No way in hell am I about to just stroll back into town.

  Not after that exit. Not without a katana. And certainly not after almost eating shit within sightlines of that bench.

  But it was only after leaving that I remembered something important. Vital, even. It just slipped my mind until my thoughts started centering around various liquids and how I don’t have to…

  Anyway, RPGs have potions. Not only that, but I’ve got a whole $32 to spend. More if I want to dip into the other currencies. Which I don’t. It’s safe to say that I need money. But there’s one thing I need more. Not to die again. Not before beating that fucking dungeon at least once.

  That’d be even worse than turning right around, walking right back to town, and strolling right past Bench Guy while he’s still on the bench. And at that point, I might as well just keep walking straight to the Quest Hall and check into the cheapest resort that’ll have me. So if I have to blow all my cash on potions for that not to happen, then that’s what I’ll do.

  And to that end, I spot a Rest Zone on the bit of the map that filled in as I ran in a different way than last time. I mean when you have a whole map to unfog, you can’t just take the same route twice. More to the point, the Adventurer’s Guild Guy mentioned that Rest Zones all had System-automated vending machines.

  Eventually, I find myself in front of something closer to a barricade than anything. If the minimap is to be believed, my goal is just on the other side. Flush with it, in fact. I don’t know if I trust something this mislabeled.

  But I still jump the thing.

  [ MOVEMENT BLESSING: VAULT ]

  Dropping down, I do a quick 180o and access the thankfully unoccupied vending machine looking more like a floating tablet than anything. At least the menus are simple…

  Adding a few essentials to my cart, I promptly make myself destitute.

  [ ITEMS GAINED: 32 — COMMON POTION * 16: MINOR HEALTH — COMMON POTION * 8: MINOR MANA — COMMON POTION * 8: MINOR STAMINA ]

  I was wondering where this floating rectangle deposits its stuff. Turns out, it doesn’t. And thankfully, I don’t have to deal with a bunch of loose vials as they all transfer directly to my Inventory, replacing all the cash in my wallet the instant I confirm the purchase.

  In no small part because that’s when the bandits notice me. I saw from the outside that they seem to be doing one of those bullshit toll scams where they charge people to use the ‘free’ rest area.

  The System doesn’t care about their racket and I could use its services just fine whether they got a cut or not.

  They could wall it off though, every bit of land immediately around the Rest Area apparently being free game. But that also means it’s free game for me to circumvent. And so I had.

  Even if this guy doesn’t seem too happy about that. “HEY YOU!!! YEAH, THE GINGER BITCH!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!!”

  But I don’t stop right here. Instead, I glance at the guy, flip him off, and brace for another standing high-jump.

  [ MOVEMENT BLESSING: VAULT ]

  Cresting the barricade once more, I take a moment to enjoy the view.

  The ever-expanding landscape looks a lot like it did from atop that hill I started on. Only, somehow, it’s even more beautiful than it was then.

  But as soon as I land, I notice that I am, in fact, already surrounded.

  Nobody makes a move. They seem to be waiting for something. My surrender?

  Or do they want me to attack them? With the penalty Bench Guy mentioned? Nah, son…

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH ]

  Already on the other side of that asshole, I book it for the dungeon.

  Damn, Mich was right about the Blessings too. It may only be good for quick bursts, but this Dash feels less like a boost to my current speed, and more an escalation of my maximum.

  Also… ‘Ginger’? My hair’s crimson. Doesn’t ginger imply something closer to orange than red? Definitely not edging towards purple like mine…

  Admittedly, I was a little nervous about showing up to ‘steal’ a use of their monetized free rest space. But here I am, already getting away with it. And nothing about the experience has even managed to induce the kind of panic I used to get from arriving late to class.

  Although my stomach does clench as some of them chase after me through the proceeding line of trees.

  But all worries of being ganked are quickly ameliorated by the sound of them slamming into stuff over and over just trying to match my pace.

  Most of them don’t last half a minute. A couple do, though.

  One guy even lasts through the stretch of trees.

  To my horror, he actually starts gaining on me through the ensuing open flowery field.

