I still don’t know what the purpose is. Not entirely. Each of these journals, I have made at a different point in my life. Child, adolescent, woman, mother, and now I make a book I never expected. Not matriarch, or grandmother, I write now of my journey as myself. As the person I choose to be, beyond the roles assigned to me or the bindings of what my body produces and morphs itself into.
I am cut. I have bled. I shall do the same again, this I now know. I am perhaps not as kind as I had hoped or as I tried to hold myself to, but perhaps that is not the end of the story as I once feared. I still hold firm to the belief that purpose is created, not innate, that it can be as kind or as cruel as we shape it to be, and I believe I have created mine.
If anyone should read this… know that I have only ever acted in the hopes of making things better. And I believe that I can. I will be kind. I will be good. I am just beginning.
Oh what a day. What a lovely day!
-Fifth Scripture, first verse of the books of Lo-ahnn Daughtler, First Architect of Artistry
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The stats don’t lie.
Or… well, there’s every chance that they do lie, and I just have no way whatsoever to know, but that’s not really a very helpful thought at all, is it?
Either way-
{MANIFESTATION OF [00000000]}
GENUS: HOMINIDAE HOMINIA HOMO
SPECIES: SAPIENS
STATS:
ORGANS:
- CUTANEOUS
- HOMO SAPIENS SKIN
- SKELETAL
- HOMO SAPIENS BONE
- MUSCLE
- HOMO SAPIENS MUSCLE
- HOMO SAPIENS TENDON
- CIRCULATION
- HOMO SAPIENS CIRCULATION
- HOMO SAPIENS HEART
- RESPIRIUM
- HOMO SAPIENS LUNGS LUNGS
- GLANDULAR
- HOMO SAPIENS LIVER
- HOMO SAPIENS PITUITARY GLAND
- NEUROLOGOS
- HOMO SAPIENS CEREBRUM
- UNDERDEVELOPED [0000000000]
- SENSORIA
- HOMO SAPIENS SENSORIA
- DEGUSTATION
- HOMO SAPIENS DIGESTIVE TRACT
SKILLS:
- GLIMPSE BEYOND
MUTATIONS: N/A
SYMBIONTS:
- DIVINE BLOODLING
I’m in my room, and I have cleared a space on the floor. It’s hardwood, and while I’d prefer to have something to ensure it does not leak, it’s acceptable for now. I have towels and cleaning supplies on standby, a notebook on my desk beside me, multiple writing utensils, my phone, and the first aid kit that my roommates and I keep under the sink. It’s not much, not for the level of craziness I’m about to embark on, but… well, it’s what I’ve got.
My stat screen floats there, behind my eyelids, easier to see when I blink or close them wholesale. Whenever I look away from it on purpose, it just sort of drifts apart, a brief burst of iridescent, translucent squiggles darting away, and whenever I think about it, it just comes right back.
I’ve decided to copy it down onto the aforementioned notebook. It’s… less convenient, maybe, but I think, for now, I’d rather just… not have it floating inside my eyes.
Fuck it. It’s uncomfortable. It feels more solid when I see it written down in my own hands.
Right away, there are a few differences between the stats here and the stats in the game. For one thing, the most obvious thing, there’s no “fleshling” anywhere on the “sheet”. It’s all the scientifically accurate name, as far as I can tell, of the human race- homo sapiens. It even digs up some extra stuff further back- family of Hominidae, subtribe of Hominia, and the genus, Homo.
Heh. Homo. The thought of what it might be named if categorized in the modern day is a funny one.
I don’t know if it means anything that it has the family, but not the sub-family, and the subtribe but not the tribe, but quite frankly, I don’t know if I’ll have any way to figure that out. And as far as important notes go, that’s the least of them. While I’m missing all of the organs from the game, including the weirder ones that didn’t quite match with the “fleshling” naming, I have a new inclusion, something greyed out and staticky in the brain department. Not at all concerning. Beneath that, a skill’s cropped up, one I’ve never seen in the game: “Glimpse Beyond”. If I had to guess, that’s probably my ability to see… whatever I’ve been seeing. The cracks in the walls, the way that Leisha’s supposed “magic” looks literally alive to me, and maybe even the eye I saw in the back of Jay’s head (I haven’t checked if it’s still there. I’m scared to.).
