LYSSANDRA

  I prepared everything. I mixed both jars of nectar and wine, while I hid the blood of Typhon in one of the boxes where I also hid his Pup, giving him a few pieces of meat to keep silent.

  I placed the tablet of backgammon on the table while I was taking a bath with all the flowers and oils that he gave me. I put on one of the purple dresses, and I fixed my hair tightly with green ribbons. I remembered when he disguised himself as Adara, and he was fixing my hair, adding beautiful ribbons as if they were close friends.

  I wondered if those small ancient moments were real to him as they were real to me.

  And so, I gathered every strength that my soul still had. I took all of my pride, I broke it, and took a very deep breath before trying.

  ‘’I-, nope I can’t say it’’I rushed left and right. I could not say it. I hit my cheeks twice before trying once more.

  ‘’I give- oh, it’s harder than I imagined.’’

  Focus steward woman. Focus.

  ‘’I give up’’I finally said, grunting, and Hermes appeared right behind me.

  ‘’What was that?’’ He said, with his hand close to his rabbit ear, trying to listen better.

  Did I have to say it again? My lips forced a wide smile, and I tried to show my body to him.

  ‘’I give up.’’

  His eyes opened wide, and his hands were about to pull me close to him.

  ‘’Does that mean?’’

  ‘’It means that I understand now that I am yours’’ I explained, and his sharp claws touched my jaw.

  ‘’I am so glad that you finally-’’

  I pushed myself away. ‘’Not yet.’’I jumped back to the table and showed him the game and the two jars of Nectar.

  Confused now, Hermes, he moved closer to me.

  ‘’I don’t understand, you said.’’

  ‘’I am yours’’I explained again. ‘’If you win my challenge.’’

  He raised one eyebrow, with the wings moving also up. ‘’You understand that you always lose, right?’’

  ‘’I won once’’I reminded him.

  ‘’Only because we were very far ‘’He began walking closer to me. ‘’You cannot win-’’

  I shrugged and moved back to my bed and took a scroll to read.

  ‘’You are acting childish’’Hermes laughed and kept watching me reading and ignoring him.

  He wanted challenges. He wanted games. And I would give him one to remember.

  ‘’You think that this act will make me agree with you?’’

  Two days. He was staring at me, reading an empty scroll for two days. And he finally gave up.

  ‘’What exactly is your challenge?’’

  My wrists were in pain after all that, and I tried to stand up. ‘’Simple, we play, and each of the winners will take what he wants.’’

  ‘’Only one round?’’He was shocked and took a better look at my exposed skin. ‘’Maybe you know that you will lose and you are trying to play games with me.’’

  He moved my knuckles to his lips and kissed them softly.

  ‘’Then what are you suggesting?’’I asked, curious.

  ‘’How about…’’He made a long pause. ‘’I won a hundred games.’’He said.

  And my brow arched. ‘’So, I will win a hundred more.’’

  ‘’I see’’I looked up to him. ‘’All in one day? You must get tired’’ I walked further from him.

  He moved his hands on my bare shoulders.

  ‘’And what are you suggesting?’’

  I tried to hide my grin. I had to win this game.

  ‘’How about on game each year?’’

  One hundred years. One hundred games.

  The god’s smile faded. ‘’That long?’’

  I shrugged and walked away from him. And the god grabbed my hand. ‘’You must want something, don’t you? You wouldn’t have lured me in like that’’

  Of course, I wanted to. I was playing with all the stakes.

  ‘’I want to be free,’’I announced. ‘’If I win at least one more time for the next century, I want you to’’I grasped my neck where my collar was hidden. ‘’Free me.’’

  And Hermes started laughing. Laughing and laughing until he moved his hand on his face.

  ‘’Fine. A century it is then, but when I win’’

  His hands moved on my cheeks, my neck, my waist, and moved me closer.

  ‘’You are completely mine. ‘’

  I nodded and swallowed harshly as we both shook hands in this trial.

  I had to win.

  We both played ten rounds for the first time. In each round, when someone was losing would drink. That was where I tried to hold myself sane from all the drinking. Even when a few times Hermes was losing, he was winning again. Was that once again his game?

  I lost the first time. I was expecting that, and Hermes showed up with such a victorious smile as he became more eager.

  Every year on that specific day, I would dress up and prepare everything like before. His eyes were drawing their attention to my clothes, his nose to the scent that I was placing on my skin, and his fingers were trying to touch my skin.

  I was playing a game of luck against the god of gambling. And each time, I was losing.

  But I could see that even when he was not losing, he was drinking. He was turning more eager. So, I mixed his jar with less wine, seeing how heavier his looks were getting.

  In the ninety-ninth year, I once again lost , and my heart fell to my stomach.

