One more significant snatch was reported in the country of Bonertania that morning, but it took place so far from either Schmegma City or Smelsinore Trailer Park that none of those characters we have mentioned thus far learned of the snatchery until long afterward.

  In the far southwestern corner of Mukus Quadrant is a small, flat-topped mountain the Bonertanians called Mount Bottom. On the mountain are no paths at all, but there are quantities of brunswick green bramble-bushes and steaming black cactus, both with sharp prickers on them, which prevent any of the Bonertanians who live down below from climbing up to see what is on top. But on top was the village of Yooryn, filled with icterine-colored humanoids who call themselves the Yoorynians, and although the space they occupy is not great in extent the tiny village is all their own. The Yoorynians had never- up to the time this story begins- left their broad tableland to go down into Bonertania, nor had the Bonertanians ever climbed up to the village of the Yoorynians. This was the case with many societies on Pus Continent.

  Living all alone as they did, the Yoorynians had queer ways and notions of their own and did not resemble any other people of Bonertania. For example: They had no movie theaters at all on their mountain top, walk-in or drive-in. They had one giant playhouse where live shows were put on, but that was it in the area of communal entertainment.

  Their wigwams and chalets and outhouses were scattered all over the flat surface; not like a city, grouped together, but set wherever their owners' fancy dictated, with yellow fields here, yellow leathertrees and fleshtrees there, and odd little paths of yellow kitty litter connecting the homes one with another.

  It was here, on the morning when Tremorroid Titiana so strangely disappeared from Videotape Palace, that Yoorynian care-giver Vadj Enphection discovered to her shock and horror that her golden bedpan- which was studded with orange-dusted-diamonds- had been snatched, and she raised such a hue-and-cry over her loss and wailed and shrieked so loudly that many of the Yoorynians gathered around her chalet to inquire what was the matter.

  It was a serious thing, in any part of Bonertania, to accuse one of snatching, so when the Yoorynians heard Vadj Enphection declare that her golden bedpan had been snatched they were both humiliated and disturbed and forced Vadj to go with them to Dr. Lubricious Slugg to see what could be done about it.

  I do not suppose you have ever before heard of Dr. Lubricious Slugg, for like all other dwellers on that jaundiced tableland he had never been away from it, nor had anyone come up there to see him. Dr. Slugg was, in truth, descended from common slugs of Mukus Quadrant, and when he was first born he lived in a puddle and was much like any other Acochlidium (An acochlidium is a genus of freshwater slugs, an aquatic gastropod mollusk in the family Acochlidiidae). Being of an adventurous nature, however, he soon oozed out of his tiny pool and began to travel, and one day a big bushtit came along and seized the greenish-yellow slug in its beak and started to fly away with him to its nest. When high in the air the slug wriggled so frantically that he got loose and fell down into a small hidden muddy yellow puddle on the tableland of the Yoorynians. Now this dirty puddle, it seems, was unknown to the Yoorynians because it was surrounded by thick throatberry bushes and was not near to any dwelling, and it proved to be an enchanted puddle, for the slug grew very, very big, feeding on the thaumaturgic skosh which is found nowhere else on Sifillis except in that one puddle. And the skosh not only made the slug very big, but it made him grow arms with hands on the ends and become unusually intelligent, so that he soon knew more than the Yoorynians did and was able to reason and to argue very well indeed.

  No one could expect a slug with these talents to remain in a hidden pool, so he finally oozed out of it and mingled with the yellow-hued people of the tableland, who were amazed at his appearance and greatly impressed by his learning. They had never seen a big-made slug before and the slug had never seen a Yoorynian before, but as there were plenty of Yoorynians and only one slug, the slug became the most important. The slug dressed himself in fine vests and jackets and turtlenecks and he soon came to be called Dr. Lubricious Slugg, and that is the only name he has ever had. His hobbies include whittling, bird calls, and puppetry.

  After some years had passed the people came to regard Dr. Slugg as their adviser in all matters that puzzled them. They brought all their difficulties to him and when he did not know anything he pretended to know it, which seemed to answer just as well. There was no King or Queen or Kween or Tremorroid or Overlord or Dictator or President or Grand Poobah or Pootentate or Superintendent or Monarch or Empress or Comptroller in Yooryn Village, so the simple inhabitants came to look upon Dr. Slugg as their leader as well as their counselor in all times of emergency. In his heart the big slimy gastropod knew he was not much wiser than the Yoorynians, but for a slug to know as much as he did was quite remarkable, and Dr. Slugg was shrewd enough to make the people believe he was far more wise than he really was.

