The Sprite summoned more vines to try to trip Malo, but Malo easily evaded all of her attempts and even used his own dashes to charge in on her. Luckily, Sprite managed to weave through the air with nimble movement that dodged them all.

  You can stop now. It’s over.

  We can’t win against him.

  Oh, but are you sure about that?

  ..........What do you want?

  Now that the Sprite has appeared, doesn’t the fight lean more in your favor? Doesn’t her interference give you a real chance, an opening you didn’t have before? Isn’t this the perfect moment to slip in a decisive strike while he’s distracted?

  Ah, but of course, it’s never that simple with you, is it?

  Do you want me to tell you why?

  No, I don’t.

  It’s because you can’t stand the thought of winning with someone else’s help.

  …………..

  It eats at you, doesn’t it? That anger simmering under the surface, knowing that despite everything you've done for today, it all crumbled the instant Malo revealed his true power. The power that you despite so much, the kind of power that shows exactly why he’s called a genius. The moment he stopped holding back, the ground beneath your pride gave way.

  You hate it, don’t you? All that effort still wasn’t enough. That even after everything, you’re still not strong enough. You’re still not capable of surpassing the gifted.

  At least, not without help.

  But there’s more to it than just that.

  No, there isn’t.

  Really?

  ……..

  BERIC!

  I turned to Sys.

  Why are you zoning out?! You can’t be losing focus at a time like this!

  I didn’t answer.

  I turned from him to Malo and Sprite.

  Sprite was still holding her own, but I felt her energy. It was slowly depleting.

  “Hey, Sys?”

  What?

  “Do you really think I can win?”

  Looking at Malo, I couldn't help but remember........it.

  The orc.

  That grotesque barf colored beast that almost killed me. Just thinking about it makes me........it's okay. Calm down.

  But how can I?

  It’s the same here. Malo is that unbeatable monster. No matter what I do, he’ll always be ahead. Maybe close enough for me to reach toward but never close enough to touch.

  He was never in my league to begin with.

  I beat that orc, but only because I had to win in such a way. I can't do it here. Malo's not some kind of man-eating monster.

  He's the type of monster that eats your will to keep going.

  And I can't do anything about it.

  ............It's unfair.

  Why, out of everyone, did I have to face Malo? What kind of matchmaking is this? It’s like those online ranked games where you’re just trying to crawl out of bronze, but they pair you against a diamond, hell, sometimes even against someone who belongs in the world championships-

  YOU DUMBASS!

  I flinched as Sys zoomed over and smacked the back of my head.

  What’s the matter with you?! Stop treating this like it’s some game!

  This isn’t some video game where you have multiple chances to come back! This is real life! This is a fight between Malo and you!

  This is your life!

  “Sys?”

  Stop thinking about useless things like that! You’re already struggling with thinking of how to counter him now, so don’t waste any of your brainpower in getting all moody again.

  Just focus on what you always do best!

  What I….....do best?

  "And what’s that supposed to be?"

  Always crying over irrelevant things? Always complaining about everything? Being some depressed edgelord?

  You’re doing it again! Stop listening to those thoughts!

  I can’t stop them.

  Even if you keep yelling at me like that, you won’t be able to overpower them.

  Because while they are just thoughts, Sys-

  You’re also just a voice.

  Sys slapped me.

  Can a voice do that?!

  I lowered my gaze.

  Go ahead. Tell him.

  ………

  He’s not going to understand if you stay quiet.

  …………….

  Tell him how you feel about using magic here.

  “If I use magic, it feels like….....I’ve already lost.”

  Sys squinted his eyes.

  What are you talking about?

  “If I have to rely on magic, something that's basically my talent, then all the effort I’ve put into training my body becomes worthless. What’s the point of all that if I have to use magic to win?”

  Sys rubbed his temples.

  You’re the only person who would whine about having strong magic-

  He then hovered closer.

  What’s so wrong with being talented?

  Everything.

  The presence of the talented erases the regular people. No matter how hard the ordinary work, no matter what they sacrifice, all their efforts pale beside the half-hearted strides of those who were different from the start.

  “I hate how easy it is for the talented.”

  Sys blinked.

  But you’re also one of them?

  I know. But I don’t want to hear that.

  “I’m not.”

  Uh, yes, you are. You can use basically any weapon, you traded blows with the guy who can one shot practically anybody, and you killed an orc on your own. Wouldn’t that be a prime example of being talented?

  No. Don’t call me that. Don’t try to act as if all of my strength and abilities came from “talent”, and not my own effort.

  “That doesn’t mean anything.”

  No, everything you’ve done is legitimately proof that you’re—

  “Fine!”

  My outburst made Sys freeze.

  “Let’s say I am this talented individual, this so-called genius who’s so smart and brave. What’s the point? That genius can’t even scratch that monster! Where’s all that talent now? Nowhere! Because talent that’s overshadowed by better talent is just-”

  A waste.

