10.

  Thursday, July 3

  It was the first day back in training for most of the lads. We were at BoshCard and there was a sense of both continuity and renewal. Continuity in that we were back in the old haunts. The showers, the changing rooms, Best Bistro, our mates from the credit card company. Renewal in that we were up in the big leagues against some big-name clubs and we'd made a few transfers.

  I'd learned a lesson about changing too much of the squad in one go so this year it was a few out, a few in, business done early so we could focus on maximising our CA growth in pre-season while building fitness and morale. Pretty obvious, unconventional only because other clubs were stupid, and overall it felt good, it felt right, and the squad was looking exciting.

  Some key players were not with us - Henri, Pascal, Youngster, and Magnus were still on their summer holidays (with my permission and encouragement). Zach was having an Independence Day Week. Dazza, Lee, and Lee (my new right back) were due to come next Monday.

  I welcomed the first teamers with a very quick 'welcome back, champions!' speech, had individual chats with them while they warmed up, then took a back seat as Jude, Well In, and Spectrum broke off into small groups to do rondos and technique drills.

  Watching them was motivational, but gave me a kind of restless feeling.

  The motivation came from seeing green on their player profiles. Number goes up! Of course, most of the lazy bastards had been slacking since the end of last season and had lost up to five points of CA, so this was just a case of crawling back to where we'd finished. The early signs suggested we would be back to our old levels by the time of the Slovakia match, and that was encouraging.

  The restlessness was harder to explain.

  We finished with some five-a-side matches. It was a bit of fun before Saturday's friendly match, because on Monday the Brig and Vimsy were going to get the lads started on the serious business of getting fitness up. Running drills followed by running drills followed by a quick vomit break followed by hill running, with extra running for anyone who vomited on the hill.

  I wasn't doing any coaching (my experiments with Relationism would start soon enough) and I certainly wasn't going to be joining the running drills, so there wasn't much for me to do other than to stand there and give the players the old Eye of Sauron when I felt they were slacking.

  What I was mostly thinking about was the coming season. A realistic best first eleven, one that I might actually field in a competitive match, was CA 67. I could get up to 68 by leaving out Andrew Harrison and including Dazza, but that wasn't a very balanced team. Meanwhile, I expected our first League Two opponents, Fleetwood Town, to be around CA 90. That match would be away and we would probably get tonked, as we would in our first ever AOK Cup match - away to the Championship side Bolton Wanderers. Starting with two hammerings would be bad for morale, but if we could pick up some points in August that would quell some nerves.

  The problem was that our first four league fixtures were against four of the best sides in the division. In fact, it was worse than that. The first fixture I had us as actual favourites to win was match 11 against Sutton.

  So how to get some points in the first ten matches? How to make pre-season training as productive as the Phwoar Room had been?

  I needed to get creative.

  At the end of the session I pulled William B. Roberts aside and asked him to come in before training on Monday to talk about a new contract. His smile was heart-warming but while he was currently desperate to break into Chester's first team, it wouldn't be long until some football experts were saying he had outgrown us. How could I keep him at the club long-term?

  I needed to get creative.

  ***

  Saturday, July 5

  Pre-season friendly 1 of 6: AFC Liverpool versus Chester FC

  The horrible thing about positional play, especially as implemented by the curse, was that players stood where I told them to stand and did what I wanted them to do. The great thing about positional play as implemented by the curse was that players stood where I told them and did what I wanted.

  I looked from the abstracted 2D pitch in my mind to the 3D one seen by my eyes and found that everything lined up. I slid Andrew Harrison's icon to right wing back and watched as he changed position. I moved him back and switched to 4-5-1. The players shifted.

  God mode!

  I swapped my left and right midfielders and watched as they drifted across the pitch.

  Absolute power!

  Yeah, it wasn't so bad having an antique version of Soccer Supremo in my head. I switched back to 4-4-2 and went through the old hits like slipping into a warm bath. Checking the match ratings, keeping an eye on everyone's Condition, looking at my match data (shots on target, shots off target, fouls, offsides, and so on).

  We were in a 4-4-2 for loads of reasons.

  

  
• First, Sandra was at the Women's Euros in Switzerland. My absolute nightmare was that she would get spotted in the crowd and recognised, as had happened to me in Chile, which would trigger a chain of events where she got snatched away from me by a bigger club or even - holy shit - a national team. Anyway, I knew she would want me to use normal formations and not do anything stupid.


  
• Second, these were pre-season friendlies designed to get our fitness up and to ease our way into the season - no-one gave a shit about the score, except maybe the goalies and defenders. And the strikers. Okay, some people gave a shit but not me.


  
• Third, now that we were in League Two we could expect every team we played to have an analyst and I wanted to make their lives hard by using different formations, putting out line ups featuring players they'd never heard of, and generally doing weird things. Which, yeah, didn't really take me out of my comfort zone.


  
• Fourth, not having Youngster or Magnus ruled out 4-2-3-1.


  
• Fifth, because without Dazza and Henri my only proper striker was Tom Westwood, I was using Wibbers as a second striker and was trying to avoid the temptation of tinkering with his role. Keep things simple, Max!


  
• Finally, 4-4-2 was a formation that allowed me to give minutes to loads of nervous players in positions they knew.


  

  A major - extremely secret - goal for pre-season was to hack the curse. I wanted to win the FA Youth Cup and to do that I was including kids like Tyson and Benny in first team training and filling their boots with minutes so that when they appeared against a national team it would catapult their CA. Slovakia? More like Slov-hack-ia.

  (That's terrible. Cut that.)

  The scheme was ambitious, crazy even, but if I could increase my youth team by five points across the board before the season had even started, we would surely be in with a chance, especially because I intended to continue the craziness until we got knocked out of the cup.

  The risk was that my first team wouldn't improve by as much as they potentially could and they might get smashed up a few times, but if I wanted to win the Youth Cup I was going to have to give minutes to young players like Noah, Chas, and Sevenoaks.

  My recent experiences had made me slightly rethink how player development worked. Yes, my young players improved by training with the first team and that improvement was faster for guys with higher PA. Yes, players improved by playing minutes and the amount of that improvement seemed to be linked to factors like opposition quality, competition importance, morale, and even whether the kid had done well in the match or not.

  But some of the players at the u20 World Cup had much higher CA than I would have thought possible. Foquita, for example, had CA 99, which was higher than a lot of talented teenagers I'd seen at Man United or Chelsea. How had that happened? Being picked for your national team was obviously a major boost, as I had seen with Youngster. I had to get Wibbers and Banksy into the England set up ASAP, and if there were other events that gave big one-off boosts I needed to know what they were.

  For now I was stuck with the weapons I controlled - training time and first-team minutes. With one eye very much looking forward to the Youth Cup final (to be held in May at Old Trafford, home of Manchester actual United) and knowing I could make 11 substitutions in friendlies, I had brought 22 players up to Marine, where the semi-pro semi-socialist club AFC Liverpool played their home matches. Wikipedia said that in 1949 the Rossett Park ground had been home to a match between Marine and the Nigerian national team, a fact which boggled my mind. What must that have been like? They still had rationing in 1949. You couldn't get extra sugar or butter but you could get two tickets to see the Super Eagles. Wow.

  Marine's pitch was a very nice 4G affair which suited our passing game. Liverpool had an average CA of 18. In the recent past we had loaned them our young players Bomber and Bivvy (a centre back and a goalie, respectively) so I put them in the starting line up. Liverpool had also had plenty of dealings with my loan manager, Ryan Jack, so that was enough to get him a place.