  There was a pool on the tableland, which was not enchanted like the puddle but contained muddy water and was located close to the dwellings. Here the people built Dr. Slugg a chalet of his own, close to the edge of the muddy pool, so that he could take a bath or a swim whenever he wished. He usually swam in the pool in the early morning, before anyone else was up, and during the day he dressed himself in his beautiful clothes and sat in his house and received the visits of all the Yoorynians who came to him to ask his advice. He was also an avid put-togetherer of jigsaw puzzles and was very active in the puzzle trading community.

  Now, when Vadj Enphection raised such an outcry over the snatching of her orange-dusted-diamond-studded golden bedpan, the first thought of the people was to take her to Dr. Slugg and inform him of the loss, thinking that of course he could tell her where to find it.

  They found Slugg naked in his mudpool, lying on his back and reading a “mystery tarot” pamphlet. Upon their arrival he quickly toweled himself off and threw on a white shirt with a starched collar and a dark blue bow-tie. Then he added a fine golden vest and a navy blue suitjacket with coat-tails and a light blue handkerchief sticking out of the chest pocket.

  Everybody crammed into Dr. Slugg’s sitting room. He listened to Vadj’s story with his bulging eyes wide open at the tips of their stalks, and then said in his deep, phlegmy voice:

  "If the bedpan has been taken, somebody must have snatched it." All the Yoorynians in the room nodded and murmured their agreement.

  "But who?" asked Vadj, anxiously. She was a very busy caregiver, every day aiding the house-bound morbidly obese Yoorynians who couldn’t bathe or wipe themselves. "Who is the snatcher?"

  "The one who took the bedpan, of course," replied Dr. Slugg, and hearing this all the Yoorynians nodded their heads gravely and said to one another:

  "It is absolutely true!"

  "But I want my bedpan!" cried Vadj. Her cat’s eye glasses slipped to the tip of her nose and she impatiently pushed them back up again.

  "No one can blame you for that wish," remarked Dr. Slugg.

  "Then tell me where I may find it," she urged.

  The look Dr. Slugg gave her was a very wise look and he rose from his chair and oozed up and down the room with his hands under his coat-tails, in a very pompous and imposing manner. This was the first time so difficult a matter had been brought to him and he wanted time to think. To buy himself more time he slowly packed some roachberries into his yellow wooden roachberry pipe.

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  "I beg to inform you," said he, while lighting his pipe, "that nothing in Yooryn Village has ever been snatched before."

  "We know that, already," answered Vadj Enphection, impatiently.

  "I am convinced that no Yoorynian has taken your bedpan, and, since it is gone from Yooryn Village, I suspect that some stranger came from the world down below us, in the darkness of night when all of us were asleep, and took away your treasure. There can be no other explanation of its disappearance. So, if you wish to recover that golden, orange-dusted-diamond-studded bedpan, you must go into the lower world after it."

  This was indeed a startling proposition. Vadj and her friends went to the edge of the flat tableland and looked down the steep mountainside to the plains below. It was so far to the bottom of the hill that nothing there could be seen very distinctly and it seemed to the Yoorynians very venturesome, if not dangerous, to go so far from home into an unknown land.

  However, Vadj wanted her bedpan very badly, so she turned to her friends and asked:

  "Who will go with me?"

  No one answered this question, but after a period of silence one of the Yoorynians said:

  "We know what is here, on the top of this flat mountain, and it seems to us a very pleasant place; but what is down below we do not know. The chances are it is not so pleasant, so we had best stay where we are."

  "It may be a far better land than this is," suggested Vadj.

  "Maybe, maybe," responded another Yooryn, "but why take chances? Contentment with one's lot is true wisdom.”

  Vadj might have agreed to this argument had she not been so anxious to find her precious bedpan, and now she exclaimed impatiently:

  "You are cowards- all of you! If none of you are brave enough to explore with me the great world beyond this small hill, I will go it alone."

  "That is a wise resolve," declared the Yoorynians, much relieved. "It is your bedpan that is lost, not ours; and, if you are willing to risk your life and liberty to regain it, no one can deny you the privilege."

  While they were thus conversing Dr. Slugg joined them and looked down at the plain with his stalked eyes and seemed unusually thoughtful. In fact, Dr. Slugg was thinking that he'd like to see more of the world. Here in Yooryn Village he had become the most important creature of them all and his importance was getting to be a little tame. It would be nice to have other people defer to him and ask his advice and there seemed no reason, so far as he could see, why his fame should not spread throughout the entire continent.

