—— ? ? ——

  “It shouldn’t work this way!!!” The guardian moaned as he watched the ‘challenger’ making his way through yet another trial.

  How had everything gone so wrong? The guardian spirit known as “Cantivar” had almost been excited when the system informed him of the change to his realm. It was shocking, yes, but, from the information supplied, the trial taker was a newly integrated being. One who bore his master’s blessing. But that couldn’t be correct. Melodian must have been tricked by this… heretical buffoon.

  There was no other explanation for this insanity.

  Even the mortals' arrival in the realm was suspicious. They had appeared coated in blood and horribly damaged. At that time, Cantivar had sorely wished to aid what he had assumed was a pupil of his master. But just as he was unable to utilize the old strengths of the prison, Cantivar was unable to assist.

  The ego spirit had watched as the challenger leaned against the wall. They turned their gaze toward the vandalized training sphere, then started to laugh.

  “Oh dear…” had been the ego’s words. Now, if Cantivar could go back, they would laugh at the challenger’s suffering. This horrible man, this ‘Simon’. Vile and uncultured, horrific in so many ways. The disgusting prisoner now seemed tame in comparison.

  “Oh, but it seems like it does, little harp.” A deep voice replied to Cantivar with a hissing chuckle.

  Cantivar’s pale face tensed. Deep within the vault, he felt his real body's strings tighten.

  “Silence, Abomination.”

  “You cannot silence me, haven’t you forgotten?” That hissing chuckle again. “At the very least, I can thank this challenger for the changes to this infernal place.”

  “How can you possibly be happy with this?” The Ego spirit turned from the observation platform. He faced the jade-white lattice lined cage that held the prisoner. “This place has consumed all power. Consumed and changed it to such a meager extent.”

  Cantivar shivered, distant strings releasing a pitiful note.

  “Hmmmm…” The prisoner rumbled. “You feel an ounce of my torture, and you complain? You’re quite weak… little one.”

  More shivers ran down Cantivar. He hated the abomination. Its words felt as if they might pounce and devour him, despite his trust in that thing’s imprisonment.

  “You will show me respect, prisoner. My name is Cantivar, Warden Echo of the Realm.”

  There was a long pause, then the prisoner's voice filled the room with malice. “And yet you call me prisoner...abomination....monster.” A breath. “Little one…” It added with its wicked smile, drenched in the words.

  Cantivar shivered. Yet no more words came from the cage. The spirit turned back to the observation devices, his focus now solely on the challenger.

  The ego’s face sneered in disgust as he watched Simon casually stroll across yet another completed room.

  This should not be possible. Not like this.

  —— ? ? ——

  “Whew!” Simon let out a loud breath. He wiped sweat from his forehead as he looked at the devastation.

  Man, that was a workout…

  Cracks and fissures littered the jade-like walls, his skill having done a number on the room. Yet, like in all the rooms before, the challenge hall rapidly healed. Simon watched in fascination as the golden weave extended from the sides of each rupture, then vibrated with a pleasant tone. The extremely durable jade-stone stuff the place was made from stitched itself back together as the music continued to coax it. His eyes traced the massive pillars of the stage and audience section. It was always interesting to watch.

  He turned his attention back to his ‘opponent’. Opposite the stage from Simon, an imposing piano lay silent. He took a step towards it, and rapid high notes eeked out of its closed top.

  In his time here, he had gotten used to communicating through ‘tones’. It seemed as if many things within this labyrinth had some level of personality.

  Or at least he hoped they did. There was always the strong possibility he was just going insane. Wouldn’t be the first time he had wondered that. This whole new world kind of sucked in that regard.

  Anyways.

  Simon raised an eyebrow and stared at the thing. He gave it his best ‘You know what you did’ look.

  “That’s what you get, Key-boy, for trying to make me do something complicated.”

  Low tones from the piano. Almost mournful, regretful.

  “Look, you’re the one who fought it so hard, okay? Not my fault.” Simon frowned, then glanced up. “Although, I guess it’s your fault, Mr. Guardian. You should apologize to this Key-boy for what you did.”

  “MY FAULT!?” The distant voice echoed through the concert hall.

  Simon smiled. It seemed that the guardian was still in a bad mood.”