  ‘’Oh, and you were so close today’’He laughed.

  I simply narrowed my eyes as I was also drunk from all the wine, and he kept laughing.

  ‘’One year left,’’he whispered. ‘’Will you give up?’’

  I simply looked at him with a smile.

  ‘’Now, dear Hermes, you know that I never give up’’

  Couldn’t he wait for one more year? I guess not, and I could understand him. I couldn't wait to be free. I wanted to get out of that place. Out of his grasp.

  He simply smiled and vanished.

  I was preparing for years for this moment. I was failing to win, but I also knew now each one of his movements. His tells. I knew everything. I had to be prepared.

  I moved myself to the boxes, and I opened the box where the blood and pup were hiding.

  ‘’I am sorry dear’’I said and petted his head. ‘’One more year.’’I took out the poison and began mixing it with the oils and the flowers he was offering to me. A beautiful scent was still coming out from both oils and water.

  But when I was taking a step inside, I could feel my body slowly burning up. Unlike when I once drank it, the scar on my neck did not shrink or vanish. Maybe it was simply an illusion. But I had to keep that pain. I had to do it. No matter how much I wanted to cry or scream.

  The day finally arrived, and I bathed myself like always, but this time I dressed differently. I wore crimson fabrics with golden bracelets on each of my limbs. I thought of Myrto when I first saw her rushing far from her wedding, trying to escape from the pigs they were trying to sell her to. She wanted to die and give up on life.

  I envied her for thinking about those things. Because I also wanted to give up. However, my pride wouldn’t let me.

  I placed heavy white powder on my face and painted the suns on my cheek, forehead, and chin as my lips were stained red. My hair now, I braideditm low with red ribbons and hid my face with a red fabric.

  He finally arrived as he was stepping with the thought that everything in this room belonged to him. And so was I. I sat down, and his eyes were all bright from the thought that I was dressed up for him.

  ‘’You…’’His lips trembled, and I showed him the game.

  So, we began. He wouldn’t see my reactions, he wouldn’t see my thoughts. Everything is at the table now. My experience, the power shifting, everything needed to end. I knew every one of his gestures now. Even luck couldn’t help him win.

  ‘’I do not believe that you want to win.’’ He spoke out after hours. We were in the ninth round, and he had already drunk so much nectar.

  ‘’How so?’’I asked and began moving my pieces.

  ‘’Because you are tired.’’His voice turned like a siren inside my brain. We were both tied. I was trying everything in my might, and his voice was tricking me.

  ‘’Tired of pretending, tired of fighting. And I believe that you simply did not want to show me that you actually wanted to give up. That’s the challenge for.’’

  My brow arched, and I replied with a chuckle. ‘’How clever you think you are’’

  I said, and then there was a stop. He moved his pieces now.

  ‘’Well, then explain your game.’’

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  I lost. I had one more move. I could do something, but he would move back to it again. I had all the power in my fingertips, and I still lost.

  My body began to sweat. No, I could do something I had to do one more time. But Hermes could see my fingers trembling.

  Break stupid pride, break.

  ‘’You are right’’I admitted and stood up. So, he walked closer to me.

  No matter what, I couldn’t beat him at his own game. I was hopeless, a pathetic woman who thought that she could have everything she wished. This woman was wrong.

  I could not win against the gods.

  His hands lifted over the veil, and my eyes opened wide to see the man who wanted me for so long.

  His grin was wide like a half moon, and I was also smiling, trying to look down at his chest.

  ‘’You have one more round’’He jerked his head. ‘’What will you-’’

  I grabbed him by his dark cloak and pulled me close to my lips. The kiss that he craved so long. For a second, his eyes snapped, but at the end, he closed them shut, and He moved his hands on my shoulder plates. His lips tasted bitter as they were sharp like daggers. Each touch, each taste, each scent was making my spine break from the shivers.

  And still. I liked it. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted his hands and nails around my flesh. I wanted my pride to be melted by a single breath of his.

  ‘’You are mine’’He whispered, all drunk.

  ‘’I am yours’’His fingers now on my clothes, my chest. Each touch was burning me up as I was trying to remember how long it had been. How long had someone actually touched me with passion, looking at me with salvation?

  I wanted this. I truly wanted this.

  His kiss turned even hungrier as he moved right to the neck with my golden scar. He was mumbling as his skin was getting hotter and was trying to touch every inch of my body.

  ‘’Lose your clothes’’He commanded breathlessness. There was no need to call me by my name as I had now lost and had to do whatever he said.

  I belonged to him. I wanted to belong to him.

  Snap out of it.

  I hesitated for a second, but I obliged by moving myself to the bed. I took out the veil, the bracelets, each part of my fabric, and I was standing there, completely naked and biting my lips slowly, feeling my cheeks turning even redder.

