The next day was my first appointment with Dr. Walters. Mom brought me to her office, which judging by the assorted toys and colorful decor meant that she was a sort of child psychologist. She thanked Mom as she shut the door behind her, taking a seat opposite me. I glumly sat on the chair with my hands in my lap and my head bowed low. Dr. Walters took note, and sat across from me. She gave me a supportive smile.

  “Hello Matthew, we didn’t really get a chance to talk to each other yesterday. I imagine that this has been a very difficult few days for you.”

  I answered with a curt nod, not meeting her eyes.

  “We can talk about it, if you’d like. Or we could play a game?”

  I winced a little and shook my head. “That’s kid’s stuff,” I mumbled.

  “Of course, of course,” she said with a smile. “We can talk about how you’re feeling, if you’re not interested in kid’s stuff.”

  “Don’t patronize me,” I grumbled, forgetting to dumb down my language like I usually did.

  “That’s…quite a word you used, Matthew,” Dr. Walters replied as she jotted down a note. “You clearly don’t like being treated like a child.”

  I threw up my hands. “Of course I hate being treated like a kid! Ever since this happened, I’ve been stifled and talked down to, and I hate it! I’ve lost everything, and what’s more I am bored out of my goddamn mind!”

  Dr. Walters wrote down a few more notes. I could sense a shift in her demeanor instantly. Less friendly, more direct. “Matthew, I promise you, we can speak frankly here. I want you to know that I don’t want to ‘patronize’ you. I want to hear what you have to say. You’re clearly intelligent for your age, and I want to treat you as such. And I also want you to know you can talk about how you’re feeling.”

  I settled back into the chair, and collected my thoughts. I knew I couldn’t talk about everything, in particular traveling through time to 1991. But the frustrations I had been feeling since I woke up as a ten year-old a month ago had been brewing, and this would be as good a time as any to vent a little.

  “It’s embarrassing, I guess,” I started, choosing my words carefully. “I just…thought things would go the way I wanted to, the way I remembered them, but now they won’t because suddenly I’m a girl. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This isn’t supposed to be my life.”

  She nodded sympathetically. “Things don’t often go the way we think they will. But you know, you’re still the person you are, even if you have changed.”

  I huffed. “Yeah, sure I am.”

  “And you know,” she added, “you can still make plans. You can still do the things that you want to do in your life.”

  “No I can’t! I know what was going to happen, what was supposed to happen, but now I have absolutely no idea! Everything is ruined!”

  Dr. Walters smiled bemusedly. “No one knows what will happen in the future, Matthew.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but snapped it shut before any words came out. How do you explain to someone that yes, you know what the future will hold, because you lived it already? Because you’ve been shunted to your past and are stuck reliving it? It sounded insane, so I filed it away in the back of my head.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway, because now I’m a girl. It’s all different now.”

  “And you can’t do the things you wanted to?”

  I folded my arms again and slunk back into the seat. “Exactly,” I muttered.

  Dr. Walters set her notepad in her lap. “Who’s to say that you still can’t do what you wanted to?” she suggested. “You’re still you, after all.”

  I scoffed. “Sure I am.”

  “Well, let’s think about it for a second. What are things you like to do for fun?”

  It took me a moment to come up with an appropriate answer. “I play video games. I like Lego. I read a lot.”

  “And girls can’t play video games or with Legos?”

  “Well, they can, but it’s not like they can play sports or anything.”

  “Do you play sports?”

  I curled my nose a bit. “No, I’ve never really liked sports – but that’s not the issue! There’s a lot of things I wanted to do…when I get older. But how am I supposed to do them now?! If I’m a girl, this changes everything!”

  “In a way,” she said, nibbling on her pencil, “this is an opportunity to do things that you haven’t even considered. Things that you’ve never done before. Things that you may even enjoy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, half of the people in the world are female, and they like it. Myself, I very much like being a woman. And I enjoyed growing up as a girl. Perhaps you never stopped to think that there are many enjoyable aspects of being a girl you never thought of. It is different, after all, then what you’re used to. That can be interesting into itself.”