  “Yes, it’s your fault. You’re the one who put Key-boy up for the next challenge. There’s no way you have figured out what I’m going to do after all these… months?” Simon scrunched his brow. Had it been months? Or weeks… He had spent far too long healing. Then had spent even longer healing again when he realized his arm was crooked. Simon grimaced. That had been painful as shit to rebreak. Fun fact he learned about his curse is that the restriction seemed perfectly happy to let him damage himself.

  At least it had healed correctly. He glanced down at his arm. It was still a bit crooked…

  He frowned. Was the guardian still yapping?

  “--ly incapable of finishing any challenge correctly! And yet! The system allows it! When this is over, I will be contacting the Magnificance to report this injustice, and when he hears about this, ohhhhhhh… little challenger, you will regre–”

  Simon tuned the chatty guy out. He glanced back at Key-boy.

  I guess since it's over, I don’t need to bother him. It’s not his fault that he was put up to this awful job.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  He nodded to himself. Simon knew how it felt to be made to do a thankless job. His eyes searched the room, looking for anything that wasn’t there before.

  Out of all the challenges, Simon liked this one. He’d have to put in the top three for sure.

  He closed the distance to the piano, then gave it a friendly pat. Discordant notes squealed from it as if someone had slammed their body onto multiple keys.

  Simon frowned. He didn’t remember doing anything that horrible to it.

  —— ? ? ——

  Simon entered this concert hall and was informed by the ‘guardian’ that this was the end of his trial.

  “There’s no way you can complete this challenge.” It boasted proudly.

  Simon scanned the concert hall. The place was pretty big, massive carved pillars reaching almost three stories to the oval ceiling. Tens of rows of soft chairs with green velvet pointed toward a massive stage. On stage, an ornate and imposing piano sat. Soft jade light pulsed from it, the glow encompassing its entirety.

  First step when dealing with stupid ass challenges? Try and break shit.

  Hadn’t worked. Unlike other rooms, it seemed that Simon’s go-to: smash and bash with excessive prejudice was off the table.

  That jade light was more than some glowing effect. It was like a force field. Nothing Simon did worked; every attack deflected harmlessly.

  It was too bad. It was always funny to hear the guardian when he ‘broke’ the challenge literally.

  Instead, the little shit head was laughing at him.

  “No, that won’t work in here. I made sure of it.” The annoying voice had proclaimed.

  Simon had to ‘duel’ the Piano, who he named Key-boy, until he won or gave up. The Guardian informed him that he must mimic the instrument’s song perfectly to continue. This whole thing brought up a slew of bad memories. All Simon wanted was to be done with this room as soon as possible.

  So Simon listened to Key-boy as it delicately played through it’s song. It seemed that the spirit of this place had gone out of its way to make it complicated. But Simon didn’t let that stop him.

  With a popping sound, a drum appeared in his hands. Simon rolled his eyes.

  Four summons later, and a guitar appeared. Babyblue, electric, and it looked like it came from a high schooler's dead dream of stardom.

  Simon had plucked out screeching notes as he tried to remember the sequence the piano had spat out. Thankfully, the guardian had gone quiet, content to just observe.

  “Key-boy, can you play the first bit,” Simon yelled over to the instrument.

  Nothing.

  “Hey, You!” Simon’s eyes snapped up from his strings. He pointed accusingly at the piano.

  The piano let out three high, questioning notes.

  “Yeah, I’m talking to you. Don’t ignore me, Key-boy.”

  High-note, then low.

  “Glad you understand.” Simon nodded. “It’s not like the challenge is for you to play once and then I never get a chance, right? So play that first part again.”

  There was a pause. Then Key-boy played the opening again. After it finished, it let out three high notes again.

  “Perfect! Thanks!”

  Simon played back the opening in his head.

  Or at least he tried to.

  It all just sounded like an atonal buzz to him. This was the problem with music. Sure, it made good background noise, but it all sounded like the way other people described white noise. Something there to fill in the silence.

  Simon slowly played what he thought were the notes. It took three times as long as the slow rendition Key-boy had done, yet Simon felt like he had done a good job.

  “How was that?”

  Four of the lowest keys sounded off in a single note.

