A pained groan left my lips as I struggled to open my eyes, pain radiating off every cell in my body with every tiny movement I tried to make. The world around me was pitch bck, the only light source being the small glimpse of the moon that peeked out from behind the clouds bnketing the sky. I looked around, trying to process what was going on, my mind still cloudy and unclear. I struggled to connect even two trains of thought together, my mind too preoccupied with the throbbing ache that existed in every part of my body. Pain that only worsened as I attempted to sit, an excruciating pulse of agony throughout my entire body that forced me to flop back down onto the floor with my arms and legs spyed out.

  As I attempted to catch my breath, a sudden screeching noise from above quickly drew my attention. I looked around in search of the noise, finding nothing but absolute darkness, that was until I looked upwards after yet another deafening screech. There, perched on top of the roof of one of the surrounding buildings, stood a rge flock of motionless crows, all staring down at me with their unflinching bnk stare. It was then, as they continued to stare at me, and me to them, that a sudden fsh of pain welled in my mind and the memories of the past day flowed through my pain-addled mind.

  “Damn they really did a number on me huh.” I managed to croak out, my throat dry and hoarse from all the screaming.

  At the sound of my grating voice, the crows above quickly took off, leaving me alone and prone on the floor as they flew away and out of sight in a matter of seconds. Leaving behind only fleeting caws and a small rain of shiny bck feathers that got lost against the backdrop of the sky, allowing me to once more focus back on myself. Feeling a sudden cold chill brush along my damaged and exposed skin, I once more attempted to stand up, only this time doing my best to ignore the onset of agonising pain this caused.

  Eventually, after far too much struggle, I found myself taking deep, painful breaths as I hunched over and rested against the left-hand side wall, finally off the floor. A small ugh escaped my throat, causing my abdominal muscles to spasm uncontrolbly as I thought back on to the absolute beating I had just taken.

  “I guess those muscles weren’t just for show after all.” I chuckled, wincing as I did so, all too aware of the state my body was in.

  As I thought back on what had happened, despite the beating and the absolute wreck my body was currently in, a sense of pride I had not felt in a long time blossomed within me, pride in having done the right thing. I hadn’t just let myself take the easy choice. I did what was right. I stood by my convictions, and nothing was going to diminish the pride and self-satisfaction I felt because of that. Not even the all-encompassing pain I was in.

  For a couple of minutes, I simply stood in the alley, the only sound being that of the night breeze as it whipped around me. I wondered what I should do, unsure of my choices. I knew I could try and waddle my way back home, but the idea of my dad seeing me in the state I was in made me quickly discard that option. Over the past month, I had been trying my best to spend less and less time at home after the conversation we had about my illness. It had gotten to the point where I would only go home in order to sleep, leaving immediately afterwards the moment I awoke and got ready. The reason being I simply couldn’t stand to face my father.

  I knew it was cowardly, but I was simply unable to face the look of anguish I saw in his eyes every time he looked at me, to watch as he attempted to start a conversation with me while his eyes began to water and he looked at me as if I was already dead. Over the past month, the number of times we had even talked could be counted on two hands, the majority of those happening during the first week after I had told him the truth. After that we spoke less and less. Until it got to the point where I hadn’t even spoken to him once throughout the past week.

  Whenever I did catch a glimpse of him before I left, I would notice how different he looked compared to normal. How his posture was hunched, and his frame was no longer full of muscles and fat like before, instead having become more gaunt and skinny like my own, with his eyes shrunken inwards and accompanied with deep bck bags which hung underneath each eye. He looked awful. And it pained me to know that it was all my fault. That it was because of me. So, instead of going back home, and regardless of the severe amount of damage I had sustained, as I looked at the stunning night sky, I decided to go for a walk. A walk with no destination in mind.

  I slowly set off, my pace unimaginably slow as I precariously limped forward. Thankfully, as the minutes slowly passed, and I both got accustomed to all the damage I had taken and my muscles got used to moving once more, ignoring the pain I felt, I was able to manage close to a normal person's walking speed. It seemed I was luckier than I had initially thought, as I managed to come out of the beating without any broken bones; a miracle in and by itself.