Additionally, the stats have changed, pretty wildly. Adaptation’s gone down to a zero, while Evolution’s gone up. Synchronicity has gone down from the five-ish (five minus two) that I had back in the game, but it’s still up to a three, by far the highest of my stats, while Canalization stayed flat, only a single red symbol filling it up. It’s still weird to look at- it’s not numbers, but it’s not not numbers. I sometimes see a little red pyramid, sometimes I see a growth, sometimes it’s a liquid that’s filled up the space in the sheet part-way and I have to sort of guesstimate it, but I think I’ve got it right.
If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
Anyways.
All that stuff is secondary (except maybe the grayed out part, that’s still… there) compared to the two most important features.
Right at the top of the “screen”, titled at the very top of it, is a line that stayed the same between now and the game.
{MANIFESTATION OF [00000000]}
Not my name. Not any sort of title that I associate with myself, not something I can edit, not something I made during the original character creation. But it’s the same as in the game.
A manifestation of something.
Whatever is in the blocked-out parts, I can’t read. Squinting at it doesn’t help, and there’s no zoom feature for the goo on my pupil, so ultimately, it’s just a weird fucking title, one that’s carried over in the spot where a name usually is, and has apparently remained the same as both Fleshling and Homo Sapiens.
And at its opposite end, all the way at the bottom;
SYMBIONTS:
- DIVINE BLOODLING
I was experiencing a lot of blood loss at the time, and a fuckload of shock from the ongoing trauma, but I don’t think there’s any way that I could forget those last moments. They’re in my head forever now, tucked in tight against the sensation of having my arm pulled out of my body.
Three lines.
OVERRIDE ACCEPTED
CONNECTION REINFORCED
SYMBIONT ACQUIRED: Divine Bloodling
And now…
There it is. Written on my eye, there every time I look for it. Every time I think too hard about it.
SYMBIONTS:
- DIVINE BLOODLING
I think it’s pretty obvious that there’s no giant blood cell circling me like a lost puppy. Or if there is, I can’t see it. I didn’t see it in my weird little death vision either, with whoever SHE was, unless you count the blood right at the end.
This leads me to a theory.
Whatever’s going on in my arm, whatever brought me back and is currently holding me together, has something to do with the Bloodling. That ripple, under the skin, near the joint where things are… “attached”. If I press down on my bicep enough, I can sort of feel where the separation is, where things pull on each other if I’m not careful- it’s not painful, but it’s uncomfortable, feeling a spot where things that should fit seamlessly… don’t.
The sensation extends to the rest of my arm, the hand at the end the only part of it that isn’t decorated with thin seams that follow irregular patterns. If I pull on them, or press down on them, I can sort of push into them, glimpse bright red beneath the surface.
Part of me is terrified that if I push too hard, it’ll start hurting. Or worse, that it’ll come apart like a badly glued toy.
Another, bigger part of me, most of which is behind the glass, is very certain that if I don’t push it, things will be worse.
Anyways.
In theory, the Bloodling is inside my body right now, acting as… well, blood. The way it tried to right at the start, when I woke up in the game with my whole system in absolute agony. My body was swollen, bright red, like an overstuffed balloon, and the pain was… blinding. It oozed out of me, and then, then, it looked like a blood cell.
The descriptors on my current sheet aren’t quite as rude as the ones on the Fleshlings. Expanding the “species” tab on the sheet shows the following-
SPECIES: SAPIENS
The species, self-classified as Homo Sapiens, considers itself to be the apex of its genus, and acts as one of the apex predator and social species on their planet. While their development is stunted, and was brought about through lackluster means, they are effective tool users, persistence hunters, and omnivores. While ultimately disappointing, they have spread throughout the territory available to them with considerable, near viral growth.
Loots of implications in that. Firstly; “their” planet. Secondly: “territory available to them”.
So. Implies a lot. And raises the question, once again, of who the fuck wrote the descriptor.
However, those are big implications, ones that I can’t really do anything about. What I can do something about, and what I had the original theory on- the descriptors is way nicer than the one for Fleshlings. While that description basically treated the body I manifested in as a piece of shit, it has some complaints about the human form, but not a ton of them. It’s possible that my body can handle the presence of the Bloodling better than the Fleshling could, which is what allowed it to pull me back together as it has.
