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Chapter 96 - Fun Guy Fun Die

  [DAY SEVEN…]

  Sam

  Sam awoke to half darkness, half light. Pain in long strips up and down her body, like she'd received a thorough flogging. And a strange sound, almost like… someone humming?

  She sat up, blinking away a blurry film of sleep from her left eye. The right was still dark. The unfamiliar room was lined with beds. She was on one of them. Green-leaved branches swayed outside the glass windows.

  Several of the other beds were also occupied. Mongrel, two chimps draped randomly atop him like a heavy fur blanket. Oatmeal, the youth curled up in a tight ball. Price, the mercenary cradling her sword in her sleep.

  Sam pawed at her right eye, worried she might be blind, but found the edge of something soft and peeled away a bloody square of gauze and cotton. Light flooded in; blurry, painful, thumping hot. But not blind.

  The soft humming abruptly cut off with a startled: "Oh!"

  Sam looked to her left and found a man just standing up from a work desk in a corner of the room to hurry over. A pasty fellow with goggles around his neck. A Physician.

  "You're up early," he said, coming to her bedside. "I expected you to be a while yet."

  "Where am I?" she asked, looking around but finding no immediate clues as to her whereabouts.

  "How much do you remember?"

  "It's pretty hazy. We were going to Talltop, then everyone got sick… I guess if we're still alive, that must mean we made it."

  "Sort of. I'm Icarus, and this is my clinic. Everyone in your group was taken here for treatment. And yes, you're in Talltop."

  "Okay, that's… that's good. That's a relief. What's the 'sort of', then?"

  Icarus shrugged. "Well, you're the only one that actually made it into town. Rambling, delirious. You asked us to go out there and pick up your friends. The guards got a party together and went. Pretty sure they would've just robbed your friends and left them for dead, but apparently the sheriff insisted on rescuing you." The Physician shrugged. "He's a decent guy. You should probably drop him a 'thank you' when you get the chance."

  "Oh. I guess I will, at that."

  "Hauling a troll all the way here can't have been easy, either."

  "His name is Gug."

  "He told me as much."

  "I don't see him here—is he all right?"

  "Oh, sure." The Physician pointed with a thumb over his shoulder at an open doorway leading to another room. "He's just over there. Absolutely fascinating specimen. I have no idea how a monster ever managed to get Concord access. Do you happen to know?"

  Sam shook her head sheepishly. "No. He can be pretty tight-lipped about that stuff."

  "That's a shame. I expected him to be more trouble, but he's very polite. Quiet, too, long as he's got a book in front of him. Is he dangerous at all? Should I be worried?"

  "No," Sam said, though she wasn't sure if she could say the same for Gug's brother. "No, he's a big sweetheart." Giving the beds another look, she observed: "There was one more person with us. His name was, uh, Flowerboy. Where is he?"

  "Ah." The Physician sucked on his teeth as though tasting something bitter. "He didn't make it, I'm afraid. The infection set in too deep in his lungs, no way for me to remove it without killing him. I'm sorry."

  "I see." Sam felt guilty that his death didn't mean much to her. She hadn't really known him. "And the rest of us?"

  "I expect you will all make a full recovery. Not that keeping you alive wasn't challenging, mind you, but I like a challenge. That mycophant must have gotten you all pretty bad, huh? I'm not sure how you even got away, to be honest."

  "A mycophant? Is that what it's called, the thing that spread those mushrooms?"

  "That's right."

  "Have you ever heard of two monsters getting stuck together? Like, half of one and half of the other stapled up to have the powers of both?"

  "No, I haven't." The Physician frowned deeply. "Are you saying that's what you encountered?"

  Sam nodded. "A mix between a nettlegeist and a… mycophant, or whatever you said."

  "Goodness. And you survived?"

  "Yes. We killed it."

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  "How?"

  "With violence." Sam didn't really feel like discussing the topic.

  Icarus chuckled. "Fair enough." He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, as though to work out some accumulated fatigue. "I wouldn't mind a chance to study its corpse, actually. I imagine it would be informative. A monster with two abilities…" He shook his head incredulously, tongue tenting his cheek. "I never would've imagined."

  "Getting to the body might be a bit of a task. It's like half a day out in the middle of nowhere, so."

  "That's a shame. I reckon it'll have to stay a mystery, then." He laughed. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you. The last twenty-four hours have been crazy. A sentient troll, a mycophant infection, and, well…" He motioned to Sam, somewhat shyly. "Then there's you."

  Sam cocked an eyebrow. "What about me, doc?"

  "Well, you're… Hmm, how should I put this…? I've never had a patient like you, I'll say that. The anesthesia didn't take on you very well at all, and cutting your skin was like… whittling wood. I had to get three strong fellows in here to hold you down, and a fourth to do most of the cutting for me. It was quite the show."

  "Right. Sorry about that." Sam rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, pressed against the soft spot on her skull with her middle finger.

  "I had to do a full Identification on you so I could figure out a treatment plan based on your abilities. You realize you have way more attribute points than you should at your level, right?"

  "Yeah."