  While walking, I went to check my phone, first to make sure it was still there and undamaged, and second to check the time, unsure of how long I had bcked out for. Unfortunately, It appeared I was out of luck, as the moment I pulled it out I was met with a cracked phone screen and a phone that refused to turn on.

  “When it rains, it pours.” I muttered.

  Without my phone, I looked up to the sky to see the moon hanging off just to the side, not yet at its peak. Going off its pcement, I guessed it was around ten o'clock. Meaning I must have been out cold for a couple of hours at least. Such a guess was supported by the streets around me, with most of them completely barren with not a person in sight, regardless of the fact that it was a Friday. There was only me, wandering from one road to another with no destination in mind, simply enjoying the feeling of the cold wind as it soothed my battered skin.

  After god knows how long, I was brought out of the trance-like state I found myself in due to the sound of running water coming not far from where I was. It was then, as I looked around at the surroundings I found myself in, that I realised I had been here before. There in the distance, atop a small hill, sat the old oak tree I had seen so many days ago, right after I had left the hospital upon the news of my impending death.

  I made my way up the hill, struggling slightly due to the incline, before all but colpsing underneath the rge oak tree. My chest rose quickly as droplets of sweat rolled down my face despite the cold temperature that surrounded me. I did my best to calm my breathing, not having realised how tired I had become from simply walking. As I did so, I gazed out at the scenery before me, once again becoming transfixed with the simple beauty it held and allowing myself to get lost within it.

  I stared at the slowly flowing river passing beneath me and the way the flowers swayed and bowed under the constant breeze that blowed passed. I could have found myself there all night just staring at the tranquil scene before me. And I probably would have, if it wasn’t for the loud shouting I suddenly heard coming from a few hundred metres away. A voice I instantly recognised despite it having been a month since I had st heard it.

  I looked to my right in shock to see the nearing form of Sam as he ran towards me. For a moment, I couldn’t even believe it, questioning what I was seeing and whether it was just a figment of my imagination. Yet no matter how long I stared, he showed no signs of disappearing, instead getting nearer and nearer with each passing second. Before I could awaken from my stupor, he came to a stop in front of me, hunched over his knees as he gulped down breath after breath of oxygen in a rapid fashion.

  For close to a minute, as Sam caught his breath, I stood motionlessly with my mouth agape, unable to think of anything to say, especially after how we had left things before. Thankfully, it seemed I didn’t have to,

  As the moment he barely caught his breath, Sam turned his attention towards me and opened his mouth to speak, a serious and panicked expression on his face that piqued my curiosity. Yet such an expression promptly disappeared as he finally noticed my current condition, his eyes becoming just as wide as my own as he stared at me in bewilderment. As if he wasn’t sure what he was seeing was real.

  “Holy fuck. What in the hell happened to you?”

  I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the comical expression on his face or the way his voice rose three pitches as he spoke, but as I stared up at him, I found myself bursting out into a fit of uncontrolble ughter. The incredulous look he showed as I did so, doing nothing more than to make me ugh even harder.

  “Uhh, Adam? What the hell is up with you? You alright?” He asked in worry.

  “Never been better.” I replied, after finally getting my wheezing ughter under control. To which Sam just carried on staring at me in confusion and wariness, as if I was a crazy person.

  “Ok… So, are you going to tell me what the hell happened to you? You know, that led to you looking like a car crash victim?”

  Immediately, the atmosphere was encompassed by a tense and oppressive silence. One that was only broken a few seconds ter as I leaned backwards against the tree, hiding the winces such an action prompted as I did so.

  “...You were right,” I eventually replied with a sigh. “Those guys I had been hanging out with, turns out they’re crazier than I first believed.”

  “They did this to you?” He asked, shocked. “Why? What happened?”

  “It doesn’t matter. All that does is that I did the right thing.” I replied, a small smile on my face as I looked towards the mesmerising stream below with a far away gleam in my eyes.

  If Sam was confused by what I said, he didn’t voice it, letting the surroundings once more become engulfed in silence. A silence that sted as I heard him suddenly sit down beside me without a word and join me in looking at the beautiful scenery. A state we stayed in for a couple of minutes until his voice once more drifted from my side.

