---Days Later---

  I was in Gavial's medical office with Provence, in the process of being dismissed to continue my recuperation at home after just two days in her ward. I still felt mangled inside, and the pain was still there. However, I loathed to remain a single day more confined in between the same walls, bereft of the sight of sky, of trees, of the outside world, and of my lupa.

  Gavial was finishing telling me the gist of how I was a knucklehead, and how she should have beaten me back into that damn bed. Nevertheless, she gave me a paper with instructions and two bottles of pills to take. Along with a warning not to miss my checkups with her, or else.

  -''As for you, operator Provence.'' Gavial spoke as she handed her a small box.

  -A few three-step-tests for you to take now and then. Better to be aware than unaware. Ignorance is not a bliss ya know.

  -''Miss Gavial...'' Provence spoke with a voice deeper than usual before she was cut off.

  -''A, aa, aaa! No need to explain anything or give me some bull.'' Gavial spoke knowingly.

  -''I won't report anything. I just want you to take care of yourself, do you get me?'' She spoke to Provence looking her in the eyes.

  She must have read the signs that we were closer than we seemed. Something that told her this was no simple passing lust between us.

  Normally she would be forced to report any cases of ''sexual recklessness'' from operators that are beyond a certain level of oripathy infection. This would lead to an official investigation by a board of selected doctors. And, all in all, would mean a lot of paperwork and a lot of needless bother for the both of us. And we pretty much valued both our peace and intimacy. It was not like they could have done anything to improve her health regarding this matter. There were no special or better treatments for pregnant operators.

  -''You take care of her Tacet.'' Gavial spoke, piercing me with a more steely gaze than the one she gave Provence.

  I simply gave a silent nod. It must have seemed a confident and the most no-nonsense answer I could have given. For she smiled, satisfied that I took my responsibility seriously. A rare feat for patients to reach with her.

  -''I'll see you at tonight's debriefing then.'' I spoke.

  Gavial rolled her eyes knowing what was to come.

  -''It will be a shit-show and half a drama.'' She spoke unenthusiastically before she left to check on her patients.

  ---Later that night at a meeting room---

  Of course the incident wasn't going to be swept under the carpet that easily.

  The atmosphere in the meeting room was sombre. Gavial was present as the former medical chief of the team that was assigned to that doomed landship. Along with Noir Corne as former chief of security and second in command of security after I had arrived there. Having succeeded him in that matter by the inner R.I. ranks.

  Ambriel present as well alongside me in a separate corner from the others like a bunch of criminals on trial almost. Though, perhaps paranoia was making me exaggerate that mental image. Provence was present after greatly putting pressure on the matter with the Doctor.

  Kal'tsit was present besides Amiya, the Doctor and Projekt Red as her ever present bodyguard, even when she didn't seem to be around. Skyfire was present as well, and to my surprise the Penguin Logistics team accompanied by Lappland for some reason also.

  -''Well.'' The Doctor began. ''The tragedy that has unfolded is a heavy one, so we better start this meeting and finish going over it.''

  -Operator Gavial, operator Tacet. There were some heavy decisions taken from the reports we have been given.

  -''Heavy is a light way of putting it.'' Doctor Kal'tsit remarked displeasedly.

  -''Tacet, Ambriel, was it really necessary?'' Asked the Doctor.

  -''Don't beat around the bush Doctor, speak freely to be clear for everyone. And don't drag Ambriel for following my orders and my lead!'' I spoke to the point but not in a hostile manner.

  -''I assume my actions.'' Ambriel quickly added, evidently on my side.

  -''Was it necessary to kill them?'' The Doctor asked gravely.

  ''You bloody deluded fool! Of course it damn was if you bothered to read the God damn fucking reports we wrote! Bloody paragons and their values which wouldn't hold a candle against the crushing tides of reality!'' I thought for myself while keeping my outward expression neutral.

  -Yes Doctor. It was.

  At that the Doctor sighed heavily. His temple veins twitching for just a moment before controlling his blood flow. An evident sign that he was suppressing an urge to either lash out, to strike me down dead with his hidden blade beneath his robe's sleeve. I knew the old man had a care for children, and I was amazed he was as calm and composed as he was now.

  -''Even the women?'' The Doctor pushed onward heavily.

  -''Yes Doctor. And even the children.'' I spoke, anticipating his next question. And at my answer I could sense many a surprised stare.

  -Tacet...

  -''Doctor, child soldiers exist.'' I said with a voice similarly grave, trying to drill in the reality of it.

  -''They were infected refugees.'' He added.

  -Lobbing grenades and wielding scavenged weapons.

  -There are measures in case of such situations.

  -''And they all failed miserably Doctor. We barely got out alive on a razors edge.'' I said before continuing.

  -We did what we had to and nothing more. A precision cut as one would put it.

