Chapter 7

  *****

  Michael’s dream

  As Michael lay down in his bed that night, his thoughts were occupied by the events that had transpired that day. He, Oliver and AI, had spent that entire day informing the Roses about Andrew, and the truth was finally let out in the open. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief for that, yet he still felt an intense sense of fear and terror.

  He knew, that even though people were aware of Andrew… he was not aware of them. Michael lay in the bed, in a sense of panic, as he imagined Andrew in his current state. Andrew was probably sitting on that sofa, staring at the floor, as an unfathomable pain continued to obliterate his sanity. Michael knew… that Andrew was still in danger. Until AI made her move, most likely the next day, Andrew was still teetering dangerously.

  Michael forced himself to discard his concern… That was a skill he had developed as a soldier in the military, for in the middle of a battlefield, you still needed to sleep. So naturally, he discovered how to separate his mental worries from his body's obligatory needs. As he employed that said technique that night, at the end of the most eventful day of his entire life, he quickly drifted asleep.

  -

  He found himself in the horrible basement, that Andrew was tortured in. He stood at the stairs as he looked around the room, only truly focusing on Andrew. Andrew was sitting in that cursed seat, where he had just been punched by Ronald for refusing his first offer to reveal who the Angels were.

  Andrew looked to the Wolf and with a face of absolute certainty and defiance, he said, “I don’t know.”

  Ronald stared at Andrew for a long moment before he left the basement to go up the stairs. He had most likely gone to collect all the nightmarish tools necessary to torture Andrew. Andrew looked down at the floor as he shook his head.

  Michael quickly walked up to Andrew and crouched down so that he was at eye level with him in the chair. He looked up and down Andrew, noticing the blood dripping down a freshly opened gash on his forehead.

  Andrew looked into Michael's eyes, still showing that face of absolute willpower and complete determination. Michael briefly looked away as he felt a strong sense of sorrow and sympathy… for he knew that Andrew had committed to his silence, but Michael also knew what was going to happen to him as a consequence.

  Michael shook his head and slowly looked back into Andrew's eyes, “Andrew, mate… listen to me ok, I know what you’re thinking… but you need to tell Ronald about the girls…”

  Andrew stared deep into Michael's eyes for a long moment before he confidently grinned, “I’m going to save them, and they will save me…”

  Michael broke as fear and panic came over him. He shook his head emotionally, as he closed his eyes momentarily, desperate to convey to Andrew how awful it would be for him. He gently put his hands on Andrew's shoulder.

  “They won’t save you… Andrew, listen to me, he’s going to hurt you so awfully, you won’t even be able to walk for months! This isn’t worth it; you’re going to lose everything!”

  Andrew shook his head. “I have nothing left to lose and everything to gain. I’m going to make sure the world smiles, I have to!”

  Michael sobbed, “You’re going to give everything, even your goddamn mind! You’ll become a depressed and broken man… tell him! Their dream isn’t worth your soul, nothing is!”

  A long moment passed as Michael gently leaned his head against Andrew's chest, as he wept in sorrow. Eventually he leaned back and looked back at Andrew's face… there was that confident face.

  Michael stared into his eyes, “... I just want to see you smile… one more time…”

  Andrew looked back into his eyes, “I’ll be fine, I have hope… Do me a favour, would you?... Smile for me.”

  -

  Michael woke up to find tears flooding down his face. He wiped them away, as he sat in the bed shaking his head, as waves of love, adoration, sympathy and anguish smashed into him, paralysing him.

  He knew it was only a dream, and yet it felt so real… as if that conversation really happened. He silently sat there, feeling as if he were broken into a million pieces.

  “I just want to see you smile… one more time.” He whispered.

  *****

  I took off my headphones as I stepped into the apartment. It felt good to hear sound again. I had a lot to think about, so I went to sit down in the living room. Michael closed the front door behind me.

  He also walked into the living room, but he chose to stay standing, “It’s time we talked, Andrew.”