  I considered her words. She had a fair point; so far my second life had been a dull retread of what I had already lived through. It was like playing a game that you had already mastered or beaten, except that the game was my life, and it moved in real time. But if I was now female, I would literally be living a completely different life. For better or for worse, at least it would be new, and everything so far in this second life of mine so far had been a boring slog. I felt a small sense of relief, oddly enough, and a seed of acceptance had been planted in my mind. Something different would at least occupy my time.

  “But I don’t know how to be a girl,” I replied honestly. “I don’t even act like a girl.”

  She leaned forward. “There’s no ‘one way’ to being a girl. Every one of us has a different way of doing it. Maybe we can find your way?”

  “I guess,” I sighed. “I guess I don’t have a choice.”

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

  “Tell me, what’s one thing that you could do to go with this change? Maybe something that could help you figure out how to be the girl that you would want to be? It could be a small change. Something different. Something you wouldn’t have done if you had been a boy?”

  I thought for a moment, tugging my spiky mullet. It was nice to have hair to tug at when I was stressed. In my previous timeline, my hair had started to thin, and it had been years since my hair had been as thick as it was now. As an adult, I had kept it short out of necessity. Despite the hideousness of an early 90s mullet, I loved having hair again. It had been a very welcome change since I arrived back in 1991.

  “I guess I could grow out my hair. Get rid of this stupid hairstyle.”

  Dr. Walters nodded approvingly. “That’s a very good idea. Have you thought about clothing?”

  “Of course not. I’m not wearing anything girly! I’d just look like a boy in a dress!”

  “No one said that you have to wear a dress. Lots of girls don’t wear dresses. But you may need to get some clothes that fit better. And you can make sure it’s nothing ‘girly,’ as you say.”

  I sighed again. “I am not looking forward to this.”

  Dr. Walters reached over to take my hand. “You’re not doing it alone.”

  ***

  Mom was waiting for me in the reception area, and she and Dr. Walters shared a few words as I waited. I overheard them discussing something about further appointments and shopping, and Mom agreed with Dr. Walters that it was a good idea to stop by the clothing store on the way home. I groaned, but I obviously had no choice in the matter. I hated how little agency I had. Mom was my ride home, after all.

  We stopped at K-Mart on the way home, and it was amusing to see what retail stores were like before everything went digital. I never realized how cluttered and disorganized retail stores were in the 2020’s, because in 1991 they were far cleaner. Busier too, since in 1991 you didn’t have the option of buying something through the internet.

  “Mom, I gotta go to the bathroom,” I mentioned as we walked through the automatic doors.

  She absently nodded, and took my hand. It was always unnerving when I was treated as a child, as I was perfectly capable of doing things for myself. As usual, I just sort of went with it; it was just easier than resisting. I was ten after all, despite my future memories and adult mindset. Mom escorted me as far as the drinking fountain, and I pushed the door open.

  “No Mattie, that’s the wrong one,” reminded Mom, gesturing at the door I was holding open.

  I glanced up, seeing the sign saying MEN. “Aw, it’s not a big deal,” I complained.

  Mom shook her head. “No Mattie. Go to the ladies’ room.”

  I groaned, and stepped over to the other bathroom. I was still wearing boy’s clothing, so I felt a bit like I was intruding by walking into the women’s restroom. No one was inside, so I did my business and quickly left. Mom stood outside as if she was guarding the bathroom while I was in there, and was likely as off-put by me using the women’s restroom as I was. There was nothing to be done because, well, I was female now.

  Mom brought me into the girls’ section, and I peeked over the racks to see if anyone was around. I was mortified to be stuck in the pinks and purples of the garments around me. “I am not getting anything frilly, Mom!” I told Mom adamantly. I pushed a rack of flowered skirts out of my way.

  “It is perfectly fine to keep the clothes you have,” explained Mom. “For now. But we do need to at least get proper underwear. Ah, here they are.” She pulled out a packet of pink-colored panties from a shelf.

  “Mom! Those are pink! I’m not wearing those!”