  My stomach clenches again as Radial Awareness picks up a knife and attached arm starting to materialize just behind my head. Oh hey, there’s that panic I was missing…

  I don’t give myself time to think any further than that. Instead what I do is hold my breath and press all the buttons once I realize what the forming shape implies.

  [ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW ]

  [ IAI QUICKDRAW: CANCELED ]

  [ COMMON TOGGLE OFF: RADIAL AWARENESS ]

  [ MOVEMENT BLESSING: VAULT ]

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH ]

  Before I know it, I’m soaring midair far above the open field. Woah… This is really pretty. Wait, no, fuck.

  I scramble to reactivate the only Skill that let me get this far. But it’s on a cooldown.

  And that doesn’t change by the time I land. My midair detour took me further and faster than I’d been running. But that’s over now.

  The rest is up to my own two legs as I use that momentum for all it’s worth to sprint for the nearest line of trees. I have to devote most of my attention to running anything like I’d been absentmindedly doing with the Skill turned on. It’s like night and day. But I’m at least fast enough in this diminished state not to lose all the ground I gained on my apparently actually dangerous pursuer.

  Then the cooldown ends.

  [ COMMON TOGGLE ON: RADIAL AWARENESS ]

  With a sigh of relief, I vow never to turn that off ever again no matter what. Now that I’ve been thoroughly spoiled by what I can at least admit to myself is a full-on crutch, getting it back feels like removing a blindfold. I feel myself involuntarily relax and unconsciously limber up, even as I crest the treeline and the terrain becomes all the more complicated.

  Less than a second behind me, I hear the guy tripping all over, through, and into those same trees.

  Then I hear him do it again from even further behind.

  This repeats for a while.

  All told, my final pursuer lasts about five minutes before I can’t hear him anymore. That’s not to say he stopped. Nor is it to say I’m safe. Although I do wish I could’ve spared a second to turn around and target him at any point during all that. Maybe while I was in midair? Fuck… Yeah, that would’ve been the time. And I’d feel a lot better knowing he was out of Target range.

  At least I don’t have to worry about the guy catching up. Not when I still have over an hour left in my run back to the dungeon. It also helps that the circuitous route I led them down was the most complicated I could spot from their little fort. It took me pretty far off-course, too. But that’s a small price to pay for getting to hear them fall all over themselves like that.

  I can’t help shuddering a little as I absentmindedly Vault over a beaver dam and remember my first run through that patch of trees a few days back. I guess most people don’t have a Skill like Radial Awareness. If they did, I never could’ve gotten away.

  But I’m well over my close call by the time I make it back to the ruins. By now, I’m pretty damn confident I lost them. Confident enough not to bother with traps. Or anything else for that matter. I don’t even bother resting. No need. Not from that. Not anymore.

  Instead, I adjust the sword’s position on my waist, practice drawing, swinging, and resheathing it a few times, nod to myself, and head right back inside.

  As soon as I enter the dungeon, I stand there.

  I keep standing.

  I take a hesitant step forward.

  Then another.

  On my third, I hear the same skittering from before.

  But this time, instead of running for it, I grasp my longsword’s hilt, taking my self-taught-just-outside battle stance.

  As the skittering intensifies, I spot movement in the form of stone slabs falling to block each of the four exits.

  Seriously?

  Then the skittering reaches a crescendo as four Spiderwolves drop into the courtyard, one from each corner.

  Seriously?!

  There are more behind those. But they just wait up on the wall.

  “Seriously!? It’s just fucking WAVE-BASED???”

  My mood takes a turn for the depressive as I flash back to all the shit like this I dealt with in practically every video game I’ve ever played. All that experience… And I still just panicked and died anyway.

  But my frown turns upside down as I watch the spiders approach. Oh, would you look at that..? Something to take it out on.

  I just wait for them to close the distance. My heart races. But I don’t budge an inch. Not until right, about… Now!

  [ MONSTER TARGETED: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE HATCHLING ]

  I try to ignore what the second part of its name implies about potentially bigger spiders, along with the first part altogether.

  Just like I practiced outside, this time with feeling, I devote all my focus on drawing my longsword and prepping my Skill in a futile attempt to banish all stray thoughts. I still like ‘Spiderwolf’ better…

  [ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW ]

  I hold my breath, grip the hilt, and try to cut the red-outlined Spiderwolf in half. Except for the first time while swinging a sword, I’m actually targeting something.

