When we arrived at the village it had been completely ransacked. Houses were burned down; there was blood everywhere, but not a body to be found. The smell of burned flesh and blood was thick in the air. Kiyui was almost sick.

  I turned to Asmodeus and asked him “does the quest say what type of goblins we’re dealing with here?” Asmodeus was uncharacteristically unthoughtful with his answer. He simply stated “It matters not, they shall die all the same.”

  I could detect that something about this was unnerving him… he was normally so calm and collected… but he seemed… angry. I replied “I completely agree… they will all die… but their type will affect our strategy… surely?”

  Agaroth chimed in saying “What fuckin’ strategy? Tha goblins, tha fuckin’ tiny.” He lifted his flail and slammed it off a wooden fence next to him “ya just twat ‘em til they stop movin’!”

  Phoenix… sounding as disapproving as ever said “Shut up Agaroth, let the boy speak.” Agaroth turned to her and was visibly annoyed. He was clearly about to start arguing with her when Asmodeus spoke… he seemed to have calmed slightly in the past few seconds and he asked me to explain my thinking.

  In order to avoid you questioning the logic in my advice, I should probably take this moment to explain the different goblin types. I will start with the Bracken. They are the rarest and least seen goblins. They have black skin and they have no colour in their eyes… they don’t even have any white… their eyes are as black as shadows.

  The Bracken are the only type of goblin that are capable of growing hair. Both the Grim and the Rakk have no hair at all… no body hair, no head hair… we don’t even have eyebrows. As a result, Bracken males normally have beards and long hair. Both of which are normally braided.

  The reason the Bracken are rarely seen is because they are the least aggressive goblins. They avoid conflict. They will raid a village, steal food, livestock, weapons, etcetera. But they will only kill if somebody sees them. If their nest is discovered, they will set traps in their nest and run. Finding another nest elsewhere. A Bracken nest always has an emergency escape route. This may make them sound relatively inoffensive but they can cripple villages and leave the people within them to starve. When that happens, they will simply move their nest next to another village and start the process again.

  The next are the Rakk. The Rakk are the most aggressive type of goblin. Their skin is red… as are their eyes. People say it symbolises their blood lust. They will kill anyone and anything for fun. They will also eat anyone and anything. They are incredibly unpleasant. They do not take hostages or prisoners. If they see you, they will kill you and dance whilst coated in your bloody remains.

  The last are my kind. The Grim. We are the most commonly known goblins. We have green skin and bright yellow eyes. We are the ones who have few females. But we also spread like a virus. If we get a female pregnant then the child will be a Grim. The only time this may not occur is with Rakk or Bracken females. As a result, we leave those females alone.

  Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

  The Grim are the most well-known due to the fact they take women alive. This means that they inspire rescue missions from nearby adventurers. Humans know the most about the Grim culture because females who have been rescued have been able to pass on information about them.

  Well… the ones that have managed to keep it together after such a horrific ordeal. Most either kill themselves or are driven insane. So basically, you don’t want to see any type of goblin. Even the Bracken will kill you if you see them. As I have said many times before… Goblins are evil… they are not good… they need to be exterminated.

  When Asmodeus asked me to explain, I said that if they were Bracken, then finding their nest would be pointless, as they would be long gone by now. If they were Grim, we would need to be careful and look out for hostages. And if they are Rakk, then we don’t need to worry about that due to the Rakk killing everything on sight.

  Asmodeus contemplated for a moment. Agaroth said “And how the fuck do you know so much aboot goblins then?” I was unsure what to say to that. Fortunately, Phoenix jumped in using a sarcastic tone “Because he reads.” Agaroth looked at her and said “Are you saying I cannae read?” She didn’t even respond. She just looked at him with a judgemental eye. To be honest, I have rarely seen her look at him with anything other than disapproval.

  Tilda was stood next to me at the time. She stroked my arm again, saying in her heavenly voice “We really are lucky to have such an avid reader around.” Tilda could always manage to make me feel good about myself. “You will have to thank my mother for that one.” I said “I really did not take to reading at first. But she made me learn and now it’s one of my favourite pass times.”

  Agaroth still objected to the implication that he could not read and stated “I shall have you know that I read lotsa things.” Phoenix clearly did not believe him and inquired thusly “such as?”

  Agaroth raised an eyebrow as if he had somehow won the argument and said “As it happens, I’ve been readin’ a book on anti-gravity magic.” Phoenix clearly did not trust where this was going and responded with scepticism. “That is an oddly specific subject. Did you find it captivating?” With a large grin on his face, Agaroth said “Oh aye… I could nae put it down.”

  Kiyui gave a little snort and Agaroth burst out laughing. Phoenix shook her head and glared at him. Chloe clearly found it amusing, but still responded by saying “that was terrible.” Which confused me a little… it can’t have been that terrible if she was laughing. Agaroth was way more amused by his joke than he should have been, which seemed to annoy Phoenix even further. “Ah, come on Red, lighten up would ya.”

  Asmodeus ignored Agaroth’s levity, turned to me and said “The quest did not specify. Based on our surroundings, which do you believe it to be?” I knew as soon as we got to the village that it was the Rakk. The level of destruction and the amount of blood alone told me that.

  I said “It looks like Rakk. The Bracken wouldn’t cause this level of damage and the Grim would have taken the females as a priority. Transporting live prisoners is harder than moving corpses. They likely would have left some male bodies behind and returned later for what remained. The Rakk have taken everyone, and judging by the amount of blood, they were all dead when they were taken.”

  Kiyui asked “Why would they take the dead bodies?” Phoenix responded “Food.” Kiyui wretched in disgust. Sometimes I really do think he is far too delicate for this kind of work.

  I then made up a story about disturbed ground and damaged bushes to justify leading the party towards the nest. In reality I could find the nest from the stench of blood and flesh alone. Not that I could tell them that. It wasn’t long before we came to a large gaping cave entrance on the side of some incredibly large cliffs.