{Has your home been ravaged by a recent incursion that wasn’t your fault?

  Did Trash Bandit’s kind raccoons clean up after the nasty aliens for you?

  Did they possibly borrow a few of your shiniest wares?

  Head on down to Bandit Trade?: The Raccoon Trading Emporium, to see if they’ve traded your items to nice people for snacks!}

  **Disclaimer: Bandit Trade? is not responsible for any items stolen while visiting the emporium, and is definitely not run by raccoons. Thank you, internet user roaringpenguin, for your contributions to the Prolotor cause with the idea for this wonderful trap- uuhhh…. Opportunity to give back! Yeah… Wait, this thing’s still rec-

  --Ad running across all channels of the P.A.W.

  ˉˉˉˉˉ

  New Purchase!

  Class III Prolotor Bacterial Genetics – 8000 points, 3 tokens

  Remaining points: 33509

  _____

  {Right,} I squeak, pushing myself off the hard roof of the lab and stretching. {What explosives should we buy?}

  Well, you have a few different options to choose from for the style explosion you want to use to distribute your bacteria, but you may want to consider asking your fellow, more experienced vanguard for their input on the bacteria choice. How aggressive we go and how long it should last are important questions I doubt you care about answering!

  I nod enthusiastically at her suggestion.

  I should be listening to the advice of my elders, and Gwen did ask me to keep her in the loop…

  I squish my traitorous tail against the side of the lab to stop its wiggling while calling Gwen. She picks up almost immediately, barely giving Pin a chance to jump from the truck’s cab and scramble up my leg.

  [“Hello again, Elise. Am I receiving good-”] Gwen starts, clocking my relaxed stance and responding in kind before freezing as her eyes meet Pin, clinging to my hip and receiving head scratches. [“Oh my Goddess, it’s adorable!”]

  Her eyes light up like floodlights as she coos at the baby raccoon, and I can’t help but stare. She notices my gaze and blushes, brushing a stray strand of her luminous hair out of her face and trying to regain her composure.

  [“So,”] Gwen continues, ignoring my beaming grin. [“Did you get enough tokens?”]

  [“Yep!”] I chirp, stepping away from the lab and letting my tail free, watching with glee as Gwen struggles to maintain eye contact as it swishes away behind me. [“We’re all ready to start planting bombs and extracting civilians, but I-”]

  Cyon’s avatar appears on my head, coughing exaggeratedly.

  [“Sorry, Cyon, thought it would be a good idea to ask you and Shadowflame about how aggressive and long-lasting we should go for with my bacteria.”]

  Cyon’s distraction breaks Gwen’s focus on my face, and I give the chaos spreader a mental high-five as it doesn’t return there, instead drifting down to my hyperactive fluff.

  [“Mmhm, yeah. That’s sensible,”] she hums in distracted agreement.

  [“Are you going to call them, or am I too distracting?”] I tease after a moment of silence, doing my damnedest not to let my tail break its hypnotic rhythm and speed up as her face flushes again and her hair shines a few lumens brighter.

  [“Right, on it.”]

  Gwen looks away to cover her embarrassment, spotting a hairless raccoon clone at her feet and eagerly turning her attention to my nursery.

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

  [“You have hairless babies?!”] she exclaims, crouching down to greet the curious raccoon trying to bite the shiny hologram.

  [“The cloning process is prone to random mutations,”] I explain, totally not feeling jealous as she stares at their fur with a longing gaze.

  [“Yo yo! So, this is the little thief that stole your attention,”] a voice I faintly recognise says, stunning my tail still as my head snaps to the side to take in the new member of our call.

  They look to be about a head taller than me, hard to tell with these holograms, with a sharp, freakishly-pale face. Like, wow, they look like a vampire!

  [“Do you have blood?”] I ask them almost reflexively, tilting my head and folding one of my ears.

  Their eyes, which look like miniature blue stars floating in space, widen as their mouth falls open and, a moment later, Shadowflame bursts into laughter… and flames…

  One second, there’s shoulder-length, neon-blue hair framing their face, and the next? Boom! Fire!

  That’s so cool!

  [“I like ‘em. I approve!”] Shadowflame says, wiping liquid fire from their eyes while throwing Gwen a thumbs up. [“And to answer your question, Little One, no! I don’t!”]

  I nod enthusiastically, matching their manic grin and glancing down at their black and purple robes, like a cartoon wizard or something. They look enticingly smooth, and the glistening golden stitching calls to me, making my fingers itch.