  "What's that about?"

  "Uh, it's… kind of a secret, actually, if you don't mind."

  The Physician's face went through a series of micro-expressions as he studied her in silence for several moments. Brows briefly lowered in puzzlement. A dissatisfied twitch in his cheek. A slight flaring of the nostrils, a parting of the lips as he prepared to say something in opposition. Then he seemed to catch himself, coughed into his hand as his face went back to neutral, and said: "Right. Of course."

  "I'm sorry," Sam said with a vague shrug.

  "Don't be. It's not every day you see and hear about so many things that should be impossible. It's a bit… frustrating not to have any explanation for them, that's all."

  "I feel you." Things got awkward then, so she made random noises with her mouth to fill the dead air before asking: "So, what's the damage, doc? Are we going to be all right?"

  "You will be for sure," Icarus said, looking out over the other patients. "You had some bad growth on your face, but I cut off and Cleansed everything. It'll scar, but it seems like you've got a fair few of those already. Worst part was your eye—hard to fix those at my level, very delicate—but the laceration will heal on its own, I think, with your improved Healing Factor. You might see funny for a while, but you'll be fine.

  "As for your friends, it's a little more up in the air. Like with you, I removed all extraneous fungal growth and Cleansed them to make sure it was all gone. The troll has already made a full recovery, pretty much, so don't worry about him. The others should live too, although I had to amputate the Builder's left arm below the elbow, but I happened to have a cadaver handy to graft on a new one. It should do her fine, as long as she's gentle with it at first and visits a Physician regularly to make sure it's not rejecting. The Explorer is still running a bad fever, and he might need another few rounds of Cleansing to get rid of some persistent growth in his lungs, but I think I'll be able to save him."

  "Thanks, doc," Sam said. Then she frowned. Then she frowned a little deeper. "Hold on. Did you say twenty-four hours earlier?"

  "Uh, yeah."

  "Fuck."

  "You could probably use another day's rest, actually, but I can tell you're not going to do that. That's Laborers for you, I guess. Never know when to stay down."

  She had been out for a full day. That meant it was… day seven since she had set out on the Iron Road. She couldn't afford to waste any more if she was going to make it back to Will on time.

  She refused to be late. She'd promised him fourteen days, and she would keep that promise. No matter what.

  Icarus took a step back as Sam swung her legs over the side of the bed. He held out his hands toward her, trying to urge her to stay put, but she ignored him, got up on unsteady feet. Seeing that she was only half-dressed, she asked the Physician to lead her to their packing. The bags were being stored in a back room, and she rooted out some fresh clothes to change into. She was already squared away in terms of payment, as Icarus had apparently helped himself to his fee out of what he had found in her bag. She pocketed what was left, which was just a bit over two thousand.

  She also fished out the dossier Vivi had sent with her to look over the names she had been given for potential guides to contact in Timbryhall. There were three names.

  She asked Icarus about them. He didn't know. Apparently he didn't get out much. Headed for the front door, Sam saw Gug sitting in the front room, cross-legged on the floor with his great head bowed over a book that looked positively tiny in his fat hands. He turned the pages quickly, with surprising gentleness and dexterity.

  "Gug," she said, "how are you holding up?"

  "Good," the troll replied without looking up. "The doctor has very many books. He is letting me borrow some. He is nice. I like him. He is my fourth best friend."

  "Is he now? That's great. Look, will you be all right if I step out for a bit? I need to find someone who can tell us how to get where we're going next for our trip."

  "Okay."

  Sam was satisfied with that, and hurried toward the door.

  "Hold on," Icarus said, following close behind. "You might want to be careful. It takes most people a while to get used to—"

  Sam swung the door open and stepped through, and her stomach lurched with a sudden vertigo that made her press herself flat against the doorframe.

  The door had led out onto a wide wooden platform, and beyond that… Beyond it, a great wide expanse of air. There was maybe a hundred feet of empty space between her and the ground laid out far below.

  The platform she was standing on protruded from an enormous tree, its trunk so massive that twenty men could have thrown their arms around it without making a full circle. Its crown hung like a big green cloud over her head, blocking much of the afternoon sun so that it seemed overcast even though it wasn't.

  Glancing around, she found that there were other trees, other platforms, rope bridges connecting them. Some platforms had pulley-operated elevators to bring things up from the ground and vice versa, though none of them appeared to be in use currently.

  "I guess you don't remember coming up here yesterday," Icarus said as he stepped out beside her, not appearing the least unnerved by the height.

  "This is why they call it Talltop, huh?" Sam worked out through clenched teeth, keeping a white-knuckled grip on the door frame. "I didn't think it'd be quite so literal."

  "Grandfather trees, they're called. Living up here keeps the monsters off our backs for the most part, which is useful when you don't have a militia or an army to protect you. Makes some things a bit inconvenient, but you get used to it pretty quick."

  "I'm not really a big fan of heights."

  "Then I guess you won't like Talltop much. It's not for everyone." Icarus retreated back inside his clinic, calling over his shoulder: "Good luck finding those people you're after."

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