At some point, despite all my senses performing better than ever, I wake up in a groggy haze.

  It’s not a good day.

  Although my mood is lifted a bit with the realization that at least I didn’t dream of that shitty game for once. I didn’t dream of anything, in fact. I just collapsed into bed at the inn. And then I stayed there until Now-O-Clock or so… I can’t be bothered with the time.

  Instead, I just barely hang on as the world crashes down around me.

  I remember the home I’ve been subconsciously avoiding. A room in the home. A bed in the room. A desk next to the bed. The picture frame on the desk. The photo inside. The one of my brother.

  He was always there. And then he was gone. He’s still gone. And I don’t know if he’ll ever be back.

  I tried to fill the hole he left. With leveling up. With finding a weapon. With revenge. All sorts of distractions.

  And it worked. Right up until I stopped moving. Stopped having somewhere to be. Or at least stopped having the energy to run straight there.

  One way or another, I ran out of steam.

  So here I am. Nothing to do but think. And laugh a little. And cry a lot.

  Not that I don’t try to distract myself with other thoughts.

  But no. As much as I’d prefer to plan for the future, or check the time, or anything at all, I only slip further and further into the photo. I don’t have it now, of course. But I remember it perfectly. How could I not? I stared at it that morning.

  I remember that perfectly too. Too perfectly, even. Everything that went through my head that whole day. All that I thought. And did. More that I didn’t do. Could’ve done… Should’ve…

  I feel myself spiraling. I’ve tried fighting that. It doesn’t help. Only makes the spiral last longer. Only makes it hurt more.

  So this time, I just let it happen.

  It doesn’t feel like it was a week ago. Or yesterday. It doesn’t even seem like it’s been a full minute. It’s never stopped feeling like that since it happened. I tried to escape it. But I can’t. That’s clear to me now. Clearer than anything I’ve ever known. It clarifies itself further by the second.

  I wake up sometime later. I don’t remember falling asleep. But I have other things to obsess over.

  Like… Is my brother really gone? Am I sure he isn’t here? Of course he’s a hero, that was never in question. But is he here? And for how long? And when did Mich arrive? Steven implied a week…

  I should just ask him. But will I? I don’t want to. But don’t I have to? Can he ever forgive me? Should I even forgive me? Was saving James really ‘heroic’?

  I mean I’m here… And isn’t that hard proof right there?

  But I had nothing to lose. The choice was easy. Too easy. Die and save James, or don’t and die anyway. I had, what, a minute before I bled out? Two? Even that sounds unrealistic.

  It wasn’t even a decision at all. Not really. Any random idiot would’ve done the same.

  I did feel something snap right before the end… My shitty-ass selectively amazing memory doesn’t leave any doubt that I did irreparable damage to something important. Vital, even.

  If not for that, would I have died later enough to be saved? By Who? They would’ve had to be right there to reach me in time. But should I have waited anyway?

  No. Not in a million years. That, at least, I’m sure of. In no small part because I’m literally in Heaven right now. But I didn’t know I would be.

  I definitely didn’t. Right? Fuck, it’s not like I never thought about what happens when you die.

  And so what? So what if I wasn’t a hero? So what if I was? I’m here now. So what’s to stop me from just being a hero now? What’s to stop me from doing anything now? Death?

  Been there, done that. Three times, actually. Four if you count that first one. And why wouldn’t you count the first one? If anything, that’s the only one that should count.

  And what if none of them count? “So the fuck what? I’m here. Now. Why shouldn’t I just do what I want?”

  But what do I want?

  Answering my own question, I fall back asleep. Only on purpose this time.

  This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

  Jessica the Racist Human Stone Kicker was touring the local sects.

  First she went to the Red Wildcats Sect and demonstrated her prowess in kicking stones. There, she met an old uncle who had been working half his life to break through to the Pomegranate Realm of Cultivation.

  Turning her smile upside down in interest, the Human chose to bestow some of her precious advice on the man.

  The shirohige fell to his knees in gratitude. “Oooh! Just Do It FASTER!!! I never thought of that!”

  He immediately advanced right in front of her as she frowned in satisfaction.

  Then the Stone Kicker visited the Blue Dodgers Sect. But it turned out to all be a clever ruse.

  Before she knew it, the Racist was challenged by the Blue Dodgers Sect’s own resident Stone Kicker.

  The Dodgers were very vocal about their doubt of Jessica’s talent. But they were all proven as fools and died a thousand deaths of embarrassment at her hands when it turned out she’d cultivated a higher level than them. And in a better class.

  Scowling in satisfaction, the Human began her journey to the far-off Green Seahawks Sect. But on her way there, she tripped over a pipe.

  Yawning through the nicest stretch I can remember, I don’t bother with the clock this time either. Instead, I get right to work on some much-needed cleanup of my System menus.