  Sys went silent.

  ..........................

  I sound annoying. I know I do.

  It doesn’t matter what you try to say. I’ll always somehow find a way to ignore it and wallow in self-hate.

  It always happens, and I know it will.

  You seriously think that you can’t win? You don’t have a single ounce of faith in yourself?

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  ……..No, I do, just a single ounce, but........what does a single ounce matter?

  Sys stretched his hands to the crowd.

  But, they do! All of your family, your teachers, your friends-well, actually you don’t have any, but also all of your new fans who want to see you win!

  Don’t you hear them? Their cheers as they root for you?

  I do.

  But it doesn’t matter.

  Because I’m not some cliche hero.

  Just because they “believe” in me doesn’t mean I get some magical power-up. I’m still the same whether they cheer or not.

  I can’t stand back up and keep fighting when my body’s already done. I can’t be like those heroes who rise no matter how many times they’re beaten down, who fight on just because everyone’s belief fuels them.

  It’s all bullshit…….but honestly-

  I’m jealous.

  But I’m not them. I’m not cool enough to be like them.

  Sys was right. This isn’t a game. And it’s sure as hell not some anime. There’s no power of friendship waiting to carry me. No sudden transformation that makes me a different person.

  I thought that this second life meant I could rewrite myself. That if I tried hard enough, things would finally be different.

  But this is real life.

  And in real life, I’m still the same.

  I’m still me. Just an unlucky loser.

  Yes, you are.

  You’re the kind of person who still makes the same choices you did in your first life. You know it well. And yet, you keep trying to deny it.

  Remember, you could’ve won earlier. You had the chance when you fell, the perfect opportunity to throw sand in his eyes. But, why didn’t you?

  ...............Because it felt wrong.

  Wrong? Is it embarrassing? Do you feel ashamed that you’d have to rely on such underhanded methods? That you’re forced to fight in a way that doesn’t fit the image you’ve built for yourself?

  No, it's just not right for me to—

  Right? Since when have you cared about right and wrong? You didn’t hesitate when you tortured that orc to his dying breath. So what’s so different now?

  Nothing’s different here. You’re in an impossible fight against someone bigger, stronger, and more experienced than you. You’re facing off against a brute who could end you with sheer force. Isn’t it exactly the same as back then?

  What was the point of the past years when you still cower just as you did before?

  I’m scared.

  I’m scared of losing. I’m scared of having to take another one of his attacks.

  I’m scared to keep on fighting.

  Sprite gasped as Malo broke through her shield and landed a point-blank straight.

  She flew back right into my arms.

  She looked battered and exhausted.

  “Beric, I don’t mean to rush you, but I hope that you’re ready to help me out soon.”

  I kept my mouth shut.

  I only watched as she flew up once more, her bright glow now dimmed down.

  Are you going to?

  Will you help her?

  Will you continue this impossible fight that will end in a humiliating defeat?

  Or will you finally stop letting your emotions control you and not let a simple plea deter you from what you want to do?

  What do I want to do?

  Sys appeared by my side.

  Looks like this is a lost cause.

  I glanced at Sys.

  You might as well just surrender now. It's better than tanking any more hits from him. You’ll also be able to spare Sprite from any further attacks.

  I looked down.

  After all, that is what you want.

  …….?

  You don’t want to win. Isn’t that what you want?

  ………….

  Do you?

  ……..No.

  No?

  It’s not like I want to lose.

  Then, what’s the problem? What’s stopping you from continuing?

  A lot of things. Doubt. Fear. Worry. Jealousy.

  “It’s impossible for me to win.”

  Impossible, you say.

  Sys sighed.

  Then, how about this? Don’t focus on winning.

  Focus on trying to win.

  Huh? What was he saying now?

  Stop obsessing over the end result. Think about the steps it takes to get there. Every move, every breath, every step, block, strike, dodge. You may not believe you can win, but aren’t you at least capable of trying your best for it?

  But what’s the point in doing that?

  To win, obviously.

  To win?

  You can keep fighting. You’re strong enough, and you know it. Your effort wasn’t in vain. You forced Malo, a genius in his own right, to the point where he had to use magic himself. Beric, you can do this.

  “But I’m not. I have to rely on magic to even have a chance.”

  And, what’s wrong with that?

  What’s wrong with using all of your abilities and skills, trying your best, just to win?

  “I-....I guess there’s nothing wrong?”

  There is no such thing as a fair fight. A fight itself is unfair, since there has to be a winner and a loser. From the very beginning, there’s always someone who is stronger than the other.

  But, the stronger one doesn’t always win.

  Such qualities like speed, intelligence, and skill are capable of rendering overpowering strength useless.

  Like you said, a fight isn’t decided by any of that.

  A fight is decided when someone wins.

  …...….I did say that but-

  And besides, who are you to think of all of this?

