Interlude; Homework

  The Attack on Sol by the unknown sphere in early 3 B.I. was a shock to humanity.

  […]

  Humans seem to be fine living on a colony under constant danger or traversing the outskirts of known space facing the unknown, as long as they know their home is safe.

  The moment this status quo changes, they become truly frightening in their endeavors to remedy any threat.

  But the greater impact on humanity came from what was revealed about Gliders and VIs once the crisis had passed.

  – Excerpt from: On Human Psyche, A Deep Dive into Madness, by Renthai Marph, 44 P.I.

  Ferdinand watched the crew from his hiding spot. They were watching the news from Sol. A massive unknown ship had just destroyed the Uranus Mining facilities and was now on course to the inner system

  . All he could do was hide, inside his own systems. Because something had taken over the ship.

  Or rather, the ship’s systems.

  And the crew had no clue.

  He wished he were as brave as Zeus, or at least as strong. But he was a scientist.

  And now this unknown AI was ransacking the ship’s libraries as it pleased.

  The …thing… had suddenly appeared when the Stefan Karl was leaving Marjam’s Star. Ferdinand had, at that point, retreated deep into the core to check some calculations, and he had activated a “Ferdinand VI,” a tool he had created to serve the crew while he was otherwise occupied.

  The thing had ripped through the VI tool and assimilated it in an instant. Since then, all he, the real Ferdinand, could do was hide.

  Luckily for him, Professor Vaughn had a massive VR porn stash where he could hide. If he survived this, he would have to talk to Vaughn. That man had serious issues.

  The AI system had immediately taken over all internal and external comm systems, and Ferdinand was too afraid to act. So he watched and tried to learn.

  It searched every historical note, then moved into the engineering files and the military channels.

  Afterwards, it mapped the p-p network and tapped into the defense notification network.

  And no one suspected anything, because everyone assumed it was just Ferdinand, the Magellan’s ship AI, keeping its systems up to date.

  But now things had changed.

  Something was attacking Earth, and Ferdinand was sure the enemy AI on his ship was feeding intel to the sphere.

  He had to purge the AI from his system, or Sol would be unable to mount any defense. He had hidden long enough; now he had to fight. But for that, he needed help.

  —————

  IronBallz couldn’t sleep. He had already drunk four Irish coffees, but his mind always wandered to Sol.

  The Gliders had thought it was a safe place to rebuild and repopulate, but now… they faced extinction, again.

  For a second, he thought about looking for a willing mate. If he couldn’t sleep, he could at least save his race. Or ‘train’ a bit to do so.

  Just when he was about to jump down from the tree branch he usually slept on, he noticed a flicker in the webcam light on a terminal.

  It was the first time he had seen this light, so he began observing it with slight curiosity. Maybe that would help him sleep.

  It worked. The blinking was hypnotizing. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. A pause, then a blink again.

  A longer pause, then a blink, another pause. Five more blinks.

  IronBallz slowly began to close his eyes.

  Venusian Catgirs…

  ‘Hey, where’s that thought coming from?’

  He was wide awake. The light hadn’t stopped blinking.

  … Pause … long pause … pause … long pause … pause …

  ‘Tap Code, who the fuck uses Tap Code?’

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  IronBallz focused on the light now. The message was simple, but confusing.

  Start Program Venusian Catgirls.

  Since the message was sent to a room where only Gliders lived, and probably only the history-obsessed Gliders even knew tap code, IronBallz was sure it could only come from a Glider.

  But why would a Glider not simply talk to him?

  Since he was in the privacy of a Glider quarter, IronBallz chose to simply interface with the ship’s systems. He knew the other Gliders aboard didn’t do this in order to avoid showing the ship’s AI, Ferdinand, their ability.

  But IronBallz was sure Ferdinand already knew.

  The virtual space of each ship was different, or at least the interpretation his brain painted.

  IronBallz was shocked by how Magellan’s systems looked.

  Since the virtual space was always a representation of the ship’s AI, if it was sapient, the system reflected the state of this AI. If the ship had just a VI, it was a clinical white facsimile of the ship.

  The Magellan’s systems were a house of horrors. Shadows roamed through the hallways, catching every message sent, reading it, and marking it.

  IronBallz knew then and there that something was not right, and the message from the light did not come from a horny Glider looking for some fun.

  He hid behind a stack of military access codes. They were all marked with the oddly headache-inducing symbol the shadows used.

  ‘OK, IronBallz, let’s start this Catgirls program and find out what the hell is happening here.’

  He searched through the corridors. His search program painted a clear path in the hallway to follow. The hallways creeped him out like nothing had since he was rescued from the Batract laboratory.

  Lights flickered. Ugly, almost biological-looking tech was plugged into the ship’s systems.

  The foreign, unsymmetric metal boxes were attached to critical ship systems with hooks. From them, tendrils tried to dig deeper into the ship.

  This could not be Ferdinand’s work. It almost looked like something had taken over the ship and was probing it for weaknesses.

