I look at myself in the mirror. You can do it, Elena. It’s just a date. And who knows? Maybe Hugo is the one. He is a decent-looking guy. As a child, he was kind and fun to be around. He even painted with me sometimes. So surely he can’t be that bad.

  But what if this is not even a date? What if he just wants to catch up as friends? But he said I was stunning. Would a friend say something like that?

  No, it has to be a date. And I need a date. I need someone to drag Myrin out of my mind. I need a boyfriend. I have even saved myself for Myrin all these years, and for what? For absolutely nothing. Even though I’m content with masturbating, of course, I’m dying to know what sex feels like. I want to know how it feels when someone else makes me come.

  I really want to lose my virginity. I think that whole almost-getting-raped episode made me want to lose it even more. I want to be the one deciding when I lose it. I don’t want to risk someone taking it by force.

  I take a deep breath, exit my room, and head outside. I immediately spot Hugo outside the Tower gates, and I approach him with a smile.

  “Hey, Hugo. I’m ready to go.”

  He turns to look at me with a smile. I wonder how Myrin would look while smiling warmly like that. I guess I will never find out. He once again takes my hand and kisses the back of it.

  “Lovely to see you again, Lady Elena. You look beautiful.”

  “Please, just call me Elena. I’m too used to living outside a noble life, so hearing the ‘Lady’ part feels just awkward.”

  “Sure. So, are you hungry? Should we head to dinner first?”

  “That sounds great. I’m actually starving.”

  “Come on, let’s take a carriage.”

  I don’t want to. It’s a closed space with no one else around. Too dangerous.

  “I could just teleport us to the city,” I offer.

  “Really? Can you do that?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Wow, Elena, I’m impressed. Then feel free to do that. I kind of dislike carriage rides anyway.”

  I draw a magic circle beneath us, and soon we are in the city, entering a restaurant where a waitress leads us to sit at one of the tables near the window.

  “So, Elena, I didn’t get to ask yesterday about your parents. How are they doing? Or how is Enred?”

  “My parents are good as always. Dad is busy with the business, and Mom keeps the home and county running. Enred actually moved to Hilver to deal with the trading company.”

  “To Hilver? I’ve actually visited the pce sometimes. I had no idea he lived there. I should send him a letter the next time I visit.”

  “He would surely like that. You were close friends back then, after all.”

  “I guess you're right. Although I did enjoy your company more.”

  “Mine? Why? Enred was your friend; I was just his annoying little sister.”

  He ughs, amused. “I never thought of you as annoying. I thought you were rather cute. You always brightened up the day with your presence. Always so joyful and talkative. There really wasn’t a boring moment with you.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. Why would you doubt my words? You have always had many friends. Doesn’t that kind of give away the fact that people like your company?”

  “You can never be sure why someone is friends with you. And most of the people I know consider me too loud, so I just assumed you would think like that too.”

  “I assure you, I have never thought that you were too loud.”

  I feel my body rexing. It’s nice to hear that someone likes me for my bbbering and doesn’t consider it a fw.

  “Hearing that makes me happy.”

  “So why the Mage Tower? I can’t remember you being specifically interested in magic back then.”

  “Well, I wasn’t. I guess I just realized at some point that I was pretty good at it. I do possess a lot of mana, so it just felt like the right thing to do. If my body were stronger, I think I would be even better. And I enjoy the community. There is always someone somewhere. Always someone to talk to if needed. Although I wish there were more women.”

  “Right. So you basically live surrounded by men. I bet you have had your share of boyfriends during all these years.”

  I trace the edge of my gss with my finger, falling silent for a while.

  “No… Not really.”

  “What? Are you saying that there aren’t any men wooing over you there?”

  “Sure, there are. I have gone on some dates, but never dated.”

  “Never? Not even once? Why?”

  “I…” Should I just tell him? I do feel rather comfortable talking to him. “Let’s just say I had a stupid crush on someone that prevented me from giving chances to anyone.”

  “Oh, well, that surely expins it. So this crush of yours didn’t like you back?”

  “No… Quite the opposite.”

  “Are you saying that he dislikes you? How’s that even possible? Your company always made me so happy.”

  “Dislike, hate, something like that. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “So you don’t like him anymore?”

  “I try my best not to.” I’m not sure if admitting this is the smartest thing to do during a date. But I don’t want to lie either.

  He tilts his head, smiling. “I think I’m feeling a little jealous here.”

  “Jealous? Why?”

  “If you didn’t know, I had a huge crush on you when we were kids.”

  “What? You did?”

  “I thought it was obvious. You have no idea how huge tantrum I threw at my parents when they decided to move. I didn’t want to leave you.”

  I just stare at him, a little dumbfounded.

  “I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t know.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s all in the past. Maybe it’s even better you didn’t. Leaving you would have probably been harder then.”