  So I can only brace for impact as the flat of my blade bends and curves in midair to THWACK itself against the furry carapace.

  With a surprisingly competent swing, the longsword that might as well be a bat sends the spider flying across the room, into the stone wall with a chitinous-metal crunch. As it falls to the ground, the two dizzy-looking numbers of a red ‘21’ rise up and away from the point before falling over and subsequently disappearing at around the same time the spider lands.

  It tries to get back up, but doesn’t manage it before I resheath.

  [ IAI QUICKDRAW BONUS DAMAGE: 62 ]

  A red gash flashes into existence on the spider, tracing an exaggerated arc across my sword’s line of impact.

  Both numbers of the red ‘62’ rising from that spot look like they’ve just been cut in half. They start to slide apart in midair before disappearing like the others.

  So based on Iai Quickdraw’s Skill Description that makes ‘31’ the optimal damage for a normal hit? I wish I could celebrate landing two thirds of that without Skill assistance. But I can’t shake the feeling that the numbers are skewed in a way that makes the missing third indicative of a truly dogshit performance on my part.

  I belatedly notice that the big hairy spider is still alive. But at least it doesn’t seem to know how to move properly without the two legs I just amputated with that ethereal slash.

  With a grin, I get as parallel to the ground as I can balance.

  [ MOVEMENT BLESSING: VAULT ]

  I fly across the courtyard, my cheeks puffing out in a ripple from the airspeed before I SLAM my longsword down on the struggling thing.

  Sliding past it from the latent inertia of my jump, I try to use some of it as momentum to resheath the sword.

  But I flub it. “Fuck!”

  If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  In a motion that would’ve torn my old body’s arm and shoulder muscles, I fight that same momentum to make sure the edge is actually inside and turned the right way before ramming it home.

  My feet leave the ground as I’m blasted even further away while another ‘62’ rises from the now exploding Spiderwolf.

  The moment it dies, its limbs disconnect and clatter in all directions like if you threw a Mr Potato Head at the wall.

  Standing still, I point at the golden ‘1’ floating out of the newly disassembled spider corpse. “Did I just do that?”

  I blink. “I did not just do that.”

  I shake my head. “I just cut shit… With my sword.”

  My mouth gapes open like a frog. “I just cut shit, WITH my sword.”

  I jump up and down. “I just cut shit. With my fucking sword! Ha, ha!”

  I settle into a shit-eating grin. “Yeah, okay. That is something I do now. I swing swords, talk to guys on benches, kill jacked-up spiders… You know what?”

  I turn around to face the wall. “I’ll probably fly next.”

  [ HP: 245/256 ]

  What in the-oh.

  I snap out of my reverie as one of the Spiderwolves makes a valiant attempt to bite entirely through my ankle. It doesn’t hurt. But I still feel like a shackle just got rammed onto my leg. Despite what Oars would have you believe, turning off pain doesn’t actually remove all feeling.

  Which is why I look down at it and raise my sword. “Oh, that’s too far? Good to know there’s a line.”

  I slash it in the face.

  It rudely chomps down again.

  [ HP: 234/256 ]

  I glare down at it in affronted dignity. “Uhmmm, did you not just see me take out that gnarly spider?”

  Pivoting on my other foot, I use all my minmaxed Physical Strength to KICK the thing across the room.

  I watch with a grin as it careens straight into the new spider skittering in to replace the one I just killed.

  I grip my hilt as the two prepare to jump at me. “Oh, bring it, you mangled monsters!”

  [ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW ]

  Not so much in a flash as a frantic flurry, I draw my sword and swing it up, down, left, and right to smack them each twice.

  A partially opaque and dizzy ‘26’, ‘24’, ‘21’, and ‘27’ floats up with each respective hit.

  Dodging a lunge from one, I Dash to a different corner of the courtyard and resheath my sword.

  Four things happen at once.

  First, a notification.

  [ IAI QUICKDRAW: BONUS DAMAGE = 248 ]

  Second, a jagged ethereal cross appears over both spiders, tracing each of my strikes.

