My relationship with… my… guardians…

  'I'm not nearly ready to think of them as… anything else right now.'

  …Became… not strained per se. But if there was a scale the measurements fell off the table and got lost somewhere.

  Samyra got significantly more tactile with her affection… She is smiling all the time now, which I guess is nice. But I'm getting so many hugs from her that my shoulders hurt sometimes.

  Clauren… I can't tell if he changed or not. It's like he is relieved somehow, but why exactly, I don't know. Since Samyra's happy now… He is happier for her.

  I can't say if my own behavior towards them changed. Other than reciprocating their feelings, I haven't changed how I interact with them, or maybe I did on a subconscious level and I just didn't notice.

  What became glaring obvious now though, is that I started paying a lot more attention to our daily habits.

  I feel like I took many things for granted. Small things that pile up without notice.

  I am always being woken up by one of them since I never wake up by myself despite spouting lies that if I wanted I could wake up early.

  How Clauren always keeps an eye on me when I am hovering over his research, and the times he covered me with his own body without hesitation if something looked like it would blow up. Even though I think I am much sturdier than him.

  Sometimes Samyra insists on brushing and playing with my hairstyle. I just let her do that without thinking much of it. But looking back I notice how it is something that brings a sort of immeasurable joy to her somehow.

  A lot of the things I did too, now seem different from this different point of view.

  Helping with chores without them even asking. Small kindnesses of pulling a chair for them to sit down or sharing food I know they like more than I do, things that I did out of simple good manners without much thought, but did it look like for them, I wonder?

  When you love someone every action holds more meaning.

  And, I never realized that they already loved me from the start. The thought made me embarrassedly happy. For once without feeling guilty about it.

  ——— –– –– -- - -

  A hobby.

  At first I didn't spare any thought about it. Magic is fun. Learning bushcraft is fun.

  But the people teaching me have their own lives too.

  And so much training became straining over time, though I can't say if I am burnt out or just plain bored.

  So… a hobby.

  My first thought went back to video games and movies I always came back to after a long day in my past life. That thought quickly dies as those things don't exist here.

  Then novels, comics, manga… the closest thing they have here are fairy tales, adventure logs, and romance novels. Most of the latter being a little… too advanced for the casual reader.

  I have already consumed them all.

  And so… music.

  I would be lying if I didn't miss my personal playlists and albums. Maybe even a little scared of forgetting about all those memorable songs and symphonies.

  Never having learned how to play an instrument before, I regretted it a little.

  But now…

  'Well, it is not like I have anything else better to do. But where would I even start?'

  Procuring an instrument– And finding someone willing to teach me. I thought it would be hard.

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  My expectations… turned out to be a little misaligned.

  At the slightest sign of interest I showed towards music, suddenly all of the village already knew about it overnight. And next morning some over enthusiastic elves I haven't met before came knocking. All eager to know what I would be playing with.

  Though they didn't have the same large variety of instruments compared to my old world. There were plenty of options to choose from. Mostly stringed and wind instruments along with drums. Though nobody really specialized in drums outside supporting music that had the other instruments present.

  I chose a flute.

  It wasn't like any of the modern, sleek flutes I was used to. It was a somewhat robust, polished piece of wood with some decorative engravings, but otherwise just a simple cylinder with holes.

  I reckon that with how robust it is I could use it as a blunt weapon in a pinch. For whatever reasons if I were ever to find myself in danger with only the flute in my hands.

  I fumbled clumsily a lot when starting out. Still do. It took a long time and a lot of frustrating practice to get it right. But I can manage playing a little that is not overly complex.

  The first things I played were simple, introductory songs designed to be easy for beginners.

  Some of the elves that enjoyed having an audience and often played in public and with a group around meal time even pushed me to join them, saying it would be fine even if I couldn't accompany them quite well. I don't have that much confidence and didn't want to perform like that, so I declined.

  Then, after becoming a little more skilled, I remembered old soundtracks and game themes. Simple, sometimes repetitive. Many that simply had melodies that easily got stuck in my head. Others I couldn't recall everything, I was more of a listener than a composer, so I just went along with what I thought they sounded like and tried filling the rest with something that fit.