  I looked up at him, “Today’s been a lot, Michael, I still have to process everything that happened.”

  His face was conflicted, “So do I…”

  I slowly sat down, for my pain was slowly building. I made myself comfortable, as I looked at him, giving him my full attention. He looked at me in deep thought for a few moments, before he reached up and took off his blue agent monitor. He placed it on the table.

  He looked straight into my eyes, “This is personal, Andrew, so I need you to know that I’m not talking to you as an agent now, do you understand?”

  I nodded as I leaned back slightly, “Yes… I understand.” I had a dreadful feeling, as if he was going to punch me.

  He noticed my reaction, and his face went sad, “Andrew… you’re wrong about how I think of you.”

  I looked away in irritation, “I find that hard to believe, I’m only reacting to the facts that I have seen, Michael.” AI had said something similar before, but I didn’t believe in intentions, only actions.

  He looked hurt, “I would tell you why I never visited you, but it wouldn’t mean anything to you right now, Andrew. You need to know what happened the night I first met you.”

  I shook my head, “Yeah, I already know this all started that night…”

  Stolen novel; please report.

  He looked at me with concern, “But you don’t know why. I get why you would assume that I felt disgust and anger… but I didn’t, that’s where your logic failed.”

  I felt confused… if not those two emotions, then what else could he have felt? I stared daggers at him, waiting for him to get his thoughts together.

  He turned to the TV, “AI, can you please play the recording of that night in the hospital, but after the nurses had sedated Andrew.”

  AI appeared, but she looked sad, “Michael… are you sure you want Andrew to see this?”

  He answered instantly, “Yes.”

  She seemed hesitant, “Very well…”

  The large living room TV began playing the video. I saw myself lying on the hospital bed and I instantly looked away. I didn’t want to see myself! Especially not like that… I swore I would never see myself like that again. The video paused immediately.

  AI was concerned, “Andrew, is something wrong?”

  I struggled to find the right words, “It’s… really hard, to look at myself in that state. I don’t even want to look at myself as I currently am, this is… very difficult.”

  Michael nodded furiously, “Exactly! That’s what I saw, Andrew, it’s what we all saw. You didn’t actually realise how bad you really were!”

  I nodded. It was true, of course I didn't see myself. I could barely see because of the inflammation on my face. I supposed that seeing me at that point was, in and of itself, a difficult thing to do.

  I was reluctant, “Ok… ok… play the video.” The video then resumed.

  I was in the bed, looking horrific, and a short distance from me, stood the three of them. Michael, Oliver and James. They stood totally still, like statues. Nobody said anything for at least a minute. I almost thought the video wasn’t playing, that’s how still they were.

  Then they finally started to move. Oliver slowly walked over to me and leaned on the bed frame. He simply looked at me, shaking his head. James stayed still as he also looked at me, shaking his head.

  Michael however, had his hands on his head in distress. He spun around, looking around in a panic, maybe for something to give him comfort. He quickly paced back and forth, glancing at me in the bed, then looking away. He finally stopped pacing, and you could see he was devastated.

  Michael? Fallen apart? I had never seen him like that before... he leaned back against the wall, before he slowly slid down. Oliver and James turned to look at him, realising that he wasn’t taking it very well at all. Oliver walked over to him and crouched as he put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

  Oliver's voice was quiet and gentle, “Michael, it’s alright to feel this way, we all feel like this now…”

  Michael shook his head quickly, “Why didn’t he tell him...”

  Oliver looked away, “He did it for Aisling and Nadia, Michael. He made an impossible choice...”

  Michael shouted, “How though? How could anyone go through that? It’s not possible! There’s no way anyone could endure that!”

  Oliver said nothing for a few moments, before he turned and looked at me on the bed and whispered, “Yet he did…”

  Michael was still shouting, “Why didn’t he tell him?” He was having an emotional reaction.