  Most of the squad were desperate to play. It struck me that even if we got far in a couple of cups, there wouldn't be enough action to keep everyone happy. I would have to remind them, when I laid out this season's Maxterplan, that they were paid to train, not to play. I didn't feel any particular need to play against Liverpool myself, so I selected a mix of starters, reserves, and youth teamers and got on with it.

  What I found interesting and very positive was that the squad players who didn't even make it to the bench wanted to come and watch. Maybe they were simply checking on their rivals but the show of togetherness felt like a good thing. Our collective Morale (one of the patches had led to this number being handily summarised for me) had slipped to 4.0 (out of 7) as the euphoria of winning the National League had worn off, to be replaced - I think - by apprehension. We were going into League Two, with every single match televised, we would have the lowest budget and if we got our arses handed to us there would be no hiding place.

  I'd made other decisions to keep some continuity. We wore the old kits and travelled in a hired diesel coach. New season, same as the old season. For now.

  I blinked as Liverpool's manager switched from 4-4-2 to 4-5-1. I stared at the pitch, almost snarling, as I prepared to counteract him. But I remembered why I'd picked Bomber, Bivvy, and Ryan Jack - this was a club we were friends with. They were sound lads and made our kids feel welcome. I untensed, let my face soften, and licked my lips.

  There would be plenty of times I would need to get ruthless or to get up in someone's face. Not today, though. Today we were all smiles.

  I checked some numbers.

  XP balance: 6,772

  The stash was piling up again but I wasn't quite sure what my next purchase would be. I was leaning towards buying 5-3-2, a defensive formation, because it could help us in the short term as we got pummelled by League Two sides. It was just over four and a half thousand XP and I was in no particular hurry to buy it. When I got it, a quiet word with Sandra would be enough to get the lads practising the new formation a couple of times a week. Sandra was the best!

  One interesting thing was that managing this match against a semi-pro side was giving me as much XP as watching the under 20 World Cup. The baseline income was 1 XP per minute, which was doubled because I was the manager. But last July I'd bought a perk called The Friendzone that gave me 50% more XP for six pre-season friendlies. I thought it would take three seasons to earn back the cost of the perk and move into profit, but I wondered if that was true. What would I get for managing against a national team? Surely more than 1 per minute, right? Was it possible I would get a baseline of 7 XP per minute... doubled... plus fifty percent...?

  I smiled. It didn't really matter. Sandra was away so there was no question of anyone else taking control of these friendlies. It wasn't exactly hard work for me. There were no real stakes. It was a case of letting the lads build up fitness while I imagined Sandra telling me to keep things simple. And what's simpler than 4-4-2? I knew she'd be pleased.

  It was quite boring though. I looked around the bench - Vimsy, the Brig, no-one to talk tactics with. Maybe I could try one little thing I'd always wanted to see in action. I pushed Sunday Sowunmi one slot forward and set Christian Fierce to man-mark Liverpool's lone striker.

  ***

  Sunday, July 6

  Bern, Switzerland. UEFA Women's Euro 2025.

  "There's a break in play here at the Wankdorf stadium with the hosts still pressing for an equaliser. It's an absolute scorcher of a day - yes, they're going to combine this injury with the water break. Very sensible. As we look around the stands, some familiar faces. There's Roger Federer's personal chocolatier. Oh, and Magdalena Blocher's English teacher. That's DJ Bobo. Who's this? Yes, I do think that's Sandra Lane, assistant manager of Chester FC's men's team. She will break new ground this season when she becomes the first woman to manage in the English men's football league. I wonder what she makes of the tournament so far?"

  ***

  Monday, July 7

  The boardroom at the Deva was the perfect place to negotiate new contracts. The old wood, the plush cushions, the felt detailing that made random surfaces feel like a snooker table, it all made me feel like a trillionaire. There could be 2,000 superyachts in the world. 10,000 maybe, but there were only 92 teams in the English football league and one of them was my playground. I'd been up all night eating cheese and was hyper. If anything I was too excited and optimistic.

  It was time to negotiate a new contract with William B. Roberts, which was perhaps the most important deal of the entire summer, more so even than Foquita or Banksy. Will had brought his dad and his agent, Ruth. Failure to agree terms could lead to the lad wanting a move. He had three years left on his contract so I was in a strong position, but I didn't plan to keep unhappy players around. If we couldn't find common ground I would offer him a pay rise if he gave me another year so that I could sell him for a good price next summer, like Ronaldo had agreed with Alex Ferguson before his world-record transfer to Real Madrid.

  What I most wanted was to get Wibbers to add another year to his deal, or perhaps renew at 3+1. Three years guaranteed with another year the club could add if they wanted. That way, I could expect to have him until he was 20 with years left on his contract, and sell him for an eight-figure sum.

  They came in and we made small talk. Small talk such as Ruth saying, "Max, why have you put all our trophies on this table?" and me replying, "That wasn't me; they're being polished but the man ran out of polish because there are so many." Small talk such as Ruth saying, "Why are we doing this meeting so early?" and me replying, "Because in half an hour William's going to start two weeks of hard running and he's very quickly going to hate me, the Brig, and the entire football club."

  We moved on to medium talk. William said he was happy at the club, his dad was happy, his mum was happy, his talented younger brother Adam was happy.

  When the time was right, I launched into my pitch. I said I was hugely ambitious and William's profile was rising just as fast as the club's.

  "We're going to be on TV all the time. Every league match is televised and we've got Bolton Wanderers in the first round of the AOK Cup. That's a big game in a big stadium and there's going to be plenty more of that. Ruth has started to get you some sponsorship money, hasn't she?"

  William nodded. He was a much smaller personality indoors than out on the pitch. "Grindhog, yeah."

  "There will be loads of that sort of thing coming. This season you need to kick on. You're 18 in March and I want you making it hard for me to leave you out of the team."

  "It's not ever hard for you, is it?" said Ruth. "You're a ruthless bastard."

  William smiled and looked proud to have such a manager.

  "Yeah, okay," I admitted. "It's just a form of words, isn't it? It's what football people say. I'm trying to be more conventional while Sandra is away so I don't, you know, go off the rails. What I mean is, you've had your tutorial and now it's big boy time. Wibbers gotta git gud. One thing that'll help is getting called up to the England setup."

  "England? This season?" he said.

  "Yep. There's an under 18s team and a 19s. I saw what it did for Youngster and it's a real boost, big boost. We've got to get you in there. To be honest I was a tiny bit reluctant to get your name out in the world but we're in League Two so you're not leaving here for anything lower than a Championship team and next season I'll be able to pay you decent wages." All three of them understood the implication. This season's pay would remain dogshit. I pressed on. "I'm going to use some of my considerable genius to get you called up, ASAP. Okay let's get to my offer and then I'll explain why I think you should sign it. You're on 520 a week now. You know I don't have lots of spare budget but I'll bump you to 700 a week and you'll be able to earn a bit more when we go on cup runs. I'd like a 4-year deal."

  "Three's fine," said Ruth.

  "Three plus one," I said, "but the one can only be triggered if we're in League One. If we're still in League Two, you'll be free to go but if we're going up I want you with us."

  Ruth looked at William. She said, "I like that. What about you?"

  He nodded.

  "Top," I said. "You'll get increases every year, Will. This year we're strapped because of the training ground. I'm not trying to take the piss, right, you can see the money is all out there." I stood and looked out onto the pitch. "We've got to rebuild the stadium, too, but I have to balance that with paying decent wages and improving Bumpers." I smiled and shook my head. "It'll be years until we've got enough money to do everything properly but that's okay. I've got an idea. Check this out." I grinned at them. A big, cheesy grin.