  People had a lot of questions about where those came from. I couldn't quite answer them with anything other than "I heard it somewhere before."

  The songs with lyrics that I remembered were easier to reproduce. Even with my amateur proficiency and imperfect ear for music, the words helped to recall the rhythm of the originals.

  All the nostalgia… It felt liberating. Even if it hurt a little and made me cry sometimes.

  In a way, these pieces of music are one of the only things I brought with me from Earth aside from my memories.

  I will treasure those fond memories greatly.

  ——— –– –– -- - -

  One day I found an unusual book.

  There wasn't anything egregious about it, I just couldn't read it. It stood out since the majority of the other books are in elvish.

  "Hey, what is this one about?" I asked Samyra.

  "Oh!" She exclaimed after seeing what I was holding up. "How'd this end up here?..."

  I raise an eyebrow, ushering her.

  "I thought these were all in deep storage…" She shakes her head. "This is an imperial book. Since very few people know how to read them they are kept away somewhere safe."

  "Oh, so that is what it was." I nod. 'I was thinking that I stumbled upon another weird grimoire of Clauren's but it's just in a language I didn't recognize. Taking a closer look at it, it really looks like a strange form of writing that resembles Latin, but not quite.'

  I tilt my head; A thought occurs to me.

  "What are these books even doing here? You said nobody reads them."

  "Not everything in the libraries came from inside the village, you must've known from all the reading you do everyday." Samyra chides me with a raised eyebrow.

  "Haha. Right." I rub the back of my head.

  Since I only ever see the rangers leaving the village, and that is on very infrequent occasions, the village comes off as more isolationist than what they actually are to me. But in truth there is a fair share of people that leave every now and then. It's just that this "every now and then" ranges from years to decades of time from each instance.

  "A big portion of the books you must have read are translated to elvish, and their contents have to come from somewhere right? I believe this one is just about one hundred years old."

  'A hundred?...' I sweatdrop.

  "There's about as many foreign books as there are translated and original books in elvish. I just keep them further away as rarely anyone ever needs them." She dusts off the cover of the ancient, but in surprisingly good condition, book. "Anyways, I should find the place where this one belongs."

  As she leaves, my eyes trail the books in her hands.

  Samyra pauses. "Hmm?~" She makes a Cheshire grin. "What? Are you interested?"

  "O-oh?! Um…" I shuffle my weight between one foot and another. Considering.

  Honestly, curiosity was getting the better of me. And I was already busy enough training with Gaviel and honing my skills with Clauren. So I'm not sure about it.

  But then, this is a good opportunity.

  "Well, it's not everyone that speaks elvish outside the village right? Learning would be prudent…"

  "Aand~ you just want to know what is inside this book, right?" Samyra gives off a knowing look.

  She doesn't mention her grievances about the chance of Syuufarin encountering humans outside. The thought comes with a sour taste in her mouth, but Samyra has since long resigned herself and decided to put some faith in her girl.

  "...maybe."

  Samyra lets out a melodious laugh.

  "Right, I guess it wouldn't hurt. As they say, knowledge is power!"

  ——— –– –– -- - -

  "Where is Syuufarin from?" Clauren asks.

  Samyra and I were together just now. She has been teaching me how to read in the imperial language (it is easier now that I can communicate in elvish too instead of starting from scratch.), so she is also in the room with us.

  'Oh no…' I panic a little.

  "W-why do you ask?" I have been grateful so far that they never pushed the matter too much until now. I had even forgotten about the issue. So I never came around to making a plausible excuse to cover my story.

  Not that I really wanted to hide it from them… but I wasn't about to spill existential crisis theories and say crazy things that would make me look suspicious.

  "Syuufarin is very well mannered, and seemed to already be accustomed to books even before getting here. From what I understand, libraries are not very common outside and most scriptures and texts are from personal collections or influential folks. So this nagging question of how you used to live has been in my head for some time." Clauren admits.