  He quickly stood up, “I need to get out of here…”

  He instantly left the room, as Oliver stood there staring at the door. James was still looking at me in the bed.

  After a moment James finally spoke, “AI, I can’t do this. This is too much for me. If I need to keep this promise, then I need to get away and try to make peace with this all.” He said as he removed the wire from his ear and the battery from his belt.

  AI spoke from the tablet, “Very well, James. When you are ready, you will always be welcome with the Roses.”

  The video ended and I sat there deep in thought. So that’s why James was no longer here. More importantly, Michael wasn’t angry at all. I was wrong, he was… in shock.

  I turned to look at him, “I see now, I was wrong. I thought you were angry and that’s why you never visited me… I see now, you weren’t angry… so why didn’t you visit me then?”

  He folded his arms, “At first, I needed time to process it all, so I took the next week off. I couldn’t stop thinking about your story and my mind needed proof that it was real… So, I went to the Bruiges hideout, and I copied all the recorded footage from the camera and the laptop connected to it. I went home, and I started watching it. I was looking for proof that you were lying, that you were just trying to impress us or that you had lost your mind and were confused…”

  His face became sad, “Unfortunately, it was all recorded. Every single hour of those three and a half weeks. So, I watched it… all of it.”

  I sat there as I stared at him in shock. Why? Why would he doubt me, didn’t he see the state I was in? Didn’t he hear the genuineness in my voice? Couldn’t he realise my fear and terror?

  He read my face and instantly knew what I was thinking, “Yes, I’m a fucking thick idiot sometimes, Andrew. I should have believed you, but I didn’t because… because of my pride.”

  I shouted at him, “What does your pride have to do with my torture?”

  He looked vulnerable, “Because… it meant that you were better than me…”

  I breathed quickly, as I tried to calm down. I knew he was a smart and honest man; he had a reason for it. I couldn’t force it out of him, I needed to try to understand his perspective. There was always a reason for everything.

  I breathed out, “Ok, Michael… why did my torture make me better than you?”

  He stared at the floor in intense thought, “Andrew, I was a soldier for eight years. One thing I learned, is that the difference between the heroes and the nobodies… is that the heroes always come back in either a wheelchair or a coffin.”

  I mumbled in confusion, “I don't…”

  He shook his head in frustration, he was struggling to express his point, “Because… the reason why we always honour the dead, is because they usually had the courage to go above and beyond. That’s why they died, because they didn’t play it safe, they took the risk, the ultimate risk…”

  I said nothing as I tried to read between the lines. Was I a returned hero in a wheelchair to him? Should I have died? I shook my head as I struggled to home in on what he was trying to convey.

  He looked away, “We honour them, because they remind us that we are all cowards at the end of the day.”

  I shook my head, “You aren’t a coward, though? Surely your survival in the military with medals means you were brave and strong?”

  He looked at me sadly as he shook his head, “No, Andrew, it only meant that I played it safe. It meant I didn’t take the risks and that I never once showed courage.”

  Ok… that was an interesting way to interpret surviving six tours. I didn’t think many might agree with that view, but… who was I to judge? I wasn’t a soldier. I kept looking at him, as I waited for him to get to the point.

  He looked me in the eye, “We honour the dead or wounded, because they did what we knew we could not. We respect them, because they displayed individual will and strength, even if it meant they died because of it.”

  Oh… was he trying to say what I thought he was?

  He looked away in shame, “You did that, Andrew. I watched the torture… and I knew… I couldn’t do that. I simply wouldn’t have managed to stay quiet.”

  I stared at the floor, “I came back in a stretcher… then a hospital bed and eventually a wheelchair. I guess I qualify as a real hero by military standards then.”

  He turned to me and looked at me with admiration, “You are a real hero, by all standards!”

  I looked at him as a million thoughts went through my head. I wasn’t a veteran, nor did I lift a finger to fight. What I did, didn’t feel like a risk, I literally just sat there as a desperate man with nothing to lose did everything he could to hurt me.