  -''You call a precision cut where dozens if not more of infected were executed by precise fire and a building full of expensive resources going ablaze?'' Intervened doctor Kal'tsit.

  -It was a precision cut that salvaged the most important thing there, Rhodes Island's people.

  -That, and the few refugees that Provence brought in. It was the best we could do under those dire circumstances.

  -''Tacet's report of the situation is to the point. And I wholly endorsed his initiative if ever one had to be damn taken under those conditions.'' Said Gavial bluntly.

  -''You realise that what was broken was more than the inestimable equipment we have left behind operator Gavial?'' Doctor Kal'tsit prompted.

  -''The contract? Yeah, I had a feeling it was broken when the Landship Security Forces gave us a shabby clinic with no forces to ensure it's safety.'' Answered Gavial before continuing.

  -Not to mention the constant power and water supply that THEY were also supposed to have provided without interruption!

  -These transgressions are understandable. However, we had a lockdown protocol that you should have followed.

  -Now that they more or less have the situation back under control they have come to find a burnt down clinic with no airships left. The rest they can deduce for themselves.'' Said Kal'tsit.

  -''They will deduce that the mob stormed the place and started burning the place down. Forcing the medical staff to evacuate.'' I said before continuing further.

  -Also, if I remember correctly, contractually, the detachment there was only a medical team.

  -The token force of Ambriel, April and Noir Corne having accompanied Gavial and her team only as a separate detachment by Doctor's orders.

  -''You were surely seen shooting the infected.'' Replied Kal'tsit.

  -Perhaps. Personally I haven't heard anything about us on the secure coms I've hacked into. That, and the snipers opposite of us were a bit busy being thrown off the roof. And one even being eaten alive.

  -''If they have evidence they will accuse Rhodes Island of the worst.'' Continued Kal'tsit.

  -''The contract made with that landship was a mistake in the first place. I really don't know how any of you expected otherwise.'' I said in their faces.

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  -''We were there to make a difference. No matter the hardships. No matter the reluctance of the residents there.'' The Doctor spoke instead.

  -''As much as I like your speech Doctor that was quite a fat chance to lift its ass to your expectations.'' Rebuked Gavial.

  -Sure Doctor, where there's a will there's a way. But when that ''change'' is tied to a mass of disunited and wholly different people, that change might as well be dead.

  -''Changes like those have happened in the past.'' Continued the Doctor.

  -''It didn't happen here.'' I replied in kind.

  -I believe things could have gone better still, despite all the challenges arrayed against you.

  -Proper management there seemed to have been only a small part of Humanity's lost knowledge.

  At that I realised certain eyebrows were raised and some expressions changed. Ah, of course. For them ''humanity'' was very much alive and well. For me, it was but a chapter in a dusty history book, in which I probably belonged. Though I didn't mind, this little secret was well and alive now, circulating more or less as a truth than a rumour nowadays on Rhodes Island. Except now, they knew there was once a different humanity.

  -''What about our supposed ''allies'' that were ''contractually obligated'' to help us? Is nobody going to question them?'' Gavial budged in.

  -After all they were supposed to assure us the infrastructure, security and proper updates regarding safety matters on their landship.

  -''I'll humour you, how were our allies in the LSF?'' I asked Gavial when none would answer her too eagerly.

  -''As always since the first day we arrived. Uncommitted, unhelpful, putting sticks up our wheels more than anything. Of course, they still demanded our help!'' Gavial indulged.

  -The writing has been on the wall there for a long time before it happened. Our reports then mentioned it. Our reports to the Landship Authority mentioned it.

  -''And they could not have cared less of it or our struggle to help THEM manage the situation at hand!'' I pointed out.

  -''Need I remind everyone that we had suspected Reunion infiltrations before we even arrived there? Ring any bells?'' Added Gavial before continuing further.

  -Also, why only a medical team and no security staff of our own? Why did we have to literally smuggle in our own security detachment?

  -Were the leaders of that landship mentally stunted, or they feared a coup from us?'' Gavial demanded, speaking on the offensive.

  -''We had positive recommendation from the Lungmen Guard Department, but a double-edged one from Chief Executive Wei Yenwu.'' Answered Kal'tsit, as if that excused them for any wrong doings.

  -''So just because you were not so good at negotiations, and ticked him off before we left Lungmen, we couldn't have proper security?'' Asked Gavial, and I noticed Amiya had slightly changed her demeanour. I could read... guilt.

  -''They were struggling to provide even the most basic of services after the massive influx they accepted.'' Gavial said.

  -One could say the situation was out of our hands ever since those two full supply convoys were intercepted. Directly leading to the worsening of the overall situation in the quarantine area.

  -''That is partially our fault. Penguin Logistics doesn't shy away from assuming it's failures when orders aren't delivered.'' I was surprised to hear Texas join the conversation.