  “Huh?”

  You’re on the brink of losing, and you have the audacity to drag yourself into a pit of despair as you cry over how unfair it is?

  I told you already, didn’t I?

  Just focus on the fight.

  Stop thinking about all of that bullshit. Just fight with all you have. A fight has no room for any of those negative thoughts. A fight is just you trying to beat your opponent with all of your strength.

  “.......”

  Beric, you still have a fight to finish.

  “What am I finishing it for? Will I impress everybody if I still try? Will I prove that I’m somehow different?”

  Sys shrugged.

  Do you need a reason to fight him?

  Isn’t just the desire to win enough?

  The desire to win?..........

  Then, doesn’t that simply prove that…...…effort only matters if it pays off?

  That winning is what matters.

  And if I lose here, everything was a waste.

  It could be.

  Sys floated to my side.

  If you lost, you wouldn’t be necessarily wrong for thinking that.

  Sys put a hand on my shoulder.

  But the fact that you’re only asking that, rather than truly believing it-

  He turned to me.

  Doesn’t that mean, as of right now, your effort does mean something?

  Does it?

  I think that, if you surrender here, without showing everything that you’re capable of, then yes, it would all be a waste. But, if you get back up, and you decide to give it one more shot, then at least, to have made it this far, your effort did mean something.

  One more shot.........

  Heh. I know this isn't a game or anything, but that reminded me of how I kept saying that when trying to beat bosses back when I played Dark Ghouls.

  ...............

  It would be a waste if I didn’t at least try everything.

  You’re not seriously thinking of continuing. Are you really going to let the words of a useless system manipulate you like this?

  Even if I do forfeit like you want me to, you’ll just call me a coward for running away again.

  Of course I will. No matter what you do, I’ll still be against it.

  That’s my whole role, idiot.

  ………Hah.

  I can never satisfy you, can I?

  You can't even satisfy yourself. How do you expect me to be satisfied?

  Yeah, that's right. You’ll never be satisfied. All you want to do is see me suffer.

  Bingo!

  Alright. Fine.

  I’m done.

  You’re done?

  I’m done with trying to appease you. No matter what I say or do, you'll twist it against me.

  If I lash out and hurt someone, you seize on it, dragging me down with the reminder that I haven’t changed. If I try to make amends, you sneer that I’m just letting myself be ruled by other people’s emotions.

  If I try to follow what I believe is right, you refuse to stay silent. And the moment I dare to see myself in a different light, you’re there to cast a harsher one, forcing me to stare at everything I’ve done before.

  And if I do give in, if I listen to you, you’ll still tear me apart, berating me all over again for being such a worthless, miserable person.

  I can't win against you.

  ……..So?

  Honestly, if I fought the same as I did against that orc, with that same twisted ruthlessness, I could end this quickly.

  But I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt him more than necessary. Just because he’s a genius doesn’t mean I despise him. He’s……..more than a genius.

  He’s my opponent.

  I didn’t come here to harm him.

  I came here to win, and there are other ways to win than having to rely on underhanded methods.

  That’s why I trained.

  That’s why I don’t care about winning. I don’t care about any of that.

  Winning isn’t the same as trying to win.

  ……….Is that so?

  I got up and brushed the dirt from my clothes.

  My eyes locked on Malo.

  Yes, this was similar to before, but it’s not the exact same.

  Just like me.

  “Sprite, I’m going to need your help for this.”

  She grinned, her body bursting into light "It’s about time.”

  My body glowed in response as I channeled body-strengthening magic.

  Across from me, Malo’s eyes widened as he recognized what I was doing.

  “..........Good.”

  Malo smiled as he readied a stance.

  It’s time to be honest.

  I’m not some pitiful protagonist. I don’t have a tragic backstory, no cruel fate designed to wring tears from the audience......well, maybe I do, but that's all subjective.

  But what is objective is that I’m not an ordinary person clawing desperately just to stand among the strong.

  I’m talented. And that's fine.

  What isn’t fine is wasting it.

  Some would argue that I already have, that I squandered years learning swordsmanship and grinding core workouts, when I could’ve devoted myself entirely to mastering soul magic.

  But no. That wasn’t a waste.

  I’m proud of my swordsmanship. I’m proud of this body I’ve honed. And I’m grateful to fight alongside someone like Sprite.

  I’m lucky that I was born here. Lucky that I’ve had guidance, help, and love pushing me to where I stand now.

  It would only be a waste if I gave up here.

  And that’s exactly why I want to show everything.

  I’ll admit it: even with your beliefs, even with your love, I can’t promise victory. I can’t guarantee I’ll rise above Malo.

  What I can promise is this: with everything I have: my effort, my training, my wit, my skill, and my partner at my side,

  I will give my all.

  I will try to win.

  As I dashed forward and Malo did the same in return, it was small, but I felt it.

  A small raindrop fell onto my head.