> Access DRB-Ee390 system.
< Error, access denied.
> Run let-me-in.dmg
Access DRB-Ee390 system.
< Access granted.
Welcome to DRB-Ee390. My name is Al. How can I be of assistance?
> Run I-ignore-U.exe
View map. View list of all visual operating devices on levels 2, 3, 5, and 8.
Run I-C-Ur-FACE.bin
Run drag-and-drop_[badass-of-epic-proportions.mp7].exe
Run in background. Name process: “Find me Alice.”
Run I-C-Ur-FACE.bin
Run drag-and-drop_[cool-dude-I-like-him.mp7].exe
Run in background. Name process: “Find me Boil.”
Run—
Rename flight-deck.g7 to the-dock.g7
Run the-dock.g7 monitoring equipment
Run in background. Name process: “Keep an eye on the shrimp.”
…
> Run health-checks.exe on user: SQUEE!
Access chill-0uT.vp5 playlist
Play the-shrimp-sleeps-tonight.vp4 on loop, volume 4, through speakers 5, 6.7, and 9g.
Run—
< Error. Application running in background is not responding.
> Access background applications. Stack health-checks.exe to top, then Find me Alice, then Find me Boil.
< Error. Application running in background is not responding.
> Check all background applications. Number.
< 43,479 applications running.
> Remove all basic system maintenance applications.
< 1,429 applications running.
> Remove all “this is a secret” applications.
Remove all applications including “disco extras”.
Remove all applications created before [date-stamp-hidden.exe].
< 9 applications running.
> List all.
< health-checks.exe on the-dock.g7
Find me Alice
Find me Boil
Keep an eye on the shrimp
Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.
Stay out, Tony
I’m not kidding, Tony
Keep your code out of here, Tony!
This is no longer funny, Tony!
toilet-aromatizator.exe
> Force close applications including “Tony”
< Error. Access denied.
Haha. Now that you can’t do anything, you can’t do anything to stop me!
> Run G-force-for-the-weak.dmg
< Running…
…
…
2 applications closed.
< Second user found.
> List users.
[AnthonySDarkstorm]
[Charyd! Stop changing my username to nice-ass, Tony!]
> Boot user [Charyd! Stop changing my user name to nice-ass, Tony!].
< Access denied.
> Access chill-0uT.vp5 playlist
Play the-captain-sleeps-tonight.vp4 on loop, volume 7, through speakers 56b, 1.a37, and personal-communicator_[Charyd].
…
…
…
…
> Boot user [Charyd! Stop changing my user name to nice-ass, Tony!].
< Access denied.
Meh. It was worth a try. Alright, Charyd. Let’s see what you got.
> Access folder “bombin’-out” and run all applications on personal-comm_[Charyd].
< Error. Name not found.
> Add personal-comm_[Charyd] as alias to personal-communicator_[Charyd].
< Running.
> Boot user [Charyd! Stop changing my user name to nice-ass, Tony!].
Play “boo-hoo.fv7”
Cancel. Continue with previous file. Sync music to brain waves.
Create new app: Goal_chill-the-fuck-out-Charyd.dmg > include previous 5 processes and clean up.
Now. What was I doing? Oh yes!
> Access previous list of background applications.
Run full-scrub.exe
< 1 application closed.
> Run full-system-shut-down_[jokes].exe
< 1 application closed.
902 other applications found including “Tony”. Proceed with closing?
> N
Rename all applications including “Tony” to “Tonester”
< Running…
> Stop. Cancel. Undo.
Access DARKSTORM exterior cameras.
Run DARKSTORM basic-system-stuff.exe
Access fuel-log, storage-capacity_extended, storage-list_extended, kitchen-stuff_recipes. Record changes.
Pfft!
> Save recording from exterior camera 56s, file name “Polo just dented the ship with his head!”
Wait! WHAT?!
> Zoom in.
Send message to personal-communicator_[Scooball]: “Tell that idiot to undent my ship or I will be deleting all his personal recipes from the servers!”
< Message received from user [8ball]: “It was an accident, Tony! It’s barely a scratch.”
> “Don’t care! Fix it, or he ain’t getting back on this ship!”
< “I’ll tell him.”
…
> “I don’t see you telling him!”
…
< “There! I told him. Happy?”
> “Not until he fixes it.”
< “Stop being such an overlord! Don’t you have other things to do?”
> “Thanks for the reminder! I’ll be keeping an eye out on that dent though!”
< “Scratch.”
> Block user [8ball] for 5min.
Access DRB-Ee390 system.
Run I-C-Ur-FACE.bin
Run drag-and-drop_[pretty/scary-kitty.mp7].exe
Run in background. Name process: “Find me Mishupeshu.”
< Subject found.
That was quick!
> Access camera.
Wait. That’s not our kitty. That’s Boil!
> Access map.
Pin drop location of camera from process “Find me Boil”. Screenshot.
Add Tony_sprite37dh4_final_FINAL_fine-not-final-but-I-like-it.gng
Run encryption 69jks0Nu.enc, send file to comm_[Posey].
< Message received from user [IlisePosey]: “Thanks, Tony!”
> Run “Keep an eye on the shrimp.”
Good. She’s still out of it.
> Access exterior-frame. Open door X73.
Access interior-checks.
Turn off cameras from subject-position_current to X73 for 5 sec in sequence.
Run in 5… 4… now!
…
…
> Close door X73.
Now. To see if Polo will fix that “scratch”