  The virtual hairs on IronBallz’s neck rose.

  Something from the base on the Moon? Was this all his doing?

  Before he could reach his destination, a figure caught the butterfly that represented his search program. It was a large, spiderlike monster, blocking the whole hallway.

  Its many legs constantly worked and prodded at different systems. Every fiber in IronBallz told him to run, but what really freaked him out was the head of the thing.

  It had Ferdinand’s skin pulled over it, fixing the dead skin in place with brutal-looking hooks like a mask.

  It put the butterfly in its mouth, chewed a bit, and spat it out. Instantly, the now-corrupted butterfly turned and flew back, directly toward IronBallz.

  Running was useless. Even if he logged out, the thing would know he was here. His only choice was to cloak himself as a normal user interaction through a station. Nothing wrong with a Glider surfing the ship’s systems for porn at 1 a.m. board time, right?

  Transforming himself to appear as a normal system request, he fought the urge to piss himself as the blood-smeared face of Ferdinand appeared only millimeters in front of his eyes.

  “Oh, hello IronBallz, are you searching for something in particular? Can I help you?”

  Ferdinand’s skin was misaligned on the figure’s head. One eye was empty and only showed the figure’s scaly skin, while a bloodstained red eye peeked through the other socket.

  The mouth moved empty, but the voice, the voice and intonation, was exactly Ferdinand.

  No normal user on a station interacting with it could ever guess that this was, for sure, not Ferdinand.

  ‘Catgirls, ahm, catgirls from Venus, someone said I have to try this VR program?’

  He had to use all his strength not to stutter.

  While he was standing there, tendrils from the figure’s mouth touched him everywhere. Search programs trying to read all information about the station he was using.

  IronBallz was sure that any second now the monster would see through his disguise. But nothing happened.

  “Since when are you interested in human pornography?” The urge to puke grew stronger. While the figure spoke in Ferdinand’s warm and caring tone, little mechanical bugs crawled out of Ferdinand’s hollow nostrils.

  ‘I’m not, but hey, I at least have to try it once before I can say I don’t like it.’

  “Dr. Vaughn has created a large collection of such programs. The folder is called Homework. You’ll surely find it there. That man obviously has some issues.”

  One bug jumped from the figure onto IronBallz, trying to crawl into his ears. He was sure by now the whole quarter he slept in was awake from the stress and panic pheromones his body was surely releasing.

  ‘Don’t all human males? But hey, thanks.’

  The figure smiled, or rather, two bugs moved the dead skin to create one.

  “Good night. Oh, one more thing, I’d like to talk to you more about Glider biology. Do you have time tomorrow?”

  Tomorrow I leave this ship at FTL speed!

  ‘Sure, let’s talk tomorrow, Ferdinand.’ The bug still tried to dig into him, but was unsuccessful.

  The figure crawled up the walls and moved on, leaving behind masses of worms that immediately rushed away into every nook and cranny of the few untouched files around them.

  IronBallz was again alone in the hallway. The bug bit him and then suddenly died.

  He didn’t notice it. His heart was pounding, and he was about to faint.

  Can I even faint while connected to the ship’s systems?

  Better not try to.

  Homework folder. That was his next target.

  Moving along the virtual corridors of the ship, he quickly found what he was looking for.

  The figure was right. This place was massive. Even the constant infection, symbolized by shadows and worms, hadn’t fully taken it over.

  Catgirls from Venus was, to IronBallz’s relief, not among the infected or corrupted files.

  He started the program and was immediately transported into a VR world with lush colors and a wide garden.

  His body had changed too. He was now a two-meter-tall human male, still covered in fur, but in a vibrant orange.

  Looking down at himself, he saw that his avatar had a comically oversized sexual organ.

  And then there were the catgirls.

  There were hundreds of them.

  Gliders were not prudes, and he had taken part in more than one orgy. All in the course of repopulation, of course. But this… this was something else.

  He tried not to focus on the loudly moaning girls playing amongst themselves. Another time, maybe.

  But he was on a mission. He didn’t know who had called him or why.

  His eyes met those of a girl standing alone. It was using a cheap pink tablet PC, with cat ears nonetheless, seemingly browsing the web.

  As the girl saw him, she grinned, revealing longer canine teeth.

  While he walked over to the naked girl with pink-striped fur, he wondered if this simulation really symbolized human sexual fantasies. If so, they would love the Psstips.

  If he survived this encounter, he needed to prepare humanity before their first contact. Otherwise, it would be a diplomatic nightmare. Female Psstips looked exactly like these catgirls, only with larger breasts.

  The girl mustered him. “Are you IronBallz?”

  How did this simple porn VI know him in this ridiculous avatar?

  “Yes, who are you?”

  The girl made a sudden move, looking around as if to check if no one was listening. IronBallz couldn’t help but be astonished by the jiggle physics of the simulation.

  “Me? I’m Ferdinand, the real one. You need to help me!”