  Third, a red ‘124’ floats up out of each before sliding apart and fading away.

  Fourth, both spiders explode in a shower of chitin and green goop.

  Almost in a trance, I look unblinkingly up, directly into the shower of monster solids and liquids.

  Then I wince.

  [ HP: 212/256 ]

  My vacant upwards stare drops into a glare at the two spiders I just knocked over.

  It seems they’d scrambled upright, skittered over here, and rudely bit into my left thigh and right shin while I was having a moment.

  I look from them to the ones skittering in to replace the two I just exploded.

  By now, I’m pretty sure that monsters in this place aren’t actually sentient. If they were, I have to believe that the ‘welcoming’ smile I’m giving them would force at least one of them to react with something. Fear? Or maybe rage? Amusement? Anything at all? But no. They don’t hesitate in the least.

  And seeing that only makes me feel a whole lot better about the fact that neither do I.

  [ MOVEMENT BLESSING: VAULT ]

  Jumping clear across the courtyard, I whip-kick each leg spider down at the two newcomers.

  I don’t have quite enough leverage to throw the one on my thigh, so it just kind of drops.

  But shin-spider is another story as it crunches into all three like an unreasonably soft bowling ball.

  Landing behind the confused scrabbling cluster of tangled legs and dented bowling balls, I go to town.

  I wail on them, sheathing, drawing, cutting, resheathing, and sometimes even doing so without getting hit myself.

  The Spiderwolves are fast in short bursts. Their jumping speed could outrun me no problem. But after each leap, they have to pause before taking another. They can skitter over during that time. But, while profoundly unnerving, it’s actually a good bit slower than my walking speed.

  It also helps that their effective range is abysmal. Even unarmed with my legs trapped under a slab, I beat them in that department. In terms of striking distance, the longsword is downright overkill.

  The little wolf heads look dangerous. And they are. I know that very, very well by this point. But each dangerous head just happens to be situated on a short little nub sticking out of their bowling ball of a torso.

  Apart from making them easy to outpace, headshots become all the more satisfying. The fact that they also weigh about as much as a bowling ball, legs included, makes them especially fun they are to knock around.

  They look scary and sound scarier. But as I get used to fighting them, and the pseudo-arachnophobia their very existence inspires, I can’t help but think of them more and more like eight-legged punching bags. Speed balls to be specific.

  Not wanting to ruin James’ workout equipment, I never actually tried mercilessly pummeling one with a big stick. Turns out, it’s way more fun than I thought.

  I don’t know how long the next part takes.

  I feel like I should be wading through a flood of neatly disconnected spider parts by now. That’d be nice…

  But as fast as I can make them, all the corpses keep turning into little pouches, each shining from their opening with a tiny pillar of light. That unfortunately happens at the same rate as I kill them, so there are never quite enough body parts littering the courtyard to form the image of desolation and mayhem that I’ve well and truly earned.

  Instead, once I sheathe my sword to explode the last one into hard, meaty chunks, I hear what I’ve been waiting for. The wonderful, intolerable, inner-ear-grating sound of stone-on-stone as the slabs covering each exit lift into the archways they’d fallen from.

  As the corpses take turns disappearing, so do their fluids, viscera, general mess I made of the things.

  That leaves me way too clean for my own liking, standing with a pristine sword in a pre-ruined courtyard. Even my poncho is actively, if slowly, un-ripping itself as my HP regenerates.

  The whole scene fades from carnage to festive pretty quick, covered as it is in little glowing bags of free stuff. As a representative of the teenage girl species, I feel like this should be more up my alley than the whole pile-of-corpses thing. But it’s not. It’s really, really not.

  Still, never one to do anything else with loot, I make sure to clean the place dry. The light shining up out of most of the pouches is white. And boring. So I pick those up first.

  [ ITEMS GAINED: $76 USD — COMMON MATERIAL * 31: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE LEG — COMMON MATERIAL * 20: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE CARAPACE — COMMON MATERIAL * 24: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE FANG ]

  “Fuck yeah!” That’s the longsword nearly paid off right there. Goddamn, either these spiders are literally walking bags of money, or that salesman was actually honest about it being easy to come by. As for the rest of the drops? Meh. I mean maybe they’re good? Fuck if I know? Although the sheer number I got of each thing doesn’t say much for their value…

  I notice how dry my lips are as soon as I eye the four slightly bigger pouches with green lights that I purposely saved for last.