  “So I was right, huh?” As I turned towards him, I watched as a rge grin appeared on his face. It was at such a sight, as he knocked his shoulder pyfully into mine, that I felt the subtle tension that existed between us finally disappear.

  “Yeah.” I chuckled. “You were right. Don’t get used to it, though.”

  “I don’t know, it feels kinda nice. Maybe I’ll do it more often.” He joked, earning another small chuckle from myself before we both fell into silence once more. Until I finally said what I had wanted to for weeks but had never had the courage to do so.

  “I’m sorry Sam. For everything.” I professed, immediately feeling myself beginning to get emotional. “Nothing I said before was true. Especially about, you know, what I said before about, about us not being friends and all tha-”

  “I know mate. I know. Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.” He interrupted, pcing a light hand carefully on my shoulder while still staring bnkly in front of us.

  Hearing how easily he forgave me, for the shitty way I had behaved and treated him this past month brought a strangled cry out my throat that I failed to suppress. My shoulders began to shake as I started to silently cry, the only sound able to be heard being that of my boured breaths and the spttering of tears that fell onto my legs. The myriad of emotions I was feeling was almost indescribable. A mix of relief, happiness, and thankfulness all into one, as well as a continuous feeling of guilt for my past actions, despite Sam’s apparent forgiveness. We stayed like that for a while before, just as I was able to get a tenuous grip back over my emotions, out of nowhere, Sam jumped up onto his feet in one quick motion, scaring the shit out of me and shouting.

  “Crap, I totally forgot why I was even looking for you!” He looked back to me, his eyes wide with panic.

  Seeing his clearly frazzled appearance and remembering how he looked when he first saw me, sweaty and exhausted, I felt a sense of foreboding form within me over what he was going to say next. Unfortunately, whatever he said, it was nigh unintelligible, with him speaking at close to a hundred words a second due to his frantic panic.

  “I was on my way to your pce because you kept ignoring me, and I was sick and tired of the pity party you were throwing yourself and thought that it-”

  “Mate.” I interrupted, “Breathe, there’s no rush, everything’s okay, so just take a deep breath and calm down.” I replied slowly.

  For a second, Sam looked like he wanted to argue, ready to continue his near incomprehensible speech. Thankfully, he decided not to and instead took a few calming breaths before beginning to speak again. This time at a normal, understandable pace.

  “As I was saying, I was on the way to your pce so we could finally have a proper talk, but as I got there, I ran into a bloke who was knocking loudly on your door. When I asked him who he was and that I was mates with you, he said he was a workmate of your dad and that he needed to drop off a message to you. When I told him I would pass the message along, he told me your dad was taken to the hospital after passing out during work.”

  “What!” I loudly yelled in a panic the moment I registered what he said, coming to an immediate stand. “What do you mean he passed out? What happened? Is he alright? Has he woken up yet?”

  “Adam, I don't know. Your dad’s workmate didn’t know anything else. Just that your father went to the hospital after an ambunce came and picked him up.” Sam gently interrupted, pcing his hands on my sides to try and calm me down. “ That’s why I’ve been rushing all over town for god knows how many hours looking for you.”

  Before I was even given another chance to respond, Sam spoke again, his anxiousness and agitation back again at full force. “That’s another thing, do you ever use your phone or it merely for decoration! I mean, I know you were ignoring me, but surely you must have been curious as to why I called god knows how many times.” He panted, out of breath from the tirade he had worked himself into.

  At the mention of my phone, I remembered the broken pile of metal it had been turned into from my beatdown. “Shit! It fucking broke during the fight.” I muttered as I began to pace along the hill, the thought of my dad and the worry of what had happened agitating me further.

  “Adam, calm down. Your dad is probably fine. His workmate said that it seemed he just passed out from overworking. Apparently, he had been clocking in even more hours than usual.” Sam said, trying to calm me down but only succeeding in making me feel even more guilty than I already was, with there being no doubt in my mind that it was my fault he had been working so much. Most likely having to do with our fractured retionship and the bombshell I dropped on him about my condition.

  “I need to go.” I all but whispered, afraid that if I put any force into my voice, I would break the tentative hold I had over my emotions and become a crying mess for the second time that hour.