  The hungry god now completely moved his feathers up from the excitement and removed his fabrics and each one of his jewels and tossed them aside.

  Each one of his jewels.

  ‘’You look so beautiful’’He mumbled, crawling down to the bed and caressing my thighs. His mind was turning numb.

  ‘’You are actually mine’’He gasped, his thumb caressing my lower lip with his sharp claws, carrying my entire face,

  I tried to smile.

  ‘’I am whose, my lord?’’I said, snickering.

  He moved up and began to kiss my collarbone, with his hands touching my chest.

  ‘’You belong to me,’’ He moved to kiss my chin. Each part belonged to him. ‘’Say my name.’’

  ‘’But’’I played dumb.

  ‘’Say my name, Lyssandra’’ He commanded me and moved my nails deep into my calves, making them bleed.

  ‘’Who are you?’’

  His eyes blinked.

  I do not have to win against them.

  ‘’You know my name’’He was muffled as he took out the ribbons of my hair.

  ‘’Do I?’’

  His lips got out of my skin and leaned toward my ear. His eyes were facing a woman so broken that she was spitting nonsense. What harm would she do as she was down below a god?

  ‘’Phesuon.’’

  My chest tightens as I heard that name, making my spine arch.

  ‘’Now,’’He kissed my chest. ‘’Say my name’’

  He moved from my chest to my stomach, slowly deep into my core. I was hisa nd just his. My body was lowering each part of my guard, trying to welcome him in. His lips were pressing each part of me with his hands, finding a way to burn my flesh from all of his passion.

  ‘’Phesuon’’My lips parted, and the god hummed with victory.

  ‘’Phesuon’’I said again and tried to control myself.

  ‘’Get away from me’’ I spat out with anger.

  His eyes snapped as he realised he was moving far from me.

  The god chuckled, and I was getting myself a green dress to wear from his belongings.

  ‘’What are you doing, dear?’’ He laughed, and I found down on the floor his necklace that had a caduceus.

  ‘’Lyssandra get away-’’

  ‘’Stop talking, Phesuon.’’

  His eyes snapped, and I couldn't help but smile at his shocking, wet face.

  And still the anger was inside me. It was still burning like fire.

  ‘’Do you take me like an actual fool?’’I asked, and he tried to move closer to me, and I spoke out louder with the rage escaping.

  ‘’Didn’t you think that I would find out the truth?’’

  Centuries ago, when Prince Paris kidnapped the beautiful Queen Helen, the gods had to fight and chose their side of the war. Each god chose for personal reasons such as love, admiration, and spite. Only Hermes hadn’t decided yet. Until, when he had fallen asleep, Eris appeared inside his deep slumber. She told him to fight for King Menelaus' pride. Hermes was confused by the sudden interest in him and the war. But the goddess laughed, telling him that if he did it, he would win something greater in exchange. That made eHermes glint from greed.

  He asked her.

  ‘’I have gold, I have worship, I have everything in the world that I could ever want. What can the goddess of wisdom offer me that I cannot have by my own?’’

  And Eris grinned.

  ‘’Something fabricated from fate itself. That no matter what, it will be yours. No matter how long you wait, the price will belong to you and only you. Mortals and gods will want it, and the sun and sky will fight for it. But it will belong to you.’’

  And with that, I returned to the temple, staring at the statues in front of me with the child looking at me.

  ‘’Girl’’She tried to reach me, but I soon began to vomit. Spit and meat were getting out as I was crying so harshly. I embraced my skin tight and tried to pull it out. This wasn’t my skin. I tried to scream, but I also wanted to tear my vocal cords apart. Because they weren’t mine, actually. They weren’t my hair, my gaze, my thoughts, my soul, my existence. They weren’t mine. They never were.

  ‘’Fabricated?’’I shouted at her with muffled noises. ‘’I was fabricated?’’

  ‘’We have been over this.’’ She yawned, and I jumped closer to her.

  ‘’I do not care what else you will have to say’’I hissed to the Queen of the gods.

  ‘’It can’t be’’ I cried at her. ‘’No, I did not…’’

  I do not want to be another example. I do not want to be a part of their game.

  ‘’Please, answer me this.’’

  ‘’I probably have already answered that question’’She yawned.

  ‘’Was any of my actions mine? Or was it always part of the plan?’’

  Was my wanting to become a fake prophet my idea? Was I helping everyone on my way to glory my movements, coming from my heart? Was me falling for Paris my needs? Or was it all a fabricated plan to end up in Hermes’s clutches?

  And so, Hera looked far away from me. ‘’None knows.’’

  My chest became even tighter.

  ‘’Honestly, it was a miracle to see you after centuries, you are still you. ‘’

  ‘’What should I be? An empty vessel?’’