  "I'm curious, were your parents merchants? Or has the world changed a lot since I last checked? I have been trying to figure it out for a while and," He nods sideways towards Samyra. "Out of consideration we've avoided some sensitive topics. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

  We'd already had this discussion before. Much to my utter astonishment at the amount of trust they gave unconditionally, they said I had nothing to prove to anyone, and didn't bother to investigate my background. In the beginning the only thing the village was worried about was if I was a danger to the village or not, after answering that the majority of the elves flipped from suspicious to welcoming.

  "But I can't tell if you were an unusually studious farm girl, a gifted merchant's heir who knows her numbers, a scholar, or something else… The only thing I am certain of is that you have lived a rather sheltered life until now, and that you are from a region that has a language I never heard before."

  Something soft weighs down on top of my head as Samyra's arms envelop me.

  "It's alright to keep your secrets…" She continues after a pause. "...we understand there are some bad memories related to that… Though I confess I have also been curious, haha."

  I had been sitting in between Samyra's legs trying to read an untranslated book on my own. So I couldn't run away easily.

  Looking left and right… I sigh. 'Might as well rip the bandage off.' I place my book aside.

  "I avoided talking about it because… No… Okay. Let's start at the beginning." I place my hands between my legs on the chair and shift my weight to them as I lean forward. Separating myself a little from Samyra.

  Silence fills the room. "You know how I was so confused and… listless, in the past? And… haha, Sedia dragged me around and even ended up sticking a name to me?"

  They share a look, agreeing.

  "Well, that is because I genuinely couldn't remember my own name, I remember my own face… but these." I forcefully grab the two horns that are fixated on my head. "I know for certain that I didn't have them. One day I just appeared all of a sudden in the forest, I don't know how I got there or why. My life, my… family. I remember them clearly, so they can't be things I made up."

  And that is a nightmare thought on its own. What if the entire life I remember living on Earth is just a made up fantasy stuffed into my head? If so, then what is even real anymore? I wouldn't be able to tell if everything is actually a dream, or a fabricated reality.

  "I woke up confused. I had an entire life that just– vanished into thin air. My own identity was erased, but all the experiences still remained inside my head. At first I thought it was all a bad, very bad, dream. Reality and my own memories kept clashing and I was too busy trying not to die to properly sit down and rest." My grip on the chair tightens. "So, for a while I stayed lost, confused, and trying not to think about it."

  I shake my head. I was getting off-topic. And the rabbit-hole of existential crisis that is doubting your own existence and memories is not something I want to do.

  "Anyways, yes. I wasn't a farm girl," –'Or even a girl to begin with but I won't mention that.'– "And my parents weren't merchants."

  To speak of them in the past tense made me pause with furrowed brows and a bad taste in my mouth. But I continue anyway.

  "My father was a… guardsman." A word to substitute for policemen. "And mom worked as a… law scholar." Because there isn't a specific word for lawyer in elvish. "We lived in a big city, and there was public schooling. So… I guess you're right that I lived a little sheltered. I never really had to worry about safety or food, and I passed time either playing or reading books." Which isn't really a lie, only that by those I actually mean video-games and manga.

  I sigh wistfully. "Then I woke up here. The rest, you know how it went."

  We had already talked about my past once before, when I was at my lowest and confessed my feelings. But that event had more of an emotional venting than anything resembling a cohesive discussion.

  'Ah… now I'm feeling embarrassed.' That day was definitely not one of my most dignified moments.

  Silence filled the room.

  "They would be proud of you. Coming this far." Samyra says reassuringly.

  "..." I look at Samyra's face for a moment, not patronizing, no pity, simply a smile. A smile I end up sharing."Yeah… Yes I guess they would."

  ——— –– –– -- - -

  On a day that felt slower than usual I was spending time with Sedia.

  Or more like she was spending time with me while I just did my own thing. Usually I simply took a nap or read a book pilfered from somewhere. But today I brought my flute.

  I usually was always so immersed in trying to get better at magic and training with Gaviel that it had been a while since I spent time with her.

  She clapped and complimented my amateur skill. In turn she showed her own tricks she learned with magic and asked me to play some songs she knew.

  I don't think much of myself and have no confidence in the small jingles and tunes that I play. I've heard grand masterpieces of the ages and hundreds of works from talented musicians in the past so I couldn't feel proud of it. But being complimented felt nice anyways.