  “Oh, come on.” Simon frowned. “It wasn’t that bad…”

  Midish note, then a low note.

  “Hey!”

  Key-boy played the opening again. Simon copied it again. The piano made the same four deep keys of disapproval.

  “You’re changing the song!” Simon exclaimed. “That opening was different!”

  Silence.

  “What, no response?”

  Key-boy played the opening again. Then instead of stopping, sped up and played it again. Then again.

  “Okay, okay, I get it, geez,” Simon said, frowning. “You made your point.” He shook his head. “Here, let me try again…”

  This back and forth went on for hours. Simon grew increasingly frustrated as he swore the sneaky guardian had made his musical opponent change the song.

  But, he couldn’t prove it. So the only course of action was to keep trying. Try, and try, and try, and…

  “Oie!” Simon shouted. “Enough!

  The piano slammed to a stop from its umpteenth repeat of the accursed song.

  Simon hated this.

  “Hahahahaha!” A gleeful cheer rang out. “I told you! Take that, you incompetent buffoon!”

  “Would you shut the fuck up!” Simon snapped, glaring at the ceiling. “I am in the middle of a challenge. Isn’t there some rule about you running your damned mouth while I’m trying to focus?”

  “Pshhhh…” The sneer in the voice was evident. “Focus on what? There’s nothing here for you to focus on. Admit it, you’re done. You can’t simply slam your face into this problem. You must mimic the song the instrument plays. There is no other option.” The smugness in the little shit’s voice was getting on Simon’s nerves.

  “I win.”

  The words echoed through the concert hall, but Simon’s face had contorted as he thought.

  His thoughts continued as he stared at Key-boy, and the guardian impatiently asked

  “Hello? Has the yapping mortal finally lost their words?”

  More silence.

  “Ha! I should have done this days ago! To think, a simple mimicry requirement was all it took to stop you in your tracks. How do you feel now, oh pitiful tone-deaf simpleton?”

  Simon looked up from his thoughts toward the ceiling. He gave a grin.

  “Pretty good, actually.” The grin spread further. “Actually, I have a question for you.”

  As the silence fell, Simon was pretty sure he could hear the annoying voice gulp.

  “…a question?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Well,” The guardian replied nervously. “Spit it out, I don’t have all day.”

  This made Simon frown and get immediately sidetracked. “What? I’m pretty sure you have all the time in the world. Isn’t this whole ‘trial’ free of any time constraint? Hell, we could be in here for years. Wouldn’t be the first for me.”

  “Enough!” The spirit snapped, his voice a tad panicked at Simon’s implication. “Ask your question.”

  Simon smirked. He had learned early on that, while the disembodied voice was in charge of stopping him, it also had to ‘help’ him or answer specific questions. It was super useful. Also, the reason he’d solved several rooms in the past few days. Loopholes were wonderful things.

  “You said that to complete this room, I have to mimic the song Key-boy plays, right?”

  There was a long pause.

  “Yes.”

  “That’s it? I just need to mimic whatever song this piano plays?” Simon pushed, drumming his fingers on the new purple guitar in his hands. “Nothing else, right?”

  The guardian sighed. “Are you really this slow? Yes, challenger, that is the rule for this room. You cannot simply smash the poor piano.”

  Two nervous high notes came from Key-boy. Simon eyed it, then nodded to himself as the idea solidified in his mind.

  “Alright, thanks, asshole.”

  “Disrespectful buffoon.” The guardian replied, then went silent.

  Simon stretched, rolling his shoulders as he locked onto Key-boy.

  “Hey, buddy.”

  Nervous high notes.

  “You ever hear of a band called ACDC?”

  There was a pause, then a single high note was softly played.

  “No? Well…” Simon grinned. “I think you’re going to love it.”

  His eyes shone as his hand flashed and strummed a chord. He let the opening note of T.N.T. echo and fill the hall.

  “In fact.” Simon continued. “I have a feeling you just won't be able to stop yourself from joining in.”

  With that, his foot slammed into the stage as he stomped out the beat. Simon’s fingers began to slowly and methodically strum.

  He inhaled deeply, then his voice joined the rhythmic beat as he belted.

  “Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie! Oie!”

  —— ? ? ——