CHRISTINA.

  After the first semester, the prospect of studying on an exchange in Italy shone brightly. It is for the most talented students. I need to work harder, and maybe I will succeed. At least no one stops me from dreaming. Studying is very important now. If I am lucky, my life will only get better. I want to find a job in Italy and get on my feet, and in my situation it is not so easy. I do not go home anymore, although I still communicate with Jack from time to time. He and his wife are on an endless honeymoon. So they are not too worried about me now. I do not tell them anything about my pns. They have not come to me yet, but they promised to visit soon. Well, I can not stop them from doing it.

  I am walking in an old London park, my sketchbook with me. It is winter outside, but it is not cold. It has rained a lot this year. Sometimes it snows, but then it turns into slush that squishes underfoot. It is a very sad sight. There is almost no scent of perfume left on my lover’s sweater, although I tried to keep it so carefully, afraid to touch it more. Time washes away memories, but it cannot extinguish my love for him, permeated with bitter loneliness. On cold evenings, I put on the sweater and, with a cup of hot chocote in my hands, imagine him hugging me, sitting next to me. Or maybe we are reading a book. Or we are watching a movie, leaning against each other, then eating cotton candy and ughing loudly. Perhaps this sounds too sweet. Well, time to be back and take a shower.

  JOHN.

  The water runs down my face, my shoulders, my back. I stand under the streams. I want her to be near me, but I know that it is impossible, at least for now. It is good that she is in London. Perhaps I should try my luck and move there too. That way I can keep an eye on her. She is still too naive. Why lie to myself? I will be able to enjoy her presence nearby. I will rent a small ft and invite her to move in with me. I need to discuss my pns for the near future with my father.

  “Stop teasing yourself, otherwise you will stay in the shower much longer. Not that anyone cares, fortunately there are two bathrooms in the house, but think about what will happen if your hopes are empty? She has not given you a single sign. It would be better if you hated her, like before…”

  CHRISTINA.

  I train really hard. The teachers are happy with me, but it seems I won’t be accepted as an exchange student, and I’m wasting so much time. That’s because I’m a freshman, and there are only uppercssmen on the list. It’s depressing. Well, I’ll find a part-time job. By spring, the snow fell like an uninvited guest and y in an even yer. That’s not what I needed. It’s not that I don’t like snow, it’s better than the porridge squelching under my boots. But today is March 5th, and it’s cloudy and white outside, even though there are no snowdrifts here. I’m wearing jeans, a dark green pin turtleneck, boots, and a puffer jacket. I return to the dorm lost in my thoughts. It’s on the next street.

  “Hey, Christina! Here we are.”

  Ae waves at me. Jack is standing next to her. They are both so fresh and rosy. Yes, love has clearly done them both good. I hasten to put a smile on my face. It seems to be going well, because they do not notice my bad mood. They hug me. When they say something, steam comes out of their mouths. It always gets cold in the evening. They are going to go to a restaurant and invite me to go with them. I do not think twice. Perhaps I should tell them that I have a lot of homework, even though it is not true. But my mood is so depressed that I agree to go and unwind.

  “That’s good!” Jack tells me cheerfully.

  “I think I’ll change my clothes.”

  “We’ll give you a ride and come back in an hour again.”

  They leave me at the entrance and drive away. I go up to my room. Why did I agree? I want to start a new life. Of course, I love them all, but they shouldn’t waste their money and their love on me. It doesn’t matter, I’ll think about it ter. I only have an hour. And the weekend is coming up, so I really should rex. I can’t be in a despondent state anymore. I’m already quite withdrawn and I have almost no friends. I leaf through my textbook and take notes on the necessary paragraph. This will come in handy. Time flies. Oh no, there are ten minutes left! I need to hurry. I look in the closet, what do I have there… Yeah, this will do. I put on a dark gray blouse with a fmingo on the back. I designed it myself. And one of my friends from the neighboring faculty sewed it for me. I wear bck skinny jeans with the blouse. Shoes… Let them be boots with ces, no, better half-boots with a low wide heel. My beige coat. Hair…

  “What a slowpoke,” I scolded myself.

  What can I do quickly? A high bun. That’s all, I think.

  “I’m already going down,” I answered the phone.

  I quickly gnce at myself in the mirror and go down the stairs. Luckily, I put on light makeup before the walk, and I didn’t have to waste time on that either. They’re waiting for me a little further from the entrance.

  “Wow, you look good,” Jack says approvingly, “more respectable. Growing up.”

