If I had to say what excited me in this world, I probably couldn’t give you one answer. I had some things to look forward to and I had some things I wanted to do: and some things I absolutely detested. But I didn’t have anything remotely close to a proper goal. Like sure I wanted Askavan to fall. Sure, I wanted to go back home, hug mom and eat her soup. I had those goals but I didn’t know how to actually achieve those and that made things… difficult. That made things hazy. I didn’t have an end goal, like what I wanted to do with my life, settle down, or do other things and stuff. What if I screwed Askavan and things got good. Then what? Lately, I kept missing video games and even those third-class novels and manga I used to throw away…. I really wanted some entertainment….

  But, right now, in this very moment I felt a surge. A surge of emotion with the pure heat of a thousand suns, I must touch them!

  Unlike the other complicated matters, this one wasn’t very complicated. I could feign weakness, have her pick me up and then… except I wasn’t a creep and I didn’t want to disappoint her. Besides, she knew Den and that complicated things even further. To begin with, was she even single? “Are you married, mam?”

  “Not really. Never thought about settling down to be honest.” She was leading me somewhere. Somewhere to study.

  Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!

  Okay so I had a shot. Calm down, calm down. What shot? You’re a student. You’re here to survive. You’re here to escape the church. You can’t be chasing ti-girls!

  I shook my enough to kick the thoughts out.

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  She stopped, turned, opened a door and invited me in.

  I took deep breaths, really deep breaths and followed her in. Yeah, I admit I like her. I have a crush on her. Now for fuck’s sake, calm down! You’re a child.

  Once inside, she locked the door and stared down at me. “Now, mind telling me about that rapid breathing and staring? Something wrong?”

  “Ah…” The words stuck in my throat. She knew… she frigging knew.

  This wasn’t bad, this was a disaster.

  With a snort, she smirked. “Well, I suppose you are nearing that age. Of course, you’d be interested in the opposite sex. However, it is very rude to stare like that. Hmm… Maybe I should give you a proper course on sex education first. Oh and don’t worry, your impulses will pass and you will become a respectable adult-”

  “Hopefully.”

  .

  ..

  …

  ……

  I didn’t know what happened after that but I somehow ended up in my room. Gerar had been poking my nose for a while now but I couldn’t really say or do anything. Actually, I couldn’t even blink properly.

  I just had my first crush but… but she was beyond me. I knew better than to propose or do some weird shit.

  I felt like tearing my frigging hair out. “Woah! Calm down,” Gerar held me down. “What happened? You look… dead….”

  “I feel dead too. Like my heart just crumbled and died.”

  “Did you get shot down?”

  I sniffled, stared at him as he studied my face with amusement, and nodded. “Didn’t have the guts to propose.”

  “Oh damn, that sucks. Who?”

  “… An older lady.”

  “Yikes.” He cleared his throat. “Well, you could always work hard and propose.”

  No, it wasn’t going to work out. There was no guarantee she wouldn’t fall in love with someone and… fuck, it’s just a crush, stop acting like a child!

  “Thanks dude.”

  “No problem. Thanks for the cookies.”

  What cookies?

  Without me knowing, there was a plate of cookies on my desk and Gerar took two and left. I stared at the cookies for a few minutes before realizing they were from the teacher. The note said, ‘I baked some cookies for you, please help yourself.’

  They were from that lady.