  He knew nothing of the rest of the world, but it was reasonable to believe that there were more creatures beyond the mountain where he now lived than there were Yoorynians, and if he went among them he could surprise them with his display of wisdom. In other words, Dr. Slugg was ambitious to become still greater than he was, which was impossible if he always remained upon this mountain. He wanted others to see his gorgeous clothes and listen to his solemn sayings and dramatic monologues, and here was an excuse for him to get away from Yooryn Village. So he said to Vadj Enphection:

  "I will go with you, my good woman," which greatly pleased Vadj because she felt Dr. Slugg could be of much assistance to her in her search.

  But now, since the mighty slugman had decided to undertake the journey, several of the Yoorynians who were young and daring at once made up their minds to go along; so the next morning after a hearty breakfast-- scrambled terds and broiled-then-boiled alien feces, wyrmburd spittle, and scroatnut milk-- Dr. Slugg and Vadj Enphection and nine of the young Yoorynians started to clambor down the side of the mountain. The bramble-bushes and steaming cactus plants were very prickly and uncomfortable to the touch, so Dr. Slugg commanded the Yoorynians to go first and break a path, so that when he followed them he would not tear his splendid clothes. Vadj, too, was wearing her best outfit- a lime green sleeveless housedress (mattching her cat-eye glasses) under a pink angora sweater, with a string of gloopy pearls and gloopy pearl earrings. Her beehive hairdo (brown with a white stripe) was tall and glistening in the sun and her eyelashes were plump. She too was afraid of the thorns and prickers, so she kept behind Dr. Slugg.

  They made rather slow progress and night overtook them before they were halfway down the mountain side, so they found a smelly, dank cave in which they sought shelter until morning. Vadj had brought along a backpack full of alien feces snack cakes and kumquat gelatin, so they all had plenty to eat.

  On the second day the Yoorynians began to wish they had not embarked on this adventure. They grumbled a good deal at having to clear away the thorns to make the path for Dr. Slugg and Vadj, for their own clothing suffered many tears, while Vadj and Dr. Slugg traveled in relative safety and in comfort.

  "If it is true that anyone came to our village to steal your golden bedpan," said one of the Yoorynians, whose name was Carl, to Vadj, "it must have been a bird cuz no one could have climbed through these bushes and back again."

  "For my part," remarked another Yooryn, this one named Karl, "I would rather go back home and dig and polish some more dusted diamonds, and mine some more gold, and make you another bedpan from scratch, than be scratched from head to heel by these dreadful bushes. If my stepmother saw me right now she would not know I am her stepson."

  Vadj paid no heed to these mutterings, nor did Dr. Slugg. Although their journey was slow it was being made easy for them by the Yoorynians, so they had nothing to complain of and no desire to turn back.

  Quite near to the bottom of the great hill they came upon a deep gulf, the sides of which were as smooth as glass. The gulf extended a long distance- as far as they could see, in either direction- and although it was not very wide it was far too wide for the Yoorynians to leap across it. And, should they fall into it, it was likely they might never get out again. Every now and then the gulf puffed out a cloud of stinky mist.

  "Here our journey ends," said the Yoorynians. "We must go back up."

  Vadj Enphection began to weep.

  "I shall never find my pretty bedpan again- and my heart will be broken!" she sobbed, the blue tears rolling down her yellow cheeks.

  Dr. Slugg went to the edge of the gulf and with his eye carefully measured the distance to the other side. He noticed part of the gulf’s rim was curved up into the air like a ramp.

  "I think, If I got a very fast start, I can slide up this ramp and across this gulf with ease. But the rest of you should probably return the way you came."

  "We will do that with pleasure," cried the exhausted young Yoorynians and at once they turned and began to climb up the steep mountain, feeling they had had quite enough of this unsatisfactory adventure. Vadj Enphection did not go with them, however. She sat on a rock and wept and wailed and was very miserable.

  "Well," said Dr. Slugg to her, "I will now bid you good-bye. If I find your bedpan I will promise to see that it is safely returned to you."

  "But I prefer to find it myself!" she said. "See here, Slugg, why can't you carry me across the gulf when you leap it? You are big and strong, while I am small and thin."

  Dr. Slugg gravely thought over this suggestion. It was a fact that Vadj Enphection was not a heavy person at all. She was about 75 years old and a vegetarian. Perhaps he could leap the gulf with her on his back.

  "If you are willing to risk a fall," said he, "I will make the attempt." They walked back several Earth-yards from the lip of the chasm. Vadj sprang up and grabbed Dr. Slugg around his neck with both her arms. That is, she grabbed him where his neck ought to be, for Dr. Slugg had no neck at all.

  “Hold tight, Vadj! Here we go!” The gastropod slid forward faster and faster until he hit the rim-ramp at full speed and sailed into the air, with Vadj Enphection hanging on for dear life.