  -''I assume your company was in charge of the convoys then?'' I asked curiously, not knowing this information.

  -We were, in the last one. We were expecting disruption and my team prepared for it. But what met us on the way was a whole level above what we could have ever prepared for.

  -It was a concentrated and determined Reunion attack that wholly took out any possibility of reaching our target destination. I surmise they desperately wanted the convoy to fail in order to prolong the suffering on the landship.

  -''That explains everything then. Reunion wanted another Chernobog. A quick, easy and overwhelming victory.'' Gavial said conclusively.

  -''For all the suffering they've caused they have failed. Not before delivering an immense toll to the landship, and it's population though.'' Amiya spoke.

  -''Taking all this into consideration I don't understand why this meeting has focused on our failure against the impossible odds we were against.'' I then spoke.

  -''This meeting has been focused on the loss of vital medical equipment and dereliction of protocol in the case of operator Gavial.'' Kal'tsit spoke.

  -That, and the controversy regarding your defence strategy, operator Tacet. I won't even bother mentioning the arson you've caused Skyfire.

  -''I had orders. Or is it the policy of Rhodes Island to disregard them when you throw us in life or death situations?'' Skyfire snapped back, obviously indisposed by the judging vibe of the meeting.

  At least they focused on me. Leaving Ambriel and Skyfire out of it and the probable repercussions.

  -We are discussing this because grave decisions had been taken.

  -Necessary, as grave as they were, Doctor.

  -''A vulpo child needs psychological counselling after what she'd seen.'' Said the Doctor in his usual, caring demeanour.

  -At least she is alive. So is the operator I saved from that maniac.

  -Is it true Provence? You saw that person most closely. Was she running towards you with ill intent?

  -''Yes Doctor. And she would have killed the both of us, had she reached us. I couldn't both carry the child and defend ourselves. Tacet saved our lives.'' Responded Provence without the barest hint of hesitation in her firm voice.

  -''I see.'' The Doctor spoke before he sighed deeply.

  -The following massacre could have been avoided though.

  -''Doctor.'' Intervened Provence with a sterner voice.

  -There were some hard calls which couldn't be avoided anymore by that time. I would know of such cases better, for I was forced with many such choices in the wasteland as a messenger. With no fancy helicopters for evacuation.

  -The right choice is usually not the easy one. But Tacet got all of us out.

  Then she came forward, slamming her palms on the desk before the Doctor, Amiya and Kal'tsit.

  -''And he was the one that nearly didn't make it, out of all of us!'' She spoke, sternly looking into the eyes of all three.

  Our higher ups could retort nothing against what she had just said. I don't think they really could. It was a silence of acceptance on the facts given before them. After that Provence backed away, ending what she had to speak.

  -''I bet another nice little chat about sanctions will come next. So might as well lay them out.'' I spoke.

  -''Nobody will be sanctioned.'' Amiya took the word before the Doctor or Kal'tsit.

  -The situation escalated beyond what you could have ever controlled. I'm glad you took care of each other and brought everyone home. Even the small group of catastrophe survivors.

  -''That is a victory in of itself in a sea of dispiriting defeat. We will take it.'' Concluded Amiya.

  -''Thank you Amiya! At least someone is seeing sense.'' Exclaimed Gavial.

  -''We all know the situation Gavial. It could have been much worse... but you did good.'' Said Amiya with the hint of heaviness in her burdened smile.

  -''We have not brought up this council to point fingers or punish. I believed many things needed to be straightened out, understood. So there could be no mistake or hard feelings.'' Doctor said, trying to balance things.

  -''Sure could have fooled me doc.'' Replied Ambriel.

  -Please be at ease, I don't blame you for anything Ambriel.

  I had a tingling feeling that I was somewhat targeted. And for the sole purpose of having been at a nasty point, at the nastiest of times, and apparently recorded for it.

  -''Tacet...'' The Doctor took the word.

  -''Here we go.'' I said only half jokingly.

  -Perhaps we should have a few talking sessions on some matters. Either with me or someone you can confide in.

  -You mean to say that I need a shrink, Doctor?

  -I say that it would do you some good to talk certain matters deemed too sensible to mention here.

  -Are you a hypocrite or do you just have different sets of expectations of each operator?

  At that question some of those present seemed surprised at the tone I took up with the Doctor.

  -Different people have different needs, different life experiences and different ways of handling situations. I must treat every case as such my friend.

  -My good Doctor...

  -''Yes Tacet?'' He replied somewhat eagerly, ready to communicate with me.

  -Take that idea and shove it at the bottom of your drawer.

  -''Ease down operator Tacet.'' Kal'tsit spoke.

  -Oh I'm quite calm. And I know what this is about Doctor, don't play coy with me.

  -''I only think of ways of helping my operators.'' The Doctor said calmly.