  "Oh no," said Ruth.

  "I think it's possible - just about possible - that William will improve faster than the club. This year's fine - he's got miles to go to catch Pascal." I wasn't sure why I was talking about him like he wasn't there, so I switched tack. "Next year should be okay, too, but it's possible Bumpers won't be as good as I hope, or we lose Sandra or something like that and we get to the point of holding you back. That's the absolute last thing I want. Your development is my top priority and that's not just empty words - I've paid Banbury all your future appearance money so I can use you as much as I want. As much as you need. The thing is, though, I believe in your talent so much that I think you've got the potential to be massive. I'm talking about a transfer fee enough to rebuild this stadium and build a dental clinic bigger than the Death Star."

  "The Death Star?" spluttered Ruth.

  William said, "Man City's training ground."

  "Oh, right."

  "I was telling Brooke I wanted to sell Youngster for loads of money but keep him in the squad. Impossible, right? Well," I said, with a huge smile. I was about to pitch some absolute nonsense and I LOVED it. "We're getting promoted this season, obviously, but I'll be watching you carefully and if I think you need to play at a higher level than League One next season, I'll loan you to a Championship club. They can pay me a fee. Two million; we'll give you a cut. The season after that, Chester will be in the Championship and I'll have spent that cash turning Bumpers into a wonderland."

  Ruth was frowning pretty hard. "You... no. That's the wrong way round. Big clubs loan players down to small clubs. Or big clubs loan to other big clubs and get a loan fee. No-one loans to bigger clubs. That's... that's crazy."

  "Why is it crazy?"

  "Because..." she said. "Because no-one does it."

  I slapped the table. "We'll do it. I'll do it with Wibbers and Youngster. Clubs will pay me to train my players. The clubs get a top player for a season and the lads get, like, new experiences and all that, but after a year we'll be reunited and get back to slapping our way to the very, very top."

  Ruth was still frowning but in an impressed way. "This is why you want a four-year deal?"

  "Right. It gives me a bit of space to put William's career first while making sure Chester benefit, too."

  William said, "Which teams would want me for just one year?"

  I waved the question away. "If you keep listening to me and Sandra you're going to be good, mate. Really good. I think clubs will agree to the deal thinking that after a year with them you'll be so in love with having a proper, normal manager and a big stadium and a nice training ground that you'll demand a transfer. Right?"

  "And if I do?"

  I shrugged. "I'm not going to stand in your way. As long as they pay what you're worth. I personally don't see it as much of a risk because here you're part of something unique - a club that's growing fast. Every month there's something new going on and it's because of your work. Your goals and your assists. Oh, I just thought of a club that might be interested. Bolton Wanderers! If you slap them in the cup they'll remember it and in a couple of years when I suggest it to their director of football he'll be interested, I reckon. Yeah, Bolton. Big club, great history. I'm looking forward to that match almost as much as the Slovakia one."

  "I can't believe we're playing Slovakia," said Wibbers, dreamily, and Ruth looked up at the ceiling. Once again, her client had undermined her negotiating position.

  "Max," she said. "We quite like you but 700 isn't enough. We need to negotiate that."

  "No," I said. "He's going to have a breakout season and sponsors will be queuing to get involved. I was thinking I could include him in some of my BoshCard stuff. You should send him to acting lessons."

  "Acting lessons?" said William, horrified.

  "Just to be a bit looser on camera. I didn't actually mean acting lessons. Um..."

  "Media training," said Ruth.

  I clicked my fingers. "That's what I meant!"

  "The club should provide that," said Ruth.

  "The club has no fucking money left, Ruth. Just do it so we're ready for whatever opportunities come up. Okay?"

  Mr. Roberts chuckled to himself. "It's a rum old place, this. You tell our agent to spend her money on your player... and she agrees!"

  I looked at William. "What do you think, Wibbers? Do you want a boring life?"

  He smiled briefly, but then looked worried. "Are we still going for the Youth Cup?"

  "Yes."

  "Are you going to be the manager for those games?"

  "Yes."

  He was still for about ten seconds, then turned to Ruth and nodded.

  I reacted calmly and professionally. "Jolly good show, old chap," I believe I said. "Splendid and spiffing news."

  "Max," said Ruth. "This is the boardroom. Get down off the table."

  ***

  Tuesday, July 8

  Training was gloriously chaotic.

  Apart from me we had 24 players in the first-team squad. Youngster was the centre of attention for his World Cup exploits. Henri and Tom were getting to know Dazza. Pascal had a badly-sunburned red face except for one large section where he had been wearing diving goggles. The goalie section was abuzz with chat, the two new Lees were being made to feel welcome by Christian and Ryan Jack.

  Then there was a small army of youth team players including Lucas, Tyson, Benny, Chas, and Noah.

  Noah's middle brother, Michael, was there, even if he was technically a Saltney player. Ditto Vivek, who I'd invited to give him a good start to his new life as a West Didsbury man.

  There were so many players that we had split them into three groups, each containing some first teamers and some youth guys. Jude, Spectrum, and Well In did some light technical work to get me some of that sweet, sweet green, but most of the sessions in July involved the Brig and Vimsy shouting at people.

  Shouting at them to run, followed by more shouting.

  The Brig had invited a boffin from the Welsh FA and together they were monitoring the GPS data from every player's sports vests in real time. I went over to their trestle table laboratory and peered at the squiggly lines.

  "Everything good, Brig?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "Individually-tailored, is it?"

  "That's right, sir. We took baseline figures from the end of last season so we know how hard to push them. It's extremely scientific. Cutting-edge, almost."

  The boffin looked up at me. "Would you like to join in, Mr. Best?"

  I smiled. "The Brig doesn't let me. He can't bring himself to shout at me. Can you?"

  "So far no. One must respect the chain of command, no matter how much the chain is asking to be yanked. Are you going to be fit for the start of the season, sir? You haven't done much."

  "I'm doing squash," I said. "I go squash a ball against the walls for twenty minutes. It's absolutely great fun. Very therapeutic. Charges up the ideas factory, know what I mean? You go in stressed and restless, you come out with a plan. Plans within plans. Plans cubed."

  "John," said the Welsh guy, as he pointed to a screen. The Brig nodded and strode away and yelled at Dan Badford. Dan's face contorted but he picked up the pace.

  I drifted away from the scene. Better to leave them to it, and anyway I had very little to contribute to this part of the season. The players, while they hated the monotony and the pain well remembered the close matches at the end of last season where our fitness had turned losses into draws and draws into wins, and for the new signings this was a good introduction to Chester. Completely conventional pre-season fitness work that would make them feel like they had joined a real football club. Not like Chipper, whose first morning as a Chester player involved learning about megashrimp. Yeah, better to leave them to it.

  Before heading up to my office, perhaps with a nice snack from the bistro, I checked the Brig's profile. It was by far the strangest one I'd ever seen.

  He was exceptional at some things and useless at others. The ones where he was useless tended to relate to football, which you might think was a major downside in our industry but we could easily hire people to do things he was bad at. Also, he was learning. At his current rate of progress, in twenty years he would be better than Pep, Klopp, Ferguson... maybe even me!

  Since meeting him, he had added one point in coaching, one point in judging player ability and potential, and two points in tactics. He had lost one point in Discipline, which I took to mean the stick up his arse had loosened.

  I wouldn't want him in charge of a must-win match against Bradford but he was the perfect man to lead the pre-season fitness sessions and just having him around was almost as good as having a sports psychologist. The young players adored him and he was a hit with the fans, too.