  The HUD was a nice band-aid, but the whole setup is so clunky. And how do I even know what the options are? How do I show all-“Ack!”

  Blotting out the entirety of existence are menus on top of menus next to menus under menus. They’re all transparent. But layered over each other like this, the result is a mostly-opaque mush. Can I minimize them into icons?

  As I think it, it happens. Well, I suppose that’s technically ‘better’. But now, my vision is nearly as blocked, only by icons instead of windows now. While each is objectively smaller and less in the way, I still can’t see shit. Now what..?

  I slap my forehead. “Folders, duh!”

  Now let’s see… All of these can go into ‘Settings’. STAT, CLASS, CRAFT, and all those kinds of acronyms can go into ‘Build’.

  Skills can be its own thing and all my skills can go into there, organized by… Type? Rarity? Level? That’s a thing?

  Oh damn, it is. Oh damn… Radial Awareness and Iai Quickdraw are at Level 2! Oh and each level gives a list of three attributes to improve.

  Radial Awareness has Hazard Focus, Radius, and MP Drain.

  I think I’ll just go ahead with Radius on that and-”WOAH.”

  I’m pretty used to being passively aware of everything within about a foot of me. But it’s still jarring when the radius suddenly doubles. Like if your peripheral vision opened up for the first time in your life. Or you got a bigger screen…

  Also a bit of a bummer that I can’t choose Radius again next time. Distrated as I was by my field of view getting wider, I couldn’t help but notice the option getting replaced so that I could now choose between Hazard Focus, Detail, and MP Drain.

  Yeah, Detail is less exciting. I think I’ll get that MP drain down next time then. But I only get one per Skill Level, so…

  Onto Iai Quickdraw, I’ve got Fortitude, Force, and SP Cost.

  Oooh, SP Cost it is.

  What?

  In that dungeon, I used that thing a lot, okay? I got tired. A lot. Activating that thing felt like getting punched in the gut in every way but the actual fist. I’ll probably go with Force next since SP Cost just got replaced with ‘Wiggle’. I’m not sure what Force does, but that sounds more like what I’m going for than Fortitude. Which I’ll still get if the next new one soundss as bad as Wiggle.

  It’d help if there was a description to go along with the options. But… Oh fuck. I bet there are encyclopedias and stuff, huh? I should look that up.

  And so I do.

  It doesn’t get me anywhere. Although Wiggle actually sounds pretty valuable for making the sheathing process a lot easier, so that’s my top priority now.

  Anyway, back to the folders, Equipment can go in this one, non-equipment items can go there…

  Actually, katanas can have their own folder.

  And these go here and those go there. “Hm…”

  I feel like Skills should be more visible. Split those up into main folders for ‘Action’, ‘Toggle’, ‘Passive’, and… You know, I never looked at it, but Auto-Loot really is my only Passive, isn’t it?

  Actually, let’s put all the Actions in the ‘Blessings’ folder and rename it ‘Actions’ since Blessings just seem like Actions, and…

  And Passives work constantly. Forever. For free. The fuck am I even doing with only one? I do still have that Skill Point… And I just so happen to be of a mind to make my life easier right now. Yeah, that sounds good.

  I then spend even-I-don’t-know-how-long-because-I-still-refuse-to-check-a-clock browsing all my Skill options.

  I’m quickly reminded that Common Passives don’t tend to do much of anything combat-wise. Attuned Breathing seems interesting. But that’s really just a 12.5% magic damage boost. Definitely a thing to pick up, but not quite what I had in mind just now.

  A lot of the Core Passives are pretty tempting though. Useless for hitting stuff, but…

  That’s when I spot the one. The vital one. I skimmed past it before, but I never paid enough attention to realize what it means. And now that I know it’s there, I can’t live without. Not for a moment longer. I refuse to.

  [ COMMON CORE PASSIVE GAINED: CENTRAL AIR — EFFECT 1: PERCEIVED AIR TEMPERATURE WILL NOT RISE ABOVE PRESET (DEFAULT 70o) — EFFECT 2: ADDS CUSTOMIZATION OPTIONS FOR MAXIMUM TEMPERATURE, HUMIDITY, ETC — NOTE: THIS DOES NOT AFFECT OPPOSITIONAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE OR DEBUFFS ]

  A grin spreads across my face as the Uncommon Skill options open back up.

  In fact, there are more than ever. Not just Core skills, either. Looks like every Uncommon in my CLASS and CRAFT just turned green. The ones without prerequisites, anyway.

  Which raises the question. “How the fuck does this shit work?”

  Alone in an empty room, I can only follow up with a sigh.

  As though on cue, my new personal air conditioning kicks in.

  I sigh again. But differently. “Oh my god…”

  I fall back asleep with the widest grin I can ever remember wearing, more comfortable than I can ever remember being.