Another possibility is that it’s weaker here. Whatever my Glimpse Beyond skill is showing me, the world hasn’t exactly turned to flesh fields and skies of tallow. It might not be as powerful here, or it might be using its energy to keep me intact, not allowing it to manifest as more than a little ripple now and again.
The possibilities don’t really counter each other. They could all be true, or I could be completely wrong.
I don’t know. All I’ve got, at the moment, are theories. Possibilities. So far, things have had a… through-line. Whether it’s videogame rules or cause and effect, there’s logic here, and I can only run off of what I have and what I know.
Which is very little.
Which in turn leads me to my next point, the one I said I’d circle back to.
I need to push further.
There are no other options. Being passive won’t get me anywhere, and even if Leisha’s advice to me is true and that thing won’t try to kill me in the daylight, that’s a stopgap at best. I will slip up, or it’ll lose patience, or find an opportunity, something, and then it’ll do worse than pull my arm off and watch me bleed out. Or it’ll just do it again, which also would be bad. And that’s if Leisha can be trusted, which… signs point to yes, but not with any certainty.
If they could kill that thing, Leisha and her friend or partner or whoever, then I think they would have. Or bound it somehow, or trapped it, or something- but she seemed at least a little intimidated by the “big guy”.
So even if I can trust her, even if I can trust her partner, even if they decide to help, if, if, if… then there’s still no guarantee that they’ll be able to help.
I’m on my own. And if that thing finds me again, there will be nothing I can do.
So. I need to get more things I can do.
I don’t know how to change my stats, and having died once already I am not willing to repeat the experience to see if I get to reroll my character this time. I have no Adaptation (which is weird, considering how adaptive humans can be, though maybe less weird considering how quickly the mutations took place in the game), and while Canalization and Evolution are both at 1 “pip”, there’s not a lot I can do with those. Not unless I’m willing to procreate or try to find out how much I can resist mutation from, I don’t know, radiation or some shit, and that’s going to be a hard no from me.
So. I use what I can.
I look at what I have, arranged in front of me.
On the table, the journal, with my screen written out and my notes and theories outlined. On the bedside, my laptop, open to a few wikipedia articles and some anatomy diagrams.
And on the floor- meat.
All in all, approximately thirty pounds of raw meat, most of it coming undifferentiated, bright crimson and still bleeding from the walls… and about five pounds from the fridge. Chicken thighs.
I would have gotten more, but… that first creak, when I pulled some out to show Jay? It wasn’t a fluke.
The crack I pulled from, the one in my room, is almost twice as wide now. It snakes along the bedroom wall, reaching almost to the ceiling, and when I pull at it… groaning. Like the house is settling, but it’s not settling, it’s complaining, or… well, groaning. Like it’s alive.
Maybe it is. Fuck if I know.
I don’t know if I’ll sleep tonight. I’ve got a few hours, at least, before the adrenaline wears off and I crash.
In the meantime? My Synchronicity stat is the highest one I’ve got, and the ingredients I have are before me.
We work with what we have.
The blood in my arm pulses, like a heartbeat that isn’t my own.
I don’t want to die.
I start working.
+8 (officially! KEEPS GROWING!) chapters on Patreon (one more than last week AGAIN! The value increases!), and more to come!
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Book Link:
Betrayed by his own blood. Cast into Hell. Now, vengeance is all that remains.
Wei An Wei was a prodigy, the young master of the world’s greatest sect, destined for glory. But that future burned to ash the day his father murdered his mother, shattered their sect’s sacred defenses, and unleashed the legions of Hell upon their world.
Left for dead, Wei should have perished. Instead, a mysterious System saves him—one designed to break reality itself. Reforged by its power, he rises once more, stronger than ever.
Now, he will chase his father through the Claimed Hells, a realm of demons, warlords, and beings beyond mortal comprehension. Here, there are no sects, no virtuous cultivators. Only the strong and the damned can survive.
But Wei won’t just survive. He’ll ascend. And in the end, neither the Heavens nor the Hells will stand in his way.