  How do you replace someone like that?

  Answer: you don't.

  I walked to Best Bistro with my hands in my pockets and when I got there, I noticed our head cook Patricia eyeing me carefully. She was always slightly angry with me for mistreating her boys, which somehow meant everyone who wasn't me.

  "Trish," I said.

  "Yes?" she said, gripping a spatula.

  "Can you make tartlets?"

  ***

  Thursday, July 10

  Geneva, Switzerland

  "Over to Michelle outside the Stade de Genève where she has spotted a very interesting character."

  "Thanks, Corina. I've just caught Sandra Lane, assistant manager of Chester's men's team, on her way into the stadium. Sandra, thank you for stopping."

  "My pleasure."

  "What do you make of the tournament so far?"

  "It's very hot, isn't it? Scoring the first goal has become super important because teams are struggling to keep the intensity of their press."

  "Who has impressed you so far?"

  "Obviously Spain, Germany, and England but they have tended to get that early goal. It'll be interesting to see what will happen if one of the big nations goes behind because a lot of the other teams can pass the ball around just fine. I think we might get some surprises in the knock-outs."

  "That's very interesting. And what about today? Do you think Switzerland can pull off a shock?"

  The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  "It's never a shock if the home team wins, is it? England are already through the group stage so we will see a lot of rotation. I actually think Switzerland will win this one."

  "As a Swiss I hope you're right! Is there anything in particular you think we should look out for?"

  "Yes, but I want England to win so I'll keep that to myself."

  "Ha ha! But you're already through."

  "I suppose you're right. I'm fairly confident Lucy Bronze will be rested today and Coates is just back from a big injury and hasn't had a lot of match practice. She's a good player of course but I think this heat will kill her. I wouldn't be surprised if Eggenberger moves over to the left wing today and runs at Coates. That's what I'd do. And when England respond - too late, hopefully, from your point of view - switch Eggenberger right, Huwyler left against a demoralised player, and drop Wyss to central midfield to stop England building through the phases."

  "So your prediction?"

  "Two-nil Switzerland. Another prediction is that I'll run out of money before the weekend. A beer is how much?"

  "Sandra Lane, very interesting, thank you so much! If we buy you a beer you can talk to us again?"

  "Haha, yeah right. Sandra Lane, studio analyst! Haha!"

  ***

  Saturday, July 12

  Pre-season friendly 2 of 6: Chester FC versus Buxton

  My first teamers were pretty drained from a week of hard running so I mixed the squad up for the first 45 minutes. Buxton had CA 41, which was decent and actually a bit of a test for us given the state we were in.

  I kept things mostly conventional in the first half, composing variations on 3-5-2, but in the second half I got quite experimental.

  I switched to 4-2-3-1 but playing from a low block. Men behind ball, counter-attacking, long ball.

  I used Tyson as a DM because he could hit accurate long passes and put my three fastest players behind our unlikely striker, Dan Badford.

  The idea was that our speedsters would collect a long ball and give it to Dan, who wouldn't look to shoot but to play a pass to another fast boy. He would basically do his normal midfield role, but thirty yards further forward.

  If anyone had been around to ask what I was doing, I would have said it was an experiment in ignoring player roles and looking only at Attributes and what players could actually do. It was only a few days later when I realised I was using Chester FC as a rehearsal for the Welsh regiment. It wasn't entirely successful, but it wasn't bad enough to put me off, either.

  ***

  Wednesday, 16 July

  Chester FC are pleased to announce that four more players have put pen to paper on improved deals. Manager Max Best said, "We're happy to reward players for their hard work and dedication to the extent that's possible and I think these new deals show that we're an attractive destination for ambitious players who want to improve."

  One of the most important deals was with Eddie Moore, because he was the only key player whose contract was running out at the end of the season. If he hadn't signed, we would have had to sell him or would have lost him on a free transfer. Fortunately, he was happy to extend (one plus one) on a modest pay bump. His new packet was 950 a week, which for a CA 62 PA 75 player was more than I really wanted to pay. He was my first-choice left back, though, and if my best options were Cole or Josh, teams would quickly learn to target us down that side.

  Looking ahead to January, though, I wondered if we would be in a position to accept bids for Eddie. Probably not, but there was one thing I could do to make sure I had options.

  Me: Hi, Rory, this is Max Best. I got your number from Sticky. You played together and he said you're a top guy. You're involved in the Irish youth teams, right? You need to come and have a look at my lad Cole Adams. He qualifies for Ireland and if there's a better left back in your system I'll give you a hundred quid. I'm serious. Okay cool if you're ever around hit me up.

  On the topic of left backs, I gave Cole and Josh bumps from 520 to 550 a week and got them back on 2+1 with the promise that I'd look after them next year. Josh wasn't very impressed but after staying quiet for a while he simply said, "I trust you."

  That got me all worked up to the point I wanted to give him even more money but we just didn't have it. "I'm going to look into getting you a cut of the Josh Throw-Ins merch, all right?"

  "Will that be a lot?"

  "More than nothing."

  "I'll take it."

  Next stop was Zach. I couldn't give him a raise but I changed his deal to put all his money as a base salary and not as appearance fees and whatnot. It would help him if he wanted to get a loan or a mortgage. He was happy to extend to two plus one, which felt significant. Almost my entire squad had at least two years on their contracts, meaning they wouldn't be able to leave for free.

  The exceptions were Magnus and Sticky, who didn't want long deals, Ryan, who was elderly, Henri, who I was happy to let go for free at the end of the season (so he could get a big signing bonus - a thank you for being underpaid for four years), and Andrew Harrison.

  Strangely, the older triplet was the only one who didn't take up my contract offer. He came to the negotiation with Gemma, Emma's best friend, and while normally we were allies, that day she was in lioness mode. She said Andrew was going to be 24 soon and he had to take care of his brothers and didn't want to live in digs and he had played a lot of minutes and I'd made it clear that he had potential and would be a first team regular and if I was going to try to exploit him long-term maybe it would be better for his career if he ran down his contract and left for free in the summer.

  It was quite the barrage and Andrew was the last person I'd expected it from. Of course, it wasn't Andrew talking and he looked pretty uncomfortable about the whole thing.

  "Well, what do you want?" I asked.

  "A thousand a week," said Gemma.

  For a CA 53 workmanlike midfield scrapper? "Wow. Okay so let me ask around and see if anyone wants to buy you. If not, the good news is you've got a whole year to find a new club."

  "Hang on," said Andrew.

  "You know the way out," I said, gathering my stuff and leaving the room.

  Andrew's morale plummeted to abysmal. I cancelled the rest of the contract discussions, hoping that word would spread amongst the other players that I wasn't going to be dicked about by my players or their girlfriends.

  I had to take a hard line because I only had nine hundred pounds a week of budget left and still hadn't talked to Pascal, Magnus, Tom, Wes, Youngster... The list went on.

  I tried to get angry at Andrew. This was a betrayal, after everything I'd done for him and his brothers! But I couldn't. Gemma was right - he was getting too old to be on Exit Trial money.

  ***

  Thursday, 17 July

  I had my first encounter with 3 R Welsh, an army reserve unit of riflemen, which was based in Wrexham. My plan had been to start teaching them Relationism straight away but I realised that wasn't very scientific. First we had to establish a baseline, even if it drove me slightly crazy making myself wait.