  ‘’More or less’’The queen narrowed.

  I could not believe what I was listening to. My entire reason for living was this? From the moment I got out of this…

  No, I can change it, can’t I?

  ‘’You have talked to me before, right?’’I asked, and she nodded her head.

  ‘’How did I react?’’

  ‘’More or less like this. But in front of Hermes. And so he began to erase parts of your memories.’’

  I wanted to explode, but instead, I swallowed everything. I just nodded and tried to walk away from her.

  ‘’What will you do now?’’ Hera asked.

  What will I do? So much rage and pain were hitting me inside my entire soul. I wanted everything to end.

  ‘’How can I escape fully?’’I asked her, and Hera blinked.

  ‘’I cannot say-’’

  ‘’You can, and you will, now tell me, or I swear I will burn Olympus to the ground.’’

  I didn’t know what expression I made at that time, but I have never seen someone so terrified. Good.

  ‘’You will not escape fully, but you will have the upper hand if’’ She made a long pause.

  ‘’Make Hermes tell you his real name’’

  And I was now standing with my power in my voice and hands while Hermes tried to walk closer to me. I knew that he didn’t swear in the river of Styx, that he wouldn’t let me free even if I won. And if he swore, he would find a loophole. So, I had to win in another way. I had to play the fool, the person he wanted me to be. poisoned myself for a year so his body and mind would go weaker on my touch,

  I did everything just to see the pathetic god’s sight.

  I cannot win against him. But I can buy time.

  As his eyes were now shattering as he realised what I knew, he tried to speak once again.

  ‘’Was this the reason why you found back to that cave? To see what great gift Eris brought you as your prize?’’ My voice was also so broken as Hermes turned his face away from me.

  ‘’Answer me’’ I shouted a command, and Hermes looked back at me.

  ‘’It was long before that.’’He replied.

  ‘’What?’’

  And there was a wide grin as his lips were moving by my force. My pride and spite were forcing him to answer.

  ‘’Who do you think sent those men in the temple of my brother?’’

  My skin flared as I touched my wounded face. My missing eye, vision, and my nose cracked up.

  ‘’Eris came to my slumber once, telling me that my prize would be born tonight. Only if you send madness to a few priests of your brother who holds the wrath of war.’’

  ‘’Pity that I never actually saw you there on time. Only fire and corpses were for me to see.’’

  Keep calm. Keep calm. But I couldn’t show it. I could only show him my burning rage for him.

  ‘’My dear, I would have told you-’’

  ‘’When? In a thousand years?’’ I walked closer to him again and showed him that I was wearing his caduceus. ‘’When I wouldn’t have any memories of mine, and I would simply be yours?’’

  ‘’You are upset, I-’’

  I slapped him harshly, turning his other cheek and the golden ichor dripping down from his nose to the floor. Just like when he raised his hand to me, he will suffer more.

  ‘’Upset?’’ I let out a laugh. ‘’No, I am not upset, ’’I narrowed my gaze as hissing was getting out of my voice. I am furious. Furious with him who was playing with me all those years, thinking that I might actually have a friend. But at the end, he simply was waiting for me to be what he was always expecting. Furious with the gods that let me suffer and took the oath to stay silent. Furious that I thought I had my own free will for all those years.

  I grabbed him by his hair and pulled him closer. I could have made him forget, too. I could have made him obey me as I wanted to.

  I could make him mine and mine alone. Worship me, do my bidding like a mortal does for his beloved god.

  ''Was this what you wanted?''I pulled myself closer to him, moving my legs to his. ''To be your good pet at your every need and command?''I moved my hand on his face and pulled him closer so each and every one of his eyes to stare at me. ''To love you? To admire you''

  ''You had your fun''' Hermes scoffed. ''Now, please let me go''

  ''No, no, no, my dear'' I said with a smile. ''Because even if you won, you will not have me. Not yet. Not until the entire world ends.''I could see how furious he was getting from those words. Perfect.

  ‘’Phesuon’’I spoke, and the tingle of power found my spine. ‘’I command you not to move for a hundred years. ‘’

  And his body froze up while I moved back to the boxes and took Pup and the poison. He would stay there, frozen for a hundred years. For a hundred years, he thought that he could win. A hundred years he would stay frozen, as the prize crafted for him by the fates, which he betrayed each family member to obtain, was now walking away from him.

  ‘’Lyssandra, don’t you dare-’’

  For a second, my body became a statue. But just for a second. How was he still shocked that I managed to trick him? He should have known what kind of person he took as a prize a long time ago.

  My body was his. Everything inside me, my soul, was his. However, the pride that I had belonged to me. I refused to be his.

  Egypt. I whispered, and everything turned black with my mind having the image of that cave I could still call home.