  I sit in the back seat. I feel a little sad and sleepy, but I try to hold on. I look out the window at the London streets lit by nterns. Finally, we stop and get out. The French restaurant is immersed in a cozy semi-darkness. We take off our coats.

  “Mr. Winnes,” Jack says, approaching the hostess.

  She looks at the list for a few seconds.

  “Follow me, please.”

  We walked into another part of the restaurant. Everything is homely here.

  “Mr., Mrs., Miss Winnes, please make yourself comfortable. Young Mr. Winnes, I think he went to the restroom. He’ll be right there. Your menus.”

  “Young Mr. Winnes? Hey, I wasn’t told about that!” I look at Jack, puzzled.

  “We don’t often have dinner as a family.”

  Ae takes my hand: “If you can’t come to us, it doesn’t mean that we can’t come to you at least sometimes.”

  “Did John get a new job or is he staying with you now?” I ask casually.

  “Why do you need this information?” a male voice says ingratiatingly next to my ear.

  I flinch, turn around and find myself face to face with him. He leaned his hands on the back of the chair and loomed over me. For a second I freeze, looking into his eyes. Even in the dim light of the restaurant, I can see the mocking expression. I quickly bury my face in my menu.

  “It was so awkward, why did you ask, stupid head?” I get angry at myself.

  “Our boy is now a tutor. So sometimes the house is quite lively,” Jack says.

  John sits down next to me.

  “Don’t exaggerate, Father,” he says dryly.

  “I’m telling her the facts, son. Someday you’ll be teaching your nephews math like that, and you, Christina, drawing. It’s great that my children are so talented.”

  “Let’s finally order food,” Ae says embarrassedly.

  “Are you expecting a baby yet?” I ask.

  “No, of course not,” she assures, “daddy is in a romantic mood.”

  “Any requests?” Jack asks

  “I trust you, I don’t know much about French food,” I say stifled.

  “How about a quiche with fish and greens?” John asks.

  “What do you think, my love?”

  “They serve gratin dauphinois here, I think. Let’s get some?” Ae answers.

  “We’ll also have four pot-au-feu and a bottle of Chateauneuf-du-Pape, please, and coffee,” Jack says to the waiter who has come up.

  “What coffee?”

  “Two Americanos, one cappuccino and one tte.”

  While we wait for our order, Ae tells me about their honeymoon in Italy and other news in our city. Sometimes Jack puts in his two cents in the conversation. John remains silent. He is immersed in the contents of his phone.

  The food is incredibly delicious. I really haven’t tried much in my life. I guess I just never knew what I liked. On the other hand, when I get on my feet, I’ll try different cuisines from around the world. I drank half a gss of wine and liked its rich fvor.

  Ae looks at her watch: “Oh, it’s already ten o’clock in the evening. We need to rest. But you’ve been drinking, my darling. Maybe we can call a taxi and pick up the car tomorrow?”

  “I’ll drive you,” John says.

  “Actually, it’s Friday night, you should unwind.”

  “Sure. I have a couple of hours to spare. But can I pick up the car for the night? You won’t be needing it anyway.”

  “Take it, son,” Jack answers.

  “Will you drive me too?” I ask hesitantly.

  “What do you think about it?”

  He speaks to me distantly, in a dismissive tone, just like before. It hurts so much.

  “I’d appreciate it,” I say sheepishly.

  I look out the car window again at the streets we’re driving through. The historic districts are very beautiful. But my already gloomy mood has finally fallen into the abyss.

  “See you!” Jack says to John and blows me a kiss.

  “Have fun,” Ae adds with a warm smile, “see you ter, Christina.”

  We are left alone.

  “Move to the front seat,“John says in a commanding tone.

  “Do I have to?” And why did I ask a strange question again? I love him, but I feel very stupid in his presence.

  “I don’t think I bite,” he says sarcastically.

  I sit in the front seat. And before starting the car again, he says: “You don’t think I’m going to take you back to that boring pce now, do you?!”

  I remain silent. We are going somewhere.

  “If I’m going to rex, then you should also rex and keep me company. Your whole head is filled with studying. This is not right. You are persistent and talented in some ways, but you don’t know how to stop. You’ll get burnout,” he says rather dryly, but without judgment.

  I have nothing to answer to this.

  “Have you swallowed your tongue? Don’t get me mad!.. Consider that I stole you for the weekend,” he says, turning off the engine and leaning right into my ear.

  I shudder.

  “Where are we?” I ask.

  “Let’s take a taxi to the club. I bet you’ve never been there.”

  Since he’s decided for me, and the weekend has only just begun, all that’s left is to rely on him. But for me it’s so difficult.