  While we spent time leisurely like that, an old thought occurred to me.

  I turn to Sedia.

  "Why did you help me?" There isn't much heat to my voice, I've learned that I shouldn't keep looking at genuine gifts for insidiousness and just accept them as they are.

  She tilts her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

  "Back then… When I first showed up. You were the first one to approach me, and the only one who stuck around. Other kids are either scared of me or think I am boring. But you kept pestering me all the time and you even arbitrarily created the name I use now. Why did you help me?"

  She tilts her head to the other side. "Why not?" She says as if I asked something completely nonsensical.

  "..." I stare at her equally confused. "Wasn't I just a stranger? Someone suspicious? There was no real reason for you to follow me."

  …And now she looks baffled and utterly offended by what I said. "Because I wanted to." She pokes my forehead with force, making me tilt backwards. "And you looked sad just standing all alone. Why shouldn't I have helped you? You're weird." She says with such confidence that leaves no space for questioning.

  I stand there blinking. 'How can such a pure person exist?'

  "Hm." I end up just nodding wordlessly. "Thanks, I guess."

  "Hmph! That's right!" Sedia puffs her chest out.

  ——— –– –– -- - -

  Saladin

  The old Elder that is always glaring at me.

  '…Actually I think he is always glaring at everyone, but I haven't interacted with him well enough to know.'

  I was here because Gaviel was teaching me how to find and cut firewood and build some different types of campfires. He insisted I try doing it on my own power instead of using magic all the time… but when I went to try and use a small hand-axe to split firewood I ended up breaking it after trying to brute force it. Gaviel sent me here to leave it for repairs as the day's lessons were done.

  It had been a while since I stayed to watch the blacksmith practice his craft. So I decided to stay for some time.

  'It has been a while since I watched him work. We don't talk much, and I never looked for a reason to approach him beyond my own misguided selfless selfishness.'

  So it was a surprise when he approached me instead.

  "I do not like you." Saladin said suddenly as he cleaned his face with a cloth.

  "..." For a moment I wondered if I should leave. He didn't make any indication other than wordlessly continuing his work. "Should I… leave?" Honestly I am a little hurt about it.

  "No." He replies. "Bring the corkscrew drill, I need two hands for this." The Blacksmith commands.

  "Huh?... O-oh, ok."

  For a few minutes I found myself helping him. Despite what he had just said, Saladin didn't have any qualms on putting me to work since I was there.

  "You are suspicious." He continues. "But useful."

  I pay rapt attention to his words.

  "I was given all the reasons to suspect you when I learned of you. And will continue to do so." He keeps his head straight towards his work, as if I wasn't even there beside him. "You origins. Your circumstances. The convenient timing of your appearance. You do not have trust. No right. To be sheltered in Daivette for as long as you have."

  His hammer, small but heavy, filled the room with ominous noise as he swung down on metal.

  "You. Do not belong. I have seen you, night and day, yearning for power. Looking for meaning. Serving out of fear. This here, Daivette, our village. Is a peaceful home, built after the embers of war. You are not someone who belongs in a peaceful era."

  For all that I wanted to, I can't think of a way to refute his words.

  "But—" The hammer is set down.

  Saladin, the blacksmith, the Elder. Finally turned to look me in the eye.

  "You have proven yourself to be worthy of some consideration." He breathes. Still and solid as an unmoving boulder. His hands resting on where he had been working are not clenched, but at rest. "I will continue to suspect you, for that is my role as an Elder, for as long as you represent uncertainty… However, even while I suspect you, for as long as you continue to prove yourself, I shall give you some of my trust."

  "I trust Piyo." His voice came out a touch resigned, but otherwise resolute and strong. "More than my own judgement."

  "Clauren, a fool. Samyra, an even bigger fool for getting with that one—"

  I suppress a chortle.

  "—They are good people, don't disappoint them." He tells me seriously.

  "Yes, sir."

  I miss the small twitch on his lips that almost formed a smile.

  ——— –– –– -- - -

  A/N: Tried sketching something without using a reference for once…

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