  He smiled humbly, “You are better than me, where it matters the most, Andrew. You will heal, both physically and psychologically. You’ll build muscle…. You’ll start to smile and help people.”

  I shouted back at him for giving me false hope, “Do you really believe that? You haven’t been here to see how bad I really am now, Michael!”

  He recoiled, “I know! I’m sorry!... I knew… that if I were to see you in person, I wouldn’t be able to hold back my respect for you, my admiration, sympathy and fear. If I saw you, it would be impossible to keep the promise I made you. I had to choose the promise, Andrew, I had to ensure that the Roses got stronger!”

  I pointed at him, “Finally, the truth! Why didn’t you start with that?”

  He crouched down to my eye level, “Because I’m so ashamed! You treat me as your hero, yet you think I hate you! It’s so damn wrong!”

  I shook my head, “How is that wrong? I know-”

  He cut me off as he shouted, “Because you’re MY hero, damn it!”

  I was stunned when I heard that… I stopped talking as I stared at him, reading his face... surely, he didn’t mean that?

  He looked at me with intense respect, “You will heal and mend. You will smile and thrive... and when you do, Andrew, I know with complete certainty, that you will be more than me. You will be more because your will… your strength, is infinitely more than mine will ever be. I’ve reached my peak. They call me ‘Mr. Perfect’. I’ve never failed a thing in my life. Top grades in school, best performing in military training and best agent of the Roses…”

  He caught his breath to finish his long point, “But when I saw you in that hospital bed, I knew I had finally met someone more. Better, stronger and wiser. My pride was shattered into a million pieces… I watched those videos, as you demonstrated true strength. You took the real risk, and one day, you will be the true legend. Not me…”

  He stared straight into my eyes, “Consistently you impress, Andrew. When I watched you in that hospital bed, you had just escaped hell and weren’t even certain you were actually out of that hell… and yet you still protected the people you cared about!”

  His voice was laced with admiration, “I watched your therapy talks with Oliver. I watched you battle addiction and loneliness, all while fighting an impossible pain! I watched every minute of you trying to stand from that wheelchair. I watched you trying to climb back up, screaming in agony. I watched you walk into our hall, limping and whimpering in excruciating pain. A hall full of people who revered you… and you kneeled to us! You are unfathomably strong. By doing nothing, you saved everyone! With barely anything left, you still gave everything you had!”

  I looked away and out the window as he continued.

  “You’re my hero, Andrew. I wake up in the morning, and it’s your picture on my wall. When things are tough for me, I think of how much you had to endure. Just the thought of you, makes me want to do better.”

  I breathed out, “Funny… you’re my hero. You were my inspiration for standing and walking again.”

  He nodded humbly, “I know, and I’m honoured to have been a part of your success. I also hope I will be a part of more of it…”

  I looked at him for a long while, as different emotions went through me. So, that was the true Michael. He was not at all the monster that I thought he was. Then I noticed it... I almost couldn’t believe I hadn't seen it before!

  I quietly said to him, “Michael… you’re depressed?”

  He nodded slightly as he looked away, “Yeah…”

  I gently asked, “... Why?”

  He turned to look me in the eye, “I’ve been sitting next to you in that horrible place, ever since I met you in that hospital bed.”

  I felt a wave of frustration mixed with despair, “Oh my God! All I do is depress people!”

  He shook his head, “No… I swore I would leave this cold place, only with you at my side…”

  That hit me right in my heart, as I started crying uncontrollably. Maybe I always knew he was there with me… maybe that’s why the depression never defeated me. I closed my eyes, as I pictured the cold, abandoned and rusty building I had been in for ages... there he was, sitting right next to me.

  I shouted in panic, “You need to leave here! I might never get out, Michael!”

  He walked to my side and kneeled down, as he rested his hand on my lap, “Then I might not ever get out either… I could hardly ask for better company.”