  He slides his hand on top of mine, holding it. It feels warm. Not cold like Myrin's touch. I’m not sure whether it is a good or bad thing.

  “I thought I was already over you. But when I saw you yesterday, all those buried memories started to rise again. So I just hope you are willing to give me a chance. Maybe I could help you get over your crush? He is a total asshole for not appreciating you anyway. You deserve someone who knows how amazing you are.”

  He is right. Myrin is a total asshole. And I do deserve better than his grumpy, cold attitude.

  “Sure. But just remember, I’m not that small child anymore. So don’t be disappointed if I have changed.”

  He smirks, his eyes traveling down on me.

  “Oh, I’m gd you have changed. If you hadn’t, my dreams about you st night would have been totally inappropriate.”

  I feel my cheeks flush. Did he have a dirty dream about me? Is that even possible? Is there really someone who would think my body is attractive despite me being so small?

  He starts to ugh. “I thought that making you silent was something impossible, but I guess it wasn’t. But don’t worry or stress about it. I’m fine with them being just dreams. I’m not going to force myself on you. I’m not that kind of man. I honestly like you, Elena. So let’s just get to know each other slowly again, okay?”

  I smile. He really is so sweet. It’s a shame he lives so far away. But maybe a long-distance retionship wouldn’t be that bad. And if we fell in love, I could always move. I came to live in the Tower only because of Myrin, after all. If there really is no chance to be with Myrin, I honestly don’t know whether I could keep working together with him anymore. My heart aches at the thought of leaving Myrin. Oh my god. Why does my heart have to be so utterly stupid?!

  Okay, Elena. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. This is just a first date after all. We don’t know what the future brings. Let’s just focus on the present and give Hugo a chance.

  “Okay. I’m a little surprised by what kind of gentleman you have become, Hugo. The st thing I remember about you was you spreading my paint on my curtains.”

  “Hey! It was a masterpiece. It was raining, and I wanted to paint you a pretty ndscape to hide the bad weather.”

  I ugh at the memory. “It was far from a masterpiece, I’m afraid. But I do appreciate the effort. Even though the clouds looked more like piles of shit floating in the sky.”

  “I’m sure even a cloud can be a form of shit. So don’t shame my art.”

  “No shame, not at all. Only honest amusement. My parents didn’t appreciate your shit clouds at all. They are usually so happy and calm, but it was the first time I saw them angry like that. It was so funny.”

  “Maybe for you. They told my parents, and I was grounded for a week!”

  I keep giggling. “Sorry. I almost feel bad for you. Those same curtains are still in my room. And despite the washing, you can still faintly see the edge of the cloud. My parents wanted to throw the curtains in the trash. But I insisted on keeping them. Sometimes things need to be a little imperfect to be perfect. Just like in art. I never stress about making a minor mistake. It doesn’t ruin the picture; it makes it more real. And oh! Do you remember that street dog? After you moved away, I sneaked it into my room, wanting to keep it. My parents obviously found out and were so furious. I promise that anger was far worse than what you had to experience. So of course they threw the dog out into the streets and—”

  I fall silent, realizing I was bbbering again. I raise my eyes from my food to look at him, but he just smiles at me.

  “Sorry…” I mumble.

  “For what? It’s not your fault that you couldn’t keep the dog.”

  “No, not for that. For bbbering, I mean.”

  “You should never apologize for that. I have missed your rambles. Listening to your excited voice makes me happy.”

  I smile, feeling happy. He is the first one ever to say that. Everyone else always stops my rambles. Well, everyone else except Myrin. But I think it’s pretty clear he doesn’t do that out of kindness or because he likes to listen to me talk.

  I spend the whole evening talking to Hugo, reminiscing about our childhood, speaking about our work, or basically just anything. I feel surprisingly rexed with him. I can’t exactly say I have feelings toward him, not at least anything remotely close to what I have for Myrin. But I think I could honestly like him at some point. Maybe if we just keep seeing each other, he could really make me fall for him.

  He is kind, funny, and very considerate. He slowly keeps touching me more, not in a forceful way, but in a gentle, calming way. I would imagine that losing my virginity to someone like him could be a great idea. I bet he would be very loving and caring in bed. And during the evening, I find myself thinking about it more and more, about the fact that I should really have sex with him. Even if this doesn’t come to anything other than casual dating. I still want to lose my virginity. It’s starting to be a burden. So maybe I should just get it over with.

  The sun is starting to set, and we are sitting in the central garden on one of the benches. He slides his arm around my shoulders, and I lean against him. My heart doesn’t race, not like it does with Myrin. But it doesn’t feel bad either.

  “Thank you, Elena, for seeing me today. I really had so much fun. You are even more of a delight now than as a child.”

  “I am? Not sure if I should be happy about it, or feel offended for the sake of the younger me.”

  He chuckles warmly. “Feel free to feel anything you want. It’s still the truth. Since I could never be like this with you back then.”

