Dear Diary,
Maybe, I am actually going crazy. I am not sure what to believe anymore. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!
March 30, 2024
Red, such an annoying color. Every time it comes around, the unforgiving pain takes over once again. It's the death of peace of mind. Was it too much to ask for a glimpse of paradise before it takes control? That pain, fueled by endless hate. All it does is tear the body apart. Tonight, yes...maybe tonight is the time to...
Green! At last, full speed ahead it is then. With soft push of the right foot, a fire was ignited in the shell of a being. Loud roar of an engine consumed the silent city road. Let this night conceal the thorn of a broken soul.
"Damn it," was heard from the driver seat of a car about to make a left turn. This car was dime a dozen. However, it was exactly how this driver liked it. After all, the more common the car is, the less likely it was to catch somebody's eye. No, it would serve no benefit to be remembered. Especially, if you want to play on the edge of law.
On this particular night, it was the thrill of speed that the driver was seeking. Instead, an annoyance showed up, taking away the chance to get that much needed adrenaline rush. That car did nothing wrong from outsider's perspective. However, in the eyes of this particular driver, somebody driving by speed limit was deserving of torture in hell.
The time spent waiting for that car to turn, even so felt it like an eternity, was only several seconds at best. But even that time was enough for a seed of self hate to sprout. The thought of not being able to change despite so many opportunities, was sickening. In hopes of numbing the pain, she hit the gas pedal with all her might as she started to zigzag between cars.
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She kept accelerating and just barely reducing her speed for major turns. Only by constantly being on the edge of death, did she feel alive. "Am I sane?" She wondered.
"No, something was definitely wrong with me..." she thought as she almost crushed with another car. A sound of horn soon followed, but she didn't care. Now that she was on a highway, she started getting blinded by the white light of passing cars reflecting in the side mirror. Those lights would often get in the way of her subconscious habit of looking out for cops. Even so, she preferred the night to day.
There was a lot to be done that day, but she was never quite able to make herself do it. That thing, was something she always wanted to do and she knew it was important, but... She couldn't explain, but all she could do was sit there paralyzed, unable to do a thing.
So here she was, with fire in her soul, laughing maniacally, driving aimlessly, trying to find herself.
"Odd," she thought. "Why do I keep having this feeling that I have forgotten something..."
It was late into Saturday night, which should have been the same like any other. However, something was different this time. Even the bright light of the headlights gave this strange, unexplainable feeling of jamais vu. Light, there was something familiar yet foreign about it. The oddest of it all, she just couldn’t seem to remember what exactly happed five days ago. All she could recall was taking a walk late at night, but then…
It was strange, but the next thing she remembered was waking up in her bed with bruises and scratches all over her hands and feet. She was also fully dressed, even her shoes were still on and she NEVER come into her room with her shoes on. Worst of all, those clothes and shoes were soaked in mud. It was a nightmare to clean all that mess without being noticed.Thankfully, she woke up early in the morning, so she was able to avoid being caught by her mom and grandma. Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, she saw her own reflection. Her hair was a tangled mess full of leaves, branches and a single crow feather.
“Crow,” she mumbled. “ Yes, there was something about a crow…” She made another sharp turn. “Or was it a raven?”
