System was done with Francis’ bullshit. But it needed to figure something out first. If a human consumes the soul of a lich, and washes it down with some of the most potent liquor in the world, does he get possessed before or after he dissolves?

  Well normally possession would be the most logical outcome. But Francis’ stats were insane. He had a ten out of ten in the Resist (Mental) skill. But what about the damage? Surely nobody would be surprised to find out liches weren’t exactly fit for human consumption. (Even if they were very good at the consumption of humans.)

  Unfortunately for System, Francis had spent some time growing up in Texas and the rest of his time not growing up in the Marines. This was a man who had whole sections devoted to him in military medical textbooks.

  Francis could tell a doctor “it burns when I pee” and the doctor would have to ask follow up questions to determine if Francis had been unlucky in love, or started drinking napalm again. He was the only grunt alive whose piss could power a lawnmower.

  Nineteen years of Marine Corps chow and MREs had turned Francis’ insides into a specialized machine capable of withstanding anything he ate and somehow extracting nutrients from it. Once during a physical, they found two bolts and half a license plate in Francis’ stomach. One week later, they were gone. This was a man who swallowed his dip. What chance did some poor lich’s soul have?

  But there needed to be consequences. Francis was making a mockery of System’s perfect world. His min-maxing and grunt shenanigans had to end. System tried to find out if there was a rule regarding chugging liches. Surprisingly, there was.

  System decided to apply 2000 Magical Damage, one for each of the 2000 MP stored in the jar. But it recharged Francis' magic reserves by 2000 MP, because fair was fair. Then it got creative.

  Liches were known to consume the contents of other lich’s soul jars when they found them. It was a good way to murder rivals and steal their power. So, what if System treated Francis like a lich?

  He was a Tier seven caster with eleven Arcane. Francis met the qualifications for lichdom. Why not start him down the path and see what happened? It wasn’t like Francis could get more overpowered than he already was. At the very least, System might find the results amusing.

  System began to see Francis’ tomfuckery in a new light. There were so many new experiments it wanted to try. It had so many unanswered questions. In fact, System was beginning to feel a strange new emotion. System was becoming curious.

  Also, what was that Francis had said about being a god? If System had a face it would have grinned. It wasn't everyday that someone asked for enough rope to hang themselves.

  ***

  Zed the Undead hadn't tasted alcohol in centuries. But he was feeling a little drunk. Zed’s connection to the soul jar wasn't one way and his mind began to fade as he was consumed. The green necrotic energy holding him together flickered and faded. A few seconds later he was gone.

  “Are you some kind of god or something?” Willow asked as she watched Zed the Undead crumble into dust.

  “Yes.” Responded Francis. The Ghostbusters rule was still in full effect.

  Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  Francis was definitely having a good time. His body felt all tingly and a little wobbly, just the way he liked it. This was some first class hooch. He just wished the knock off Skeletor had stuck around to party.

  He got an alert from System that threatened to kill his buzz.

  Francis hit Yes to see what would happen. Then he got a stat boost and it all went to hell. He started glowing green and levitating as waves of pure magic exploded from his body.

  Willow considered her options. She was tired of getting guilt tripped into joining adventuring parties. The others always died, eventually. If it wasn't a nest of angry kobolds or a wizard with a fondness for fireballs, old age usually started picking her party members off.

  It also wasn't Willow's fault they always assumed she had healing magic. She was a Death Cleric, that meant she stuck to preventative medicine. Sure, she could raise a fallen party member if they asked her nicely. But not in the way they wanted.

  Which brought her to the two meter tall man levitating near the drinks cart. He was obviously a god, or at least a demi-god. He definitely had strong necromantic powers. She was a Death Cleric of Hades. Maybe it was time to make a change?

  “Hey! Are you accepting new clerics?” Willow called out to Francis, breaking him from his trance.

  The Marine landed on the ground, no worse for wear. “Sure?”

  “Great! I, Willow Wisp, declare you to be my new god. I will serve you until your death or something better comes along.” She spoke the ancient words exactly as she had been taught. (Death Clerics were a pragmatic bunch.)

  Francis tried to grab a bottle and chug it. But System got to him before he could take the edge off. His eyes began to bleed as a wall of text was forced into his brain.

  Patreon! Or check out my other original works:

  Death by Chocolate: (Complete) Action, Noir, Non-Human MC

  Eden's Echo: Action, Cyberpunk, Mystery

  Magic Murder Cube Marine: LitRPG, Comedy, Isekai

  Soul Guardian: Romantic comedy, found family, slice of life

  Tales from the Meatverse: (Hiatus) HFY, Sci-FI, Short Stories

  https://www.alexkarne.com for links to the merch store and discord!