  The unit had a guy called Huw running the team who vacillated between being ecstatic to meet and learn from a superstar footballer and being disgusted when I actually did things. The chain of command was clear, though. The Welsh FA and the army were delirious that I was doing this project and had gone out of their way to make it easy for me. 3 R Welsh would visit Saltney twice a week for training, but first I had to go see them in action.

  3R's setup was a lot stranger than I expected in that they played all kinds of football and never had the same set of players twice.

  This first match was six-a-side; they were preparing for a sixes tournament. Once that was over, they would switch to full-size pitches because they also played in inter-army tournaments, against the police, navy, air force, dog handlers, or whatever matches got arranged for them, and were routinely slaughtered.

  Not only were they statistically one of the worst teams on the planet, the soldiers and officers also got randomly called away to, like, do their jobs. If my star goalie needed to be in Germany to paint a wall (or whatever these guys did), me sending him a WhatsApp telling him to get to training in the next ten minutes wasn't going to be very effective.

  I allowed Huw to run the first half of the six-a-side match while learning their player profiles and what was not on the profiles, like who could play a long pass and who could stand up to the pressure of a strong press. The match was twenty minutes of hot garbage that had 3R three-nil down at the break. I took over at half time but instead of reorganising the team on conventional lines - strikers in attack, defenders at the back - I decided to try something I'd been cooking up ever since my first sessions with Geraldo, and going even further back, since my first session with the Chester Knights.

  I was pretty sure Off The Ball was an essential attribute for a forward, so I took the guy with the highest OTB and told him he was my new striker. There was instant dismay from Huw and the others. Not a popular choice! For the midfielders I wanted Decisions, so the two guys with the highest numbers went into the middle. Positioning was king for defenders.

  It was quite a strange way of doing things and there was a decent amount of pushback, but to his credit Huw, who was being usurped by me, finally snapped and told everyone to do their jobs, meaning to obey me.

  My only instruction was for them not to pass the ball more than five yards.

  A slightly grumpy set of players (with the exception of the guy who had been made into a striker) took to the pitch... and crushed! They passed the ball around pretty well, so long as they kept their attempts short. My rule already led to some interesting outcomes. I mean, it was all total CA 1 rubbish but the midfielders actually played the ball backwards sometimes in order to follow my instruction and that led to a couple of neat triangles that ripped their opponents to shreds. (To shreds, you say? Yes.)

  3R recovered to three-all before one guy, unhappy at being moved to defender, hoiked the ball long when the team had bunched up expecting a short pass. The oppo pounced, scored a quick counter, and we lost 4-3. The defender gave me a defiant look as though he was proud he'd cost us the match, which I found absolutely wild.

  Still, it had been an absolutely fascinating hour and I got the feeling the majority of the team were excited that I would be coaching them.

  ***

  Friday, 18 July

  Zurich, Switzerland

  "At half-time it's Italy 2, France 1, and we will talk about what we expect in the second half with our special guest, Sandra Lane. Sandra, welcome to the studio."

  "Thanks, Corina."

  "Can we start with your background for any viewers who aren't familiar with your story?"

  "Oh, sure. I always loved football but wasn't much good at it myself and I was always very interested in coaching but there wasn't much of a pathway back then so I went into teaching. I switched our P.E. lessons from hockey and netball to football and more football. I absolutely loved coaching and decided that's what I wanted to do, even if I didn't know where it would take me. I did my first UEFA badges at the same time as a player at Manchester City and he recommended me to the club."

  "So you started at Manchester City."

  "That's right. With their support and with help from UEFA I progressed to doing my Pro Licence. I was quite happy at City. Actually, I was very happy there."

  "It took a lot to make you change."

  "Yes. Max Best is a lot."

  "He brought you to Chester FC to be his assistant manager."

  "Right. I'm in charge of day-to-day training, we discuss tactics, he sets the short and long-term goals and it's my job to create drills and training sessions to ensure the players are able to do what he wants them to do."

  "What would be an example of that?"

  "Here's one. I got an email from him the other day. He had seen a match in South America where one team had a goal kick and five players ran in a circle near their own corner flag - it looked like they were playing Ring a Ring o' Roses. The goalkeeper passed to the fifth one. Max asked for my thoughts on why they did it. Two minutes later I get another email. I've worked it out! But it's stupid, we don't need to do this. I had to reply, why did they do it? I couldn't understand it - it was one of the strangest things I've ever seen in a competitive match. Oh, they're testing the trigger movements of the pressers."

  "Could you explain that?"

  "Yes. In this match we're watching, Rizzo is the weakest Italian defender on the ball and when she gets it, that's the trigger for the French to press. They don't do it every time because it's sweltering out there, but when they do rush the defence, it's normally when Rizzo gets the ball."

  "Yes, that's clear. And so this ring had the purpose of... what?"

  "To trigger a press. For example, if Italy did that today perhaps the French would rush forward when Rizzo was at the closest point to the goalkeeper. And then you would know who the opposition manager had set as the trigger. If you did it at the start of the second half you would know if the instruction had changed."

  "Oh! That's diabolically clever."

  "If it works, yes. I have my doubts. But in the meantime Max had decided it wasn't stupid and he asked me to find time in the coaching schedule to get it ready by the FA Cup Third Round."

  "Why then?"

  "Ah. That's where Max gets very mysterious, even with me, but I think it's because knowing what triggers a press is most useful against high-level teams. If it's our left centre-back, we might move him to the right side. It might not make a difference, but then again, it might. It's a challenge working with someone who thinks in such unusual ways, but it's very rewarding."

  "And he lets you manage matches yourself?"

  "Yes. I suppose you could call it part of the deal to take me away from Manchester City. I manage matches when Max is sick or wants to go on holiday or if the opposition is too boring for him."

  "This season - if Max gets bored - you will be the first woman to manage an English league match."

  "Knowing Max, it's very likely."

  "How exciting! You're smashing the glass ceiling. And no doubt soon you will be offered a senior job at a big club."

  ***

  I paused the stream and sighed. Sandra was someone I could replace, but I didn't want to. She was almost perfect. Apart from how well our skills and personalities dovetailed, and apart from the fact she brought a healthy pink glow to the faces of gammons everywhere, her numbers - the ones that mattered - were top.

  Since joining Chester, she had been steadily improving, adding a point to Determination and Working With Youngsters in her first season, plus ones in Coaching Outfielders and Man Management in her second. Her preferred formation had changed, too, which I loved because it showed that she was always looking to get better. Always looking to optimise.

  Instead of watching the rest of the broadcast, I closed my laptop and went for a walk.

  ***

  Saturday, July 19

  Pre-season friendly 3 of 6: Blackpool versus Chester FC

  The first team had been absolutely destroyed by the Brig so I had to be very careful how I used them. The last thing I wanted was an injury to a key player, so I used a lot of kids again.

  In the other matches I had done a lot of tinkering with the defence and defenders so I felt quite like doing stuff with attacking players. I started with Tom up front in a 4-1-4-1, but I moved him out of the central slot, one space to the right. I set our attacking tendency to the right and watched for fifteen minutes. It didn't work great but there was something really interesting about this ugly, asymmetrical approach, so I kept him there and changed our attacking tendency to the left. My idea was that we would build up the left of the pitch and cross to the far post, where Tom would be lurking.

  Again, not a smash hit by any means but Blackpool were a much better team than us so I didn't get disheartened.

  If anything, I was emboldened to try more things. I went to 3-5-2 and moved the left midfielder up one slot for five minutes before putting him back and repeating it with the left-sided CM. I went across the midfield looking at all the options and testing how they felt. Moving the central midfielder forward felt best, as you might expect, but the next best was when the guy on the right of the three central players was moved forward. It left a big hole in our lines, true, but Blackpool didn't like players popping up in that particular zone, not one bit.