  “Of course… Message you ter?” Sam tentatively asked, his voice suddenly sounding extremely vulnerable as he did so.

  It was then, as I turned back towards him and saw the nervous look he was currently doing his best to hide, that I realised that the st month was probably a lot harder for Sam than he was letting on. After all, just like Sam was my only friend, besides the short stint with Crk and the others, it was the exact same for Sam, with me being his only friend. A fact that again only made me feel like more of a piece of shit for the way I treated him.

  “Definitely.” I solemnly replied. “I’ll message you sometime tomorrow after I buy a new phone.”

  With that said, I prepared to sprint straight to the hospital. However, before I could do so, I still had one question I wanted to ask and that had been in my mind ever since I had first spotted him from underneath the tree.

  “Hey Sam. How did you know you would be able to find me here?”

  The moment I asked, for some reason, Sam looked as if he wanted to hit me round the head. Which he probably would have done if not for the state I was in. “I bloody didn’t,” He angrily muttered, waving his hands in the air. “But after spending god knows how many hours checking every bar and club in town that I could find, I was running out of pces to look. For the st thirty minutes, I’ve just been jogging randomly along the different streets. I don’t even know where else I could check if I hadn’t found you around here!”

  A smile burst onto my face as I was suddenly filled with a sense of warmth when I thought about the amount of time and effort Sam had put into looking for me, despite how awfully I had treated him the past month. It was at that moment that I promised myself that no matter what, for as long as I had left, I would do my best to be even half the friend for Sam that Sam was for me.

  “Thank you Sam. For everything.”

  With that said, without even waiting for a response, I all but sprinted my way to the hospital, trying to remember the path I took when I left the hospital over a month ago. I gritted my teeth and stifled the multitude of groans I inadvertently made as I ran, ignoring the warnings and protests my body made in an effort to stop me from overexerting in my current state. By the time I made it to the hospital, you could barely call what I was doing a run. What with the obvious limp of my left leg, my atrocious pace and the way I wheezed and gasped with each step taken. Still, despite my condition, I didn’t stop.

  I all but charged through the entrance of the hospital before heading straight to the receptionist with a single-minded focus, barely able to react and dodge in time the wave of people moving through the entrance. Thankfully for me, there was nobody in line in front of the receptionist, a different woman than the rude dy that sat there previously when I went to collect my medicine. Upon spotting me, the young brunette greeted me enthusiastically the moment I got to the front desk.

  “Welcome. What can I help you with today?” She asked with a tone that was far too chipper for a hospital while she typed away on her computer.

  “I need to see my father. He got brought here this afternoon.”

  “Of course, just give me - oh my god! Are you alright!” she procimed loudly as she looked up from her screen and took in my injured appearance.

  “I’m fine,” I replied, dismissing her concerns quickly. “ I just need to see my father as soon as possible, so please, where is he?”

  “Alright, if you're sure you’re okay. If you just tell me his full name and give me a moment, I can give it to you pronto.” she answered, though from the way she kept gncing at me as if I was about to colpse, it was clear she disagreed with my assessment of myself.

  “Dan Collins.” I said impatiently, strumming my fingers rapidly against the desk in a futile effort to get rid of the anxiety I was feeling.

  After what felt like a lifetime but couldn’t have been more than half a minute, the cheery receptionist turned back towards me, “He’s in room 114 at the moment, just go down that corridor and follow the number ptes on the wall.”

  I barely heard the end of her sentence, already rushing to room 114 as fast as I possibly could. In such a rush, I no longer even bothered to try and avoid any of the other people present around me, barging into a few of them to their disgruntled displeasure as I passed hall after hall. My only focus was on the small bronze pques that were pced on every wall, dispying the room numbers for each hall. Until, as my legs came to a sudden stop that almost sent me tumbling to the ground, I finally came face to face with room 114.

  Standing in front of the door, my heart started to pound heavily in my chest, and my mouth became drier than the Sahara Desert. I took a moment to try and calm myself down to minimal results before I steeled my nerves and all but threw the door open. Immediately stepping inside, I was left paralysed as I was greeted by the prone, sleeping form of my exhausted father. Surrounded by the same beeping machines in a near identical room to the one I was in when I was st here.