  If only they weren’t a hologram.

  [“So, what did’ya call me for?”]

  [“Elise managed to earn enough tokens for the Class III catalogue,”] Gwen explains as I pull a handful of roasted ants from my snack pocket and crunch away. [“How long do we want to take New Oxford out of commission for, and how violent should we go?”]

  [“As violent as possible, not even a question,”] Shadowflame responds without hesitation. [“We’ll have to mark the city as a bio-hazard zone anyway, so we may as well do as much damage to the plants as possible in the process.”]

  I can’t argue with their logic, but given the way their flames are growing, I’m pretty sure that’s not the only reason they’re suggesting the most destructive option.

  [“As for how long… that’s harder,”] they continue, their flames dimming as they scratch their burning scalp awkwardly. [“I called Cambridge to ask for help, and they said that once all the civilians are relocated and safe, I’m on my own. They, and I quote, ‘won’t help you recover your territory lost by your own incompetence’. How rude!”]

  Their hair erupts with their sudden outburst, burning so bright I can almost feel the heat through our call. They take a deep breath as Gwen and I sit down, taking several raccoons into our laps, mine real and hers virtual.

  [“Which means we’ll be on our own, if you’re wanting to come back, working out where this flood came from and cleaning up. We’ll want the city to act as a hard border until we’re done. So, give it…”] Shadowflame looks around the rooftop thoughtfully as the back of the lab opens up, kicking out three new clones, one of each of my siblings. [“You’re cloning an army, right?”]

  [“A nursery, but same difference.”]

  [“Three months then. Make it six to be safe, though.”]

  I look to Gwen for confirmation and receive a small nod.

  [A six-month active period with maximum aggression. Are you sure? The moment the distribution charges go off, any living being that enters within twenty miles of the city will cease to be that way very quickly. I’m talking human-to-mush in record speeds here.]

  I have to hold back a laugh as Gwen’s face twists into a grimace of disgust at that mental image.

  [“I need to get me some bioweapons,”] Shadowflame says with an impressed whistle. [“Sounds good to me!”]

  [“As long as we’re out of that twenty-mile radius before you detonate, sure,”] Gwen agrees.

  [“Perfect! We’ll start filling the undercity with bombs then,”] I beam, turning to Shadowflame. [“Thanks for making the choice for me. Sorry, we’re taking away your chance to blow up a city.”]

  [“Ha,”] they bark out a laugh, looking between me and Gwen with their wide, ever-present grin stretching further-than-I-thought-possible in amusement at our matching positions in my horde. [“I’m not trying to steal her from you, Gwen, but we should get a drink sometime.”]

  They leave the call before I can respond, conveniently leaving their contact in my augs. I turn back to Gwen and catch her dimming her hair and schooling her expression.

  Did that make her jealous!?!

  Flashing her a teasing grin, it takes everything I have to keep my tail from kicking up a storm and my face from flushing as I decide to push my luck and almost certainly make a mistake.

  [“You know, that’s the first time a pretty person’s invited me out. I’m a little disappointed though, I’d hoped someone else would be my first.”]

  Her gaze focuses on me with an intensity that sends a shiver down my spine, and a playful smile curls her lips.

  [“You were, were you? And who might that be?”]

  She’s not gonna make me say it… right?

  [“Go on, Cutie,”] she presses sweetly, narrowing her eyes and drawing her words out as my cheeks turn red. [“I’m all ears.”]

  She’s totally gonna make me say it.

  I can’t help the nervous fluttering in my stomach that’s mirrored by my tail as I open my mouth to respond. I may have dug myself into this pit intentionally, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t scary to climb out.

  [“You,”] I say somewhere between a whisper and a growl, trying to ignore my ears twitching with embarrassment.

  Gwen’s hair noticeably brightens in happiness, but I can tell what she’s about to say from her smug grin as she opens her mouth.

  [“You,”] I repeat clearly before she can speak, earning a soft giggle in response that was totally worth my suffering.

  [“Well, in that case,”] she says, and my breath catches in my throat. [“After this is all over, can I take you to dinner?”]

  My heart does a flip in my chest, and if there weren’t several raccoons on my lap, I’d do the same!

  A pretty girl just asked me out!

  [“Yes, please!”]

  I fail miserably at keeping my tail still, and I respond possibly too eagerly, but as my nursery breaks out in celebratory cheers and Gwen’s melodic laughter joins them, I’m too happy to care.