  Some rapid experiments made me think that Pascal was well-suited to that particular role. He could combine with the nearest striker, the central midfielders, and the guy on the right, and he was irritating enough to draw players towards him. He was creating the space he would exploit. Innnnnnnnnteresting. Very interesting.

  ***

  Friday, July 25

  Extract from the Deva Station podcast

  [Epic theme music plays, interspersed with commentary of memorable moments from Boggy and the BBC]

  J: Yes! Welcome to Deva Station, I'm your host, J. Today I'm interviewing the main man himself, Max Best!

  Max: Wut.

  J: How are you doing, mate?

  Max: I'm good. I'm all right.

  J: Are you a bit down?

  Max: [Laughs.] No.

  J: You contacted me out of the blue and made me get this set up at short notice.

  Max: Yeah, I just really wanted a chat.

  J: [Laughs.] I'm sure.

  Max: I'm kind of not joking. Sandra's still in Switzerland. Did you see she got spotted?

  J: I saw the clips, yeah.

  Max: It's wild. She predicted exactly what would happen in the England match and then said: will work for beer. Her humour is underrated. So yeah, she's out of the country making the billionaire owners of failing clubs sit up on their superyachts, my girlfriend's still working overtime to catch up on her hours, the men's team are at boot camp.

  J: Why don't you go?

  Max: Bah. It's no fun if the boss is around, is it? I'd like to join in but they've got to bond as a team and it doesn't happen if I'm there. They're doing white water rafting while army guys shout at them, and they're also doing some Battleback projects. Working with guys who got injured in a warzone and stuff. My players need to be able to show some vulnerability and that sort of thing and, look, it's better if I'm not there.

  J: I heard a rumour you're doing something with the army yourself. Some coaching.

  Max: Oh, that. Yeah but I'm doing quite simple things. It's, um, yeah, in a way it's the most exciting thing I'm doing this season but in another way it's about letting the players I'm coaching get on with things and there isn't much for me to do. I don't know, we'll have to see how it goes. It's nothing like Battleback or any kind of serious, structured recovery programme. It's just me poking around doing something a little bit experimental and writing about it for my coaching badges. But the real work's yet to happen and the women's team is still on summer holiday, ditto the youth teams, so I've just been pottering around waiting for the season to start, really. It's not much fun, to be honest. I don't even have all that much to do apart from pick the teams so I thought let's talk to the fans while I've got time. This season might get hectic. Like, even more than usual, so let's talk now in case I don't have time during the season.

  J: What can we talk about?

  Max: Whatever you want.

  J: Let's start with transfers.

  Max: [Pause.] You know what? I walked right into that one.

  J: Why don't you like talking about transfers?

  Max: It's like... I mean, I do get it. A new player is like a shiny new toy and new players do lift the dressing room. You see it on the training ground - players step up a level. But my focus is always on training and improving players and for me what's exciting is what's coming from the players we've already got, if you know what I mean. So it always makes me go, er what just happened when people ask about transfers so enthusiastically because transfers are not the most important thing but people talk about them like they are. It's fine, though. It's a very important part of a football club's activities. What do you want to know?

  J: Tell us about the new players, I suppose. We don't know a lot about them.

  Max: Right, fair enough. Banksy's a talented young goalie. Sunday Sowunmi's a talented young centre back. They're from the Exit Trials. Completely misjudged and mishandled by their former clubs, as you'll see. We looked at a few more lads who decided to take the money on offer at Bradford City and it'll be very interesting to see where their careers are at in five years. Lee Contreras is a high-energy midfielder I played with at Tranmere. We had a couple of run-ins before he realised... well, before he realised. [Laughs.] He's actually sound. I think I'm a bit tedious sometimes, you know, sort of pushing too hard, too technocratic, and Lee will lighten things up. Don't get me wrong - he's a serious player. Very serious. What else? We added Dan Badford to the first team squad, not sure if you care about that since it wasn't announced on Sky Sports.

  J: You gave him shirt number 11. Seems to me you really rate him.

  Max: I don't want to put pressure on him by hyping him up but he's better than Maradona. [Laughs.] No, I don't know, I'm really enjoying his development and he keeps surprising me. Most players I really think I know where they're going to end up but not him. The number 11 shirt might be a year or two early but I have this feeling he'll be a good player for a long time. Hope I'm right, and hope it's with Chester because he makes midfield look easy.

  J: He glides around.

  Max: Yeah. He's adding bits to his game all the time. He's got some steel, some craft, he's getting better tactically and he's adding some bulk so he can take care of himself out there. I'm just a fan, to be honest. Who else? Right, we added two strikers from the under 20 World Cup.

  J: Can I just say that's mad? I never thought I'd hear about Chester signing those kinds of players.

  Max: The broadcast money makes a lot of stuff possible. Darren Smith, Aussie, he'll turn 20 this season. Ian Evans loves him. [Laughs.] He's good and we're going to improve the shit out of him. Then we've got Foquita.

  J: Is that a done deal?

  Max: That's a done deal. He's Peruvian, also turning 20, but he can't join us until January.

  J: Because of his league season. Won't he be tired when he gets to us?

  Max: He might be but he'll have to power through and get a proper break next summer. You'll enjoy watching this guy, I can promise you that. Oh, I forgot our new right back.

  J: Lee Hudson. Another Lee. People are saying you've been on a Lee spree.

  Max: [Pause.] Right. I saw Lee at Barrow ages ago and he impressed me. They sacked their manager - who was really good, football's crazy sometimes - and the new guy didn't fancy Lee, so it's another Zach Green situation where we've snapped up a good player on a free. He'll play right back for us but he can play in the middle, too, which is good for when we play three at the back. I think he'll get back to his old levels pretty fast when he's had a run in the team.

  J: Is it true he's on a one-year contract?

  Max: Yes. You know what I'm like, I want loads of kids with really high ceilings but you need balance, too. Hudson's 29 so he's the joint fourth oldest in the squad. He's played in the EFL for a decade and not many players at Chester can say that, so I'm pretty pleased with the signing. He'll add something to the team and the squad, too.

  ***

  Lee Hudson was CA 68, PA 91, and had squeezed more wages out of me than I wanted. He couldn't play midfield which meant I couldn't use him to play out my inverted full back fantasies, but overall I thought he was a solid deal at 1,200 a week. He had been CA 80 when I saw him at Barrow and unless he got injured he would cruise back to those levels.

  It felt like a win-win deal. He would be able to move on next summer with his reputation enhanced, and I would be able to use this season to find a replacement - someone in his mid-20s who would grow with the team until Roddy Jones, the Welsh Wizard, was ready for the first team.

  ***

  J: It all sounds quite sensible to me. If you hadn't signed Lee Hudson I might have thought you'd gone too young but that signing put a lot of minds at ease. Can you talk about the Brazilian lads we're paying but who aren't registered?

  Max: There's not much to say. I can't bring them over yet because they wouldn't get a work permit. We're paying them so they can train and eat better and whatever, and their agency is chipping in for private coaching sessions. Their local rep is trying to place them with a club where they can get some minutes. In the meantime they're doing some training with Corinthians. That's like if I signed two guys from Christleton and persuaded Arsenal to train them, it's absolutely unreal, but more than training they need match experience at this stage in their career. I'd love to bring them over so I could take proper care of them but for me it was a case of let's sign them and work out what to do with them later.

  J: How good are they?