  He really is charming with his words. I wonder if Myrin speaks like this to his girlfriend. Does he turn sweet and kind when he is with her?

  No. Don’t think about him. You have a perfectly charming, attractive man next to you, wanting to be with you. So focus on him.

  “It’s starting to get pretty te. I should go back to my hotel room. I don’t want to steal your sleep too much. And I’m pretty sure my dreams are waiting for me already.”

  His hand disappears from around me, and I straighten myself, looking at him. Should I just go for it?

  “I don’t mind,” I finally say.

  “Don’t mind what?”

  “You stealing my sleep. I have a free day tomorrow anyway, so I’m not in a hurry.”

  “Really?”

  I nod shyly. He grabs my chin to make me face him better.

  “Does that mean you want to join me? To my room?”

  I gulp and nod. It’s better to just get it over with. I don’t think I will find a better man to take my virginity.

  “I just thought that you would rather live your dreams than just dream about them. But I’m not very experienced in that area, so I’m sorry if I don’t know—”

  His lips crash into mine, silencing the rest of my sentence. They are gentle and sweet. He tastes like the wine we had just a moment ago. His hand wraps around my waist, and he lifts me onto his p. I wrap my hands around his shoulders, answering his kiss the best I can.

  It’s a good kiss. I haven’t kissed much in my life, but I have kissed, and I could say he is a pretty good kisser. I start to feel his bulge slowly growing beneath me, but just then, he stops.

  “You really are my dream come true, Elena. But we really need to move to the hotel; walking around with a boner would attract some unwanted gnces.”

  I nod, and he takes my hand as we start walking. I feel nervous. Will it hurt? Will it feel good? What if I don’t know what to do and make a fool of myself? I did say that I wasn’t experienced, but I didn’t exactly say that I’m a virgin. Should I tell him?

  We enter his room.

  He cups my cheeks and kisses me again. Slowly, his hands start to roam over my body. It feels a little uncomfortable. I’m not disgusted by it like the time Baron Louffer touched me, so that’s a good sign. I was a little afraid that I wouldn’t have the courage to even do this because of that experience. But I really want to lose my virginity. I’m so done with it. I want to be a proper woman.

  “Do you want to shower first, or do I?”

  Shower? Oh right. I guess it’s pretty normal to shower before sex. And I could use a little cooling-down session.

  “I can go first.”

  He fetches me a towel and a bathrobe.

  “Here. Don’t take too long. I can’t wait for long.”

  He kisses me once again before I disappear into the bathroom. My body rexes at contact with water. I love water, thanks to my water magic. It calms me and feels like home.

  Okay, Elena. You really are losing your virginity tonight, okay? But you should most definitely tell him you are a virgin. So after the shower, let’s just say it and hope he doesn’t mind.

  Sex. You can totally do sex, right? I mean, how hard can it be? It just goes in and out, right? I have fucked myself with fingers, so it’s just that, but with something bigger. But what should I do? Where do I put my hands? Do I touch him? Wrap them around his neck? What if I make stupid sounds? Should I try to just keep my mouth shut? How about my legs? Should I wrap them around him or what?

  Oh my god. I really don’t know anything. I’m probably going to make a fool of myself. But I’m still willing to do it. For the sake of sex.

  When I exit the bathroom, I gnce around the room, nervously searching for him, but I can’t see him.

  “Hugo? I’m ready. You can go next.”

  He doesn’t answer. I peek inside the bedroom, but it’s empty. I go check the entrance and realize that his shoes and jacket are gone. Did he go out to buy something? Maybe condoms or contraceptive potion? I guess I’ll just wait for him to come back.

  I go sit on the couch, still feeling rather nervous.

  I wait, and I wait. An hour passes, and he still hasn’t come back. Did he bail out? Realize that he didn’t want me after all? When his hands roamed all over my body, did he realize that I don’t have any womanly curves?

  Oh my god. I really got dumped, didn't I? In his own hotel room. This is the worst thing ever. I feel so utterly stupid. Was I just being naive to think that someone would actually want to have sex with me?

  I feel my tears slowly rising. And tomorrow is even my birthday. I thought I could spend my birthday with him. Everyone else is working tomorrow, everyone except Myrin and me. So I don’t have anything pnned for the day. Of course, we can celebrate my birthday in the evening with everyone. But it would have been nice to do something during the day too.

  And I’m not stupid enough to even dream that Myrin would hang out with me. This really is the worst ever. I put my clothes on and exit the hotel. I fight back my tears.

  Come on, Elena. Just calm down and count to ten. It doesn’t matter. It was just one guy. We don’t care about his opinions. I’m sure there is a man for me somewhere. A man who really wants me, a man who likes my body. A man who accepts me just the way I am, loving me unconditionally. I know I will meet someone who will drag Myrin out of my heart eventually. I just need to be patient and wait.