  Colpsing into the chair resting beside my father, for the first time in a long while, I took more than a cursory gnce at him and truly noticed just how awful he looked. His skin was as deathly pale as my own, covered in a yer of sweat despite the cool temperature of the room. His gaunt figure y there motionless, only taking up half of the avaible bed space due to the massive loss in weight he had experienced. His breathing came out in shallow bursts, so shallow that it was hard to see whether he was even still breathing as he y there unmoving. In truth, between the two of us, it would have been hard to figure out which one of us was the one about to die. It was hard to see the simirities between the strong, tall, burly man I had always associated my father with to the frail looking man resting in front of me.

  I could feel my eyes sting as tears threatened to build as I sat and stared at my father, and for the second time that day, I was unable to hold them back. Just like before, they began to spill out in excess, cascading down in streams from my eyes and onto my p. I was overcome with grief and regret. It was all my fault. I was the reason he ended up here looking as gravely ill as he did. It was because of me.

  I went to grab his hand that was lying limply off the side of the bed. As I sat there with the constant sound of boured breaths and the beeping of the heart rate monitor, I thought back to my father and all that he had done. How he sacrificed and worked tirelessly for my benefit, how he all but sacrificed his own life for the betterment of mine. This wasn’t the first time I had thought of this with Dad, in fact mentioning something simir in a previous argument. But without the bitterness clouding my judgement, I was truly able to appreciate what he did for me. Regardless of the negatives that came because of it.

  Suddenly, I heard the door behind me begin to open. Into the room, an old woman wearing a white b coat and a pair of green bespeckled gsses entered who I assumed was the doctor in charge of my father. “Oh, hello, I didn't know Mr. Collins had any visitors. If you would like, I can come back in a moment.” She said with a serene smile.

  “No, no, now’s perfectly fine.” I panicked, not wanting her to wait even a second more before checking on my father, which she promptly did, going over to the heart rate monitor before scribbling something down on the clipboard in her hands.

  “How is he?” I asked, unable to wait for her to finish whatever she was checking.

  Seeing my clearly anxious appearance, she fshed another calming smile “You have nothing to worry about; he will be just fine. All he needs is some good rest and plenty of food and water.”

  The tension which encompassed my entire being loosened immediately. With a deep sigh of relief, I all but flopped back down onto the chair, a relieved smile pstered onto my face as I did so.

  “I don’t mean to pry, but do you need someone to come look over your injuries? Some of them look very serious.” I suddenly heard the doctor ask a couple of seconds ter.

  “No, no, I’m alright, really. I jus-” The sound of a rge, sudden yawn interrupted me halfway through, a sense of exhaustion overwhelming me as my body was no longer being pumped full of adrenaline as it was seconds ago.

  “Would it be alright if I just stayed in here tonight?” I asked, my eyes never leaving my father.

  Through my bleary eyes, I saw as she offered me a warm smile, “If you would like, I could go get you a room for you to sleep. It would also give us a chance to look over your injuries.”

  Even though a part of me wanted to jump at the offer of a clean, fresh bed to fall asleep in, as I looked back to the colpsed form of my father as he y motionless on the bed, an even rger part of myself didn’t want to be separated from him. Even though I knew he would be safe, I felt as if he would disappear if I left.

  “Actually, would it be alright if I just stayed here?” I asked, annoyed at how vulnerable my voice sounded and the sympathetic look I got back in return.

  “Of course, sweetie. I’ll make sure no one barges in here unless it’s an emergency.”

  And with that, she walked away, the sound of her exiting the room accompanied only by the sound of the heart rate monitor and the slow breathing of both myself and my father. Yet I heard none of it. All my attention was instead rested solely on my father, the only thoughts passing through my mind involving the guilt and regret I continued to feel. Slowly, I brought up his fragile hand that stayed within my grasp up to my lowered head, resting it against my forehead as if I was in prayer.

  “Please, Dad, please wake up. I’m so sorry.” I muttered incessantly, the string of apologies never ceasing even as the seconds turned to minutes.