  Max: The question is how good will they be? And the answer is: good enough for all the fuss.

  J: I've learned not to bet against you but it's a lot of money each week, isn't it? Money that could go to someone who would help us this season.

  Max: Yeah that's an argument but when I took over no-one was thinking long-term. The first thing I did was sign Youngster and Pascal and three years later you're happy with that, right?

  J: Of course.

  Max: I look at the squad now and okay we've got some work to do but basically it's amazing. There are gaps in positions and there are some gaps in the levels between individual players but I feel a lot of past decisions are coming back to - what's the opposite of biting someone on the arse? Actually, don't answer that. Past investments are paying off, is what I want to say. There are computer games, strategy games, where it's all about grinding to get your economy going and there's a moment where the flywheel effect kicks in and you're minting money or lumber or, er, tanks or whatever it is and I feel we're getting to that point. I mean, Youngster, holy shit. He's got to be close to being the best midfielder in this league already, and we haven't even started! That's not something we've had before. Okay, some players are miles below so it's not a smooth transition from a starter to a reserve but we should have enough quality to survive the first ten games to let the rest catch up enough that we really take off.

  J: I think in those computer games it's always a trade-off, right, and if you invest too much in the economy you don't have enough army to defend your base.

  Max: What.

  J: [Laughs.] I think you know what I'm saying. We're investing for the future, for the future, but not everyone can live with it. Andrew Harrison, contract rebel.

  Max: He's not a contract rebel. He's got a super smart girlfriend who works in the industry and has an idea of what he could be earning elsewhere. So far as a club we have been able to get everyone to stay but as we climb the leagues it's going to get harder. We'll lose ten percent, twenty percent.

  J: You could have offered Andrew more salary if you hadn't bought those tiny little stands for the main pitch at Bumpers Bank.

  Max: True, but I could also have given him the entire million quid in broadcast money and where would that have left us? No, those stands are fun. If you rent that pitch to play a game and five of the first team are eating snacks in the little stand cheering you on, are you going to be thinking 'oh I wish Max was less whimsical in his spending'? Course not. It might be small-time but it's a progression, isn't it? You're ten and you play in front of a man and his dog. You're twelve and there are a few parents. You're fourteen and there are fifty people in an actual stand. Do you know what I mean? No, I wouldn't change that decision.

  J: What's our goal this season?

  Max: Win the league.

  J: Not finish seventh?

  Max: [Laughs.] I learned my lesson on that one. We have the lowest budget in the league so I'm not going 'oh yeah we'll walk it' but the goal has to be to win. If we can be there or thereabouts in January when Foquita comes, we could go on a long unbeaten run and turn the heat up on whoever's there.

  J: Bradford. Gillingham. Carlisle, Cambridge, Fleetwood.

  Max: Those are some of the names, yes. [Laughs.]

  J: Some potential stories with Bradford. Some bad blood.

  Max: Let's stick to us. I'm optimistic about the season but there will be defeats and the way the squad is there might be a couple of hammerings. Can you stomach it?

  J: Depends against who. Tranmere?

  Max: [Laughs.] Tranmere aren't going to batter us, no. They might beat us, but we'll give them a game.

  J: What's the latest on the stadium?

  Max: It's a huge focus for me this season. We need to find some money so we can do something and I can almost see a pathway through if I eat enough late-night cheese. Two things that will help accelerate things. One, if we get promoted again. That makes a lot of things easier because we will get 1.7 million broadcast money in League One plus even if we got relegated back down to League Two, we'd still get a million the year after, right? And there's a parachute payment for clubs going from the EFL into the National League. That's about half a million.

  J: I see what you're saying. If we get promoted, the worst case is two relegations but those come with guaranteed revenue.

  Max: Right. My theory is that if we get promoted we can say to MD that we've got 3 million coming, do you know what I mean? So if I need five million to start the project, we're not that far off. 3 million in broadcast money, 1 mill in player sales, we're really, really close. We can get a bank loan or something to push us over.

  J: Or ask the fans.

  Max: I don't want to ask the fans for a million quid when there are League One teams buying players for fifteen million. You guys keep your money for a rainy day, but it's my job to make it rain. Wait, did that make sense?

  J: It sounded good.

  Max: The second thing that will help is if the stadium's full every week. I need it full, J, or there's no reason to expand and if we don't expand I'm not interested in working my arse off to get it back because owning it just for the sake of owning it is sentiment. It's a vanity plate. Fill the stadium, get on the waiting list for season tickets, and when I'm talking to some bank guy I can point to the increased revenue we'll get from owning the stadium and having a big new stand and all that. Yeah, that's the best way the fans can help.

  J: I think you'll get a few more signups to the waiting list after that, but I've got to say some of us are worried. You've been doing some weird things in the friendlies.

  Max: Weird? What do you mean?

  J: We played that rebel Liverpool team and at one point you had one centre back. You had a left back, right back, DM, but only one CB.

  Max: What's weird about that?

  J: I've never seen it at any level of football. We talked about it on here and no-one's ever seen it.

  Max: Well, to be honest, me neither. But now we have and it was fine. What's the problem?

  J: I don't feel comfortable having one centre back is all. It's like we're naked.

  Max: I guess I'm comfortable being naked, then.

  J: You're in better shape than me.

  Max: I'm sure you'd be a hit on those German beaches, mate. But look, Liverpool were playing with one striker. Why do I need two centre backs? One's enough. He's got his DM there if he needs someone to chat to. I mean, if we're playing a weaker team and they go down to ten men I want to run up the score and I'd rather have another striker than a centre back who has nothing to do. From January we're going to have more strikers than I've ever had at this club and I personally find the idea of playing with no defenders intriguing.

  J: Please don't.

  Max: Balance is important. I might never do it in a serious match but it looked okay to me. If the centre back is better than the striker I think you trust your guy and get overloads somewhere else on the pitch.

  J: Or you get battered.

  Max: There's only one way to find out.

  J: Oh, God.

  Max: You say it was weird but it was five-nil, nice start to the season. I used loads of kids, too. I was pretty happy with it.

  J: What are you doing with the goalies?

  Max: What do you mean?

  J: I feel like someone told you not to rotate goalies again and you've dialled that up to twenty to annoy us.

  Max: When?

  J: When you used four goalies in every match so far!

  Max: Pfft. That's not rotating goalies. That's sharing out the minutes in pre-season. Hey, listen, we signed a player last year, Owen Travis, who everyone calls Rainman, and he's the only guy who never got a minute under me. Now he's played three matches and he'll play three more and he'll know he's a Chester player for real... before I send him out on loan again.

  J: Hang on. You're going to use him against Slovakia?

  Max: Yes. All the goalies.

  J: That's madness.

  Max: Okay.

  J: I just made you more determined to do it, didn't I? But... what about the loan? What's that?

  Max: We've got two goalies competing for first team minutes, and we need a third in case of injury or suspension, but we don't need four. So Rainman's going to Saltney again. He'll play a full season at a higher level than last time and it'll be awesome for him. How many 19-year-old goalies are playing real matches and getting winner's medals? Not many, that's how many.

  J: One way to spin the Saltney situation is that you're using Chester's resources to lend yourself a good player and you're not paying his wages.

  Max: Yeah? Go talk to Rainman and tell him he doesn't deserve to have a career.

  J: You know that's not the point.

  Max: He's a good goalie but he needs minutes. At Saltney he can still train with us, can't he? Under Sticky, who's amazing. Using Saltney wisely I can accelerate the improvement of three young Chester players. Now here's the other side of the coin - Vincent Addo. Young player I want to get to Chester but he needs a work permit. He can get a work permit if he plays a season in Wales with my team, but how can the owner of Saltney afford to sign a prospect like him? Answer, I can't. I can afford a trip to South America but I can't afford to buy a football player, do you know what I mean?