  Mom rolled her eyes, but put them back on the stacks. “Fine, fine. Here we are, these are plain white. And they’re the right size, so we’ll grab a few.” She took a few of the packages and handed them to me. I tried my best to conceal them as I hugged them against my chest.

  “Hrm,” murmured Mom as she glanced at the swimwear. “We should probably buy a swimsuit while we’re here for when we go to Grandma’s house.”

  “A swimsuit?!”

  “Mattie, it’s fine,” she scolded. “It’s just in case. We can’t have you just wearing your swim trunks. Here, this one should be about your size.”

  I started to argue, but Mom gave me a stern look and thrust the swimsuit at me. I withered as we stepped over to the changing room to try it on in one of the booths. It was a plain blue one piece of soft material, and I slowly removed my clothing to step into it. It fit perfectly, but I grimaced as I looked at myself wearing it. I looked like a girl with a terrible, boyish haircut, and I hated how exposed my hips felt. I stepped out to show Mom at her insistence, and she was clearly shaken by how appropriate it looked on me.

  “This looks just fine. But put on a pair of these panties when you get dressed again,” she instructed as she opened one of the underwear packages.

  I frowned, but I stepped back into the booth and quickly stripped off the one piece. I pulled up one of the white panties, and I have to admit they fit much more snugly than the boy’s pair I came into the store with. After putting on the rest of my clothes, we walked to the registers. The cashier didn’t care that we had opened one of the packages but it didn’t stop Mom from explaining that I needed to change into them, much to my embarrassment.

  When we arrived home, Dad was in the living room wrestling around with Tim as Janie sat on the couch sucking on a sippy cup and watching them. Dad noticed Mom and me as we carried in our shopping bags, as he pinned down Tim. “Everything go okay with the appointment, Donna? Matthew?”

  I grudgingly nodded, as Mom spoke up. “It went very well. We have another appointment Thursday, and even stopped by the store to make a few purchases. Did you…talk with Tim?”

  Tim squirmed under Dad’s arms. “No, I thought it would be better if we waited for you two to get home before we talked to Tim and Janie.”

  Mom nodded. “Timmy, sweetie, me and your Dad need to talk to you about something. Sit next to your sister.”

  Dad got off of Tim, who had stopped wriggling. “Am I in trouble?” he asked.

  Mom assured him he was not, and he warily sat on the couch next to Janie. She was still suckling on her juice. I sat on the opposite end of the couch, awkwardly with my head in my hand. “Tim, Janie, you probably know that a lot has happened in the last few days, with Matthew’s health.

  Tim nodded. “Ya.”

  “There are going to be some changes going forward,” chimed in Dad. “A lot of changes, and the changes involve Matthew.”

  Tim shot me a quizzical look, but remained silent.

  “It turns out that Matthew is actually a girl. In fact, Mattie has always been a girl. We just didn’t know. From now on, we are going to be calling her a girl, but we still love her and nothing else has changed.”

  “Matt’s a girl now?” Tim asked, confused.

  “Well, she’s always been a girl, the doctors told us,” explained Dad.

  Tim quickly looked at me, and he snorted before giggling. I turned red as I tried to disappear into the cushions in embarrassment. The intersex story seemed more plausible than time travel, so I didn’t argue. But I was livid at being laughed at by my scrawny, annoying little brother.

  It was Mom who spoke up before I could. I could feel the heat of her glare at my little brother. “That is not nice, Tim! You will apologize to Matthew right this instant. NOW!” my mother said in a rage. Dad’s face was a mirror of hers.

  Tim mumbled an apology, as Mom continued. “This is very difficult for your brot - sister. We’re going to make mistakes at first, but we are not going to make fun of her. And we’re not going to say this to anyone. Not yet. Do you understand?”

  Tim was still shaken, but after considering for a moment he asked, “does this mean I am the only boy now?”

  “Well, yes,” replied Dad.

  Tim nodded. “That’s cool. I wanna be the only boy. Matt can be a girl.”

  “And how about you, Janie?” asked Dad.

  Janie’s lips pulled off the nozzle of her juice cup with a wet pop. “Cookie?” she asked, ignoring the situation completely.