  [ ITEMS GAINED: $8 USD — UNCOMMON MATERIAL * 2: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE CORTEX — UNCOMMON MATERIAL * 1: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE MANTLE — UNCOMMON WEAPON * 1: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE DAGGER — COMMON LIGHT ARMOR * 1: LEFT GREAVE OF THE DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE ]

  Hey! My first weapon and armor drops! I mean I’m really not trying to use daggers over here. More of a step back from a longsword than anything. I still don’t quite get what the spider parts are for. But I’m not about to say no to armor. Especially when I don’t have any.

  [ LIGHT ARMOR EQUIPPED: LEFT GREAVE OF THE DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE ]

  Glancing down at my new boot, I notice something strange. It’s so ornate… Was the spider just carrying the thing around? Did it use its last moments to weave its own body parts into elaborate patterns on a boot? That doesn’t seem right. But who else would’ve done it? And why is this bothering me now and not in every RPG I’ve ever played?

  Grumbling at the lack of a ready answer to any of my questions, I go down the left path because that’s the closest.

  At the end of the downward-sloping hallway is a room with a switch.

  I trepidatiously walk up and press it.

  Nothing happens.

  Shrugging, I retrace my steps back to the courtyard and turn to face the middle path where I got stuck last time.

  I squint at it, trying to discern some trap beyond what I already disabled by beating all the monster waves. And I did just enter and leave the left hallway with no problem… Still though…

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH ]

  I’m on the other side so fast that I might as well have teleported.

  Nothing still happens.

  With an ever-lightening heart, I beat the ever-loving shit out of the few spiders littering the hall with only a little bit of malice. After all, I don’t really know which of the identical shitbags killed me last time. So it’s not like I’d just slaughter the lot indiscriminately for the crimes of one. Oh, who am I kidding?

  That’s exactly what I do.

  One impromptu therapy session later, I find a door at the end of the path. The left half of it is lit in a blue, distinctly unlocked-seeming glow. Guess I know what the switch did…

  With all the thrill and passion of taking out the trash, I trudge back to the courtyard.

  Then into the right hallway, all the way to its end.

  Press the switch.

  Back up to the courtyard.

  Finally, I groaningly trudge my way down to the now entirely blue, distinctly open door.

  Oops, my grin is back.

  [ COMMON POTION USED: MINOR HEALTH ]

  [ HP: 256/256 ]

  As my poncho nearly finishes unripping itself, I spot the big spiderwolf. It’s not even hiding on the ceiling or anything.

  [ DUNGEON BOSS TARGETED: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE MATRIARCH ]

  I don’t even bother thinking about what to actually call it. As soon as I see the big gross multi-headed drooling cerberus-spider, I immediately want it not to exist.

  Just as immediately, I try to make that happen.

  [ MOVEMENT BLESSING: VAULT ]

  [ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW ]

  Before it even centers itself on me, I jump in and smack the thing four times in one face or another.

  [ POWER BLESSING: DASH ]

  Getting out of its range just as quickly after smacking it around, I resheathe.

  [ IAI QUICKDRAW: BONUS DAMAGE = 248 ]

  As the outlines of my strikes flash into midair gashes, an equally red bisected ‘248’ floats up out of the three-headed spider-cerberus.

  That throws it backwards to ragdoll across the big central chamber’s rough stone floor.

  [ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW ]

  I instantly chase, wending a crescent through the ruin’s core.

  But I threw it too far and too fast for me to catch up in time.

  Even a Dash to close the distance doesn’t let me get more than two hits in before I have to jump away and resheathe.

  [ IAI QUICKDRAW: BONUS DAMAGE = 124 ]

  The spider is jostled, but immediately recovers and bites my sword arm as I try to pull it back. To make matters worse, it does that with all three heads.

  [ HP: 143/256 ]

  Almost half my health? Okay, not about to do that again… But is there a sweet spot?

  Not willing to die to that bullshit, I get my jump ready.

