hoping to quickly fall asleep.

  It wasn’t meant to be.

  As comfortable as the bed was physically, between the softness, my nudity, and the revelations of the night I had trouble calming my mind. My thoughts kept moving around, trying to find calmness and stability where there really wasn’t any.

  It was a sudden whim that I couldn’t explain that made me reach out from under my bed and towards my clothes. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for until my fingers wrapped around the small white ball that had come from Eninald’s… mouth. It was soft, warm, and fluffy to the touch and was still unblemished in a way that felt anathema to how I had acquired it.

  Physically, the ball was a light thing, no heavier than a pair of chopsticks. But it had a weight to it that inexplicably soothed. I should’ve been revulsed, disgusted, but instead holding the ball soothed me. I didn’t know why I was soothed. Perhaps because it felt like Eninald, like he wasn’t gone? I didn’t know.

  But whatever the reason, as I held the ball, my worry and thoughts fell away and I was carried off to sleep.