  J: You've signed him, though. I saw it on the news.

  Max: I think he'll be a great player so I've said right let’s dive in and worry about everything else later. I agreed a fee with his club in Ghana. It's a loan with an obligation to buy, right? Now, to get a work permit you need to be earning 40 grand a year, so I have to pay him that, and from my own pocket, too. Right? And the transfer fee is... well, it's a bit scary. I have to fork over a hundred grand a year from now. That's way, way, way more than I can manage, but guess what?

  J: What?

  Max: He'll be a good signing for Chester so I'm taking the risk that the club will buy him from me.

  J: That's... that's very strange. We're going to buy him? For how much?

  Max: Ha! That's the question, isn't it? I reckon I should get a cut for taking the risk.

  J: What's the risk? You'll be the buying club and the selling club. You can set the fee and only MD can stop you.

  Max: The risk is what if I lose five matches and you sack me? Then I've got myself into a real pickle, haven't I? By the way, I'd like to renegotiate my position.

  J: What do you mean by that?

  Max: I think I've got enough credit in the bank with the fanbase to turn that into six games. You can't sack me after five losses in a row, it has to be six. What do you say?

  J: Sounds fair enough given what you've done. What if we kick up a fuss about this Vincent Addo, though? What if we don't want him?

  Max: You will. We could have the double pivot of the Ghanaian national team here in Chester! If you actually don't want him I'll sell him to a club who wants to progress. It's like for Chester he's 300,000 and for anyone else it's 600,000. I'm not really doing that deal for the money, I'm doing it for Vincent but if I make some profit I'll be able to reinvest in the next guy. Do it all again without the stress.

  J: This is breaking my head. It's bonkers!

  Max: Hang on, we were supposed to be talking about the friendlies. Buxton at home was three-all. Did you go to that one?

  J: I did. Got my first look at Roddy Jones. Do you know he's only 14? He's like a stick insect, Max. You can't play him against grown men.

  Max: Ah, he's fine. I only wanted to give him the experience of being out there and he was absolutely buzzing. Will I use him in a real match? Maybe near the end of the season depending on how he is physically. There's no need to rush him but I think it's okay to give him a couple of boosts.

  J: The young goalies made a real mess of things. Buxton shouldn't be scoring three goals against us.

  Max: It's a friendly. They can score ten for all I care.

  J: As far as I can tell, we played four different formations in those four halves. Am I right about that?

  Max: More or less, yeah.

  J: And we lost 5-2 to Blackpool and no-one could make head nor tail out of your formations or who was playing where. It was mayhem. Someone in a WhatsApp group, I won't say who, said you had become untethered from reality. Someone else said you were looking for solutions to problems that don't exist. People are worried you don't know what to do and you're already scrambling around looking for a way to make this squad make sense. Or that you rely on Sandra Lane more than we think.

  Max: I rely on her, all right, that's true. But I wouldn't worry about me not knowing my best eleven. I do. But I also expect my best eleven to take to the pitch maybe five times the entire season. We will be rotating like a carousel; you're gonna hate it.

  J: Blackpool turned us over and they didn't even use their best players.

  Max: Blackpool are a League One side and they took the match much more seriously than us. It was interesting how well they controlled midfield and how hard it was for us to get anything from the game. They did to us what we've done to a lot of teams in the past. It's just a warning that we need to keep getting better and we are nowhere near the levels. I don't mind it, to be honest, and the fact that the lads pretty much went from that defeat to the boot camp is probably ideal, right? I mean, they'll start a little bit low, bit nervous, and build themselves up through the week. Come back all guns blazing.

  J: To face West Didsbury, the club you definitely don't own.

  Max: Right. That'll be heavy on the kids and you'll see Roddy Jones again. Oh, and Vivek gets to play at the Deva. I'm made up about that. Then it's a tricky away match at Morecambe. I can imagine being, ah, untethered again if that's how you want to describe it. The first half against Slovakia will be something like our best team and we'll all be going for it. I mean, most of us will never get anywhere near playing for our countries so this might be the only time we get to play a national team. Can you imagine if we beat them? It'd be something, wouldn't it?

  J: It would. And it's a sell-out, right?

  Max: I think there are a few hundred tickets left as we speak but they will go and we've got a few things to unveil that day.

  J: The new kit?

  Max: I couldn't possibly comment. Oh, hey up.

  J: What's going on?

  Max: Just got a message. Emma's finished her project and she's on the train. She's coming to Chester! That's cheered me all the way up.

  J: Before you rush off, can I wrap up with a big picture kind of question? We've got so many things happening in and around the club, with the foundation, the training ground, the squad, the new kit and sponsors. What do you see as the big topic for this coming season? The next big area of change?

  Max: We're generally on the right path and if the men's team can keep their heads above water in the first ten league games I think it'll be a good season, a really good season. I'll be doing my next coaching badge where I'll be doing some experiments but I can't imagine trying any of that stuff with the first team. Basically, overall, we'll be sticking to the same path with maybe a couple of tweaks at the edges. You might see some 5-3-2, you might see some young players improve faster than before, but generally it'll have the same shape as the last two seasons. I imagine I'll be using any free time I have to find someone who might replace my key staff if they leave. That's the thing that keeps me up all night eating cheese.

  J: Who's going to leave?

  Max: The most likely is Sandra, obviously.

  J: Why obviously?

  Max: You saw her interview thing.

  J: Yes I did. Which... What?

  Max: [Pause.] I'm just remembering now that I stopped watching halfway through.

  J: You need to watch the end, Max.

  Max: Oh! All right. J, I'm gonna rush off. Thanks for the chat. Tell everyone to get behind the team as much as possible, yeah? Everyone you see out on that pitch has the talent to play for Chester and we need to give them a bit of time and patience and they'll repay our faith tenfold.

  J: I'm so excited about getting back to the football league I'm not sure I'll care what the score is. As far as I'm concerned, you get a free hit against Fleetwood and Bolton. Thanks for your time, Max.

  ***

  Friday, 18 July

  Zurich, Switzerland

  Sandra Lane's interview continues.

  "This season - if Max gets bored - you will be the first woman to manage an English league match."

  "Knowing Max, it's very likely."

  "How exciting! You're smashing the glass ceiling. And no doubt soon you will be offered a senior job at a big club."

  "Chester is a big club."

  "Of course. I only meant - "

  "No team at any level of English football have been promoted four seasons in a row. Our goal is to do it with the men and women, simultaneously! We have incredibly talented players who are hungry to learn, great full-time and part-time coaches who excel in different areas, and an admin team who push the club forward with competence and empathy. Chester is by far the most exciting football club in the world and I want to be part of it. I'm in no rush to move on. We've got a saying at Chester, you go slow to go fast and you go slow to go far. I'm not applying for other jobs because I know two things are true. This season I'll be the first woman to manage in League Two, and next season I'll be the first woman to manage in League One."

  "Wouldn't four promotions put you in the Championship?"

  "Yes, but we don't talk about that because it makes us seem cocky."

  "It's ambitious. But you can't really think you'll succeed."

  "Why not? The hardest part is persuading Max that sometimes the easy way is the right way. He does have a tendency to overcomplicate things. I'm just glad that I've taken this trip in July when he can't cause loads of mischief. Right, enough about me. I've got thoughts on what France are doing wrong in midfield."