  -I need help because I had the wisdom to recognise necessity?

  -Not when it may come with the death of integrity.

  That fucking comment riled me to no end inside that I felt tempted to punch him right in the visor.

  -''Don't you talk to me about integrity, Ghost of Babel.'' I spoke somewhat ungallantly. My voice calm but dangerously charged, a subtle growl imbued in it.

  -I had my integrity smashed to pieces, then finely grounded to dust!

  -And when I came back into this sick, twisted parody of my home world I picked up what was left. And built it back in order to preserve my humanity!

  The operators in the room now regarded me and the Doctor anxiously. It was the first time they would see us in a real, palpable argument. And the first time they saw me riled this heatedly, and by the Doctor no less. Even Kal'tsit was regarding me a bit uneasily.

  -Forgive me, Tacet. My choice of words was not the best. I meant I do not wish you, nor any operator to face such a grim, affecting prospect.

  -Either way I don't need help, Doctor. I am perfectly at ease with who I am.

  -Is that so? And who is that person in front of me?

  -Someone who's been through enough fires of war to come out able to face the challenges of this time with a cold jaggedness, but tempered in all matters.

  -... I see. Perhaps it is for the best. Forgive me if I seemed to judge you.

  -''We all judge my good Doctor, it is only human after all.'' I replied now with my normal at ease voice.

  The meeting ended soon after. The contract with that now near derelict landship had ended, and there would be no repercussions for us. I walked a step slower, my lupa matching my slow-going besides me. I wouldn't ask if what she said was true. Really, I didn't need to know and nor did I care. Even if it wasn't, it was better to be on the safe side with the people you cared for. And for her part she wouldn't mention the matter ever again.

  -Cassiel, how do you feel?

  -The wound is still greatly uncomfortable. I think I'll head back and lay a while on the terrace for as long as the weather holds today.

  -''You can relax as much as you need, I'll cook for us.'' She said cheerfully.

  We had been living closer than usual, and from then she took it upon herself to take care of more things than usual. Including tending to me, and making sure I was comfortable after I fled the medical bay to continue my treatment at home.

  It was so that later that day I was on my balcony, my glass of spiced rum untouched for the entire duration, it was there nevertheless as I was. The wind was dry, somewhat cold. And it blew gently, the sun was weak upon this side of the landship then.

  And there I couldn't help but think. I sighed. It was inevitable that this would happen again. Especially in this troubled world. Killing civilians... children.

  I sighed even deeper.

  The situation demanded it, I knew it was the right choice. Nevertheless, I had to be careful with myself. No matter how broken and unfair the world had become, I could never again sink into becoming the monster that the waters of life's experience nearly moulded me to be.

  I would forever have to keep vigil upon my actions, and my impulses. I had to preserve my humanity, for both myself and for her. For even if I could not call myself a good person, I would more importantly be someone who knows to keep a balance in all things.

  Suddenly a pair of strong but soothing arms wrapped around my chest. And a heavenly large and fluffy tail coiled warmly around my waist. Her warm being pressed against my back.

  -You're brooding too much.

  This angelic lupa was a blessing upon my accursed self of the likes of a demon of death that I once was. She was... so incredibly uplifting. It was truly a blessing to have found her in this ocean of time. One who could actually mend my broken soul.

  A beacon of light that represented all that is fair and beautiful, with the indomitable will of the human spirit all in one. A saviour in these barren wastelands. To have accepted someone so fallen, a mass murderer with hands too bathed in blood.

  A heaviness still stood ill upon my heart.

  -Provence. I wasn't always the man I am now.

  -Stop, you don't need to tell me.

  -I fear you being disgusted of me, horrified even. But nor do I want you to live knowing who I am now may be a lie.

  -''Cassiel.'' She spoke my name, coming around to beseech my eyes.

  -I know... I know there are far darker tales that you haven't told me, that you only hinted at.

  -I know you haven't told me the worst. I don't need to know no matter how much I suspect.

  -But you are not who you were in the past anymore.

  -You realised what you were, and you have changed since then, for the better. And I am happy to be part of that change to uplift you.

  She caressed my cheek then as she clasped her warm palms around the cheeks of my visage.

  -You've been through enough despair and hurt than a heart should ever endure. I can feel it in you.

  -Those times are now past. Know that whatever challenges shall assail us now, I will by your side. And we shall mend each other's hearts.

  -I believe in you. And I will always cherish you, Cassiel.

  She then stood tall reach me intimately, kissing my lips. Her tender words coming deep to caress my heart. Her touch flowing with warmth to make me feel human once more.

  -You are incredibly soothing to the soul my dear lupa. I... simply love you, so much that words don't do justice. Light of my life.

  -It brings me joy like no other to know this. Now come sit with me, I've finished cooking parmigiana.