Relena, holding the device, shrugged and said, "Let’s go."

  ?Noko looked at her and shook her head. "You did it wrong."

  ?The two girls shared a look and, in unison, shouted, "Let’s go shopping!"

  ?As they touched fingers, Spike started to dry-heave, looking even greener than his usual metallic hue. At that moment, the handheld unit transformed, shifting into a drone that hovered at Relena’s shoulder, six feet off the ground.

  ?"This is better. I don't have to be in your nasty hands anymore," Spike’s voice crackled through the drone’s speakers.

  ?Noko glanced at the drone. "Oh, you don't like it when we do girly things?" she teased, wrapping her arms around Relena’s waist and kissing her neck and cheek.

  ?"Forget that! I’ll fly ahead and make sure it’s safe," Spike whined, his blades spinning up to bolt.

  ?"Stay here," Relena commanded.

  ?Spike pitched the drone’s nose down to look at her. "What do you think I am? A dog?"

  ?"No, I know you’re not," Relena said, her voice softening into a tone that was almost maternal. "But we don’t need you getting lost. Understand?" Spike tilted a little lower, then decided to hover just above Relena’s shoulder as the three of them entered the mall. The first shop they visited was Bed Bath & Beyond. As they walked in, Relena started listing off the essentials: "Towels, toilet paper, toothbrushes, washcloths..."

  ?Noko grabbed a cart and began to walk while Spike buzzed near her ear. "Can't Gizmo just fabricate all of this for you? Why buy it?" the AI asked.

  ?Both women smiled. "Well, the reason is that we can't be too reliant on the Bus," Noko said. "And besides, we’d rather buy things ourselves than just 'make' them. We want to feel them first."

  ?Spike let out a loud whoosh with his fan blades. Both ladies figured that was his version of a sigh—a huff about being bored. "You humans are weird," he grumbled.

  ?The ladies walked down the aisles, feeling how comfortable the towels were and checking the softness of the blankets. They touched, squeezed, and inspected items before placing them in the cart. Spike hovered around them, swaying back and forth and letting out an occasional metallic growl. Noko shot him a look that clearly said 'Keep it up and I’ll take my belt off,' which sent him right back to swaying silently.

  ?Spike, who was meticulously keeping time, noted they had been in the store for almost an hour by the time they reached the checkout lane. As they were walking out, they spotted Kay and a group of people who looked like her friends.

  ?Both women stared at her. Spike noticed the tension and asked eagerly, "Can I shock her?"

  ?Noko thought about it—really hard—but Relena shook her head. "No. We need to be good... unless she starts it," she said, her hand resting instinctively on the hilt of her combat knife.

  ?After paying, they headed toward a clothing store. They had spent $3,000 at Bed Bath & Beyond, but they still had plenty of credits left. The clothing store was quite nice; as they browsed for outfits, they left their bags near the front. Spike transformed back into phone mode to chill, the little gremlin "laying" on a beanbag and reading a digital book titled Humans for Dummies. Both Noko and Relena were lost in a world of silky lingerie, pajamas, and everyday clothes. They were deep in the racks when Noko’s phone vibrated. It was Spike.

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  ?"Are you two done yet?" he growled through the speaker.

  ?Noko looked at the growing pile of bags at the front. "We’re almost there."

  ?They gathered their final selections, including some clothes they’d picked out for Drake, and headed to the checkout. After everything was scanned, the total came to $3,500. They paid, decided it was finally time for lunch, and made their way toward the food court.

  ?As soon as they stepped out of the clothing store, Spike shifted back into drone mode to follow them. They navigated the crowds until they found a spot at a place called Chinese Garden. After picking a table to set their bags down, Noko asked Spike to keep watch while they ordered. With a mechanical click, he landed on the table and shifted back into phone mode.

  ?While the women were at the counter ordering, Kay approached their table. She saw the "phone" and reached out, intending to slam it against the table in a fit of spite—but Spike was faster. He delivered a sharp electric shock to her hand.

  ?Kay stumbled back, dropping him. Before he could hit the floor, Spike’s fan blades whirred to life, stabilizing him just inches from the ground. Noticing a wet patch on the floor from a nearby spill, Spike dropped onto it and sent a surge of current through the water.

  ?Kay screamed as the electricity traveled up her legs.

  ?The sound made Noko and Relena spin around instantly, their hands moving toward their weapons. They saw Kay and her "posse" standing over their table with Spike hovering near the floor. Relena rushed over to scoop Spike up, while Noko stepped firmly between them and the other girls.

  ?"So, Kay," Noko started, her voice cold. "Is Narcis still bragging about his 'illustrious' military career?"

  ?Relena chimed in without even looking up from Spike. "Or is he still bragging about how big he is?" She wiggled her pinky finger mockingly.

  ?Noko smirked. "Babe, even that's an overstatement." Kay was so consumed with rage that her skin turned a dark, bruised red beneath her tan. Without a word, she balled her hands into fists and swung at Noko, hitting her square in the nose. Noko’s head snapped back; as she steadied herself, she felt a warm liquid dripping down her lip. She touched her face, and seeing the blood, she froze in momentary shock.

  ?Kay didn’t hesitate, landing another heavy blow, this time to Noko’s jaw.

  ?"Get them!" Kay shouted to her friends.

  ?Relena threw Spike into the air. "Get the car!" she commanded. Spike growled, his turbines screaming as he shot toward the mall exit.

  ?Relena unsheathed her combat knife while Noko drew her pistol. "Fuck this shit," Noko spat, firing her weapon at the rushing girls. The shots weren't lead; they were TASER rounds. Each girl fell instantly, their bodies convulsing as electricity surged through them.

  ?In the blink of an eye, Relena was in front of Kay. She lashed out, slashing her twice across the chest. The electrical discharge from the blade was so intense that Kay’s eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she hit the floor with a heavy thud.

  ?Noko knelt quickly to check Kay's pulse. "She’s still breathing," she noted, her voice tight.

  ?Relena stood over her, breathing hard, her eyes dark with a lingering fury. "Dammit. The bitch should have died for what she did to Drake."

  ?Noko didn't argue. She grabbed Relena by the arm, scooped up their shopping bags, and rushed toward the exit. The car was waiting right out front. The trunk popped open, and Relena jumped in while Noko tossed the bags inside. Noko dove into the driver's seat, and before the doors were even closed, Spike hit the gas and tore away.

  ?Noko gripped the wheel. "We are fucked. We are so, so fucked," she panted. "When they wake up, they’re going to tell the police and we're done."

  ?Spike growled through the speakers. "No, you’re not. The shock I gave them will erase their memory of the whole day. They won't remember shit."

  ?"Really? Are you sure, Spike?" Noko asked.

  ?"Hell yes, I'm sure," Spike snapped.

  ?Relena and Noko looked at each other and erupted into laughter—the kind of hysterical laughter that makes you cough and cry at the same time. Spike took over the steering, his sensors focused on the road as he shook his head. "You humans are weird."