  [ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW ]

  Vault in in, three hits, dash out, then a resheath.

  [ IAI QUICKDRAW: BONUS DAMAGE = 186 ]

  That knocks the spider right on its three-headed wrecking ball of an ass. But it isn’t thrown very far at all.

  I feel a malicious grin coming on. “Perfect…”

  Before it can fully get up, I do it again.

  And again.

  More.

  At the end of the ever-more-depressing loop, the spider explodes as each of its heads and legs pop off like if you threw a bigger, wetter Mr Potato Head at the wall.

  Good thing, too. Taking my recharge rate into account, I only had enough SP for another five of those. And I was kinda starting to feel bad for the thing…

  Taking a knee to catch my breath, I just watch the corpse in the middle of the room, admiring the kill until it becomes a large-ish pouch with a blue beam of light rising from it. “Oh fuck yeah…”

  [ ITEMS GAINED: $8 USD — UNCOMMON MATERIAL * 1: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE MATRIARCH FANG — RARE MATERIAL * 1: DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE MATRIARCH MANTLE — UNCOMMON WEAPON * 1: HALBERD OF THE DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE ]

  Ah, fuck. I mean halberds are cool… But that makes it even more painful that I can’t use one. As far as DPS, I’m basically getting hard-carried by the one Skill right now. And I’m relatively sure the System doesn’t treat halberds as ‘resheathable’. Not to mention extremely sure that they don’t count as swords.

  There’s probably a version of every kind of weapon in the loot table, huh? I hope not… Makes my katana chances slim-to-none. How many weapon types are there, anyway?

  A little dejected now, I walk towards the glowing Exit Sign.

  As soon as I touch where there used to be a wall, I get a new prompt.

  [ IS THIS A GOOD DUNGEON? ]

  Well… I do like the exploding spiders. On the other hand, the dungeon design is objectively kinda shit… but I do still need-

  [ VOTE REGISTERED: NO ]

  With just as much of a transition, I find myself surrounded by a familiar set of trees and rocks just outside the dungeon entrance.

  “Fuck!” Freezing in place, my skin erupts in goosebumps as I realize what I just did. The Adventure’s Guild recruiter told me about this. If the ‘NO’ votes ever outnumber ‘YES’ ones, the dungeon disappears. Which is fine. Dungeons appear and disappear every day.

  But he also helped me search through all the System-registered locations in something like a thousand-mile radius around the town. And this dungeon, the one I just voted to destroy, drops the only katana in all of that. I wouldn’t even know which way to go for another.

  My throat drops to my stomach as I stare into the purple miasma of the dungeon entrance. First in a haze of fear. Then in a film of worry.

  When nothing keeps happening, a thin ray of hope shines through.

  Not wanting to give the still-extant dungeon a chance to change its mind, I Dash back in, heart pounding harder than it ever had against the spiders. Oh thank god…

  I unclench something I didn’t know was clenched as the skittering starts back up and the stone slabs drop back down. “Here we go again…”

  And so there I go again.

  This time, I get a rope dart instead of a halberd. Which is surprisingly cool, being a massive spider fang on the end of a reinforced web. Not that I can actually use it. You don’t get much further from a sword than a rope dart.

  Although I do still snag another piece of armor along the way.

  [ COMMON MEDIUM SHOULDERS EQUIPPED: CAPE OF THE DADDY-LONGLYCANTHROPE ]

  And then finally because it clashes with the tarp…

  [ COMMON ACCESSORY UNEQUIPPED: RIPPED BLANKET ]

  I’m… I’m naked underneath. Have I been naked this whole time?

  No, I specifically remember arriving with clothes. Except… Did they regenerate when I respawned?

  I don’t think I ever thought to check. There was always so much else going on. And I was always in such a hurry to the next… Oh god…

  [ COMMON ACCESSORY EQUIPPED: RIPPED BLANKET ]

  I think I’ll just go ahead and find something for my chest and waist slot before I take that back off.

  Oh, and I vote not to destroy the whole place this time. Even if it does get more and more tempting as I go.

  Because then I do the whole thing again.

  And again.

  And again as I keep voting not to destroy it.

  But all that glitters isn’t gold as I also keep not getting a goddamned katana already.